How many times is your limit?

[Waleedbt]

So im going on with something right now and i believe i reahed the limit on moving on.

So my question is how many times would you ask a girl out if she is making excuses each time?

Personally ive went to 3, and im done :)

[Zachary G]

personally, i think i would have stopped after the first time they made excuses because it would have been clear to me that they just werent really interested.

[Emerald Dream]

personally, i think i would have stopped after the first time they made excuses because it would have been clear to me that they just werent really interested.

I think this is a realistic answer. I can't speak for every girl, and only for myself - but I think there is a misconception that someone will eventually agree to go out with you if ask again and again. Based on my own personal experience, I know within minutes of meeting someone or talking to them for the first time whether I would date them (or do anything else) or not. No one magically convinces me otherwise. This has nothing to do with "love at first sight" but observations on personality and how well he/she treats me and other people.

Chances are - if it feels like she is making excuses, then she probably is...and has no intentions of saying yes. Maybe she feels like she is being nice and not having to completely let you down, but in the long run that probably frustrates and hurts more.

[hesaidhesaid]

personally, i think i would have stopped after the first time they made excuses because it would have been clear to me that they just werent really interested.

This. Normally, I would work it out after two but I can often work it out after one especially if I know something about the girl's past (e.g. we're friends and she's pulled off this sort of stunt before)

[Uranus]

Unless there's a legitimate excuse, And not complete bullshit then that's fine, but for that at least a maximum of 2-3

[Melodic]

I don't think there should be a specific limit because sometimes people truly are busy. I think deep down though, your gut will tell you if she's just blowing you off or if she really just can't hang out.

[Waleedbt]

Interesting how different the perspectives are on this thread.

I also see it as my dignity wont make me go pass 3, even if it was a real reason.

Plus.. is telling someone you like them but not ready legit? it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

[SethfromMI]

Unless there's a legitimate excuse, And not complete bullshit then that's fine, but for that at least a maximum of 2-3

this. sometimes the excuse is real. others she is just trying to pull the wool over your eyes

[Hudor]

Interesting how different the perspectives are on this thread.

I also see it as my dignity wont make me go pass 3, even if it was a real reason.

Plus.. is telling someone you like them but not ready legit? it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

I agree with pretty much what Melodic said but in a lot of cases the girl is trying to let you down easy if she makes excuses repeatedly.
Also liking but not ready may be legit depending on her own personal problems. But the message is pretty clear. She doesn't want to date you right now.

[Uniquemind]

I agree with all that the others have said.

But even in the context of friendship only my limit was/is 3 times (I'm seeing someone right now hence the "was"), for nonsense last minute excuses on an agreed upon date in which both people explicitly pre-arranged a time to meet up.

I understand if say they get called into work suddenly, or have a family emergency, but if I'm in a situation where I have to bail on someone, I always offer a future date as a "raincheck" to make up for failing a previous scheduled event.


In fact communicating is one of my litmus tests in determining if I think someone's personality is someone I'd even enjoy being in a relationship with.

In the context of friendship, I might keep em around, but I downgrade their dependability.

Also if someone strikes out 3 times, but then they go out of their way to contact me to make up for missed appointments, I sometimes make a 4th and final chance but that's only if they show effort on their end.


Also after 3 tries, I also suggest calling them out bluntly and asking for clarification if you are stood up because that's how they rejected interested suitors.

Ex: "okay, I don't mean to be rude but, this is the 3rd time you've blown me off on a date, am I to interpret this as you just aren't interested, I can take rejection, but I don't like cliffhangers so just be honest please."

^don't be afraid to ask that.

Getting blown off is a problem all people face, and I've discovered this is the best way to handle it.

[Waleedbt]

I agree with pretty much what Melodic said but in a lot of cases the girl is trying to let you down easy if she makes excuses repeatedly.
Also liking but not ready may be legit depending on her own personal problems. But the message is pretty clear. She doesn't want to date you right now.

Yup, thats what i got from it too, but im not going to stay there and wait :)

[Waleedbt]

I agree with all that the others have said.

But even in the context of friendship only my limit was/is 3 times (I'm seeing someone right now hence the "was"), for nonsense last minute excuses on an agreed upon date in which both people explicitly pre-arranged a time to meet up.

I understand if say they get called into work suddenly, or have a family emergency, but if I'm in a situation where I have to bail on someone, I always offer a future date as a "raincheck" to make up for failing a previous scheduled event.


In fact communicating is one of my litmus tests in determining if I think someone's personality is someone I'd even enjoy being in a relationship with.

In the context of friendship, I might keep em around, but I downgrade their dependability.

Also if someone strikes out 3 times, but then they go out of their way to contact me to make up for missed appointments, I sometimes make a 4th and final chance but that's only if they show effort on their end.


Also after 3 tries, I also suggest calling them out bluntly and asking for clarification if you are stood up because that's how they rejected interested suitors.

Ex: "okay, I don't mean to be rude but, this is the 3rd time you've blown me off on a date, am I to interpret this as you just aren't interested, I can take rejection, but I don't like cliffhangers so just be honest please."

^don't be afraid to ask that.

Getting blown off is a problem all people face, and I've discovered this is the best way to handle it.

Exactly! you opened my eyes even more, cause i know i would make up to anything i cancelled or wasn't able to do.

Ive moved on from now anyways, since thursday night, i have no contact with the person, but she is texting .. and im honestly just being formal and nothing personal as i know i dont want to get attached and be there anymore.

[Waleedbt]

Nothing.

[Babs]

Once is enough.
If someone makes excuses not to go out with you, that's your hint that they're not interested. If someone asked me out despite me saying no over and over again, that wouldn't make me change my mind. It would make me think they're a real creep.

[SillyShyGuy]

Good for you for moving on. I would say three times is my limit too. I really tried to be patient with this girl who I like. We hung out lots of times and after when we said bye she said "we should go on a movie date sometime." Those words still haunt me since it never happened. But hey, suck it up and move on right?

[AutumnWinds]

So im going on with something right now and i believe i reahed the limit on moving on.

So my question is how many times would you ask a girl out if she is making excuses each time?

Personally ive went to 3, and im done :)

i kind of adopted an older friend of mine's rule on this one. he'll ask anyone friend, love interest, whatever, three times. he counts any proposed meeting as a time, so if you ask one time but suggest three different dates to do something, that's the three times. if they say no he gives up on asking, but doesn't make a big deal of it.

his logic is that if the person wants to spend time with him, they will 90% of the time be available for one of those three times. if they're not, and they really want to spend time with him, they'll initiate a suggestion to spend time with him, but whether they're truly too busy or just don't want to hang out with him, after three times he feels he's doing them both a favor by not asking again.

[Waleedbt]

Once is enough.
If someone makes excuses not to go out with you, that's your hint that they're not interested. If someone asked me out despite me saying no over and over again, that wouldn't make me change my mind. It would make me think they're a real creep.

See i would have stopped after one.
But it weird when she keeps talking.. And calls me cute names.. Love names., thats why i did it 3 times.

[Waleedbt]

i kind of adopted an older friend of mine's rule on this one. he'll ask anyone friend, love interest, whatever, three times. he counts any proposed meeting as a time, so if you ask one time but suggest three different dates to do something, that's the three times. if they say no he gives up on asking, but doesn't make a big deal of it.

his logic is that if the person wants to spend time with him, they will 90% of the time be available for one of those three times. if they're not, and they really want to spend time with him, they'll initiate a suggestion to spend time with him, but whether they're truly too busy or just don't want to hang out with him, after three times he feels he's doing them both a favor by not asking again.

Yeah, i guess i was naive :)

[West Coast Sheriff]

I'd like to think I'd give a girl two chances then say she's not with it but knowing how head over heels I fall I usually don't know when to just stop

[Vermilion]

I think it would depend on there situation. It mite just not be a good time

[Uniquemind]

Exactly! you opened my eyes even more, cause i know i would make up to anything i cancelled or wasn't able to do.

Ive moved on from now anyways, since thursday night, i have no contact with the person, but she is texting .. and im honestly just being formal and nothing personal as i know i dont want to get attached and be there anymore.

Funny how that's having the desired effect of her chasing you and initiating contact. Earlier that's what you wanted right?

She's playing some kind of social game here I think.

The power's in your court now, you can hang with her, but I wouldn't give her your heart.

Or you can continue to only be formal with her and that's it; your choice.

[TrampCore]

Depends. One, max two times. She may be busy the first time, but if she is always busy or making excuses, it's just a polite way to say she is not interested.

[Waleedbt]

Funny how that's having the desired effect of her chasing you and initiating contact. Earlier that's what you wanted right?

She's playing some kind of social game here I think.

The power's in your court now, you can hang with her, but I wouldn't give her your heart.

Or you can continue to only be formal with her and that's it; your choice.

haha so truee its weird :p but not really, i was okay.
Nah im over :)

[Waleedbt]

Depends. One, max two times. She may be busy the first time, but if she is always busy or making excuses, it's just a polite way to say she is not interested.

The replies i felt were pure BS but i kept going along.

[Miscreant]

2nd time at the most if i'm really interested

[tovaris]

depends,
but in the context i am asuming this is being (on a date no preexisting anything) asked 1,5 times

but is she is an existing friend and i wana hang out i persist till 1764 (42^2) times

[Abyssal Echo]

It really depends on the person. 1 or 2. No more than 2.