Confused and alone

[Under the sea]

So I'm in love with my best friend. My straight best friend at that who has a boyfriend . He lives in a different state than us so sometimes its easy to forget . Especially since we just statrted college together and have been depending on each other a lot these past few weeks. .Also I'm not supposed to be in love with her or any other female for that matter. We both go to church and I'm expected from both my church and my family to fall in love with a guy, get married, have kids blah blah... I've never been in love before her and certainly not with a female. Also I'm confused I find myself looking at other females but at the same time still somewhat checking out guys. I don't know what to do I can't tell any of my friends and certainly not my best friend or my family. They would disown me or tell me it's a phase that I needed to pray about and make me have visits with a minister. I keep thinking that if I force myself to keep checking out guys that it will eventually go away. I just need some guidance from someone that won't call me crazy or sinful.

[Desuetude]

You're not crazy and its not sinful at all. This is where religion can be very harmful for peoples mindsets. If you're attracted to guys and girls, you can't force it to go away, its a part of you and that's okay. You need to try to accept yourself and accept that this is who you are. It's not weird and it shouldn't be frowned upon because we can't help who we fall for.

I don't really know how to go about your situation if the people you're close to are extremely religious. It's okay if you want to stay in the closet, especially if it might be dangerous or too uncomfortable for you to come out yet. I would suggest bringing up homosexuality with your friends, maybe talk about something that's been in the news and find out their opinions on it. If you work out who is more accepting and supportive you will know that there's someone you can go to should you need advice/someone to confide in. It's 2015 now and you should find that a lot more people are accepting of different sexualities, its still scary wondering what they'll say and how they'll react if you do tell them but finding the right people to tell first so you have that support to fall back on can really make you feel more comfortable with yourself.

[Zachary G]

we have no control over who or what we are attracted to, so its not something we can readily change when we want to, though many have tried. what we desire is something that is out of our hands, if we had control over it, i think a ot of us would have made different decisions than what we made as a lifestyle choice.

[Bacca]

Just do whatever makes you happy, as long as its not illegal... :D

[Andre 99]

If you love people of same sex, then so what. If anyone has an issue, they are being stupid and discriminating against your free choice.
As for what to do, I don't know what to tell you. If you say something and she doesn't feel the same, it may ruin your friendship. But if she does, you may have something more.
Only you can decide what to do.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

[DoodleSnap]

Labeling yourself can be stressful, especially if there is pressure from religion, parents, or peers to behave a certain way, and to label yourself a certain way. It is in situations like these, as said above, that religious mindsets can be very damaging.

In reality, away from religious manipulation, a huge amount of young people aren't 100% gay, or 100% straight. They fall somewhere in between on the spectrum, being attracted to both feminine and masculine traits. In fact, a recent YouGov survey in the UK, showed that nearly 50% of 18-24 year olds don't identify as fully straight or fully gay (source (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/yougov-poll-homosexuality-half-young-people-10458032.html)).
All of this goes to show that in reality, people are naturally finding out more about themselves, when they aren't under pressure. Finding a label can be difficult, but I would encourage just accepting that your feelings will change over time. Just as long as you are comfortable with whoever you end up being attracted to, then just let time tell you how you want to identify.

You are not crazy, or sinful, but finding something out about yourself that so many others would be afraid to find out, or even question. You are brave.