bbychop
May 19th, 2008, 01:09 AM
I had told myself after my last boyfriend of two years that I would not date again for a very VERY long period of time. I got involved with an "old friend" so to speak about a month or so back and the first night we had hung out by ourselves (with the exception of his friend), we decided to start dating. He stayed over for about five days until I got grounded and everything seemed to be going perfect. He and I fell hard for each other in the beginning. He knew about the abortion (to an extent) and he knew about my past, yet he was more supportive than I would have ever figured.
One Saturday night I was hanging out with my brother and his friend. At that time I had not heard from him in a few hours. He randomly text messaged me and told me I was not over my ex and that we had to talk about us. The next night I was on the phone with my best friend and my cousin and he sends me a message saying that we were fine and that he loved me. Everything went smooth sailing again until I told him I needed to talk to him.
His friend answered the phone and asked if he was in trouble and he was not and he said that after his shower, he would call me back. About five minutes later he text messages me and I told him that our relationship was based on him getting high and sex. He took this as I was trying to change him and he left me or rather said "our flame had died". I was crushed to bits but I made sure he did not see it or know about it.
The next day I started text messaging him. We decided that we were alright. My cousin and I hung out for a while then met up with my brother and his girlfriend downtown. I get a call from a guy who I had had a crush on for two years saying that he wanted to hang out with me. We rushed home so I could hang out with him. It was awkward because all that was on my mind was the one who broke up with me. I could barely look at my friend in the face while we were near each other which in turn made everything awfully awkward and he let it known.
The night after that, I had to stay with my mum. My brother hung out with him (my ex) and his friends. He told my brother that he wanted a chance to make it better and that he felt bad for hurting me and he was "drunk when he broke up with me". I was excited and we decided to all hang out the next night.
The next night it was him, his friend, my best friend, my brother, and I. I was being a total bitch to him to be as blunt as possible. It scared my brother and it made his friend think I was mad at him, which I was not. He sent me a text while he was sitting in my floor saying he missed me and he was a jerk and apologized. I was alright with that until everyone but him and his friend left. After that he decided we could date unofficially. Low and behold, by morning he changed his mind again. He stayed another night with me and then left for a few days.
Last night, he stayed with me (that is after my brother spent an hour trying to find him). Granted so did his friend, my best friend, and a close friend of ours. Those three slept on the couch while him and I slept in my room. We spent most of the night cuddling until we fell asleep. I started feeling the fireworks again but I decided to keep my mouth shut. I woke up this morning to him calling his mum and he did not realize I was up until he looked back. I had created a playlist of music before him and I fell asleep so we had some sort of noise to fall asleep to. After we had laid back down for a while I decided I needed to change a song because I could not stand it and he would not let me get off of the bed. He kept squeezing me so tight and tried to get me to stay and finally I got up and changed it. After a while we did our ritual "wake and bake" as they call it. I closed my eyes and I felt like I was falling. I text messaged him because his friend was in the room and told him I felt like I was falling. He messaged back and asked what I had meant and I told him that when I close my eyes it felt like I was falling and that it was nothing cute. After a while I told him it was also meant in the cute way he said "aww lol" in another message.
Him and my best friend went to go get cigarettes because she was complaining. His friend, my friend, and I were sitting in my bedroom and I walk over to his friend and ask him if I make myself obvious enough. He knew what I meant and he actually noticed I kept trying for him (not his friend, the ex). We both agreed that we know I like him and I like him too much but his friend had no idea what was going on.
When they were about to leave he came across my bed and kissed me since I did not want to get up because I had been sick then when his mum called he gave me a hug and kissed my cheek, which he never does.
We have talked off and on since he left and he is coming to stay over a couple of nights on Tuesday, I do believe.
I like him... heck, I think I actually love him. I was dumb enough to agree that this "just friends" is enough when deep down, I know it is not. I am afraid to let him know I felt something because what if he did not back? I am unsure if I should tell him.
Please give me an idea on what to do.
I apologize about this being extremely long, just the whole story is needed to grasp the entire effect.
xx
One Saturday night I was hanging out with my brother and his friend. At that time I had not heard from him in a few hours. He randomly text messaged me and told me I was not over my ex and that we had to talk about us. The next night I was on the phone with my best friend and my cousin and he sends me a message saying that we were fine and that he loved me. Everything went smooth sailing again until I told him I needed to talk to him.
His friend answered the phone and asked if he was in trouble and he was not and he said that after his shower, he would call me back. About five minutes later he text messages me and I told him that our relationship was based on him getting high and sex. He took this as I was trying to change him and he left me or rather said "our flame had died". I was crushed to bits but I made sure he did not see it or know about it.
The next day I started text messaging him. We decided that we were alright. My cousin and I hung out for a while then met up with my brother and his girlfriend downtown. I get a call from a guy who I had had a crush on for two years saying that he wanted to hang out with me. We rushed home so I could hang out with him. It was awkward because all that was on my mind was the one who broke up with me. I could barely look at my friend in the face while we were near each other which in turn made everything awfully awkward and he let it known.
The night after that, I had to stay with my mum. My brother hung out with him (my ex) and his friends. He told my brother that he wanted a chance to make it better and that he felt bad for hurting me and he was "drunk when he broke up with me". I was excited and we decided to all hang out the next night.
The next night it was him, his friend, my best friend, my brother, and I. I was being a total bitch to him to be as blunt as possible. It scared my brother and it made his friend think I was mad at him, which I was not. He sent me a text while he was sitting in my floor saying he missed me and he was a jerk and apologized. I was alright with that until everyone but him and his friend left. After that he decided we could date unofficially. Low and behold, by morning he changed his mind again. He stayed another night with me and then left for a few days.
Last night, he stayed with me (that is after my brother spent an hour trying to find him). Granted so did his friend, my best friend, and a close friend of ours. Those three slept on the couch while him and I slept in my room. We spent most of the night cuddling until we fell asleep. I started feeling the fireworks again but I decided to keep my mouth shut. I woke up this morning to him calling his mum and he did not realize I was up until he looked back. I had created a playlist of music before him and I fell asleep so we had some sort of noise to fall asleep to. After we had laid back down for a while I decided I needed to change a song because I could not stand it and he would not let me get off of the bed. He kept squeezing me so tight and tried to get me to stay and finally I got up and changed it. After a while we did our ritual "wake and bake" as they call it. I closed my eyes and I felt like I was falling. I text messaged him because his friend was in the room and told him I felt like I was falling. He messaged back and asked what I had meant and I told him that when I close my eyes it felt like I was falling and that it was nothing cute. After a while I told him it was also meant in the cute way he said "aww lol" in another message.
Him and my best friend went to go get cigarettes because she was complaining. His friend, my friend, and I were sitting in my bedroom and I walk over to his friend and ask him if I make myself obvious enough. He knew what I meant and he actually noticed I kept trying for him (not his friend, the ex). We both agreed that we know I like him and I like him too much but his friend had no idea what was going on.
When they were about to leave he came across my bed and kissed me since I did not want to get up because I had been sick then when his mum called he gave me a hug and kissed my cheek, which he never does.
We have talked off and on since he left and he is coming to stay over a couple of nights on Tuesday, I do believe.
I like him... heck, I think I actually love him. I was dumb enough to agree that this "just friends" is enough when deep down, I know it is not. I am afraid to let him know I felt something because what if he did not back? I am unsure if I should tell him.
Please give me an idea on what to do.
I apologize about this being extremely long, just the whole story is needed to grasp the entire effect.
xx