Did I do the right thing

[The Batman]

I just txted one of my friends and said that I think I'm gay he seems cool with it but I'm scared that he'll stop talking to me and I don't know if I can handle it. I love that boy he's my best friend and to tell the truth I don't regret telling him I'm just scared I'm a few seconds away from tears and i want to pull my hair out. I've never drank before in my life but I need something before I lose my mind. Guys please tell me I did the right thing I can't talk to him till tomorrow.

[curiousteen]

u probably or most likely did the rite thing cause was being truthful to ur friend and if it matters on how he react then try to explain to him why u r like this and try to get him to understand.

[Zephyr]

It wasn't right or wrong.
You just felt like you needed to tell him.
If he told you that he's cool with it, that's fine hun = )
It shouldn't change things between you two at all.
You're still Thomas and he's still him.
I wouldn't be worried unless he has had a gay-bashing attitude prior to this.

[dogman]

It wasn't right or wrong.
You just felt like you needed to tell him.
If he told you that he's cool with it, that's fine hun = )
It shouldn't change things between you two at all.
You're still Thomas and he's still him.
I wouldn't be worried unless he has had a gay-bashing attitude prior to this.

exactly, thanks, saves me writing that out, what you did, i cannot be wrong, if he is truely a friend, then he should still be friends with you, gay or not gay, and it he is scared ant wont talk to you, then you dont need him as a friend

[notsure101]

Well i think u did the right thing

[The Batman]

I just screwed up he asked me if I had feelings for him I said yes then he said we can still be friends as long as i don't try anything and I panicked and told him that it was all a joke and now I have undone everything I'm such a loser why couldn't I just keep telling him how I felt. I hate myself for doing this I feel so terrible.

[ssgliberty]

it`s ok just tellhim the truth from what you told me he seems ok with it as long as you dont do anyting sexualy to him.:D :)

[byee]

Oh, Thomas. Life's a journey, you know. It's the trip that makes it so interesting, not necessarily the destination! You've just passed one of those 'scenic moments' along the way. What did you see? Well, you needed to share something with someone who mattered to you, but you weren't so sure how he'd accept it, or how you'd feel about it, so you did it an easier way, you hedged, by texting him. Safer when it's not face to face, you know. And you know something? You were right, you were conflicted, you WANTED to, but yet you knew you weren't totally ready. Your judgement was right!

Don't feel stupid, revel in the fact that your judgement saved the day, even if you weren't thinking all that at the time you made this decision. Just remember this vista for next time you're urging to do something you're not quite so sure how it will be received.

[The Batman]

Thanks sam I think I'll just grow some balls and tell someone that I know will accept infact he's been my best friend for 10 years and we know everything about each other so I think I'll just go tell him.

[Oblivion]

Good luck thomas.
He will understand :)

[byee]

Thomas, remember when you talk with him, at the end, tell him why you told him and tell him what you want. What was your point in telling him? Don;t just drop this on him and leave it sorta dangling. It'll be awkward, the convo won't really have an 'end'.

I think whenever someone shares something personal and important about themselves (it's not a gay thing, either), it's always a great idea to have a clear direction in mind, what your point is, why you're sharing, and also what you want from the other person, what you want them to do with the info.

People are good at listening, but sometimes they;re not sure what to do with the info. A little guidance and structure often get you want you want and keep things out of the ditch.

Good luck, let me know how it goes.

[The Batman]

ok so out of nowhere he sends me a txt asking if I was gay so I tell him yea and now he's freaked out and I feel even worse than before. I shouldn't have told I should've just kept this to myself and now he'll probably never talk to me again. I feel like shit and I hate this so much.

[Trickster]

If he is cool with it then he is a true friend. If he dosent he isnt worthy of being your friend.
Im sure your friends freaking is a big thing to take in and you have to give him a little time to adjust. Telling some one your gay is like telling someone you are a Mormon when people thought u were Christian. He just needs time and lets him adjust. Freaking is actually a good sign in lots of cases because its just big news and they dont know what to do. Just dont go and be overactive and crazy if he is your friend he will accept ya and im pretty sure he will.

[The Batman]

I feel like I need to say something to him but I don't know what to say

[Medical Kid]

its perfectly normal that you would tell him, you felt like you some weight was lifted of your subconscious didnt it? you vented to him, if hes really your friend, he will accept you for being gay

[byee]

ok so out of nowhere he sends me a txt asking if I was gay so I tell him yea and now he's freaked out and I feel even worse than before. I shouldn't have told I should've just kept this to myself and now he'll probably never talk to me again. I feel like shit and I hate this so much.


Thomas, there's a risk involved in sharing anything personal, you know. However, you can minimize that risk, or perhaps more accurately manage the risk, by doing it face to face. Texting might seem easier, but because you're not there, you cannot manage his response, there's no spontaneaous conversation. So, although texting might seem 'safer' (i.e. less anxiety producing for you), it's actually riskier!

Go talk with him in person, take the risk of a face to face, maybe you'll get a better outcome.

[The Batman]

I don't know if I can face him after this I really want to see him before I move but I just don't know if I can.

[Gavin]

well, first of all when you told him for the first time and you joked about it, and you said that it wasn't true. I'm trying to think why did you do that for, of course when you tell people stuff like that they're always go to have that at the back of their minds and Dennis picked up from it.

[byee]

I don't know if I can face him after this I really want to see him before I move but I just don't know if I can.


Thomas, the shit is out of the horse already, he knows. If you want to clear this up in a way that retains the friendship, the best way of doing it is face to face.

What's the problem with doing this, what are you concerned about, what do you think will happen?

[The Batman]

I'm just scared that it might get worse, what if he realizes that he doesn't want a gay friend, I don't want to see his face if this happens because more than likely I'll get emotional and I don't want to have to go through this awkwardness.

[byee]

(another name change, great)

Two things here, Thomas (at least you can't change that!). First, is that he already knows, it's too late right now to have remorse or regret about what you've done. You're into damage control here.

Second is that you're assuming the worst. That's your own anxiety about sharing something so deep, for the first time, no less. Let's assume that he might respond differently, that for him this news means something different than it does for you. It might be harder for you to say than for him to hear.

Also, let's also assume that he wouldn't be your friend, your best friend, if he was a jerk. I think you have good judgement and choose wisely, remember that you wouldn't be best friends with someone who would be mean or cruel.
You have a history together, and a good one. People are better able to deal with new info (even if tehy're not expecting it or wanting to talk about it) if they have a history to help put into perepective. You're still 'Thomas' for him, he knows what that means.

Alot of straight guys get wigged out not so much because they find out a bud is gay, but because they think they're getting hit on. They focus on the '-sexual' piece of it. The first time a friend of mine came out to me (remembering I'm straight but live in a very diverse place called NYC), he made it very clear that he wasn't attracted to me 'in that way' at all, that he told me because he trusted me and valued my friendship so much. It made the whole convo, the whole revelation, much more understandable, it kept it about him, and it prevented anything from souring what was a really nice friendship. Try to remember that, make sure you tell him you're not hitting on him, keep it about you, this is your moment.

But do get some face time with him.

[Techno Monster]

It will work out, you did the right thing.

[The Batman]

Thanks and you know what I'm tired of feeling sad about this I'm going to txt or calll him and see whats going on.

[byee]

call to set up a time to meet, Thomas. Remember to talk about why you need to tell him this, and make sure you let him know the boundaries of your relationship, that you are not feeling 'that' way about him.

[MoveAlong]

why do you keep wanting to text him? Neither of you can explain yourselfs and it doesn't really give both of you a way to talk about it if you just text. It's better to call him or talk to him face to face, in a neutral location, like at school or at the mall or in a park or something.

A neutral location is good so one person doesn't have the advantage while the other one feels intimidated.

[sabotaged111]

You did the right thing,if he finds it awkward or avoids you it just means hes not a very good friend

[Camazotz]

If he's a true friend, he will be fine with it and accept it. If he stops talking to you, hes not a real friend and you dont want someone like that.