My social anxiety is killing me deep inside and it hurts

[CupcakeLuv101]

I just started school not too long ago and it sucks real bad I just want it to be summer again I just want to get out of socially awkward situations and lay in bed under my covers and hide from the world. I only have like a few friends in my school but I dont have a single close friend. It is hard for me to make friends because everyone else already has their own friends so it seems like they dont need me here and I actually feel extremely alone in this world. People always say to join clubs and it is the easiest way to make friends but it's just that my school only offers sports clubs and im not athletic at all so if I join sport clubs I will be surrounded by all the crazy athletic people because in the past in gym class people always yell at me when I can't serve the ball over the net in volleyball or if I can't catch or throw the ball or anything like that so I don't want to join sports teams.

I do have a few friends like I said but they're all foreign language speakers and at lunch they sit with their "russian group" or their "korean group" or whatever. At lunch I only sit with one other friend but we don't even have fun together like she's not the type of person who will get all my jokes and would just shrug at them. We are both quiet people so we don't "balance each other out" because I find that when friends are opposites of each other they actually balance each other out because one may have more stuff to talk about and the other one is the listener. So basically me and my friend are both "listeners" so I find it difficult to get conversations started between us. I can actually be like a funny person but it only depends who I am with and with her we basically just sit there and we dont even talk and she keeps saying "its so boring" and we dont even have anything to talk about. I might try to start conversations like "how was science class" and she'd be like "good" and then a 5 minute silence and so yeah basically we just don't have any chemistry together.

Because im so shy in real life my mom keeps telling me she thinks im autistic which actually hurts me bad I agree that I have social anxiety but I dont think its as far as having autism because im pretty much an average person like everyone else just a bit more shy. I hate having social anxiety because I can't ask anyone to have lunch with me because im so intimidated by their group of friends which is at least 5 other people and im scared people don't want me sitting with them. I feel like I have no REAL friends in my whole life and I just want a true friend I don't know what to do. Help I need someone :(

[Riley2015]

I don't know what advice to give you, i just wanted to say i can totally relate to this

We are both quiet people so we don't "balance each other out" because I find that when friends are opposites of each other they actually balance each other out because one may have more stuff to talk about and the other one is the listener. So basically me and my friend are both "listeners" so I find it difficult to get conversations started between us.

There is a lot of truth to that.

I wish i could help you more. I just think maybe you can give it sometime and you'll meet some people who you'll get on better with and you'll balance each other out perfectly :)

[DarkCloud]

Hey! I can relate totally to your story. A couple of years ago I changed school. I had a stong relation with my "squad" but at the new school I didn't have any friends. At first I tought I was just very shy. I decided to give it some more time because everybody of my year was new, they all came from diffrent schools. But as time went by, everybody had found a group or at least somebody to be with. Since it was an artschool, most people there were or very social or not very into people. So I was alone, sometimes I too sat with other people who weren't really people who could lead a conversation. We would say exactly the same things as you do and we did not have a single 'conversation' without long silences. After a while, I would get nervous to talk to anybody just in case it was another awkward talk. Soon, this did not only apply to people at school but also strangers, teachers, best friends and even my own family. Which then leaded to panic attacs in public spaces. It has been a year and a depression and it seems that i'm getting over it.
Please don't let it take over your life...
Try to do a peptalk to youreselve before you approche someone. Try observing their behavior in class or how they react to someone they don't know yet. If you feel like your ready try talking to someone who seems like he/she could understand you. Talk to them when they are alone or with some nice people and just ask if you could sit with them because haven't really found a place yet. Maybe you could say it honestly to someone that you don't feel confortable talking with people because you're more of a listener. Try to find people online who share the same interest or have experienced simular things. Why can't you sit with the foreign laguage speaking guys, you can learn a new langauge or something like that? Maybe they are pleased to see that there is someone who is interested in their language?

The key is to believe in youreselve en to not get nervous if there are any silences, it's natural.
I hope this helped a bit? :/ If there is anything I could help you with just send me a PM :) Lots of succes :)
(I'm sorry if there are mistakes in the tekst, English isn't my first language)