Is it rape?

[bleedingheartizzie]

hi ive been with my boyfreind for 6 months now
we went to a house party last week. i didnt get drunk but i was fairly tipsy, i cant realy remember much of what happend. from whta my freinds have told me i askd my boyfriend upstairs and he says i fully consented to sex so i slept with him. the thing is i cant remember saying yes and it would of been my first time
please help was it rape?

[Andrew56]

You don't remember = you were drunk.

How old are you, and how old is he? Was he drunk?

[Mzor203]

Technically, if you were both over the legal age, and you actually did consent, I do believe it is not rape. You have got to be careful of what you drink and who you hang out with.

[theOperaGhost]

If he got you drunk for the purpose of having sex it could maybe be classified as rape. But idk, thats kind of a tough thing to answer. Knowing your age and his age would maybe make this question easier to answer.

[-Silence]

It's really your word against his. It would be tough to decide.

Hun be careful when you drink!

[bleedingheartizzie]

im 16 now but i was 15 at the party and hes 18and no he wasnt drunk he doesnt drink

[Mzor203]

Well I think that 16 is the age where you have to be to have sex in most places, not sure about where you are, but if that's the case, then it is considered statutory rape, and even if you weren't drunk and consented to it, it would've been rape.

So most likely, technically it was rape, but not in the way you were thinking. If you had been of the legal age when it took place, then it wouldn't have been rape.

[Sugaree]

Well if he were to get you drunk on purpose then have sex with you that would be rape.

But if you fully consented to it so it wouldn't be rape

[BeautifulSilence]

"im 16 now but i was 15 at the party and hes 18and no he wasnt drunk he doesnt drink"

From what I've learned at a 'Ok or not ok?' session set up at my school...
Because you're in te UK, yes it was rape, even if you weren't drunk, you were below the legal age and he wasn't. Again, even if you were 16 but drunk, it would still be rape because you were drunk and he wasn't.

The law states that persons under the age of 16 aren't legally allowed to give consent and when you're drunk you're not in the right frame of mind to give consent.

It's been said, but it's not the sorta rape that most people think of when the word is mentioned. Unless your boyfriend got you drunk just to have sexwith you (which it doesn't seem like from your first post). But it is rape in the eyes of the law. Sorry.

[alicia]

Well, I am not sure about how it is in the UK but here in Canada it is considered statutory rape because of the age.
Although someone cannot claim rape because she was drunk, but if you struggled and said you didn't want to then yes it would be considered.
Your boyfriend shouldn't have done that if he was sober and you weren't.
When your drunk your mind gets switched around and you'll end up doing something 'willingly'. If before you got drunk, you warned him before that you didn't want to do anything then yes it might be considered rape.

Careful where and who you drink with, limit yourself hun.

[Rutherford The Brave]

Well, I am not sure about how it is in the UK but here in Canada it is considered statutory rape because of the age.
Although someone cannot claim rape because she was drunk, but if you struggled and said you didn't want to then yes it would be considered.
Your boyfriend shouldn't have done that if he was sober and you weren't.
When your drunk your mind gets switched around and you'll end up doing something 'willingly'. If before you got drunk, you warned him before that you didn't want to do anything then yes it might be considered rape.

Careful where and who you drink with, limit yourself hun.

It is statutory rape yes, and well its present in countries like Canada, U.S.A, Britain, France, Germany,etc.

[theOperaGhost]

Yes that would be statutory rape. He can be charged with that.

[Prince Jellyfish]

Guys, it's not statutory rape because nearly every state has a close in age law; ie, you can hook up with some one under the age as long as you're 4 years apart at the maximum. Not rape. You shouldn't drink so much.

[Zephyr]

A couple things to take into account...

1) You made the mistake of getting too tipsy, therefore your judgement was impaired.

2) IF you can remember, did he force you into it?

Because it sounds like he either took advantage of your tipsy state or he didn't realize just how much you'd had to drink and thought that you made a mostly sober decision.

As said, it's your word against his, so get his side of the story as well. If your friends are saying that you consented, you may have well consented.

In the future hun, please be safe when drinking. I've seen too many great girls mess up from drinking too much and having sex.

[Falk 'Ace' Flyer]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/special_report/1999/02/99/e-cyclopedia/437789.stm

If you read it a bit, it clearly states that you must be 16 to legally have sex, consent or otherwise. The only factor you have to look at is that you were drunk (under the influence of alcohol, tipsy or s***faced, doesn't matter) so I don't know how that could change it. But yes, it can be considered illegal, especially because he was 18. Good luck.

[The Pretender]

Well if you were 15 at the time then:
1. If you did consent then it was just plain under age sex.
2. If you did not consent then it would have been rape.

[Prince Jellyfish]

WHY is no on listening to me???? Most places have a 'close in age' clause for their consent laws!

[Underground_Network]

^^ And it is true, that even if they don't, that most cases like this would be dismissed immediately/not a lot of lawyers would take them... there's just no point in this case. Yes, it could be considered rape, but it's partially your fault and there are just too many problems with it. Your boyfriend shouldn't have taken advantage of you while you were drunk, you shouldn't have gotten drunk in the first place, yatta yatta yatta. In the end it was more his fault, but in reality, it was both your faults. Always think before you act. Always expect the unexpected. Seriously. One little moment can change your life forever, thus you must always be prepared for everything, every possible situation. You shouldn't just let yourself be vulnerable.

[ScotsGirl]

hi ive been with my boyfreind for 6 months now
we went to a house party last week. i didnt get drunk but i was fairly tipsy, i cant realy remember much of what happend. from whta my freinds have told me i askd my boyfriend upstairs and he says i fully consented to sex so i slept with him. the thing is i cant remember saying yes and it would of been my first time
please help was it rape?

As others have said, yes you can have him charged for rape because he is an adult and you were under 16 at the time, below the legal age for consent.

However, are you more worried/upset at the fact that you feel he maybe took advantage, or at the fact that you put yourself in that situation (by consuming alcohol - im presuming you gave your 'consent' to that?) and now you will always look back on losing your virginity as something you cant really remember?
If you havent already, maybe you can talk to him about what happened? How you are feeling? Be honest, if you're angry at him, be angry at him. If you're abgry at yourself, be angry at yourself.

What you do now is up to you. Blaming him for possibly raping you when in fact, you actually dont know if that is the case, may make you feel better.
Or maybe you can learn from your mistakes. Dont put yourself in a situation like that again.

As fucked up as this may sound, in the future you may look back at what happened and say it was one of the best things that has happened to you because it made you learn and realise a whole lot more in one night, than most people learn in a lifetime.

There is a reason alcohol has a legal age for consumption, it is a poison to your body. Dont worry Im not telling you not to drink, Im just saying, if you're going to in future, just be careful.

xxx

[Nihilus]

Yes it is rape.
when you had it you were under 16 which is the legal age to have sex. You were also kinda drunk and your boyfriend wasn't. My dad told me that this was rape.

[foof1]

was it against your will