just a kid

[ShatteredWings]

not poetry, just a story

I'm just a little girl. i'm only eight

Your wondering why I'm writing all this I'll bet. and why i would consider it at my age -- "Your just a kiddo. what could be in your life?". Guess what jerks, my life isn't a barrel of roses.

My mom is a grown up but she can't walk much. She broke her leg last month and i have a baby brother. he's about six months old..maybe older. i don't really feel like figuring it out.

I'm a good student. Without trying much, i get all E's(excellent) most report cards. my worst class is gym, i almost failed it last year[author's reaction five years later: e-x-c-u-s-e me but wtf?]..i don't like running much.

I don't like mrs. landis...she treats us like babies and thinks we don't know shapes {i wish that was a joke}. she also yells a lot. and won't try to help when the boys start to bully me around. I'm only in third grade, and i'm the youngest kid for crying out loud.

Getting home from school is always a question. when i get to the bus stop, will mom have gotten there, will i have to walk home in a town i don't know well, or will Colleen(the older nice girl who takes me home most days) be able to take me?

I never ever know what I'm going to come home to. usually my mom is asleep on the big chair (we don't have a couch[still don't]) with bob(baby) in a stroller next to her. I get my homework done most days in ten minutes. check it to make sure it's perfect (cause that's whats expected of you. you're the genius girl and have to do perfect). but I'm still scared that its not right. that its not good enough.

Then its time for dinner. that means making baby "gruel"(some sort of cereal of my choice mixed with canned baby food. he doesn't like peas) then i try to make something. sometimes its just a sandwich.

Food. that's a hard thing in my house. My mom shops every two weeks because she can't drive and my dad hates doing anything(ill get to him). she buys a lot, but its never quite enough for everyone. 'specially me. i eat too much. I'm also sorta heavy. I don't like it, but i guess its okay..i mean, i wear a bra, how many girls my age do, right?


On to the father...

well, to put it simply, i don't like my dad.

he's mean

i never know what sorta mood he'll be in when he gets home
sometimes hes happy and brings candies and donuts and fun things

sometimes if i try to say anything to him, i get yelled at, sometimes spanked, and sent to bed...just for talking. and my mom doesn't help at all, she says its my fault

its always my fault

mommy broke her leg. it's my fault cause i could've taken the dog out for her.

the computer is broken. its my fault even though i only know how to use PC games and a few websites. iI'm not sure how google works, so i don't' try it.

Bobby is crying: its my fault cause i was supposed to be keeping him happy (babies cry for no reason, i know this why don't they?)


I might be eight.
That doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Or a baby.
Or that i can't understand what anything is.

I know more than you give me credit for. I know the hospital visit was more than we could afford, and that santa doesn't bring us presents, mom and dad do.



Okay this is the end of my first addition of the story.

:) tell me whatchu think
and yes its a true story

one last edit: HOLY FUCKING SHIT TATS LONG

[Ryandel]

Deep

[ShatteredWings]

hm, not sure why i wrote that...haha

[Ryandel]

girl;308676']hm, not sure why i wrote that...haha

Lol, I write stuff for no reasons too. But that was a good read, makes you think after reading it. Nice job on it. You misspelled crying though. My bad just thought of pointing that out.

[ShatteredWings]

i did? haha oops


sad though. i didn't make that up

[Ryandel]

Lol. I thought you did though.
Mind putting the original source, for copyright reasons.

And yes people my Signature is copyrighted
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[ShatteredWings]

orignal sourse

my goddamn insane life

[byee]

Well, I can understand why you're unhappy, Gwyn. When people don't feel cared for or nurtured, they feel unhappy.

I've always believed that the singularly most important thing that happens to us, the thing that effects us the most, is who we're born to. And, ironically, it's the one thing we have absolutley no influence or control over.

So, your need to control things like your weight makes sense, b/c at least you have some control over that. But, it's not what you really want to control. You want to control what you get (emotionally) from your folks.

I don't think it's hopeless here, though. I just think you might need to 1) readjust your expectations based on who they are and what they're capable of giving you (instead of the ideal), and 2) Learn to cope with it a bit better.

You might try to ask them more specifically what it is you want, CALMLY, in a non accusatory, non confrontational way (people often get too angry here, and whatever chance their folks have of listening is lost). Sometimes, they might just listen, and anything is a victory, even if it's infrequent.

The other thing is to learn to cope better, maybe by not expecting much. And, developing outside supports, people who attend and care for you in a better way.

Things can change, but I think it's important to recognize that YOU have to begin that change by doing something consistently different with them, by your changing the dynamic. It shouldn't have to be that way, maybe; it's the parents who should control the relationship by recognizing their responsibilities. But, the imporatnt thing isn't who chnages first, it's that something change, and change always starts with the person who's the most unhappy.

I'm glad Gwyn doesn't want out anymore, she's too good to lose.

[Ryandel]

I'm glad Gwyn doesn't want out anymore, she's too good to lose.

Ditto.
Sometimes I ponder why you're not a MOD, IAMSAM. You have great responses by the way.

[kerry]

lol i like the story

[Random_oso06]

wow that is deep but a good story just wow

[ShatteredWings]

i'm starting to wonder, is writing something i should do?