Kyle9000
October 4th, 2015, 03:41 AM
okay so i had to stop drinking and smoking and all my other vices or coping mechanisms or whatever you want to call them and that basically leaves me with 2 options: cutting and just falling deeper and deeper into a depressive state where i literally have been crying at school (i usually am able to control just about all my emotions besides rage). i feel like i'm losing control and I've fractured my middle knuckle on the same brick wall 2 weeks in a row after the same class ending or me walking out of it. People at school think i'm insane because just about everyone in that class saw it both times and of course the staff doesn't care, even when i went into the health office and asked for some bandages to fix up my bleeding knuckles (that they didn't question). I feel like i should go to a therapist or something and get medication for my schizophrenia and depression but i don't want to for a multitude of reasons ( don't want my family to know, don't want to talk to a shrink, i can handle my problems i just need my old coping mechanisms back but that's not happening until December at the earliest). Ill have maybe 2-3 days where i'm not fine but ok with life then just drop into this pit of sadness and apathy. its getting so bad that i lose the will to eat, get up and the weird part is i don't even want to cut myself because it seems like it requires too much energy. so now that the whole pity party is done my questions are: 1. should i try and work up the courage to go get some help (not from friends)?, 2. what if this gets worse? because i don't think i could handle that, & 3. what are some ways to try and pull myself out of those really depressive episodes?
thanks for any help you can give
thanks for any help you can give