adrianlad
September 28th, 2015, 01:46 PM
Sup guys and girls.
So I used to go on here a lot and a lot of people were familiar with my story, went by the name mrfirstade, but then I forgot my password, so yep, new account.
Basically: Name's Adrian. I'm 14 & gay (yep, used to think and say I'm bi but then I figured myself out). I have had romantic and sexual feelings for HIM for about 10 months now, no joke. Ben, honestly the only guy I have ever felt this way about.
So if you're familiar with this part of my story, you will know Ben has been giving me mixed signals about his sexuality from pretty much the day I met him. A lot has happened since then.
Around 4 months ago, he found out that I had a crush on him, it is really much more than a crush, but you know what I mean. He already knew I liked guys tho. He did the worst thing possible when he found out, told a bunch of his friends and basically forced me to out myself.
I honestly didn't want anything to do with him after that, but deep down I knew it was impossible for me to HATE him. We ignored each other for a looooong time.
I wrote him an essay on my story over the summer. And now we're friends.
Yep.
I'm an easily forgiving person. Anyway, came back to school about 3 weeks ago, he's acting like my bestest friend and we spend pretty much every second of the day with each other. We have a special hugging place that we call a tradition. He once said "We can't not hug at the sign, it defies the laws of physics and all that". Yeah, thought that was cute. Oh! And he even called me "My Adrian" aka 'his'.
Sorry. I'm rambling.
Anyway, he apologized for everything he did last year but did put in a cheeky comment that it made my life better, which is true, since I came out I'm so much more happier and open and no one gives me any shit about it.
We also came to the conclusion that he's not bisexual, which he always claimed he was since I met him. I basically told him that he's a shit bisexual and that he's not bisexual if he didn't get turned on by gay porn. That changed his mind and now he knows he's straight. 1 point for me :)
I probably shouldn't be saying that, because the feelings never left, I thought they did over the summer but I saw him again and Oops, apparently not. As far as he's aware, there isn't a single part of me that feels for him anymore, and I'm planning to keep it this way, as I don't want to screw things up between us. AGAIN.
Sorry if it's unclear as to what I'm asking, I basically just need to know how to get over him. Obviously it takes time and space, but I'm not getting either of those. But I just can't carry on feeling like this, it's kinda killing me.
If you bothered to actually read all this, I'm so sorry :/ I really don't know why I decided to write all this, just needed to vent or something I guess.
So I used to go on here a lot and a lot of people were familiar with my story, went by the name mrfirstade, but then I forgot my password, so yep, new account.
Basically: Name's Adrian. I'm 14 & gay (yep, used to think and say I'm bi but then I figured myself out). I have had romantic and sexual feelings for HIM for about 10 months now, no joke. Ben, honestly the only guy I have ever felt this way about.
So if you're familiar with this part of my story, you will know Ben has been giving me mixed signals about his sexuality from pretty much the day I met him. A lot has happened since then.
Around 4 months ago, he found out that I had a crush on him, it is really much more than a crush, but you know what I mean. He already knew I liked guys tho. He did the worst thing possible when he found out, told a bunch of his friends and basically forced me to out myself.
I honestly didn't want anything to do with him after that, but deep down I knew it was impossible for me to HATE him. We ignored each other for a looooong time.
I wrote him an essay on my story over the summer. And now we're friends.
Yep.
I'm an easily forgiving person. Anyway, came back to school about 3 weeks ago, he's acting like my bestest friend and we spend pretty much every second of the day with each other. We have a special hugging place that we call a tradition. He once said "We can't not hug at the sign, it defies the laws of physics and all that". Yeah, thought that was cute. Oh! And he even called me "My Adrian" aka 'his'.
Sorry. I'm rambling.
Anyway, he apologized for everything he did last year but did put in a cheeky comment that it made my life better, which is true, since I came out I'm so much more happier and open and no one gives me any shit about it.
We also came to the conclusion that he's not bisexual, which he always claimed he was since I met him. I basically told him that he's a shit bisexual and that he's not bisexual if he didn't get turned on by gay porn. That changed his mind and now he knows he's straight. 1 point for me :)
I probably shouldn't be saying that, because the feelings never left, I thought they did over the summer but I saw him again and Oops, apparently not. As far as he's aware, there isn't a single part of me that feels for him anymore, and I'm planning to keep it this way, as I don't want to screw things up between us. AGAIN.
Sorry if it's unclear as to what I'm asking, I basically just need to know how to get over him. Obviously it takes time and space, but I'm not getting either of those. But I just can't carry on feeling like this, it's kinda killing me.
If you bothered to actually read all this, I'm so sorry :/ I really don't know why I decided to write all this, just needed to vent or something I guess.