Help/Advice

[Underground_Network]

I've always sucked around girls and I've always sucked [since like 7th grade] at making new friends unless they were friends of my current friends [if that makes any sense], but up until recently I thought the reason behind why I was unable to make new friends and really be all that social was laziness mixed with a lack of self-confidence. Now I am rapidly realizing that though I may lack some confidence in myself, its not enough to mean anything, I realize that if I really wanted to, I could easily go up and talk to someone. I've realized its not even that I'm nervous, but that I don't know what to say. I used to overanalyze and overthink things, but now I don't do that as much, and I'm always expecting the unexpected when I go to talk to someone, but still, I just never know what to say. Now I have to problems, A) I don't know how to approach someone I don't know very well [especially if they're female] and start talking to them. I've always waited for a situation in which communication is a must, but those don't roll around as often as I'd like, and I just suck at walking up to someone I don't know very well and saying anything without sounding like a complete and utter dumbass. I just need some advice on how to approach someone who I don't know all that well and what I should say/do. I've always thought even saying something simple like "Hello" could come off weird if you're talking to someone you've never really talked to before. My other problem, problem B is that often I play through an entire conversation in my head before talking to someone, but first off, things always go better in my head, and second off, I often forget what I wanted to say or chicken out at the last moment. I always know what to say, and I always know they're the right things to say, but I just never say them. I don't know what my problem is, and I don't know why I'm so socially inept... I really could use some advice... I need help, because I'm gaining confidence and I know that if I know what to say/do, I can start to make more friends and make my life better. I know if I don't start to be more social soon, I'm going to do something stupid to get noticed, and I don't want to resort to that.

Sorry for the long post. :/

[Rutherford The Brave]

I've always sucked around girls and I've always sucked [since like 7th grade] at making new friends unless they were friends of my current friends [if that makes any sense], but up until recently I thought the reason behind why I was unable to make new friends and really be all that social was laziness mixed with a lack of self-confidence. Now I am rapidly realizing that though I may lack some confidence in myself, its not enough to mean anything, I realize that if I really wanted to, I could easily go up and talk to someone. I've realized its not even that I'm nervous, but that I don't know what to say. I used to overanalyze and overthink things, but now I don't do that as much, and I'm always expecting the unexpected when I go to talk to someone, but still, I just never know what to say. Now I have to problems, A) I don't know how to approach someone I don't know very well [especially if they're female] and start talking to them. I've always waited for a situation in which communication is a must, but those don't roll around as often as I'd like, and I just suck at walking up to someone I don't know very well and saying anything without sounding like a complete and utter dumbass. I just need some advice on how to approach someone who I don't know all that well and what I should say/do. I've always thought even saying something simple like "Hello" could come off weird if you're talking to someone you've never really talked to before. My other problem, problem B is that often I play through an entire conversation in my head before talking to someone, but first off, things always go better in my head, and second off, I often forget what I wanted to say or chicken out at the last moment. I always know what to say, and I always know they're the right things to say, but I just never say them. I don't know what my problem is, and I don't know why I'm so socially inept... I really could use some advice... I need help, because I'm gaining confidence and I know that if I know what to say/do, I can start to make more friends and make my life better. I know if I don't start to be more social soon, I'm going to do something stupid to get noticed, and I don't want to resort to that.

Sorry for the long post. :/


Listen, people often have periods of time where they feel uncomfortable talking or conversing with the opposite sex and sometimes the same sex. Still, you just have to take a deep breath and just have a good time. If you try to hard people will know, but you also have to be aware of what your saying is not offensive. If you can't remember just laugh to keep thinking, I'm not saying cover it up, but they will understand if you are having trouble remembering. Plus I bet you that every girl whether she likes to admit it or not likes the shy guy. Just use it to your advantage, so you shy? What does it matter just talk to them, maybe about interests.

[george]

Well personally, I don't like meeting new people on my own so normally I'll be with like a group of friends or have atleast another person with me whenever I meet someone new so that its not so akward if theres like an akward silence. Try bring along your friend whenever you meet someone :D I think being funny is always a good way to break the ice if your meeting someone new so try joking around with whoever your talking to.

[Underground_Network]

Listen, people often have periods of time where they feel uncomfortable talking or conversing with the opposite sex and sometimes the same sex. Still, you just have to take a deep breath and just have a good time. If you try to hard people will know, but you also have to be aware of what your saying is not offensive. If you can't remember just laugh to keep thinking, I'm not saying cover it up, but they will understand if you are having trouble remembering. Plus I bet you that every girl whether she likes to admit it or not likes the shy guy. Just use it to your advantage, so you shy? What does it matter just talk to them, maybe about interests.

The thing is, I don't know how to get into a situation where I'll have the opportunity to even say "Hello". I mean, I just don't know when to say it. Say I cross paths with someone 2-3 times a day, I just don't know when the right time to just say "Hey" is, especially if I don't know them that well. I just don't know. :/

[Rutherford The Brave]

Use some humor I know you got some. Say stuff like "oh I though this was this place or that place" just be funny. But dont over do it!

[Underground_Network]

^^ I know how to be funny, I'm a very comical guy [at times], but I just don't know how to use that humor to my advantage. I'm just not a big people person. I just really suck around girls, I just never know what to say, and even around guys, if I don't really know them, I'm not very good at talking around them either. It just seems my conversations go nowhere. I can barely get past "what's up/what's going on" most times... I'm the kind of person who usually ditches/gives up if it seems a conversation goes awry. I have so many opportunities to talk to this one girl who works at the camp I work at, but I just don't know how to approach her or say anything to her. At the moment I've realized I should stop worrying about getting a girlfriend, and start focusing on getting some friends that are girls first, and I realize I really "like" her in the sense that I think she could be a great friend, but I want to get to know her, and I just don't know how, I don't even know how to say "hello" to her... God, I suck at this game called "life", I keep getting "lose a turn".

[theOperaGhost]

I know how you feel, Adam. My whole fucking life has been like this. I overanalize everything.

I suppose it's all about timing. Most other people we talk to probably don't even think this, but whenever I walk away from a conversation with a new person, I just think they think I'm a complete dumbass. Do you feel that way too?

I think that you (and I) should just get out there and talk to new people more and not think about it so much. They probably don't think we're dumbasses or anything, so why do we?

I hope I made sense.

[Underground_Network]

^^ You make sense Jared, but whenever I try to not overanalyze things, I end up overanalyzing my lack of analysis... I end up thinking oh, why didn't I think about this or that, it would've made things better and I end up thinking I looked and acted like a complete and total dumbass anyways... And when I try not to think I end up fearing that not thinking will screw me over. I just don't know how to get into a situation where I can talk to the person either. I had an opportunity to talk to this guy at my camp who I work with when I noticed we had something in common, but I just didn't know how to say it, and I kept waiting for the "perfect" time to come, and it never did. I'm always waiting for that "perfect" moment when I should say what I want to say, but it never seems to come, because I'm always like I could've said that then, but another opportunity will roll along, and I just keep saying that to myself over and over again until there aren't any more opportunities left...

[theOperaGhost]

That's how I've been, but I started to get a little better during golf this year. In golf you are usually grouped up with 2 or 3 other golfers that you don't know. I've definitely become more comfortable talking to them. I can't really help you with timing, because I don't know the "perfect" time either. I have a pretty hard time talking to new people unless there are people that I know with me though. Timing is tough. I'd say just do what feels natural, but it doesn't really come naturally to some people. I could maybe put something in about determination here, but I don't really know what to say, so I done, for now.

[Underground_Network]

I mean, I always feel its impolite to just walk up to someone you don't know all that well and say "hi". I'm not sure impolite is the right word, maybe more like "awkward"? I don't really know, it just bothers me. I'm afraid they'll just be like, "What the fuck?" or something like that... I'm always afraid of the outcome... I talked to some people today that I don't usually talk to and had a good conversation, one of my rarer moments, but I still freaked a couple people out because I walked up to them, kind of looked at them, didn't say anything, left, came back, did the same thing, and left again.. I just keep ending up looking like a complete and utter dumbass because I just don't know what to say, even when presented with the opportunity to say something...