Hopless & Ashamed

[Axellance]

Okay,
So as most of you know I am gay, but something most of you do not know is how ashamed I am of it. When I was about 12 I began to feel sexual attraction to males, but I simply denied it and went on with life. I always just assumed I was str8 because my dad and step mom always talked about how "sick and disgusting fags are" and how "all gays will go to hell”, but as I grew older the attraction to men grew stronger and it soon became undeniable, yet I still tried to deny it. I couldn’t handle the thought that I was a "disgusting fag". Trying to convince myself otherwise led to many problems including depression, cutting, poor academic performance the list goes on, just after I turned 15 I finally admitted it to myself. I do not hate myself for it, or think I do not deserve the same as anyone else; the problem is the world does. I feel hopeless un-accepted and worthless in today’s society. At school I hear all kinds of comments that offend me terribly and can’t say a word because they don’t know, and I feel I can never tell. To be honest I am totally ashamed of myself. the feeling that people wont accept me for who I am and that i am dissapointing god keeps me up at night, makes me sick to my stomach ......makes me want to cut and.....it makes me want to starve myself......i have lost much of my faith in God and the bible as a resut of this.....because why would God make me this way!!!
I just don’t know what to do I’m not shure why I posted this....I guess I just need comfort and support.....and any advice you can offer....

[Tree]

Well it isn't your fault, being gay is not a choice, its just the way you are. But blaming God will not solve it. And the people you go to school with are just young and are going by what they see on t.v now a days. Times are different now and its becoming more accepted around the U.S... You'll realize once you get out of high school that no one will really say anything about it. High school kids thrive on anything they can to make them selves feel better. It doesn't matter that your gay, even if you where just the shy kid, I bet they'd still pick on you. Because thats how kids are now a days. But don't worry and just look ahead to the future because right now may seem a little rough but things can only get better. And I admire you for being able to go through all of that.

[Requin]

This strong feeling towards gays seems to be quite active still in america. It's not so bad here, people make jokes and comments, but i've not heard anything deliberately horrible. Strange. To start with, DON'T BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, why should you carry shame on your shoulders when it should be those people at school who act like this towards gays who should be ashamed, not YOU. And if people can't accept you for what you are then i don't think you should be friends, if you are, with any of them.

And i don't believe that everyone feels like this, i expect that some of these people who say this are actually gay themselves and are jsut scared, like you to come out. Your family is another matter, but it's probably the same issue, one member says that who actually believes it, and all the others breath in hard, lift up their shoulders and say 'yeah, i agree' when they don't.

God is a sticky matter, as a non-believer if you want to call me that, and also living in a country where the number of cristian believers is falling dramatically, i would say that God, if you believe in him, LOVES everybody, why would he make somebody who he won't like, that's like making a sauce for food that you won't eat. Don't listen to the priests and vicars who think they know what there talking about becuase they don't.

I will leave you with this question, Where in the bible does Jesus or God or any of the decipels say that homeosexuality is wrong and God will hate you for it?, please tell me where?
Ignore what the priests and vicars etc say, it's your life live it how you have been moulded and how you want to. Hope that helps.

[redcar]

I know where you are coming from with feeling ashamed and all that. You grow up being programmed that the straight way is the right way and any deviation from that is wrong.

I will be honest that things will not really change much while you are in school. School is very much about conforming and if you dont you are wrong in the eyes of the masses. But what will happen is when you finish school, when you enter the world, be it going to college, or whatever, things will change.

You will suddenly realise that how people act in the world is not the same as how people act in school. You will find people, generally, dont care about sexuality. People very quickly grow up because believe me anyone who acts like they did in school when they finish wont last in the real world. Suddenly the people who were the majority in school will become the minority if they continue to act like they do.

So don't expect any changes to how you feel while in school. But believe me when you finish things will change, life will get better, and you will start smiling. You will realise there is nothing to be ashamed of and suddenly the world looks like a very nice place.

[theOperaGhost]

Sorry that your ashamed of being gay. It might be looked down on by society, but so are a lot of things. It's just how you feel. High school kids are very sheltered and just go along with things. Like Alex said, when you get out of high school people won't care about your sexuality. Sure you'll run into the people who do care, but the majority should except it. If they don't, they are very dense people. I hope you start to feel better about your sexuality. Don't be ashamed about it.

[Axellance]

thaks guys!

[theOperaGhost]

no problem

[Requin]

^^^^ Ditto

[dogman]

PUSH THROUH IT, dont let these "fah hater" get you down. I think you are very brave to be yourself when you know that you will have the ridicule of other, well done and keep going. These kids are just that, kids. Kids are childish, immature and mean. But, one day you will find people that will accept you for who you are, and not what they want you to be. Keep going, because if you are at rock bottom, just think, hey, it can only get better from here. Once you leave school, you will find people that will accept you.

PS dont blame god for this. If you were god, you would find it hard, and relise that you can solve eveyones problems for them. Jus keep going, push through, and you will be stronger for it

GOOD LUCK

[LxNearxHunny]

I completely understand what you're saying.

The SAME thing happens to me at school all the time. I hear people call me, or each other "Fags", just throwing the word around, and it offends me to if someone called a black guy the "N" word. The thing is, There's nothing you can do about it, which really sucks. Don't be ashamed though, I'm 13, Still not completely sure what I am, but I know I'm not straight, So I know what you mean about being ashamed.

Everyone at my school thinks or knows im gay, But in a strange way, It has helped me. I found out who my real friends were, because when people found out, Most distanced themselves from me, and just insulted me for my sexual orientation over and over, but my real friends stayed by my side and defended me, Which helped me alot.

On the god subject, I'm an Atheist, And I really don't get how Homosexuals could be Christian, or believe in god, for the very reasons you stated, and it's against the christian faith to be homosexual anyway, So why follow it? That's just my little opinion on the subject.

I hope things go well for you, though :]

[Zephyr]

Hun, it's alright, :hug:
You are who you are and there is no changing it, so try to live with it rather than struggle with it. After you can accept yourself, then maybe you can come out to your parents. I've had to help a few friends come out of the closet before, and even help them out when they learned their family's disappointment. Trust me, no matter what they say now, they will still support you even if they seem mad, confused or weirded out by it at first.

People are usually more mature about gays then they let on. They generally won't care that you're gay, they just don't want to hear about it. All I can suggest is that you find some close friends who will accept you for you and not for your sexual preference.

In my opinion, gays, bis and lesbians make the best friends becuase they're more open-minded and they won't judge you like other people will. I really think that you're a great person anyway Lance, so I truly think that things will work out for you = )

Tell you what Lance, me and some of my friends are going to be in the P-Land area in a few weeks and we're going to a gay dancing club. Join us ; )

[Axellance]

are you really comeing to the portland aria, wow that weird :) thanx for the help guys:)

[shikachunin]

Okay,
So as most of you know I am gay, but something most of you do not know is how ashamed I am of it. When I was about 12 I began to feel sexual attraction to males, but I simply denied it and went on with life. I always just assumed I was str8 because my dad and step mom always talked about how "sick and disgusting fags are" and how "all gays will go to hell”, but as I grew older the attraction to men grew stronger and it soon became undeniable, yet I still tried to deny it. I couldn’t handle the thought that I was a "disgusting fag". Trying to convince myself otherwise led to many problems including depression, cutting, poor academic performance the list goes on, just after I turned 15 I finally admitted it to myself. I do not hate myself for it, or think I do not deserve the same as anyone else; the problem is the world does. I feel hopeless un-accepted and worthless in today’s society. At school I hear all kinds of comments that offend me terribly and can’t say a word because they don’t know, and I feel I can never tell. To be honest I am totally ashamed of myself. the feeling that people wont accept me for who I am and that i am dissapointing god keeps me up at night, makes me sick to my stomach ......makes me want to cut and.....it makes me want to starve myself......i have lost much of my faith in God and the bible as a resut of this.....because why would God make me this way!!!
I just don’t know what to do I’m not shure why I posted this....I guess I just need comfort and support.....and any advice you can offer....

Whatever you do, DON'T TELL UR DAD AND STEP-MOM THAT YOU ARE GAY!!! They will think it is a phase, and will take away privilages (having friends come over, no more computer, etc.). They will think you are going through a phase and will probably do that to convince you that you are str8, or at least bi. Just kep it to yourself unyil you get your own place where they can't touch you, and then tell them. That way, you won't get anything taken away! Also, it will show them that it isn't a stage because you are older. hope this helps!

[bloo ppl]

ok well you shouldnt be ashamed of who you are cuz you are who you are. and abt the ppl not acceopting you is true some ppl mite not like you but ur family and true friends will accept you for who you are and still love you. and abt the god thing i cant help yeah there cuz i have diffrent beliefes do to my religon. and cutting to me is understandable(since im a cutter) but i would suggest you stop cutting cuz it could lead to lots of theropy and trust me thats not fun. so hope i helped a little

[hobo]

first off, i'm not gay, (a little bi though), i can express my views on god and gayness though. god didn't write the bible, so you should just ignore it. your parents haven't talked with god, so your view is just as valid as theirs. gayness is natural and has been happening since the beginning of time. i dont think you should tell your parents though, because its not worth ruining your relationship with them, which could easily happen.

[amIweird]

dude...there's parts of the bible I liek and there's parts I don't like...all I can say is that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with being gay...you will NOT go to hell(personally i beleive in reincarnation but w/e) and FUCK what other people think.

[Zephyr]

Old
Locked