Friends

[Oblivion]

Of course I have friends.

Just... Not good friends. I mean, everyone else around me at my school, EVERYWHERE, people go out to the movies, go over to each others houses, and do all sorts of things. Like i said I have friends, but it seems that it's all confined to school for me. Occasionally i go to someones house, or go to a party, but its once every blue moon, and not... NORMAL.

I don't get it, no one ever invites me anywhere... Is it just I'm not the one inviting? Am i the one supposed to be the 'inviter'?

Am I too quiet? Or not pleasant to be around? But that makes no sense because I have friends at school that I hang out with. Just not anywhere else. Another weird thing is that I seem to share no interests with anyone. I dont even know what i would DO if i went to someones house. I don't even know what MY interests are.

Maybe its the community. Everyone has lived here forever and has known each other forever. Why would they need a new friend to hang out with?

I'm so confused, now it's summer and without school and friends I'm very bored.

Can anyone suggest why its all at school? Why its not out of class?

[cjdude]

this is how i was until 8th grade year.
i never did anything until i stepped outside my comfort zone and talked to a really popular girl...
we were just friends and she left the school half way through the year...
but i started hanging aroud new ppl and i got some new friends...

but i'm not sure why i suddenly started going to people's houses a little more often...

i get invited to a few parties a year and im fine with that...

but before 8th grade, i never talked to anyone outside school...

i think its weird, but im not sure how to fix it =/

[foof1]

Maybe they are not really your friends. I had "friends" like that, but they are not my friends anymore. Remember, if your friends make you feel bad they are not your friends.

[Oblivion]

No no, my friends are awesome. Its just we never go out to do stuff or have fun or go to each others house. Its all at school.

[byee]

Nicolas, it is simply inconceivable to me that people aren't knocking down your door to be with you.

So, the issue becomes what you need to do to open that door. Since we know it's not about you, then we have to assume that the 'normal' teenage transition from being basically homebodies (little kids) to social animals (teens) hasn't occurred yet.

You can speed this up by selecting one or two of your best buds from school and start calling them with specific plans, like coming over for pizza and movies, or going to the beach, or whatever. I think you need to use that wisdom of yours to manage and lead here, don't sit back and wait. That's a strength for you, use it to make things happen. They might not know how to do this yet, don't misread it. Be the leader you are.

[Oblivion]

Ok i'll try, but its a lot harder during the summer where i don't even see them very often... It just seems that since they go sometimes with other friends, they must ask some of the time, or maybe the friends I have arent ones who would make a planned thing ha. Maybe i'll try it. School is vicious, i guess im kind of scared of becoming the kid that people go with so they get a free movie or they feel sorry for. I know a couple kids that are treated like that. But i dont think any of my friends think of me like that. Well i know my real friends dont. Maybe ill give it a try.
Thanks Sam (:

Also another question, a couple of my friends are girls... And its pretty awkward to go to the movies as friends, or something like that, especially since a most have boyfriends. What kind of thing would be normal to do with friends that are girls without them thinking your asking them out and without others thinking your going out, AND without the boyfriends getting mad?

[byee]

Nick, don't use their behavior with others as a guide here, you don't necessarily know how it's happening.

Eventhough it's summer and you can't see them and set things up as easily as you could in school doesn't mean you can't make it happen by phone or IM.

If they like you in school, they'll like you outside school. Your interpretation of them doing things with you b/c they see you as a sucker or a free movie/pizza, or out of sympathy comes from somewhere else. If they like you ( and I simply know they must), then they'll be with you b/c they enjoy you and like you. Don't dismiss the idea that they might not call you b/c they think you'll say no, that they're misunderstanding your apprehension as aloofness.

with regards to girls, if they have a b/f it gets a bit dicey being with them unless you have an established friendship before they got a b/f.

If they're unattached, you would do it the same way you would with a guy friend. Girls like to hang out, go to the mall, etc., just like guys do. Just try to stay away initially from 'typical' date things like movies or food until you get to know eachother.