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Willie Wonka
May 10th, 2008, 11:12 PM
I write Horror/Thrillers. And I give them to my friends. There armature. But it does give me something to do on my spare time... And I think I am good at it. WARNING. This is a rough draft. So there are mistakes... I gave a copy to a friend of mine, and they proof read it for me. Because I always look over things.




DISTURBED


Chapter One
The Dream


Screaming, 13-year-old Taylor is running through the woods, she’s bloody, and is crying. “Help me! Somebody” she yells, as she runs through the dark woods. She was running and wasn’t paying attention, she trips on a log, and she twisted her ankle. Everything is quiet. Suddenly, a large man comes running out of the tree with a chainsaw. Taylor screamed, she tried to move, but her ankle was hurt too badly, the man hurled the chainsaw down and cut.
“Ah!” screamed Taylor, she was in bed. Soaked in sweat. Her mom cam in, and asked her if she was ok, “Yes, I am fine, just a bad dream” Her mom smiled
“Too many movies?”
“No!”
“Well, go back to sleep”
“Ok, good night”
That morning she woke up and went down stairs to find a nice breakfast waiting for her,
“Morning mom!”
“Morning Taylor. Are you hungry?”
“Yes”
“Here you go then”
“Thanks, where’s dad?
“He is out of town all weekend
“Oh.. Well, I’ve been wanting to ask you I I could go on the camping trip with Tom..” She knew her mom didn’t like the idea of her in Tom going on a camping trip together, but she didn’t like the fact that they were dating either.
“You know I don’t” Taylor cut her off,
“Mom, he’s 14, we can handle our selves, and we are not going to do anything. OK?”
“OK, you can go. When do you leave?”
“Today!”
“What!” Taylor laughed and went upstairs to pack her bags.

Chapter Two
The Cabins

On the way to the cabins, Tom and Taylor were holding hands, and having a good time,
“Where are we?” asked Taylor,
“In the middle of nowhere!” said Tom.
“Not funny. I need to Pee!” Tom laughed.
“Well, its 9:30, we should be there in a half hour. Can you wait?” asked Tom.
“Yeah, I guess”.
That sound of the Pounding rain on the roof of the car screamed in Taylor’s ears, tom was rubbing her arm to wake her up.
“We there?”
“Yeah, we have to walk down to our cabin though”
“In the rain?”
“Yes, I know, my parents said is we want the cabin then we need to walk”
“Ok, lets go”
They both got out of the car, with their luggage, and started walking in he rain. Rows and Rows, of cabins. As they walked they saw a sign that said, ‘Cabins are empty! Come an get them!’
“Must not have lot of people this time of year” said Taylor
“Your probably right!”
They got to there cabin, soaked. They both changed clothes, and lay down on the couch and turned on he TV. The news was on, and the reporter said “A Killer is on the loose, the Police recently found two bodies skinned in the woods”
But soon enough, they weren’t paying attention to the TV. They were kissing on the couch. But then Taylor saw a dark figure pass the window.
“Stop, stop, there is some one out there”
“What? There is no one there”
“NO! I saw something, run pass the window”
Then suddenly somebody knocked on the door, Taylor was scared, and Tom got up and went to the door and asked if who’s there. No one answered. He unlocked the door, and twisted the doorknob slowly.
“Hello?” said Tom. No one answered. He opened the door, and no one was there.
“Must have been the wind or something”
Taylor didn’t look convinced, but she cooled off.
“No one is out there, I PROMISE”
“Ok” she still sounded hesitant. They lay back down on the couch and watched TV again. But Taylor was still scared, but soon enough she was asleep, in Tom’s arms.

Chapter Three
HIM

They both woke up that morning, tired, but ready to go. They were going to go on a 3 Mile hike, and they were both exited.
“You ready?” asked Tom,
“Uh, yeah!”
“Lets go, we need to meat my parents outside”
“Ok”
They both grabbed their stuff and went outside, they were waiting for them. Tom’s parents asked about there night, and they said it was good. They went on their way to the trail, and on they way a man stopped them. He was very tall.
“What do you want?”
“Nothing sir”
And they walk on. They got to the trail, and there were two, they both went to the same place, but they were just in different directions. They decided to split up. Tom and Taylor went left, and Tom’s parents went right.
“We will see you later!” said Tom, and they were off. They walked down the trail. They were holding hands, but Taylor let go when she heard a noise,
“What the hell was that?” she seemed a little scared,
“It was probably a giant mutated squirrel coming to eat you”
“Shut up”
Tom started to laugh, but soon enough they were on their way. The sunder of loud thunder filled the air,
“Shit! Are you kidding me?” Said Tom
“It was probably they wind coming to get you” mimicked Taylor
“Very funny, but its going to rain!”
“OK, are you afraid to get wet?”
They laughed and started walking, and once again Taylor heard another noise, but she ignored it. An Hour later they started to get worried; they haven’t got to the end of the trail yet. And it was starting to rain very hard. They decided to get under a tree and call Tom’s parents, but No Signal, another noise, and then another.
“Tom! There is something out there!” said Taylor,
“No there isn’t!”
Tom sounded aggravated, but then Taylor screamed, The man they had saw was walking out of the bushes.
“What are you doing out here, this path is off limits” said the man,
“Nothing sir, we are lost, and--“ the man cut him off,
“Shut up, don’t lie to be boy”
“Sir! We are not lying, we are lost, and our phones aren’t working” said Taylor, her eyes were getting watery.
“Is smell bullshit” said the man,
“Please Sir—“ The man cut Tom off Tom again,
“SHUT UP I SAID”
“Sir please!” said Taylor crying now, and holding Toms hand so tightly that it hurt.
“Come with me” said the man.
“No” said Tom.
“If you don’t come, you will end up like your mom”
“What did you do to her!” said Tom,
“You don’t want to know. But lets just say, she is as soft as a blanket”

Chapter Four
Help

“There is no help, you’re here alone” said the man,
“NOW, you can either, sit her, and DIE, OR, you could come with me, and have a chance of NOT DYING”
They had no choice; he had pulled out a large knife out of his pocket. They went with him. Taylor was crying and shaking, and still, squeezing Tom’s hand.
“What do we do?” said Taylor in a whisper,
“I don’t know, lets just see where he is taking us”.
It took about 20 minutes to get there, and by the time they did, they were soaked in water.
“Where are we?” said Taylor,
“That’s none of your God damn business is it!” said the man. When they got there, and grabbed them both, and through them in a small shed that was against the Cabin. It smelled awful. The man locked it. And didn’t come back.
“Taylor, can you, move for a second?”
“Shore”
Tom found a piece of board that was broken and slowly removed it. Now there was a hold in the wall. And the other side of the wall smelled extremely bad, and it was pitch black.
“Come with me”
“OK”.
They slid through the whole. IT was too dark to see. It smelt so badly that Taylor through up. They needed a light. So they stumbled through the dark, hitting something that was hanging for the ceiling. It was slimy, and sticky, but they moved on. It took them about 15 minutes to find matches and a candle, but them they heard foot steps, so they rain with the candle and matched, and slid back under the hole in the wall. The man walked into in the room, looked around, and walked back out. They went through the hole again, and lit the candle.
“Oh my god” said Taylor

Chapter Five
The Bodies

There were 15 or more skinned bodies hanging from the ceiling.
“Holy shit, shit, shit what do we do!” said Taylor
“This is the guy who has been killing and skinning people, I remember, I remember hearing it on the news the other night”
“I don’t care, what do we do!”
“Get out of here”
“But that means –“
“Yeah, we have to go through the house”
They both were scared, but they had to.
“Take off your shoes” Said Tom
“Why”
“Because there is blood on them, and they make a lot of noise”
Good idea”
They opened the door, it was dark, and had left the candle so they wouldn’t get caught. They slowly, went down a hall, and came into a room. It was lighter in there, because there were windows. When they came in, they saw a woman.
“Mom!” Said Tom.
But he noticed something, she was laughing, and it got deeper, and deeper.
“Mom?” said Tom.
They went around the char.
“I’m not your mom” Said the man.
“Oh my god. No, no, no!”
Tom knew what the man did. The man skinned his mom, and used her face as his own.
“Run Taylor run!”
They ran for the door, and as they did, Tom noticed the man was also wearing his mom’s clothes. The man was a cross dresser. When they got to the door, an Axe flew right passed Toms face. They opened the door and ran, it was still raining really hard.
“Go, go!” Said Tom
“Somebody help us! Somebody!” screamed Taylor, they ran through bushes, they went in zigzagged in different directions to through the man off. They found a tall tree, and climbed it. Tom was crying.
“I’m s sorry” said Taylor, she grabbed him and held him in her arms, and tried to comfort him,
“I’m so sorry, we’ll be ok”

Chapter Six
We’re not OK

2 minutes later, they heard a noise from below, it was the man, and Tom began to cry again. “We are going to be ok”
“No, we’re not ok don’t say we’re ok” said Tom is Sobs. The man walked past, they were to afraid to get down, but they had to. They slowly made there way down. Once thy got down, they ran in the opposite direction. It was still raining, but not as hard. They found the man’s cabin, Taylor tried to walk past, but Tom didn’t follow.
“Tom! Come on!”
“No, my dad could be in there”
“Exactly, COULD be in there” said Taylor.
“I’m going” said Tom, and he walked inside. It smelled really bad.
“What do you think that smell is?” asked Tom.
“The Corpse of a Rotting Hotty” said Taylor.
“What?”
“He is a cross dresser, he was wearing a dress, and..” Taylor stopped, because she didn’t want to get upset. They walked down a dark hall, opened every door. Nothing. But then they heard the front door, open.
“Follow me!” said Tom. They went into the whole that they made in the wall, gagging passing the skin bodies.
“Ill go first” said tom, and he slid under. Right when Taylor was about to go under Tom screamed, and was pulled away.
“Help me! Help! Ah!” yelled Tom. Taylor went under, but he was gone already. She ran after him, but she got too tired to run so she stopped, she was crying.
“I’m not OK, I cant say I’m OK” said Taylor.

Chapter Seven
Where is he?

Taylor started to look for Tom. She walked for hours. Lost in the woods. She couldn’t find Toms parents, she knew her only hope was to find Tom. She had to get him back. She walked on for hours on end, nowhere could she find him, she didn’t want to yell out for him in fear that she would be found. So she just searched. He found a stream and cleaned off, she couldn’t bare to be socked in blood much longer. She cried, no one to talk too, she was alone. She knew what the man was doing. He wanted her to be trapped in the woods.
“Where is he?” she repeated to her self over, and over again. She had no one to hold, no one to keep her safe. She was the last one. She figured Tom was dead by now. She gave up. She planned her suicide, she had no willed to live. She didn’t look for Tom, because after two days in the woods, she didn’t want to go on. She found a tree and sat under it. She couldn’t do this anymore. The next day she broke a rock into pieces finding a sharp piece. Then later that night, she stood under the tree, and put the piece of rock to her wrist. But right before she was about to cut, she heard a sound in the trees. She went to look; there was a bloody footprint in the mud. She ran, looking for whomever that was, yelling, and screaming. But then she remembered the man, but did he remember her? She ran through the trees, screaming for help. Hitting branches out of the way. Taylor got faster running through the woods, all the sudden she was bloody again, and she was crying. “Help me! Somebody” she yelled, as she runs through the dark woods. She was running and wasn’t paying attention, she tripped on a log, and she twisted her ankle. Everything went quiet. Suddenly, a man came running out of the tree with a chainsaw. Taylor screamed, she tried to move, but her ankle was hurt too badly, the man pulled the chainsaw above his head revealing his face. The man face was bloody, and had stitches. He lowered down the chainsaw, and pealed the skin off his face, but it wasn’t his skin. It was the killers skin. What lied behind the mask. Was Tom, Taylor stared at him in terror. Tom smiled and raised the chainsaw, and hurled it down towered her, she screamed and then– FLASH! She was kissing Tom on the Couch – FLASH! She was walking through the woods – FLASH! They were running from the man – FLASH! She was cleaning her self of in the stream – FLASH! The chainsaw was cutting her in half – FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!
“Ah!” Taylor awoke on the couch, drenched in sweat.
“Are you ok?” asked tom.
“Yeah, bad dream I guess”
“Well, hurry up and take your shower and get dressed. We’re going on a hike” said Tom.
She got ready, and they left, she was thinking of the dream. But she decided to not let the dream get in the way of her day, they started to walk to Tom’s parents house, and on they way a man stopped them. He was very tall.
“Where are you two lads going?”
“Go to meet my parents, we are going on a hike” said Tom
“Oh ok, just wanted to make shore you weren’t going to make some mischief” and he smiled and walked off. Taylor thought he looked oddly familiar, but didn’t remember from where, and they started on their walk again.



© 2008

iJack
May 10th, 2008, 11:53 PM
I got to chapter 3, its 12:59 here and i dont want nightmares, like she had.

Tomorrow(or later today :D) i ill finish it, it looks great so far!

Willie Wonka
May 11th, 2008, 10:21 AM
Thank you..

I really enjoy writing.. I think that this is what I want to do when im older.

Sage
May 11th, 2008, 10:39 AM
The formatting makes me not want to read this.

Willie Wonka
May 11th, 2008, 03:13 PM
^^
Well.. I always found it very difficult to read things when people are talking, and the text is side by side. I would always mess up who was talking. So, Instead of putting them side by side, I put them on top of one another. So it would make things easier, In my others most of them are side by side. Which I really dont like when you are writing about something that is so posed to be said fast, and in a rush. So you can read what there saying as if they were actually saying it. I dont know. I really dont know what type of format I want to stick with yet.

Random_oso06
May 11th, 2008, 03:40 PM
i think it's a story i could buy it was great for me just try to make it a little like make the reader guess wat's going to happen but that rough draft is good

Willie Wonka
May 11th, 2008, 04:03 PM
^^
What exactly do you mean? Im open for suggestions! I always want to get better.

Random_oso06
May 11th, 2008, 04:12 PM
try making it like the killer stocks them or try making it mysteries or that someone they know is the killer

Willie Wonka
May 11th, 2008, 04:16 PM
Oh... I never said there wouldn't be a sequel....


;)

Random_oso06
May 11th, 2008, 04:18 PM
no i'm giving ideas lol

Willie Wonka
May 11th, 2008, 07:42 PM
I know I was just playin lol.

Justwondering
May 12th, 2008, 02:01 PM
I like how to the text is formatted, makes it much easier to read. Like you said there are some obvious spelling mistakes, but other than that the story was amazing. And if I was her, I would not be going on that hike! lol :P

Willie Wonka
May 12th, 2008, 07:49 PM
That you. Glad you agree! I think I am gonna keep it like that!

Some movies that really inspire me are.

Disturbia (This movie involves teenagers in a situaton, something I think teens could really relate to rather if they were adults)

Hatchet (Shows you dont need a ton of money to make a great film. Very inspiring as a writer, I also would love to direct)