Electric Cheese
May 2nd, 2008, 11:26 AM
As a homework task for english last year, we were brutally ordered (note: kindly asked) to write an opening chapter to a story that we could make up. As many opening chapters are only 3-4 pages long in most books I've read (mr. pratchett, I'm looking at you -.-) It was decided that Two sides of A4 would be alright. I recently found the file on my compooper, so I thought I's share my homework (which got an A by the way *smug*) with you all.
Our tale is set in the small town of Hagensbury, just south of the river Gopy, north of the city of Falensville, exactly parallel to Hogbeddis, the village that contains the home of one of the richest self made millionaires, and in the exact centre of the province known as Grenevershire. Let us describe Falensville to you first. Known to some people as a direct copy of San Francisco, mainly due to the founder John Grabbek's like for the city, it is the centre of class, culture and sophistication. But, the history of Falensville is relatively unknown to the world, with census records and every historical detail about the place only dating back to 1995. What we do know however is the mayor used half the worlds money, and population, building this exact geographical clone of San Francisco.
Excited by the worlds first city clone, entrepreneurs from all across the globe flocked to Falensville, bringing their small businesses with them. In just a few years, the population of Falensville topped three million, and as the population was finding it difficult to move, drastic action was being taken. Some of the citys self made millionaires decided that they'd had enough, and moved constructed their own village, Hogbeddis, and decided to use themselves to populate the village. This resulted in Hogbeddis becoming the richest settlement in Grenevreshire. Not to be upstaged by this, Mayor Grabbek decided to construct a small town right next to it. This town was christened Hagensbury, designed to be the economic rival to Hogbeddis.
'Hogbeddis has a performing arts centre now apparently' Said John, reading the latest Hogbeddis Gazette.
'hm?' muttered Sam, staring out the bus window, staring at a car crash on the other side of the road.
'Yeah, apparently it costed over 7 million euros to build and can hold over 4000 people.'
'Oh really...hey!' moaned Sam, as the bus pulled off.
Barely fixated by the news of a performing arts centre, Sam decided to entertain himself.
'Bogies’ he whispered
'Oi, we're not doing this again. Look here, it says that it will be a lot better than the exact copy that the "average" Hagensbury is planning to build'
The grin that had childishly appeared on Sams face after saying the word bogies suddenly vanished. 'Average? AVERAGE! They have no right to call us average, especially since they have.....'
'Sam?' Interrupted John 'I think we'd better get off the bus now, we just missed our stop thanks to your ranting. Yep, another longer than expected walk.... whoopee!'
'Hm, sarcasm. I like it'
Both the guys got off the bus at the next stop, and immediately realised their misfortune as it instantly began to rain.
'Yep, here is our average weather.' grumbled Sam, stealing John’s newspaper so he could use it as a makeshift hood.
'Hey! That’s my paper!' Shouted John
'You have a hood' Replied Sam, rather cunningly.
As the rain continued to pour, the guys silently continued walking towards their flat, with the silence only being broken by the sound of a passing car, a barking dog, or the occasional mutter of "Average!? Bah!!" from Sam.
Hagensbury is in fact one of those "average" towns. It has a high street, a cinema, a shopping mall, a gene splicing clinic, a beautiful marina, a school, a genome nuclear facility.... Okay, maybe this town is not average, but the scenery is nice and is does have the advantage of being on the coast. Something that the citizens of Hogbeddis are quite bitter about. In fact, the reason why Falensville even has a gene-splicing clinic was beyond any Hogbeddis-ite's guess. They just want a better copy of it.
********
"I, Andy Hole, will guarantee that the newly planned Falensville arts centre will be the best in all of Grenevershire!" proclaimed a rather fuzzy voice coming from Johns television.
"See, Mayor Hole is already trying to get a centre.” moaned James
"Oh, no, we can't get one, we're too average!" Replied Sam, sarcastically.
Oh, where are my manners! I've forgotten to introduce you to the two most important characters in the story! Sam and John. Sam and John are two students in the University of Grenevershire, which is conveniently placed on the boarder of Hogbeddis, along the bank of the river Gopy. Our two guys are both studying microphaliptionicationology (my-crow-fal-ip-shun-ih-kayshun-olojee), or in english, the study of orange peel, and are in their final semester of the first year of the course. John is the image of a steriotypical metalhead. Long, unkept hair, unshaven, always wearing a band shirt. Johns Claim to fame is that he once was shown on camera at a straight to DVD recording of a Shinedown concert. John is sadly often accused of suffering from schizophrenia due to his constant "bad mood into flying hippy" cycle, something that Sam gets kind of annoyed with sometimes.
Sam on the other hand is something that could be best described as a hybrid of Ned Flanders, The Comic Book Guy, and Jeff Hardy. He is an ultra religious comic nerd who you regularly see hanging around in Dungeons and Dragons shops. The only difference between other Dungeons and Dragons nerds and himself is that he is a rainbow haired stoner.
“The Hogbeddis mayor, one Brian Layton-Oliver Jobs, has also questioned the integrity of our gene-splicing clinic, rendering it preposterous, so why, in the blue hell are they constructing one on their soil?” Mayor Hole continued
“Sam? Change the channel.”
“Bah, they criticize then copy” muttered Sam, as he mashed a random number into the remote control, which he named peter one stony night.
“No, no, no, oh, keep it there, no seen it, no, no” said John, as Sam was flicking with “peter”
“I’m keeping it there!” screamed Sam, as a programme about Wizards and Jesus came on the telly
“Okay, but I want to watch the RAW gig at ten” moaned John, to an already subdued and fixed Sam, who was nearly hugging the television while drooling in happiness.
As the programme finished, and John, realising that watching the Spice Girls perform a raw and uncut gig to a rabid crowd of ten fans was not the best gig to watch, they decided to call it a night. But, as they slept that night, something sinister unfolded. Something that changed the rivalry between Hogbeddis and Hagensbury forever.
Fin.
Oh, and try to find the sex references that Mrs Longster failed to notice
Our tale is set in the small town of Hagensbury, just south of the river Gopy, north of the city of Falensville, exactly parallel to Hogbeddis, the village that contains the home of one of the richest self made millionaires, and in the exact centre of the province known as Grenevershire. Let us describe Falensville to you first. Known to some people as a direct copy of San Francisco, mainly due to the founder John Grabbek's like for the city, it is the centre of class, culture and sophistication. But, the history of Falensville is relatively unknown to the world, with census records and every historical detail about the place only dating back to 1995. What we do know however is the mayor used half the worlds money, and population, building this exact geographical clone of San Francisco.
Excited by the worlds first city clone, entrepreneurs from all across the globe flocked to Falensville, bringing their small businesses with them. In just a few years, the population of Falensville topped three million, and as the population was finding it difficult to move, drastic action was being taken. Some of the citys self made millionaires decided that they'd had enough, and moved constructed their own village, Hogbeddis, and decided to use themselves to populate the village. This resulted in Hogbeddis becoming the richest settlement in Grenevreshire. Not to be upstaged by this, Mayor Grabbek decided to construct a small town right next to it. This town was christened Hagensbury, designed to be the economic rival to Hogbeddis.
'Hogbeddis has a performing arts centre now apparently' Said John, reading the latest Hogbeddis Gazette.
'hm?' muttered Sam, staring out the bus window, staring at a car crash on the other side of the road.
'Yeah, apparently it costed over 7 million euros to build and can hold over 4000 people.'
'Oh really...hey!' moaned Sam, as the bus pulled off.
Barely fixated by the news of a performing arts centre, Sam decided to entertain himself.
'Bogies’ he whispered
'Oi, we're not doing this again. Look here, it says that it will be a lot better than the exact copy that the "average" Hagensbury is planning to build'
The grin that had childishly appeared on Sams face after saying the word bogies suddenly vanished. 'Average? AVERAGE! They have no right to call us average, especially since they have.....'
'Sam?' Interrupted John 'I think we'd better get off the bus now, we just missed our stop thanks to your ranting. Yep, another longer than expected walk.... whoopee!'
'Hm, sarcasm. I like it'
Both the guys got off the bus at the next stop, and immediately realised their misfortune as it instantly began to rain.
'Yep, here is our average weather.' grumbled Sam, stealing John’s newspaper so he could use it as a makeshift hood.
'Hey! That’s my paper!' Shouted John
'You have a hood' Replied Sam, rather cunningly.
As the rain continued to pour, the guys silently continued walking towards their flat, with the silence only being broken by the sound of a passing car, a barking dog, or the occasional mutter of "Average!? Bah!!" from Sam.
Hagensbury is in fact one of those "average" towns. It has a high street, a cinema, a shopping mall, a gene splicing clinic, a beautiful marina, a school, a genome nuclear facility.... Okay, maybe this town is not average, but the scenery is nice and is does have the advantage of being on the coast. Something that the citizens of Hogbeddis are quite bitter about. In fact, the reason why Falensville even has a gene-splicing clinic was beyond any Hogbeddis-ite's guess. They just want a better copy of it.
********
"I, Andy Hole, will guarantee that the newly planned Falensville arts centre will be the best in all of Grenevershire!" proclaimed a rather fuzzy voice coming from Johns television.
"See, Mayor Hole is already trying to get a centre.” moaned James
"Oh, no, we can't get one, we're too average!" Replied Sam, sarcastically.
Oh, where are my manners! I've forgotten to introduce you to the two most important characters in the story! Sam and John. Sam and John are two students in the University of Grenevershire, which is conveniently placed on the boarder of Hogbeddis, along the bank of the river Gopy. Our two guys are both studying microphaliptionicationology (my-crow-fal-ip-shun-ih-kayshun-olojee), or in english, the study of orange peel, and are in their final semester of the first year of the course. John is the image of a steriotypical metalhead. Long, unkept hair, unshaven, always wearing a band shirt. Johns Claim to fame is that he once was shown on camera at a straight to DVD recording of a Shinedown concert. John is sadly often accused of suffering from schizophrenia due to his constant "bad mood into flying hippy" cycle, something that Sam gets kind of annoyed with sometimes.
Sam on the other hand is something that could be best described as a hybrid of Ned Flanders, The Comic Book Guy, and Jeff Hardy. He is an ultra religious comic nerd who you regularly see hanging around in Dungeons and Dragons shops. The only difference between other Dungeons and Dragons nerds and himself is that he is a rainbow haired stoner.
“The Hogbeddis mayor, one Brian Layton-Oliver Jobs, has also questioned the integrity of our gene-splicing clinic, rendering it preposterous, so why, in the blue hell are they constructing one on their soil?” Mayor Hole continued
“Sam? Change the channel.”
“Bah, they criticize then copy” muttered Sam, as he mashed a random number into the remote control, which he named peter one stony night.
“No, no, no, oh, keep it there, no seen it, no, no” said John, as Sam was flicking with “peter”
“I’m keeping it there!” screamed Sam, as a programme about Wizards and Jesus came on the telly
“Okay, but I want to watch the RAW gig at ten” moaned John, to an already subdued and fixed Sam, who was nearly hugging the television while drooling in happiness.
As the programme finished, and John, realising that watching the Spice Girls perform a raw and uncut gig to a rabid crowd of ten fans was not the best gig to watch, they decided to call it a night. But, as they slept that night, something sinister unfolded. Something that changed the rivalry between Hogbeddis and Hagensbury forever.
Fin.
Oh, and try to find the sex references that Mrs Longster failed to notice