I'm done trusting people.

[Leprous]

Well, some of you may have noticed my lack of posts, and I don't know why I didn't post allot.

Anyways, last year, I signed up for an exchange program with India. The Indian boy came to my house last year, and I was supposed to be going to India this november. A friend of mine was also going, so that was great! 20 people in total were going, and I only knew him. When we received a mail with some arrangements and stuff, I asked him about it. Then all I got was "I'm not going, I'm changing schools". He never told me about this. As someone with social anxiety, I wouldn't survive the group without a friend. I trusted him, and he left me.

So me and my parents discussed it allot and I decided to not go. Never have I felt so betrayed. I wanted to cry, I have been stressed out for months for that exchange, and then that piece of shit I saw as a friend left me behind. Honestly, I don't know why I'm posting this, but I guess I have to vent. I can't trust people anymore, there are a few that would never leave me, but that's it. I am so tired of being pushed around and being lied to all the time.

[dxcxdzv]

You look a bit too sensible boy.
What he did to you is not really nice, but you can't just say "fuck" to everyone else -that you know or don't know yet- for that.

[StoppingTom]

You look a bit too sensible boy.
What he did to you is not really nice, but you can't just say "fuck" to everyone else -that you know or don't know yet- for that.

This, and I can sympathize with you. However, it's just one person in a group of 7 billion. Do you know why he isn't going? It may be a personal thing, idk. Just cause he's not there doesn't mean you can't enjoy a once in a lifetime experience.

[Just JT]

My sense it that OP is feeling betrayed because he feels his friend knew for some time he was not going, and withheld that info on purpose, until he had no choice than to say something, and personally, thinkmid feel the same way, especially if they were close.

One thing to consider is that he may have been struggling with being able to tell you, if you guys were close. He probably does still want to go, and circumstances are that he can not. Him maybe feeling conflict with letting you down may have been hard for him.

I thinkmid try to talk to him and at least share how you both are feeling, possibly still save a friendship, if not, it may have never been as t
Strong as you once thought

Either way, I agree with other posters on this, don't think I'd pass this cool chance to do something awsome!!!
I'd find a way to accommodate yourself for this trip if possible

And I wouldn't throw away all other possibilities of friendships either, because of one instance

[Leprous]

My sense it that OP is feeling betrayed because he feels his friend knew for some time he was not going, and withheld that info on purpose, until he had no choice than to say something, and personally, thinkmid feel the same way, especially if they were close.

One thing to consider is that he may have been struggling with being able to tell you, if you guys were close. He probably does still want to go, and circumstances are that he can not. Him maybe feeling conflict with letting you down may have been hard for him.

I thinkmid try to talk to him and at least share how you both are feeling, possibly still save a friendship, if not, it may have never been as t
Strong as you once thought

Either way, I agree with other posters on this, don't think I'd pass this cool chance to do something awsome!!!
I'd find a way to accommodate yourself for this trip if possible

And I wouldn't throw away all other possibilities of friendships either, because of one instance


Oh he didn't feel any guilt, he did things like this before, and he's at another school, he doesn't care because I'm not there.

aEON I don't think you understand how many problems I have with groups of people. I know that those other 18 were like, and our group already had a meeting, and I already found out they don't give a shit about someone they don't know.

Reise It's not that easy to just not care about having nobody. I would if I wouldn't be left alone like this. I'm afraid in large groups, I can't help it.

[Uniquemind]

Oh he didn't feel any guilt, he did things like this before, and he's at another school, he doesn't care because I'm not there.

aEON I don't think you understand how many problems I have with groups of people. I know that those other 18 were like, and our group already had a meeting, and I already found out they don't give a shit about someone they don't know.

Reise It's not that easy to just not care about having nobody. I would if I wouldn't be left alone like this. I'm afraid in large groups, I can't help it.

You need a therapist to help address social anxiety and perhaps social therapy as well to help you learn coping skills on how to blend in.


You're going to encounter people like this in life and you need to know how to cope and not see people coming and going out of your life as some big deal.


The origin of your emotional reaction stems from that and the fact I don't think you were trained on how to socially relate, and or handle new stressful events.


If cockiness was a serum I'd inject you with a little. All you need in life is yourself and the ability adopt personality traits that carry high likability ratings.

Act if you have too.


Send me a PM if you need further assistance.

[lliam]

I don't know the severity of your social phobia, therefore, my impression might be somewhat distorted from what you've posted, but I think you reacted a bit too oversensitive.

I don't judge the behavior of that guy, wether he "cheated" you or not, because that would be unfair, without knowing his version.

But the (incorrect) behavior of one guy transferred to the rest of humanity is really very exaggerated in my opinion.



There is a saying of Lenin: "Trust is good but control is better" or so.
*


Maybe you use it in a similar situation next time. Then make certain decisions only, when you are almost one 98% sure that all your expectations are accordingly regulated.

[Leprous]

Late reply, but yeah.

It's not easy to handle anxiety, especially in groups. That guy did it on purpose, he knew he should've told me that he wouldn't go.

[Just JT]

Well, I can understand how your feeling, and why you feel hurt, but like I was kinda saying earlier, he may not feel he can say this stuff to you, because he knows how important it is for you. I have a hard time understanding why a good friend would all a sudden treat a friend like this. That's why I'm saying to talk to him, if you want to
Yeah he shoulda told you, and yeah he knew that to, but he may not have Ben able to bring himself to tell you, and if he really a good of a friend as you say your were, you guys should be able to talk about it, otherwise, it never was all that great in the first place

[hesaidhesaid]

Here's what I'd say to this.
Yes your friend doesn't deserve the right to talk to you. Yes your friend was disgusting in deserting you. HOWEVER, what he did is not a representation of all of us- especially on this forum. Every individual is unique- and the good news is that even though we are all supposedly unique, (mostly) we wouldn't desert friends- I know I wouldn't. EVER.

PM me if you have issues. All the best.

[ObliviousCat]

Strange how no one here seems to understand where you're coming from or the struggles of having anxiety like this, and they seem to be trying to make you feel bad for coming to the conclusion that you did. I understand why you came to your conclusion and I know it isn't as irrational as others may think because you're basing this off of past experiences.
I'm sorry he did what he did, and if he really did it on purpose like you say he did, he doesn't deserve to be your friend.
You said there are a few that would never leave you. Stick with them.
I know how hard it can be to trust someone and open up to them when you first meet them after all this, and you're going to have some new encounters. You don't have to trust them the very first day. In my opinion, it's better to get to know someone first before you deem them trustworthy. Don't make the mistake of building up a wall, but go at your own pace and let your trust gradually build up with new people.

[AutumnWinds]

Well, some of you may have noticed my lack of posts, and I don't know why I didn't post allot.

Anyways, last year, I signed up for an exchange program with India. The Indian boy came to my house last year, and I was supposed to be going to India this november. A friend of mine was also going, so that was great! 20 people in total were going, and I only knew him. When we received a mail with some arrangements and stuff, I asked him about it. Then all I got was "I'm not going, I'm changing schools". He never told me about this. As someone with social anxiety, I wouldn't survive the group without a friend. I trusted him, and he left me.

So me and my parents discussed it allot and I decided to not go. Never have I felt so betrayed. I wanted to cry, I have been stressed out for months for that exchange, and then that piece of shit I saw as a friend left me behind. Honestly, I don't know why I'm posting this, but I guess I have to vent. I can't trust people anymore, there are a few that would never leave me, but that's it. I am so tired of being pushed around and being lied to all the time.


i just want to echo this. it wasn't the best thing for your friend to do, but if you give up on everyone because of it, who are you really punishing? it'll be a very sad life without friends, sadder still if you have social anxiety and could really benefit from them.

i 100% do not mean this an an attack, but if you're still considering just giving up on people, i would talk to the school counselor, or your own private one if you have one.