Getting Married Young???

[TaE15]

My boyfriend just asked me if I wanted to get married and I said yes, even tho all of my friends say we're too young. We're both 15 (he'll be 16 in November) but I know he's the one and he said the same thing about me :wub::wub: I haven't told my parents yet but his mom loves me and is so happy about it and we don't want to wait. I'm not dumb, just in love. Has anyone else ever got engaged or married when they were still a teenager? How can I tell my friends I'm mature enough to do it??

[dxcxdzv]

Huuh... Since when are you with this guy?
Marriage is a serious thing, I don't see the point in getting it so young.

[TaE15]

2 years which is longer than a lot of people are together before getting married.

[dxcxdzv]

Not everyone is getting married at 15/16. You've got a lot to live before think about it.
I'm just saying that because of you don't marry him, in 5/10 years you will say "God I was stupid".
I'm not saying that you are stupid or that marry your boyfriend at your age is a "bad" idea but you seem to not know all the implications.
I only can recommend you to wait to have a stable financial situation and a certain maturity in relationships.
If you really love your bf and think is the one, perfect, but waiting a bit won't hurt you.

[TaE15]

Thanks. I really do love him and he is the one and we don't want to wait but nobody understands

[dxcxdzv]

Nobody understands because you are the only ones truly in love for each other. I guess.
But people with an extern point of view will say the same thing as me. Nothing is forcing you to get married right now. And personally, I don't see what this will change.

[BlackParadePixie]

Everyone is saying you're too young because you are. Marriage comes with all kinds of pressure and situations that someone your age just isn't ready for. Thinking that you've found "the one" when you're 15 is honestly really short sighted and kind of silly...no offense.

[Hudor]

Even if he's the one and you're totally in love and everything, I suggest you wait until you're adults at least before taking such a huge responsibility on your shoulders.

[Uniquemind]

My boyfriend just asked me if I wanted to get married and I said yes, even tho all of my friends say we're too young. We're both 15 (he'll be 16 in November) but I know he's the one and he said the same thing about me :wub::wub: I haven't told my parents yet but his mom loves me and is so happy about it and we don't want to wait. I'm not dumb, just in love. Has anyone else ever got engaged or married when they were still a teenager? How can I tell my friends I'm mature enough to do it??

Okay I'm gonna quiz you.


I'm not going to question you about you being ready for not.

Instead I'm going to throw a checklist of things you AND your BF need to know how to do to live a good life as married adults.


1. Do you know what a mortgage is?

2. Do you know what a credit card is? If so how many should you have and how should you manage it's use?

3. You find out you're pregnant, what's the first thing you should do?

4. What are the top 8 criteria on where to buy a house?

5. Your boyfriend/husband cheats on you, how do you respond?

6. What job and income total do you plan to have?

7. What is a Roth IRA, and how should you invest money for the long term?

8. Can you handle long distance relationships? (If significant other is away in business trips you'll have to endure and keep the spark of attraction alive for months of them not being near you).

9. How comfortable are you talking about sex techniques and interests towards each other along with sexual health issues.

10. How do you apply for life, auto, health, and homeowners insurance?



----


If you are at a loss for any of these questions, you aren't ready.


If you're ready you know the answers to all these questions. And you aren't freaking out.

[lliam]

Huuh... Since when are you with this guy?
Marriage is a serious thing, I don't see the point in getting it so young.

Maybe it should be serious.

... but a couple can get married because they love each other, and a few years later they get divorced, because both realizes that it was a mistake.

So I think marriage is quite unnecessary, because it can be just only a contract on time.

I would never marry. The costs are too high and in the end it just brings unpleasant costs (mostly after getting devorced).

Those who loves each other can live together, without to be married. As for that, it doesn't really matter, wether you are 15 or 35 to be old enough to get married.

[Babs]

Whoa there.
I don't wanna crush your dreams or anything but that is definitely too young. Hell, I think even early 20s is too young. If you guys last until you're old enough to legally marry, then I still suggest you hold off for a while longer. There's a lot of personal growth to be done at your ages, and people change a hell of a lot during that time.
I don't see the appeal of marriage honestly. Especially at this age.

[Body odah Man]

Thanks. I really do love him and he is the one and we don't want to wait but nobody understands

Can you support each other finanically?
Can you get a good paying job?
How will you take care of, and support, your guyses children? Can you do that?
Do you fight a lot? Could you be happy living together for years on end?
Do you see u guys together in 50 years? Or even 20?

If the answer to those is yes, marry. If the answer to any of them is no, wait. Those things are a must for marrying. It's not a game which you can just say 'oops' to and have things magically be fixed.
If you're ready, tho, gz. It's rlly sweet.

[everlong]

I'd say that's definitely too young. I know you might feel like it's a good idea, but I don't know. Marriage means a whole lot of responsibility.

[drunkbanana17]

Have u lived with him for a while ? What I mean is that its bizarre to marry someone you never lived in the same house *alone* . Not to mention , you're still in school and depend financially on your parents . So from my point of view you should wait until you're both 18 and someone gets an stable income .

[bruzer]

Well marrying is not the problem the question is will you be able to support yourselves and the needs

[Uniquemind]

Maybe it should be serious.

... but a couple can get married because they love each other, and a few years later they get divorced, because both realizes that it was a mistake.

So I think marriage is quite unnecessary, because it can be just only a contract on time.

I would never marry. The costs are too high and in the end it just brings unpleasant costs (mostly after getting devorced).

Those who loves each other can live together, without to be married. As for that, it doesn't really matter, wether you are 15 or 35 to be old enough to get married.


Or it means marriage isn't taken seriously or thoroughly thought out enough in the cases where divorce happens.

People don't always change, and it's my observations the seeds of destruction of a marriage are sewn and are dormant until triggered by the right life scenario...THEN divorce happens.


Marriage is not to be taken lightly and it has been by developed world culture.

[lliam]

Marriage is not to be taken lightly and it has been by developed world culture.



Yepp. Every existing culture knows any form of marriage. But any form of marriage bases always on factual constraints.

This is the real meaning of marriage. Making private life clearly arranged. But this applies also to society in general. And the whole idealism about marriage is nothing more then psychological illusions or trap to keep people in a marriage, or to get them into it.

However, the material conditions changed over the times. Nowadays more then before. People as individuals have been and will be more and more independent. Thus, the relationship to each other dissolves ... even more and more. This applies for spouses ... to society.

And so we have to questioning our ideals and traditions. Traditions like marriage in particular. It is simply no longer appropriate. Completely new concepts of coexistence need to be thought out and designed.



And of course, marriage as a tradition is even more outdated when it comes to young people, teenagers, who want to live together.

[Uniquemind]

Yepp. Every existing culture knows any form of marriage. But any form of marriage bases always on factual constraints.

This is the real meaning of marriage. Making private life clearly arranged. But this applies also to society in general. And the whole idealism about marriage is nothing more then psychological illusions or trap to keep people in a marriage, or to get them into it.

However, the material conditions changed over the times. Nowadays more then before. People as individuals have been and will be more and more independent. Thus, the relationship to each other dissolves ... even more and more. This applies for spouses ... to society.

And so we have to questioning our ideals and traditions. Traditions like marriage in particular. It is simply no longer appropriate. Completely new concepts of coexistence need to be thought out and designed.



And of course, marriage as a tradition is even more outdated when it comes to young people, teenagers, who want to live together.

You see I don't think that's true that marriage is outdated and old therefore a "throwaway tradition" my terminology, I'm copyrighting that.


But thats a debate for ramblings of the wise.

[lliam]

Precisely. So, from my pov and regarding to the thread's topic, all is said.

[Uniquemind]

Precisely. So, from my pov and regarding to the thread's topic, all is said.

We share the same POV then.

[lliam]

*g* On this point, yes.

[TaE15]

Okay I'm gonna quiz you.


I'm not going to question you about you being ready for not.

Instead I'm going to throw a checklist of things you AND your BF need to know how to do to live a good life as married adults.


1. Do you know what a mortgage is?

2. Do you know what a credit card is? If so how many should you have and how should you manage it's use?

3. You find out you're pregnant, what's the first thing you should do?

4. What are the top 8 criteria on where to buy a house?

5. Your boyfriend/husband cheats on you, how do you respond?

6. What job and income total do you plan to have?

7. What is a Roth IRA, and how should you invest money for the long term?

8. Can you handle long distance relationships? (If significant other is away in business trips you'll have to endure and keep the spark of attraction alive for months of them not being near you).

9. How comfortable are you talking about sex techniques and interests towards each other along with sexual health issues.

10. How do you apply for life, auto, health, and homeowners insurance?



----


If you are at a loss for any of these questions, you aren't ready.


If you're ready you know the answers to all these questions. And you aren't freaking out.

I know the answers to a lot of these and I can learn the rest and I bet there are lots of married people out there who don't know the answers to these. Marriage is about being in love and making a commitment. I know I'm ready for that and I bet lots of people have gotten married at my age and made it work. People got married even younger 100 years ago

[TaE15]

Maybe it should be serious.

... but a couple can get married because they love each other, and a few years later they get divorced, because both realizes that it was a mistake.

So I think marriage is quite unnecessary, because it can be just only a contract on time.

I would never marry. The costs are too high and in the end it just brings unpleasant costs (mostly after getting devorced).

Those who loves each other can live together, without to be married. As for that, it doesn't really matter, wether you are 15 or 35 to be old enough to get married.

Thanks for understanding! Age shouldn't matter when it comes to love!

[TaE15]

Can you support each other finanically?
Can you get a good paying job?
How will you take care of, and support, your guyses children? Can you do that?
Do you fight a lot? Could you be happy living together for years on end?
Do you see u guys together in 50 years? Or even 20?

If the answer to those is yes, marry. If the answer to any of them is no, wait. Those things are a must for marrying. It's not a game which you can just say 'oops' to and have things magically be fixed.
If you're ready, tho, gz. It's rlly sweet.

:D:D:D

[lkc413]

With all due respect, here is my answer. I too found myself with the girl I was going to marry when I was 15. We were meant to be and we even dated for 2 years. Looking back, it was genuine love, but at that age, it is still to early to tell. You haven't had the chance to develop the relationship seriously and to test it. I still talk to the girl, but we will most certainly not be tying the knot. That said, don't give up! My best friend's parents started dating when they were in 8th grade and married at 20! It does happen, but it's rare! Right now, it is important to enjoy your youth and his companionship. If you are truly meant to be, only time will tell. And trust me, if he's not the one, there will be plenty more waiting for you! Just find your rhythm and don't change for anyone, and the person that still wants to be with you then, well, That... is "TRUE" love.

[Uniquemind]

I know the answers to a lot of these and I can learn the rest and I bet there are lots of married people out there who don't know the answers to these. Marriage is about being in love and making a commitment. I know I'm ready for that and I bet lots of people have gotten married at my age and made it work. People got married even younger 100 years ago

True true...but

Know that 50-60% of marriages have broken apart likely due to the reasons related to the list I made above.


I'm criticizing you yes, but I'm also giving advice on how to lay a solid foundation to the best of your ability as an individual (the rest is up to your partner) to have a successful marriage until death do you part.

A marriage is a sacred religious vow. If that's not what you want to do, just live together and forget the ceremony entirely, you'll save a lot of $ that way which can be invested in the quality of life together.



Learn to prep yourselves first, then you are ready to marry or/and enter a serious long term relationship.

You have time to foresee life obstacles ahead of time, and make contingency plans for that, who in their right mind would go and squander that opportunity? Sure their are a lot of people who are married who have to learn as they go, but isn't that more stress that raises the chances of a FAILURE in marriage?

Remember it takes TWO to make it work, not just yourself learning stuff and carrying the weigh of the relationship. You will be burned out right quick and also expect age to screw with your hormones which will affect the overall level of passion you can feel about your partner.


Learn the difference between being ruled by your emotions VS ruled by principles and commitments. The latter is logical and takes discipline to maintain.

Many partners lose the passion and then little arguments start and poof divorce time.


(By "passion" I am not talking about sex alone, i am referring to the lovey dovey bond couples need to feel close).

[lliam]

Can you support each other finanically?
Can you get a good paying job?.


at the end ... its still all about money, huh?

[Uniquemind]

at the end ... its still all about money, huh?

To be honest, yeah money and how it is managed is probably 45% of whether a marriage will work or not.

Income impacts what fun things the couple can do to bond together, how much time away from each other each person has to be to bring home the $.

And that impact on time affects sex life....so yeah do you see the domino effect, which then plays into affairs, breakups, divorces, and also children who are caught in the middle of all that?

Some of us are those children caught in the middle, so let's break that cycle and be better than the generation before.

[AutumnWinds]

My boyfriend just asked me if I wanted to get married and I said yes, even tho all of my friends say we're too young. We're both 15 (he'll be 16 in November) but I know he's the one and he said the same thing about me :wub::wub: I haven't told my parents yet but his mom loves me and is so happy about it and we don't want to wait. I'm not dumb, just in love. Has anyone else ever got engaged or married when they were still a teenager? How can I tell my friends I'm mature enough to do it??

this is just another way of thinking, but if he is the one you're going ot spend you life with, he'll still be the one in 10 years or so, so there is no real rush to marry.

[Body odah Man]

True true...but

Know that 50-60% of marriages have broken apart likely due to the reasons related to the list I made above.


I'm criticizing you yes, but I'm also giving advice on how to lay a solid foundation to the best of your ability as an individual (the rest is up to your partner) to have a successful marriage until death do you part.

A marriage is a sacred religious vow. If that's not what you want to do, just live together and forget the ceremony entirely, you'll save a lot of $ that way which can be invested in the quality of life together.



Learn to prep yourselves first, then you are ready to marry or/and enter a serious long term relationship.

You have time to foresee life obstacles ahead of time, and make contingency plans for that, who in their right mind would go and squander that opportunity? Sure their are a lot of people who are married who have to learn as they go, but isn't that more stress that raises the chances of a FAILURE in marriage?

Remember it takes TWO to make it work, not just yourself learning stuff and carrying the weigh of the relationship. You will be burned out right quick and also expect age to screw with your hormones which will affect the overall level of passion you can feel about your partner.


Learn the difference between being ruled by your emotions VS ruled by principles and commitments. The latter is logical and takes discipline to maintain.

Many partners lose the passion and then little arguments start and poof divorce time.


(By "passion" I am not talking about sex alone, i am referring to the lovey dovey bond couples need to feel close).

I saw ur questions and I agree with most of them, but not all. I DO agree tho that if ur gunna marry you need to have some sense of the things involved, so let's hope that these lovebirds have it.

[Magenta]

People got married even younger 100 years ago

Oh man, my history degree is gonna come in handy for something other than endless research in a library! I'm kind of joking... sort of.

Do you expect to live past the age of 40? Are you in possession of clean drinking water, decent healthcare, a safe and clean place to live, and enough money that you are currently supported?

The point of getting married young, especially the further you look back and even currently in some countries that cannot afford these luxuries, was to have children. Girls married older men to carry on the family name. Girls got married at a young age to have as many children while they were still fertile in order to have extra hands to help out on the farm. Anyone with grandparents who have 12 or 13 siblings? Either their religious views don't allow birth control or your kids were basically live-in farm hands. You married young because you weren't allowed to have children out of wedlock. To do so was a sin and not only frowned upon but publicly shamed. You married young because if your first child did not survive their first year due to illness, you still had at least 15 more years to have 15 more babies that may or may not live to childhood. Girls and boys married young because their life expectancy was less than half of ours in our present time. Almost no one married young out of love, they married out of necessity and to bear children. Children, as they grew older, sometimes brought extra money into the household. During various points in history, larger families got larger rations or a certain amount of money from the ruling government because they were providing the next generation of the workforce. You got extra income as an incentive to have more children, hence, marrying young and having children young.

I'm guessing none of these are your goals.

Fact is, you are young. Marriage, if you believe in it, is a commitment. At your age, your brain is not even developed enough to have formed proper impulse control or a proper grasp of planning ahead -- both biological indicators of adulthood. I'm not saying this to be some asshole adult. I'm saying there is actual science and history behind how you feel now and why people did what they did in the past.

Marriage nowadays is different than it was before. You can marry whomever you choose, for the most part, for whatever reason you want. Legally, you'd have to get your parents' permission and most parents will say no. Love as a teenager is almost more fickle than regular friendships. I can guarantee you that by the time you are 20, you won't talk to half the people you met in high school, if you even make the 50/50 split. Out of a school of 1,200, I still speak to about five people. We all go our separate ways, I moved three hours away after living 18 years in the same city, I'm now a university student and a lot of the people I knew went straight to work. A lot of us have varying sex lives and dating lives. People change a lot of the course of a few years in high school. I know a total of one couple that has been together the last four or five years I've known them. It is rare and it's rare for a reason. Long term committed relationships are something a majority of teenagers are not actually mentally or emotionally capable of.

Maybe you will feel the same way down the road. Your boyfriend may not. There are very romanticized views about marrying young that aren't realistic for both modern and historical reasons. Everyone here is making good points about money, living spaces, sex, etc.

If you can convince your parents to let you get married under the age of 18 and you really think you're ready, no one can stop you at that point. I'm trying to offer a very realistic view for a variety of reasons, not necessarily talk you out of it.

I'm of an Irish background and I wear a claddagh ring. If you don't know what that is, it's essentially a traditionally Celtic promise ring that, depending on how you wear it, typically indicates your relationship status or what you're looking for in your love life. Mine is currently worn as someone who is single and whose heart is open to finding love. If I turned it around to face the other direction, it would mean my heart belongs to another. Switch hands and there's meanings for engagement and lifelong commitment.

That's a very specific example but if you're certain you two will last longer than just these few years and make it into adulthood together, try something like that. Give one another promise rings as a sign of your commitment. It's not legal marriage but it's symbolic without all the legal implications behind it.

I don't think you really want to get married in the sense of the legal term right now. If you were over the age of 18 and living together, you'd be married by common law even without the traditional aspects anyway. Why not just start with something more reasonable for your age since you seem to be doing it for the love, not the adult part of starting a life, both financially and emotionally, together?

[lliam]

Some of us are those children caught in the middle, so let's break that cycle and be better than the generation before.


In my reading of it that means:

Guys, use condoms, even if your grilfriends takes the pill.

Bring not kids to life if you are just teens.

And let us to think (if at all) about marriage if we turn 40.^^

[Magenta]

And let us to think (if at all) about marriage if we turn 40.^^

Lol, I didn't mean literally wait until you're 40, just that we're not exactly confined to the same timeframe. :P

[SillyShyGuy]

It is normal to think about it, but it is another thing to propose at a young age. It is a trap. Even if you have known each other for a long time, you should wait until your mid twenties to be sure because it is a big step.

[Abhorrence]

Seems like a fad these days to be engaged at 16.

[Uniquemind]

Seems like a fad these days to be engaged at 16.


Yeah. I have mixed feelings about it too.


In my reading of it that means:

Guys, use condoms, even if your grilfriends takes the pill.

Bring not kids to life if you are just teens.

And let us to think (if at all) about marriage if we turn 40.^^



Umm marriage I think should be something to consider near mid to late 20's and have a baby should be no later than age 32 in my humble opinion.


For women there are some health benefits to having children young, because as you get older there is a higher chance for complications, and then menopause happens. For some women 40 might be too late.


But then again there's a lot of new medical advances......perhaps it can be pushed back but you'd probably need millions of $ to get those procedures done so motherhood can be an option at age 40+.

[lliam]

For women there are some health benefits to having children young, because as you get older there is a higher chance for complications, and then menopause happens.


but pls ... not too young


For some women 40 might be too late.


Sorry. My mistake. Wasn't thinking about family planning.

I rather was inspired by those two old peps in their mid-nineties, who recently married in our local retirement home.

[Uniquemind]

I saw ur questions and I agree with most of them, but not all. I DO agree tho that if ur gunna marry you need to have some sense of the things involved, so let's hope that these lovebirds have it.

Which one do you disagree with and why?

[Body odah Man]

Oh man, my history degree is gonna come in handy for something other than endless research in a library! I'm kind of joking... sort of.

Do you expect to live past the age of 40? Are you in possession of clean drinking water, decent healthcare, a safe and clean place to live, and enough money that you are currently supported?

The point of getting married young, especially the further you look back and even currently in some countries that cannot afford these luxuries, was to have children. Girls married older men to carry on the family name. Girls got married at a young age to have as many children while they were still fertile in order to have extra hands to help out on the farm. Anyone with grandparents who have 12 or 13 siblings? Either their religious views don't allow birth control or your kids were basically live-in farm hands. You married young because you weren't allowed to have children out of wedlock. To do so was a sin and not only frowned upon but publicly shamed. You married young because if your first child did not survive their first year due to illness, you still had at least 15 more years to have 15 more babies that may or may not live to childhood. Girls and boys married young because their life expectancy was less than half of ours in our present time. Almost no one married young out of love, they married out of necessity and to bear children. Children, as they grew older, sometimes brought extra money into the household. During various points in history, larger families got larger rations or a certain amount of money from the ruling government because they were providing the next generation of the workforce. You got extra income as an incentive to have more children, hence, marrying young and having children young.

I'm guessing none of these are your goals.

Fact is, you are young. Marriage, if you believe in it, is a commitment. At your age, your brain is not even developed enough to have formed proper impulse control or a proper grasp of planning ahead -- both biological indicators of adulthood. I'm not saying this to be some asshole adult. I'm saying there is actual science and history behind how you feel now and why people did what they did in the past.

Marriage nowadays is different than it was before. You can marry whomever you choose, for the most part, for whatever reason you want. Legally, you'd have to get your parents' permission and most parents will say no. Love as a teenager is almost more fickle than regular friendships. I can guarantee you that by the time you are 20, you won't talk to half the people you met in high school, if you even make the 50/50 split. Out of a school of 1,200, I still speak to about five people. We all go our separate ways, I moved three hours away after living 18 years in the same city, I'm now a university student and a lot of the people I knew went straight to work. A lot of us have varying sex lives and dating lives. People change a lot of the course of a few years in high school. I know a total of one couple that has been together the last four or five years I've known them. It is rare and it's rare for a reason. Long term committed relationships are something a majority of teenagers are not actually mentally or emotionally capable of.

Maybe you will feel the same way down the road. Your boyfriend may not. There are very romanticized views about marrying young that aren't realistic for both modern and historical reasons. Everyone here is making good points about money, living spaces, sex, etc.

If you can convince your parents to let you get married under the age of 18 and you really think you're ready, no one can stop you at that point. I'm trying to offer a very realistic view for a variety of reasons, not necessarily talk you out of it.

I'm of an Irish background and I wear a claddagh ring. If you don't know what that is, it's essentially a traditionally Celtic promise ring that, depending on how you wear it, typically indicates your relationship status or what you're looking for in your love life. Mine is currently worn as someone who is single and whose heart is open to finding love. If I turned it around to face the other direction, it would mean my heart belongs to another. Switch hands and there's meanings for engagement and lifelong commitment.

That's a very specific example but if you're certain you two will last longer than just these few years and make it into adulthood together, try something like that. Give one another promise rings as a sign of your commitment. It's not legal marriage but it's symbolic without all the legal implications behind it.

I don't think you really want to get married in the sense of the legal term right now. If you were over the age of 18 and living together, you'd be married by common law even without the traditional aspects anyway. Why not just start with something more reasonable for your age since you seem to be doing it for the love, not the adult part of starting a life, both financially and emotionally, together?

DANG. Deep

[Karamelka]

Hang on a second. You're planning to get married at 15? You do realise that you're still fully dependant on your parents in the eyes of the law. They're legally AND financially responsible for you until you turn 18.

I'm your age and I'm genuinely struggling to see your logic here. Yes, sure you love him and all that but married life isn't all tickety-boo. You're most likely to look back in 5-10 years and say "why tf did I marry this twat?" Your thoughts and feelings will be somewhat different in that span of time, I bet you that.

I understand if he's going into the army or something at 16, and you wanna get married now. But in your situation, some people meet at 15 and wait until 22-25 to get married. There's a Russian singer (Julia Savicheva) - was dating her to-be husband from 16 and got married at about 26.

Plus, you haven't matured yet??? You're not an adult?? You haven't even finished high school?? Nor got a substantial level of education to get a job?? If you get married now, and have accidental kids at 18, how are you going to feed and fund for them? You don't have a college degree in order to get a well paying job and will probably be 2 months out of high school.

Don't be stupid and don't get married now. You'll thank yourself in 10-20 years.