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View Full Version : 50 cents can go a long way


SkaItUp58
October 3rd, 2005, 07:58 PM
standing there penneys in hand
like a frat boy cruching a beer can
wanna throw a punch, but dont want to touch you
i dont want to hit you, no but i pitty you
telling you to leave, please just go
get out. i dont want to look at you anymore
slowly, unsurely, your heading twards the door
fist to the chin, i want you on the floor
your so lucky, youve got people who love you
you take it all for granted, i wish i could show you
close you eyes, there too fucked up
try to talk, cant make sence, just shut the hell up
i want you gone, you dont understand
i want you here, please take my hand
well fuck you too, your the scum of the earth
food shelter or love, none of witch you diserve
you finnaly leave, i drop the roll
why am i upset, you leaving was my gole
no it wasnt, you wont learn your lesson
this is it, here i am, finnaly connfessing
your blood on my hand, i want it so bad
they call you junkie and asshole, i call you dad

Hi i am jon
October 5th, 2005, 09:28 PM
ok ill be honest i thoght it wasnt great, untill the end "i call you dad" that is an amazing ending, maybe you can work with it, keep it up though :)

nullandvoid123
October 7th, 2005, 03:10 PM
is it a rap? i think it would sound less choppy if it was.

Whisper
October 7th, 2005, 03:32 PM
I think its really good
I like it
keep'em commin man :)

Elokyn
October 7th, 2005, 06:03 PM
I actually think it's fantastic, keep writing dude that's great!

Oath
October 7th, 2005, 11:22 PM
great....

SkaItUp58
October 10th, 2005, 03:57 PM
thanks all

teencrazykid
October 10th, 2005, 05:01 PM
I like that!