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LifeIsMyJoke
June 10th, 2008, 05:24 AM
* Beware, long post *

Hey all!

Some of you may have seen a few of my posts around the place since I joined, and everyone here has been really helpful, so I have decided to post one of the reasons I joined the site.

I'm 17, and have two siblings: a 15 year old sister, and a brother who just turned 12. I'll leave my sister out of this post.

I dont wanna sound like I have dibs on myself, but the biggest problem in my family (which isnt major, I just want to share it with you guys, see what you think) is that in my family, there is my little brother, Michael, and my two parents (leaving my sister out). My Mum works for the Australian Government in Quarantine services, and my Dad is a Doctor; General Practitioner. They are often busy, most days of the week. They are both great people, but they are rarely around. So the biggest problem is that my parents are largely too busy making money for the family to look after the emotional needs of their youngest child.

My little bro's problem is that he's trying to live in my footsteps. My parents always jokingly tell him that I got the brains and sporting abilities, and he got the looks, and he just laughs along with it, even when they tell him they're joking.

The thing is, I share a bedroom with my little brother, and he tells me some nights that he doesn't think he will be as good as me. He also asks me why everyone says mean things about him all the time. I tell him that he shouldn't compare, and what did I have that was so special anyways? I'm working in a convenience store before Uni, and playing 1 sport representatively, which is 1 less than him. And that people who say things about him are intellectually challenged morons, and dont know him like I do. He says thanks, but never seems satisfied. This is where I need YOUR help, where possible.

He's also picked on alot at school, which makes me sad in a way. He's one of the youngest in his year (just started Year 7) and is small for his age. Kids bully him by calling him a late bloomer, and harsh things like "get some pubes you little fuck." He sometimes cries at night while he tells me this, and I hug him and tell him its OK, that they don't know what they're talking about, and that he is fine how he is.

My sister doesn't particularly help, always calling him small, and things like that. He doesn't seem affected by them at first, but the thing that makes me sad is how everyone seems to pick on him, except me.

He is trying to live in his Big Brothers footsteps (and I'm not saying thats a good thing) and I would rather he be individual. He even watched a video of me bowling (cricket) and tried to copy my action. He was sad when he didn't beat any old Year 7 Athletics records I set in my time when I was actually athletic.

Sorry to give you my life story, but if you have read all this, as I hope some of you have, my problem I am getting at is that, at 17, I almost feel like a parent. I was raised in an almost perfect childhood, never bullied at school, parents were very helpful, etc. But it almost seems like they're worn out, they're nice to him, etc etc.

But its the times that people that aren't nice to him that really upsets him. And this bullying happens alot. I'm too young to be his parent, but he seems to want to base his life on mine. I look after him the most out of anyone, drive him to his sports when my Dad is too busy, and even coach his soccer team.

The bullying (which I never received, and couldnt believe at first) is both verbal, and on the occasion, physical, and he has come home a few times with ripped sleeves, blood on his face and legs, and bruises on his body, all of which I usually tend to while I ask him whats happening.

Am I doing the best I can? I know its not my job, and my parents are pretty helpful to him too when they have the time, but I feel almost guiltily responsible for him!

The thing is, how do I tell him to try and live individually? Because his sadness makes me want to cry. He is too young to be interested in girls, and hasn't yet started puberty. That is why I would rather change him before its too late.

Also, how can I further help him about being bullied about his size? He even told me the other day how an older kid called him "a queer little shit who loves cock" - I was devastated for him. He is a very cute young man (I mean that in a brotherly way), very athletic and fairly smart. It seems that his conformity to follow me in life is letting him down.

And when he cries to me at night, as he does on occasions, what can I often say to comfort him?

I know I'm too young to be a parent, but as I didn't have any childhood problems, and he does, I almost feel guilty.

I hope this was the right place to post this - please help me get my little bro's life back on track, I love him dearly, and don't want to see or hear about anything else too bad happening to him.

Thanks alot VT!

Hyper
June 10th, 2008, 05:42 AM
You feel guilty because he is your brother, its natural that you want to help him.. I don't think you can do much to make your brother realize he has to be himself..

Most problably he will realize it on his own.. Nobody on VT can ever tell you what exactly to say so your pretty much on your own. Your brother obviously admires you so he will obviously listen to whatever you say, even if he wont like it, but yeah I don't think your doing much wrong.. You just need to help your brother as much as you can.

The best thing to do is to get rid of the bullying, being told your a worthless bag of shit every day doesn't help someone feel good about themselves, I should know :/, but how you could do that I don't know, since I don't know your brother or the school he goes to.

I feel as if I'm not being very helpful, but you shouldn't feel guilty your doing alot for your brother.. Most 17 year olds would be saying '' fuck it he is just some 12 year old kid not like I care what some brat does ''

LifeIsMyJoke
June 10th, 2008, 06:10 AM
I feel as if I'm not being very helpful, but you shouldn't feel guilty your doing alot for your brother.. Most 17 year olds would be saying '' fuck it he is just some 12 year old kid not like I care what some brat does ''

You are being plenty helpful, I realised it was a difficult post. Yeah like I said, he's 12, he goes to a school in Byron Bay, NSW, Australia (notorious not for the best of reasons). But yeah I'm probably a lot more caring than most people, and let things regarding others life get to me more than my own life does.

His self esteem I feel is low, and he's just trying too much to be like me, because thats what people tell him. And I don't agree.

Also, I didn't post this in the first post, but he told me about 6 months ago that he thought of killing himself if I wasn't around. The thing is, I'm off to University in Sydney, 10 hours away, leaving in 6 months time. Thats what I'm also worried about, who will support him then :(

But thanks alot for the post, anything is helpful, even just some support, its a very serious thing for me =]

EDIT: I've even sunk to the level of threatening one of Michael's bullies, when they were at a soccer game, and a kid was yelling out things from the sideline at him. Thats how sad I'm getting, stooping back to their level, or blackmail in an attempt to make him happy.

Hyper
June 10th, 2008, 06:13 AM
You are being plenty helpful, I realised it was a difficult post. Yeah like I said, he's 12, he goes to a school in Byron Bay, NSW, Australia (notorious not for the best of reasons). But yeah I'm probably a lot more caring than most people, and let things regarding others life get to me more than my own life does.

His self esteem I feel is low, and he's just trying too much to be like me, because thats what people tell him. And I don't agree.

Also, I didn't post this in the first post, but he told me about 6 months ago that he thought of killing himself if I wasn't around. The thing is, I'm off to University in Sydney, 10 hours away, leaving in 6 months time. Thats what I'm also worried about, who will support him then :(

But thanks alot for the post, anything is helpful, even just some support, its a very serious thing for me =]

EDIT: I've even sunk to the level of threatening one of Michael's bullies, when they were at a soccer game, and a kid was yelling out things from the sideline at him. Thats how sad I'm getting, stooping back to their level, or blackmail in an attempt to make him happy.

To be honest sometimes blackmail or a good beating is the only thing that helps.

Of course it wont help in the long run if your brother will remain scared of them and lacking in his confidence

LifeIsMyJoke
June 10th, 2008, 06:26 AM
Yeah exactly right, thats whats stopping me. As of now I care more for him than for myself, and its not necessarily a good state to be in for me, and worse for him.

Michael is about 136 cm tall, and the kids that bully him can be a foot or so taller than him. Im about 54cm taller than him, so thats a consideration, that he will grow a bit bigger, when puberty (finally) arrives, and thats a day I look forward to.

Hyper
June 10th, 2008, 06:28 AM
Yeah exactly right, thats whats stopping me. As of now I care more for him than for myself, and its not necessarily a good state to be in for me, and worse for him.

Michael is about 136 cm tall, and the kids that bully him can be a foot or so taller than him. Im about 54cm taller than him, so thats a consideration, that he will grow a bit bigger, when puberty (finally) arrives, and thats a day I look forward to.

I'm sure your brother will grow but he has to make it to that stage with a healthy psychic, lets take it to the depression forum mainly now ok?

LifeIsMyJoke
June 10th, 2008, 06:32 AM
Sure, lock this if you like mate.

Hyper
June 10th, 2008, 06:38 AM
Sure, lock this if you like mate.

Heh not my forum to lock and it can remain open unless one of the Help & Advice moderators decides to lock it.

byee
June 10th, 2008, 03:58 PM
Adam, I responded to your post in Depression. I really think you need to involve your folks more here. Not only is it their responsibility, but perhaps more to the point, they're the ones that will be there with him when you leave for Uni. So, whatever you can do now to inform them and involve them will help Michael then. Work with Michael on a plan to get your folks more involved, rather than taking on that role yourself.

Wth regards to what you can do directly with Michael, in addition to what I said elsewhere, I think you might 1) ask him what it is that he needs from you, what would be helpful for him, and 2) just listen to him and 'be there'. There's something very powerful just about presence, esp. when someone is feeling hurt and vulnerable. Right now, i think it best for you to be his advocate, his 'voice' in the rest of the family by using your great understanding of him and what he's going thru and what he needs to help him get it. Talk with him about clarifying that, and be there when he shares it. Help him see that he can change some of the things going on in his life more independently, he's too dependent on you. You can help him be stronger by being there, but having him do more of the work. Start with your family.

I suppose your brother looks up to you not so much because others have told him so or because he thinks he should, but because he's obviously bright enough and aware enough to recognize that you're a really nice, really supportive loving brother, he's developed a strong bond with you based on accurate observation and experience. Things will be different when you leave, he'll miss you a lot, but if you work with your folks and get them more involved, the loss will be less traumatic than it would be otherwise.

Find my response to you in Depression, it's a continuation of this.

Sam

Medical Kid
June 19th, 2008, 07:53 PM
Its so awful....I get what you mean, i too am short, and people that are taller gang up on me about it, and I think its great you have the heart to help him that much, and even though I'm about a year older than him, people are STILL that immature, can you believe it? and as for your parents I would say to ask them to take him somewhere for a little bonding, you and your sister are old enough to supervise yourselves for a few days while they bond, any who, good luck!!!:D