I dont know what to do - What is wrong with her

[drunkbanana17]

So , a little briefing before we start . There is me , the girl i like and another dude (lets call him X) . I am in 2nd grade of highschool this year and they are on the 3rd grade of junior highschool - 2 years younger (Im 16) .
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We all are on the school bus , they just sit together and i sit behind /in front/near them so we can talk . We all like anime and video games . Problem is , as soon as i started hanging out with them (around this time last year) , it didnt take me a lot to witness weird stuff X did to the girl i like like saying "such my D" out of nowhere and pushing her head to his covered penis . Although she resists she doesnt do anything , propably sometimes she has enough and they get in a fight and dont speak for like 1-2 days before they whole things starts again . When i am there i stop him and say "wtf dude" .
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It isnt bullying because these two hang out together even after school .
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So im treating her nice and all i can do and what do i learn today : He is in her house and they're playing video games together . 4 days before she went to his house .
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My question is , how the heck does he abuse her sexually and they get to be friends and maybe she evens loves him ? Im doing my best so she doesnt feel sick at the school bus , she goes to his house and vice versa . I mean , how is this even possible

[AutumnWinds]

DISCLAIMER: i do not know about this situation. obviously anything i say is my opinion, and may be 100% wrong.

i think you might be misinterpreting what is going on. the biggest qualifier for sexual abuse is that it's unwanted.

you mentioned that "probably sometimes she has had enough" and then they fight. i wonder if they're fighting about something else and you are just assuming it's over his admittedly very aggressive way of flirting because it makes him look like a bad guy and you by comparison the guy she should be with.

you said maybe she even loves him, and to me that's what makes all the difference.

i have a guy what is somewhere between fwb and boyfriend. (it's a long story, but not the point of this post) sometimes he will slap my but or grab my tits or sort of grind up against me, stuff like that. he's not sexually abusing me when he does this at all, because frankly, i'm very attracted to him, and when he does these things it usually kind of turns me on. if some other guy just did those things to me, though, i would get the police involved.

from what you're saying, it sounds like she is sort of like me, and she likes this guy and enjoys his aggressive flirtation. (which is 100% not me saying that girls enjoy when a guy flirts that aggressively in general!) so i don't think there is anything "wrong" with her. i think she just likes this guy romantically and is not interested in you that way.

obviously this is not the best answer for you to have to hear, but i think it's the most truthful. i'm sorry it isn't going a less painful was for you.


So , a little briefing before we start . There is me , the girl i like and another dude (lets call him X) . I am in 2nd grade of highschool this year and they are on the 3rd grade of junior highschool - 2 years younger (Im 16) .
---
We all are on the school bus , they just sit together and i sit behind /in front/near them so we can talk . We all like anime and video games . Problem is , as soon as i started hanging out with them (around this time last year) , it didnt take me a lot to witness weird stuff X did to the girl i like like saying "such my D" out of nowhere and pushing her head to his covered penis . Although she resists she doesnt do anything , propably sometimes she has enough and they get in a fight and dont speak for like 1-2 days before they whole things starts again . When i am there i stop him and say "wtf dude" .
---
It isnt bullying because these two hang out together even after school .
---
So im treating her nice and all i can do and what do i learn today : He is in her house and they're playing video games together . 4 days before she went to his house .
---
My question is , how the heck does he abuse her sexually and they get to be friends and maybe she evens loves him ? Im doing my best so she doesnt feel sick at the school bus , she goes to his house and vice versa . I mean , how is this even possible

[drunkbanana17]

Yeah , basically I get it ... Life's a bitch . What I don't understand is why don't they move on and start a relationship

[AutumnWinds]

Yeah , basically I get it ... Life's a bitch . What I don't understand is why don't they move on and start a relationship

i don't know. they might not either. people do what feels right, when it feels right, usually.

[KeeganW]

Does she know you like her? Ask her out, it doesn't sound like it would be too hard to get her to like you if you treat her better than X did.

[drunkbanana17]

I don't fear rejection, I fear rejection following loss of her as a friend ...

[KeeganW]

oh, I thought you liked her as more than a friend, but guess you could talk to her about it doesn't look good what X does in front of people and leave it alone then.

[drunkbanana17]

Well I do but I have a blast with her even as friends . I will try to bring it up , thanks

[Uniquemind]

DISCLAIMER: i do not know about this situation. obviously anything i say is my opinion, and may be 100% wrong.

i think you might be misinterpreting what is going on. the biggest qualifier for sexual abuse is that it's unwanted.

you mentioned that "probably sometimes she has had enough" and then they fight. i wonder if they're fighting about something else and you are just assuming it's over his admittedly very aggressive way of flirting because it makes him look like a bad guy and you by comparison the guy she should be with.

you said maybe she even loves him, and to me that's what makes all the difference.

i have a guy what is somewhere between fwb and boyfriend. (it's a long story, but not the point of this post) sometimes he will slap my but or grab my tits or sort of grind up against me, stuff like that. he's not sexually abusing me when he does this at all, because frankly, i'm very attracted to him, and when he does these things it usually kind of turns me on. if some other guy just did those things to me, though, i would get the police involved.

from what you're saying, it sounds like she is sort of like me, and she likes this guy and enjoys his aggressive flirtation. (which is 100% not me saying that girls enjoy when a guy flirts that aggressively in general!) so i don't think there is anything "wrong" with her. i think she just likes this guy romantically and is not interested in you that way.

obviously this is not the best answer for you to have to hear, but i think it's the most truthful. i'm sorry it isn't going a less painful was for you.

This phenomena/scenario confuses guys a lot.

Because where that line is drawn mentally for a girl between fun arousing flirting that is subconsciously appreciated VS what is straight up harassment is a barrier defined by context, which is not something guys can see.

Unfortunately this same phenomena drives rape culture...but that's another discussion entirely.