Freaking the F#@$ out!!!!

[vboy]

Im freaking the fuck out right now

Its a long story but it needs to be told and i beg u to please read it cos this is really hard for me.

Ive been in college for two weeks now 3days on campus 2 days off. And its been gr8 but one thing i promised myself i would do is come out. And i had a chance this thursday cos me and two of ma new pals were just sitting outside enjoying our lunch break and then the convorsation changed to about relationships and i was honest and said i never had a relationship with a girl, but i couldnt say why, i couldnt say i was gay i just froze and stared into space. I then one bloke (lets pretend his name is bob) asked if i was allright, i just said that this was a personal issue with me and lets just change the subject, and so i did and then i wound up sulking the restof that day. Then on the train i told bob that i was struggling cos of a lasting impact te cunts at my old school had on me and he was generally understanding. Then the next day i was ok for most parts then during lunch we were sitting in the couches outside the councelers offeces and i was just twitching to go in there and spill out all my problems but i couldnt, i just got up walked up then sat down again the guys i needed a minute so i walked away went up 8 flights of stairs across the top floor and back down the other side and walked back to the seets. L8r friday night i was messeging bob and slowly but shureley i was getting closer to spilling what was goin on wi me and i wound up telling him allmost everything. He now knows im gay ( i diddnt say it i just let him piece it together and he gets it now) and he said he was open and all that but im freaking terrified. I mean whatvif he dosent keep it a secret. Like the reason im scared is cos back in secondairy i got bullied like alot and was called names like faggot, gay boy, poof etc not cos they knew but cos tgey were just insulting, but two of those assholes are in my class and i dont want them to find out
(a) i would b probing them right and i wouldnt hear the end of it and
(b) is that my life to them an insult??

So im afraid ok, im fucking terrified cos i dont wanna have to go through shit again.... this time for being actually gay. I mean it only takes one arsehole to ruin ure day. Idk mabey my brain is just fucked up ok. I just every time i think about this i get reminded of all those cunts back in sdcondairy, and what if my life is just an insult? I dont know after 6 years they get to u they really do. If i was str8 i wouldnt have this issue but im not ok i know im fucking not and i know ma head is messed up. I have acceptex it as the truith but i have yet to come to terms with it. Someone please help cos i dont know whats gonna happen next, how do i cope in the event of a worst case scenario? How do i learn to rrust people and myself?

[Jaseblader]

Don't worry man. Bob shouldn't tell. And you shouldnt worry about coming out. Because we assume someone is straight. And you'll be fine you won't get bullied or anything like that. If you need anything...

[Bluebyrd]

You're in college now so everyone should be mature enough to accept that some people are gay and that's just the way it is!

[Second Chance]

I can definitely understand how you feel about coming out especially since it appears the people at your old school were real wankers and gave you a hard time for no reason. I agree with the others above that college is a different ballgame, and I doubt very much you should have problems on campus with your sexuality. College is a place where everyone is an adult, and it is not like high school where you have a bunch of people who are there because they have to be. College is a place where people are there because they want to be there meaning that you will have a better mix of people who will treat you with respect.

I hope things work out for you, and I give you credit for being open about who you are to your friend(s).

[Emerald Dream]

Puberty for Boys :arrow: Teen Sexuality and Gender

This will probably get better response here. :)

[TurboDieselBandit]

I'm not sure what the culture is like at your school but my college is pretty diverse and non-straight people are accepted just as easily as accepting someone who likes pink. If anyone were to get bullied here, which doesn't really happen, it would be the person making the insulting comments.

You'll likely end up doing more emotional damage to yourself in the long run trying to keep it in than you would by opening up to mature people.

[hockeyboi99]

I can understand how terrifying the prospect of coming out would be after having held it in for so many years. I think it is good that you opened up and shared this with someone. You've kept it in for so long that you deserve to finally have someone to talk about it with. Eventually you'll have to open up to your parents about it because there will come a day where you meet a man and fall in love with him, and you should never keep love a secret. I'm sure they will support you every step of the way.

I am not sure if your college has a lot of diversity but I would assume people there will at least be more mature then they were in Secondary. You cannot live in fear of others all your life. You have to live you life to the fullest and make the most of it every step of the way. Don't let people strip your pride away. Be proud of who you are and showcase that with confidence. Eventually those boys who picked on you will realize they aren't powerful enough to hurt you and they will move on. Bullies use harassment as a tactic to have the feeling of having some sense of power over another person. If they do find out, and decide to bully you for it, don't give them the satisfaction of letting them hurt you. Anyone who picks on another person for their sexuality is ignorant anyway.

I would suggest you do some research and see if there are any LGBT support groups in your area. I think it would be good to discuss your fears with others who have gone through the same. They can offer you some helpful advice and support you along your journey. I wish you the best of luck!

[vboy]

I can understand how terrifying the prospect of coming out would be after having held it in for so many years. I think it is good that you opened up and shared this with someone. You've kept it in for so long that you deserve to finally have someone to talk about it with. Eventually you'll have to open up to your parents about it because there will come a day where you meet a man and fall in love with him, and you should never keep love a secret. I'm sure they will support you every step of the way.

I am not sure if your college has a lot of diversity but I would assume people there will at least be more mature then they were in Secondary. You cannot live in fear of others all your life. You have to live you life to the fullest and make the most of it every step of the way. Don't let people strip your pride away. Be proud of who you are and showcase that with confidence. Eventually those boys who picked on you will realize they aren't powerful enough to hurt you and they will move on. Bullies use harassment as a tactic to have the feeling of having some sense of power over another person. If they do find out, and decide to bully you for it, don't give them the satisfaction of letting them hurt you. Anyone who picks on another person for their sexuality is ignorant anyway.

I would suggest you do some research and see if there are any LGBT support groups in your area. I think it would be good to discuss your fears with others who have gone through the same. They can offer you some helpful advice and support you along your journey. I wish you the best of luck!

I'm not sure what the culture is like at your school but my college is pretty diverse and non-straight people are accepted just as easily as accepting someone who likes pink. If anyone were to get bullied here, which doesn't really happen, it would be the person making the insulting comments.

You'll likely end up doing more emotional damage to yourself in the long run trying to keep it in than you would by opening up to mature people.

I can definitely understand how you feel about coming out especially since it appears the people at your old school were real wankers and gave you a hard time for no reason. I agree with the others above that college is a different ballgame, and I doubt very much you should have problems on campus with your sexuality. College is a place where everyone is an adult, and it is not like high school where you have a bunch of people who are there because they have to be. College is a place where people are there because they want to be there meaning that you will have a better mix of people who will treat you with respect.

I hope things work out for you, and I give you credit for being open about who you are to your friend(s).

You're in college now so everyone should be mature enough to accept that some people are gay and that's just the way it is!

Don't worry man. Bob shouldn't tell. And you shouldnt worry about coming out. Because we assume someone is straight. And you'll be fine you won't get bullied or anything like that. If you need anything...

Thank you all

I went back into college today and met up with him
He was like understanding and I think I can trust him. He even kinna helped me force maself to speak to someone wfrom student services where I talked to alady for like 10 minutes and told her (while trembling) that I was struggling to come out and she asked a fiew questions and I answered and now im gonna b contacted by like a student LGBTQ like groupe and theyll like offer advice sooo

[Second Chance]

Thank you all

I went back into college today and met up with him
He was like understanding and I think I can trust him. He even kinna helped me force maself to speak to someone wfrom student services where I talked to alady for like 10 minutes and told her (while trembling) that I was struggling to come out and she asked a fiew questions and I answered and now im gonna b contacted by like a student LGBTQ like groupe and theyll like offer advice sooo

I'm glad to hear that things worked out for you and that the person in question was mature. Like we all had told you university is a lot different than high school/secondary because people are mature and are adults. At least there is a support structure on campus such as the LGBTQ group which can provide you support.

I would add that because you seem to be emotionally vulnerable right now just be careful with yourself and your body. It is at these kinds of times that people who may not have the best of intentions might try to make use of your feelings for physical enjoyment. Make sure you are totally all there emotionally before doing anything with anyone and that you build up a strong support structure of people who like you for who you are and not just because of your sexuality, looks, or background. If you are on good terms with your family, then it is best to start with a good relationship with them though perhaps not advertise your sexuality if they are not that open at this point.

I completely agree with one of the posters above who said that you have to be you and not to be afraid of what others think of you and how they will react. Unless what you are doing is hurting others or yourself or is morally objectionable (i.e. being a serial killer), then there is no harm in being yourself. Sadly, the kids from your old school made you feel so badly about who you were it is completely understandable why it is easier said than done to open up with others. I think it will be a process for you to get over the emotional trauma you have had, and going to the counselor was a great first step. Just take things one day at a time, and always remember you are fine the way you are and that we would have you not other way.

Again, you have my respect for surviving Secondary school and not letting those kids break you and for your making it to university. Just focus on your studies and do the best you can so that when you become successful in whatever field you enter you can help others who may find themselves in your same situation.

[vboy]

I'm glad to hear that things worked out for you and that the person in question was mature. Like we all had told you university is a lot different than high school/secondary because people are mature and are adults. At least there is a support structure on campus such as the LGBTQ group which can provide you support.

I would add that because you seem to be emotionally vulnerable right now just be careful with yourself and your body. It is at these kinds of times that people who may not have the best of intentions might try to make use of your feelings for physical enjoyment. Make sure you are totally all there emotionally before doing anything with anyone and that you build up a strong support structure of people who like you for who you are and not just because of your sexuality, looks, or background. If you are on good terms with your family, then it is best to start with a good relationship with them though perhaps not advertise your sexuality if they are not that open at this point.

I completely agree with one of the posters above who said that you have to be you and not to be afraid of what others think of you and how they will react. Unless what you are doing is hurting others or yourself or is morally objectionable (i.e. being a serial killer), then there is no harm in being yourself. Sadly, the kids from your old school made you feel so badly about who you were it is completely understandable why it is easier said than done to open up with others. I think it will be a process for you to get over the emotional trauma you have had, and going to the counselor was a great first step. Just take things one day at a time, and always remember you are fine the way you are and that we would have you not other way.

Again, you have my respect for surviving Secondary school and not letting those kids break you and for your making it to university. Just focus on your studies and do the best you can so that when you become successful in whatever field you enter you can help others who may find themselves in your same situation.

Thank you
I really aprichiate this

Also quick clarification my mum and dad do know im gay they just dont know that im having this issue. I would discuss it wi them but my mother is a drama queen and i dont want my stress to stress them out.

I only accepted my self by the end of S5
In S1 and S2 i was getting bullied and getting called gay boy faggot poof etc and at the same time i was experiencing feelings for guys. I thought that being gay was a bad thing, and i denied it. Then between the end of S2 and the beginning of S5 i knew i was gay and i hated myself. And it diddnt help that the names were still coming. Then by tge end of S5 i realised it was all fine and that i shouldnt hate myself for being gay. But that started another problem.... coming out. Because i royally fucked myself with all the lies ive told and the years of denial. I told ma folks by writing them a letter. I couldnt say the three simple words i am gay. I just couldnt say the words. I still cant, hours spent crying infront of a mirror all because i cant say three simple words. I still cant, when i told my colleuge it was over fb messenger and i diddnt even say it i just implied it.

[Second Chance]

Thank you
I really aprichiate this

Also quick clarification my mum and dad do know im gay they just dont know that im having this issue. I would discuss it wi them but my mother is a drama queen and i dont want my stress to stress them out.

I only accepted my self by the end of S5
In S1 and S2 i was getting bullied and getting called gay boy faggot poof etc and at the same time i was experiencing feelings for guys. I thought that being gay was a bad thing, and i denied it. Then between the end of S2 and the beginning of S5 i knew i was gay and i hated myself. And it diddnt help that the names were still coming. Then by tge end of S5 i realised it was all fine and that i shouldnt hate myself for being gay. But that started another problem.... coming out. Because i royally fucked myself with all the lies ive told and the years of denial. I told ma folks by writing them a letter. I couldnt say the three simple words i am gay. I just couldnt say the words. I still cant, hours spent crying infront of a mirror all because i cant say three simple words. I still cant, when i told my colleuge it was over fb messenger and i diddnt even say it i just implied it.

It is a process to work out who you are, but I would say your main focus right now is to do well in school and get into whatever profession you wish to enter. When it is all said and done once you get into your desired profession and are recognized as being very competent in that field your sexuality is really not going to be a big issue.

No question you had a lot of trauma growing up, and I am sure it is going to take time to overcome your feelings. I think talking things out while realizing that those days are behind you is the way to go. The reality is that now that you are at university and will eventually enter the working world you will not have to deal with the kind of stupidity that you had experienced at Secondary.

It is great that you are on good term with your family because your family is going to be a great support structure. If bringing up this issue with your family will lead to problems, then I would leave things alone for now. What you should use your family for is for a place where you get acceptance and love and where you can be you.

If this makes any sense, what you should do is focus being you because you are a lot more than your sexuality. I think once you get comfortable with yourself as a package deal as opposed to being "the gay guy," then you'll be fine. Being gay is a small part of who you are in totality.

I am sure sooner or later you will find that special person who will complete you, and when you find that person, then that is who you should discuss your sexuality. As for everyone else they need to like you for who you are as opposed to knowing just one part of you which is your sexuality.

I am sure things will get better with time especially as you get further and further away from Secondary. The reality is that you are now in a safe place, and you will eventually be fine.

[Andre 99]

I'm glad you are getting help with this.
Hopefully the rest of your friends will be so nderstanding.

[vboy]

I'm glad you are getting help with this.
Hopefully the rest of your friends will be so nderstanding.

I hope so i really really do