What do you consider?

[Uniquemind]

What does or how do you personally define "cheating" to mean in a relationship.

As people post please continue to read other people's point of view and respectfully flex your mind and see if there's specks of truth to other's POV's that you'd be willing to adopt to modify your own belief when you started your original post here.


1...2...3...Go!

[Daniella98]

Doing something sexual with another person that your partner doesnt approve of.

[ClaraWho]

I know I would be in the minority with this viewpoint, however as well as the above, I would count 'cheating' as having sexual fantasies about other friends/colleagues as well. Also viewing pornography. Obviously not on the same level as actually having sex, but it does beg the question 'Why am I not enough?'

When I'm in a relationship I don't look and am not interested in anyone else, I expect the same level of love in return, otherwise obviously I'm more committed to them than they are to me.

~ Clara

[Kirina]

When I'm in a relationship I don't look and am not interested in anyone else, I expect the same level of love in return, otherwise obviously I'm more committed to them than they are to me.I agree with you.

Maybe unrelated question.

When I crush on someone, they become more attractive than everyone else.
When the crush ends, I don't see them as the most attractive anymore so this proves that I can't look at their physical appearance objectively.
I think this is a good thing that a crush becomes the prettiest by default, "love makes blind".

I asked someone that claimed "Your EVERYTHING to me", if they think anyone is more attractive and there was one.
This went against my view on what love was.

Is it the same for you. Like do you see your bf as hotter than celebrities like channing tatum etc?

[Zachary G]

cheating to me is when you are romantically or sexually involved with another person behind your current gf/bf back; when you are in a committed relationship and you sneak around to be with someone that your significant other is not aware of.

[Babs]

Rule of thumb: if you're doing something with someone you wouldn't tell your partner about, something that goes beyond the set boundaries in the relationship, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

[StoppingTom]

Rule of thumb: if you're doing something with someone you wouldn't tell your partner about, something that goes beyond the set boundaries in the relationship, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

This.

As for the porn thing mentioned by Clara, I definitely see where you come from, but at the same time, sometimes a guy/girl just needs to get their rocks off and you're not around or willing to do it, but I think you know that.

[ClaraWho]

I agree with you.

Maybe unrelated question.

When I crush on someone, they become more attractive than everyone else.
When the crush ends, I don't see them as the most attractive anymore so this proves that I can't look at their physical appearance objectively.
I think this is a good thing that a crush becomes the prettiest by default, "love makes blind".

I asked someone that claimed "Your EVERYTHING to me", if they think anyone is more attractive and there was one.
This went against my view on what love was.

Is it the same for you. Like do you see your bf as hotter than celebrities like channing tatum etc?

The thing is, I never did find all these celebrity guys attractive :/, even before I was in a relationship. That, and they're all waaay too old, ew. I fall for personality and if I don't like you/know you as a person, that's quite a turn off.

To answer your question though, I wouldn't know! My boyfriend is big in every way and sooo handsome :P I find nobody else compares. Even then, If he was chubby, I'd just want abs on him - not someone else xD. Sorry I'm rambling, I'm so very tired...

This.

As for the porn thing mentioned by Clara, I definitely see where you come from, but at the same time, sometimes a guy/girl just needs to get their rocks off and you're not around or willing to do it, but I think you know that.

But that's not fair, is it? You're in a committed relationship, devoted to that person. Their unavailability or lack of willingness to be sexual for whatever reason, shouldn't be an excuse to look for another girl/guy to get off over. It also adds an unfair pressure on the reluctant party. Why isn't fantasising about your loved one enough? If there is someone you'd rather have sex with, or multiple someone's, why not go be with them?

I had a friend who endured her boyfriend masturbating over her friends Facebook pictures because she didn't want sex that early in the relationship...

~ Clara

[StoppingTom]

The thing is, I never did find all these celebrity guys attractive :/, even before I was in a relationship. That, and they're all waaay too old, ew. I fall for personality and if I don't like you/know you as a person, that's quite a turn off.

To answer your question though, I wouldn't know! My boyfriend is big in every way and sooo handsome :P I find nobody else compares. Even then, If he was chubby, I'd just want abs on him - not someone else xD. Sorry I'm rambling, I'm so very tired...



But that's not fair, is it? You're in a committed relationship, devoted to that person. Their unavailability or lack of willingness to be sexual for whatever reason, shouldn't be an excuse to look for another girl/guy to get off over. It also adds an unfair pressure on the reluctant party. Why isn't fantasising about your loved one enough? If there is someone you'd rather have sex with, or multiple someone's, why not go be with them?

I had a friend who endured her boyfriend masturbating over her friends Facebook pictures because she didn't want sex that early in the relationship...

~ Clara

You're right, of course. I didn't mean like checking out someone else like what happened to your friend, that's messed up. I was thinking more like, a guy/girl doesn't want to rush their partner into things, but they still have their urges and they may use a visual aid. It's just how some people are, and I don't take that as "oh i want to sleep with this person instead of you" most of the time (does that happen like you said? No doubt, imo.), I think it's just (guys in particular) have no imagination when it comes to masturbation.

[Kirina]

Got me thinking. Even if fantasising about your partner. If she uses a dildo when masturbating or the guy uses a fleshlight, does that mean their not happy with their partners vagina/penis?

[ClaraWho]

You're right, of course. I didn't mean like checking out someone else like what happened to your friend, that's messed up. I was thinking more like, a guy/girl doesn't want to rush their partner into things, but they still have their urges and they may use a visual aid. It's just how some people are, and I don't take that as "oh i want to sleep with this person instead of you" most of the time (does that happen like you said? No doubt, imo.), I think it's just (guys in particular) have no imagination when it comes to masturbation.

Please don't say I am right, then go on to disagree with the same point. Presumably the 'visual aid' is another human being and not an animal or alien? So my point still stands. That's a sacrifice you should make to be in a relationship, and most guys I've met can imagine A LOT and often ALL THE TIME.

Got me thinking. Even if fantasising about your partner. If she uses a dildo when masturbating or the guy uses a fleshlight, does that mean their not happy with their partners vagina/penis?

I think that if they are getting more pleasure from those objects than their partner, that could be awkward and hurtful, but I wouldn't count it as cheating with an inanimate object! Perhaps more communication in the bedroom might be needed. Although consider lesbians who use objects as part of sex occasionally.

~ Clara

[Kirina]

Although consider lesbians who use objects as part of sex occasionally.

~ Clara
This is something I brought up so many times to girls, when they think their partner is inadequate in size and wonder if they should leave him. I tell them "Just integrate toys in the intercourse! Lesbians do it and many bisexual girls say sex with girls is better, so it won't be a downgrade".

Sometimes girls do suggest it tho but the boy can't help to feel that their not enough (which maybe is because they can't see sex as anything else than penetration and blowjobs). They just need to look at the toys as toys and not think too much about it, but it's probably difficult.

What about watching animated porn for visual aid, like hentai and maybe even do it together if both agrees. Do you consider that cheating?

[ClaraWho]

This is something I brought up so many times to girls, when they think their partner is inadequate in size and wonder if they should leave him. I tell them "Just integrate toys in the intercourse! Lesbians do it and many bisexual girls say sex with girls is better, so it won't be a downgrade".

Sometimes girls do suggest it tho but the boy can't help to feel that their not enough (which maybe is because they can't see sex as anything else than penetration and blowjobs). They just need to look at the toys as toys and not think too much about it, but it's probably difficult.

What about watching animated porn for visual aid, like hentai and maybe even do it together if both agrees. Do you consider that cheating?

I find it ironic your point regarding how guys only see sex as oral or penetrative, then suggest penetrative toys as a solution to 'improve' the experience. Surely instead of toys, communicating and finding other ways of pleasuring would be much better as a solution. That way, nobody inevitably feels inadequate.

I assure telling a guy his penis doesn't do it for you, and you need an object substitute could be extremely hurtful. The same as I imagine if a guy said you weren't tight enough, or deep enough for him, so got you to use a substitute instead.

Another key point here is how toys aren't mutually beneficial as penetration is, so if you have that equipment naturally, it makes more sense to use it.

I find those who watch hentai do so more to imagine doing it with an actual girl, rather than an animated blob :D. If you are only using it as a visual aid to imagine your own partner in that position, and seeing as in reality it's just someone's drawing, I wouldn't say it was cheating. But that would depend on the content (multiple partners, partners of a different gender to your own, etc), would anyone agree?

As others have said, if you wouldn't tell your partner, and/or if it would hurt them to know; you shouldn't really be doing it.

~ Clara

[Kirina]

I find it ironic your point regarding how guys only see sex as oral or penetrative, then suggest penetrative toys as a solution to 'improve' the experience.I meant penile penetration. Imo dildos is an extension to masturbating/fingering, and a guy can do that for a girl (during foreplay). That's how a guy should think about it and not as a replacement to his dick.

If you are only using it as a visual aid to imagine your own partner in that position, and seeing as in reality it's just someone's drawing, I wouldn't say it was cheating. But that would depend on the content (multiple partners, partners of a different gender to your own, etc), would anyone agree?Of course. If their using visual aid to imagine their partner, then the drawings can't be of a different gender or more than two persons.

[StoppingTom]

Please don't say I am right, then go on to disagree with the same point. Presumably the 'visual aid' is another human being and not an animal or alien? So my point still stands. That's a sacrifice you should make to be in a relationship, and most guys I've met can imagine A LOT and often ALL THE TIME.



I think that if they are getting more pleasure from those objects than their partner, that could be awkward and hurtful, but I wouldn't count it as cheating with an inanimate object! Perhaps more communication in the bedroom might be needed. Although consider lesbians who use objects as part of sex occasionally.

~ Clara

All I meant was I suppose it's just a matter of perspective/difference of philosophy. Didn't mean to offend.

[ClaraWho]

I meant penile penetration. Imo dildos is an extension to masturbating/fingering, and a guy can do that for a girl (during foreplay). That's how a guy should think about it and not as a replacement to his dick.

Of course. If their using visual aid to imagine their partner, then the drawings can't be of a different gender or more than two persons.

Firstly, sure you could use a similarly shaped object but unless he is very big, seems a bit pointless? There are too many better options IMO haha xD. Also would depend on the context, for example, if she needed the dildo in order to finish ._.

Secondly, yus, precisely my point.

~ Clara

[Typhlosion]

On the porn/fantasy topic, I find it better to actually do that. I mean, at it's core, it's objectification. I'd rather someone objectify someone else while have dirty thoughts rather than (temporarily) thinking of me just as a means to pleasure.

[Uniquemind]

On the porn/fantasy topic, I find it better to actually do that. I mean, at it's core, it's objectification. I'd rather someone objectify someone else while have dirty thoughts rather than (temporarily) thinking of me just as a means to pleasure.

You see I don't have a problem with escapism and being objectified for a brief moment with consent.

As long as one can pull back and remember I'm a person and not and object, I'm comfortable with that. Any deviation from that I just consider like acting for a moment to don a character.

[SillyShyGuy]

What does or how do you personally define "cheating" to mean in a relationship.

Cheating in my book is when you are no longer loyal to your significant other.

Some couples can openly talk about celebrities they think are attractive or comment on how attractive they think someone is that they saw at the mall and not offend each other. Some people share a connection that is beyond getting jealous of their significant other staring at another person. That is not cheating.

Cheating is when you spend time with someone more than your significant other. You do not need to be kissing them, the fact that you have a romantic interest in someone else is cheating. It can even be over text message.

When I was cheated on my ex girl friend was grieving over her mother who passed away. I called her and texted her whenever I could to check up on her and comfort her. But since she was in another state she spent time with a friend from her hometown. She cheated on me by kissing him and sending a photo of it to me saying that she belongs to him now.

Loyalty is what I value over anything else. Grieving is not an excuse to cheat on someone. It tore me apart, that is why I do not like to be honest with my feelings because humans are imperfect beings. I cannot trust anyone

[lkc413]

Everyone is going to think daydream sex with someone other than your partner now and again. But, when you are fantasizing time and again, or getting off on, the idea of being with someone else, that is just as bad as physical action.

As far as the physical action part, if you actively like people of the gender you do something with, it's cheating.

Here is a scenario where it's different. If a teen boy has a girlfriend who has identified as straight his whole life and never thought about guys one day is with his best guy friend at his house and they start messing around, that's not cheating, that's experimenting.

On the same token, if he has liked guys for a while, it is cheating.

And visa versa for girls.

As a general rule of thumb, if you are turned on by what is happening, it is cheating.

[Just JT]

[QUOTE=Uniquemind;3221541]What does or how do you personally define "cheating" to mean in a relationship.

Cheating in my book is when you are no longer loyal to your significant other.

Some couples can openly talk about celebrities they think are attractive or comment on how attractive they think someone is that they saw at the mall and not offend each other. Some people share a connection that is beyond getting jealous of their significant other staring at another person. That is not cheating.

Cheating is when you spend time with someone more than your significant other. You do not need to be kissing them, the fact that you have a romantic interest in someone else is cheating. It can even be over text message.

When I was cheated on my ex girl friend was grieving over her mother who passed away. I called her and texted her whenever I could to check up on her and comfort her. But since she was in another state she spent time with a friend from her hometown. She cheated on me by kissing him and sending a photo of it to me saying that she belongs to him now.

Loyalty is what I value over anything else. Grieving is not an excuse to cheat on someone. It tore me apart, that is why I do not like to be honest with my feelings because humans are imperfect beings. I cannot trust anyone

For me, I see many very good ideas that help define cheating, but there is something else in a relationship that I think the guy I quoted came really close to. If your in a relationship, there is a bond, sense of obligation, to the other person. Once you step outside of that emotional bond, and engage in an emotional relationship which should be had by the partner in the relationship, then that relationship has been violated.
In other words, it's not all about sexualized stuff, there is an emotional side to a relationship as well, and if you lean on someone else than your partner, for the strength you need, then you have under knee that relationship