sorry, this is a long one =/

[cjdude]

ok, so about a month back...
my best guy friend came out to me and told me he was gay on the phone. I, at the time, was shocked and amazed I was the first one that he told. He wasn't like sad or anything just serious in tone. I said "ok, thats cool. but nothings different right?" He agreed. Then, over the next week or so... we got even closer. We started talking a LOT more than we used to. We make an effort to talk everyday :D. Then, i started to become attracted to him. I told him in confidence this, and he later that day said he had been crushing on me for a long time. That made me happy. Also, in this past month, give or take a few days, I've gotten close to this girl whose been on vacation for the past week. We actually started "going out" (me and the girl) on June 4th. Until her vacation, June 9-16th. (which isnt yet over) I felt really strong about her and talked to her more than the guy. Now that she's been gone. Me and the guy are close again, and i'm afraid i dont know who i REALLY like... I hate this feeling. And I don't want to break ANYONE's heart in my confusion...
I'm sorry for this being so long, but for those of you who take the time to read it...now you understand a small particle of my confusion.

BTW, i'm only 14, and dont want to hurt anyone's feelings...i'm too nice aren't I... =/

So..
:(Any Suggestions?:(


:eek:UPDATED:eek:! (Look at my newest post please...)
sorry if i did this wrong =/

[Mzor203]

Hmm... You have yourself a really tough dilemma here.

What you've got to ask yourself is, "who do I really like?" This could possibly end up with someone mad at you, so you have to think very carefully about all this.

It might also be time to take a break from dating of any sort for a couple weeks and see if your emotions sort themselves out at all. It can be very confusing liking two people, but sometimes who you really like becomes apparent with time.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it can be really tough. But in the end, no one can make the decision for you, you have the final say.

Oh yes, as to the ruining your's or someone else's life, you're still young. Though you can cause some emotional pain to yourself and others, it is very unlikely to have a huge impact on your's or their life. People move on. We are very resilient creatures. That's not to say you shouldn't be careful, but you are most probably not going to wreck someone's life forever.

[cjdude]

cool, thanks.
I was planning on ending the dating as well.
I figured it would buy me some time...
to think...

Yeah, i ,kinda thought about the way i put the ruiningsum1's life..
i think i over dramatized that a little =/

sorry:)

and thanks for your *speedy* reply:D

[Mzor203]

Haha lol, no problem. I'm glad you're going to take the time to think about this, it shows you have the wisdom to stop when you need to think things over.

So just go with it for a while and see how things progress. Hopefully something works out.

If you ever encounter a problem you need help with with this, remember that VT is here and we're always ready to help.

[Oblivion]

If i were you, i would wait it out, since you are only 14. Wait a few years and see what you like.

As for current dilemma- I would have to say just follow whatever your heart tells you to do.
I know it sounds lame and cheesy, but its true, no one but yourself can tell you what to do

[Mzor203]

If i were you, i would wait it out, since you are only 14. Wait a few years and see what you like.

As for current dilemma- I would have to say just follow whatever your heart tells you to do.
I know it sounds lame and cheesy, but its true, no one but yourself can tell you what to do


Waiting a couple years is really not necessary... Dating can happen, that's fine, it's just that he should lay off for a few weeks to get everything straight. Just because someone has problems with something doesn't mean they have to stay away from it. In fact, taking it full on will help you get experience and be better!

Your second paragraph is excellent though. Except you forgot the apostrophe in "it's". :P

[cjdude]

LOL thanks guys, and Rex...

You're not alone in your OCD for spelling correction...

I just don't when i'm tired ;)

Like now:)

[Mzor203]

LOL thanks guys, and Rex...

You're not alone in your OCD for spelling correction...

I just don't when i'm tired ;)

Like now:)

Haha, I know what you mean. In this case I was just poking fun at him. But yeah, I'm a total grammar freak.

Anyways, we're glad to help!

[Oblivion]

For the first part, i meant that if he was confused about relationships with guys and girls.

Like figuring out his sexuality or something.

But i guess your pretty sure about it, right?

[cjdude]

yup, and thank you for your reply as well :D

[Oblivion]

No problem any time. :)

[byee]

Well, you like both of them. Just differently, maybe?

Your guy friend is your friend in the first place because you like him, we usually like our friends, this is normal. And liking someone doesn't necessarily mean you like them sexually (or homosexually).

Having a friend tell you something that's very personal and very important is very meaningful to both. There's something about self disclosure that brings people closer together. Sharing deep stuff does that, there's a sense of 'closerness' that comes with it, it's flattering to you, and it's relieving to him. Maybe you just felt closer to him because you recognize what it means that he shared something so important with you. Maybe it's an emotional closeness that comes with that. People get closer to each other when they learn more about them, and the more meaningful the discovery, the closer people get.

There's this weird idea out there that guys cannot be emotionally close with eachother, that somehow if we are we're 'gay'. That's just nonsense, people are wired for emotional closeness, it's part of who we are. But there are so many (wrong) "Rules" about with who and how we can do this that we end up avoiding many types of closeness, or thinking that somehow they're 'wrong' or 'bad'.

I doubt you're gay, it doesn't happen this way. Guys just seem to "Know", long before their first experience, too. The fact that you enjoy your g/f would suggest that you're just a sensitive guy who appreciates closeness, regardless of the gender of the friend.

Just be aware that his being gay means that although he has all the same feelings of closeness that you do, he has that added sexual piece, so you might want to be careful about that.

[Camazotz]

Hormones, great arent they? :P I personally think you just have a crush on your guy friend, but it doesnt mean youre gay. I think you just wanna be closer friends.

[cjdude]

thanks guys. all answers are helpful:D

[Neverender]

who have you done more with? have you only kissed and held your gf's hands or have you done anything with this guy? you said you were attracted to him. you just really have to search your mind and figure out who you really like more.

[total_blank420]

You need to take the time to make the decision of whether or not you want to be a homosexual. But you need to remember that you decision now will somewhat determine the rest of your life>

[cjdude]

UPDATE:(is this allowed?)

The girl and I are currently going out. I am trying to let her down slowly. (break up) But, she is a fragile girl, and results to self harm when she is depressed. I am afraid of what might happen if I am too quick about it. I am planning to go out with the guy. I really like him and I'm falling in love with him.:wub:

So basically, this is just a short update of my new problem. :whoops:

If anyone has gone through this before... I Love You right now :D
HELP!

(oh, and should i have made a new thread for this or was this fine?)

[DarkWingedAngel]

i would say just follow where ur heart takes u

[byee]

Well, thanks for the update, it's always nice to know what happens and if the advice is at all useful.

You sound like a nice guy, taking into consideration how your g/f might respond to your ending things. That's nice. Most people realize things often don't work out, so in the back of their mind somewhere they sorta think about that and prepare for it. Still, it''s always important to be kind and gentle, she still likes you and you want her to remember the good times, not the way you ended it. I, for one, am not a real fan of 'doing it slowly'. She'll pick up on the change, and without an explanation from you, she'll just feel the distance, without the reason. That's not a good experience. Rather, consider talking with her about how much you liked her, how much you enjoyed the time with her, etc., but that things have changed for you and you'd like to end it.

I think it's a bit of a complication if you're going to break up with her and pursue something with a guy, though. Be careful how you do this, be very mindful that if you do it harshly, or too slowly, when she finds out about her successor (*him*), she can really make things uncomfortable for you.

Endings aren't the worst thing in the world, even for those who desperately want to continue. Rather, what they seem to remember most is the way it was done. Do it well, Chris.

[cjdude]

:) Sam, i LOVE your replies...
your like the bestest poster ever!
haha, sorry had to be done :P

yeahh...
thats another BIG problem =/

she already knows about him.

she knew before we went out apparently =(

but yeah, thats a chance i believe im willing to take fer derek (the guy)

[byee]

LOL! Nothing like some clear, straight to the point appreciation! Thanks, Chris.

Sounds like you got this one under control then, and being the nice guy you are, I think you'll say the right things.

Good luck with it!

[sabotaged111]

wow man, good luck

[Cristiann123]

good luck!!! but if you ask me, you should see if you can go for both!!! i mean, if you want to go out with a guy you like, and you want to be with a girl you like you should try for both!!! ive been in this situation before and believe me, it works!!! you can try for both or just ignore what i said, but whatever makes you happy, makes you happy!!!:D Agai good luck!!!

[cjdude]

update...
well, derek doesnt like me nemore...
i kinda hate myself rite now...
if neone has words of encouragement... i need them.
i have cried like 4 times...
but whatever. if neone wants the big story PM me and i will tell u next time im on...

[byee]

Awwwww...i'm sorry for you Chris.

There's always the risk of things not working out, but then again, there's always the chance that it can. The only way to find out is to try. Which you did, so pat yourself on the back, feel good about trying something new, and taking that chance. Maybe next time, you'll have better luck.

[hobo]

dude, that sucks :( i wish it would've worked out for you. i think you made the right choice though. he definately missed out :P

[shikachunin]

ok, so about a month back...
my best guy friend came out to me and told me he was gay on the phone. I, at the time, was shocked and amazed I was the first one that he told. He wasn't like sad or anything just serious in tone. I said "ok, thats cool. but nothings different right?" He agreed. Then, over the next week or so... we got even closer. We started talking a LOT more than we used to. We make an effort to talk everyday :D. Then, i started to become attracted to him. I told him in confidence this, and he later that day said he had been crushing on me for a long time. That made me happy. Also, in this past month, give or take a few days, I've gotten close to this girl whose been on vacation for the past week. We actually started "going out" (me and the girl) on June 4th. Until her vacation, June 9-16th. (which isnt yet over) I felt really strong about her and talked to her more than the guy. Now that she's been gone. Me and the guy are close again, and i'm afraid i dont know who i REALLY like... I hate this feeling. And I don't want to break ANYONE's heart in my confusion...
I'm sorry for this being so long, but for those of you who take the time to read it...now you understand a small particle of my confusion.

BTW, i'm only 14, and dont want to hurt anyone's feelings...i'm too nice aren't I... =/

So..
:(Any Suggestions?:(


:eek:UPDATED:eek:! (Look at my newest post please...)
sorry if i did this wrong =/

Not to upset you, but it is quite possible that you are BiSexual(physically and mentally attracted to males and females). Or it could be hormones. I would weigh your options. Who do you love mor? the girl or the boy? Who loves YOU more?

[AMERICANelite123]

Follow ur heart uh duh! lolz
but u know just do whatever u think is best

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Please don't bump old threads. :)
:locked: