Gay but hate men

[Dimentio]

Okay so this is gonna need some back story haha
Well growing up as a kid my parents divorced when i was young, then my mum had an ex who abused me, my siblings, but worst of all my mum, then i had my dad who abused me and my siblings a lot, and then going to school, i was bullied by male students a lot, never had the greatest male teachers, and even on the streets i faced issues from men, like, one guy before took my coat and whipped it in my face and the zipper caught just under my eye haha
So, i feel like rather understandably, i hate men, but there's also a fear, and being uncomfortable around them, but mostly hate, and I've tried making friends with guys, in person and online, but the hate only seems to get drilled in more, I've been friends with a guy who i met through VT for a few years now, he's alright, my friend Shy is also good, and then there is Harrison, Jonny and John, but they're all online, when it comes to in person, I've only ever liked two men, my old wood work teacher in high school, then the animal technician in college, that's it!
But then, augh, I'm going to try not to swear or go on a rant here XD
I've made friends with countless guys who act nice and friendly at first, but then, they just become arrogant assholes, like, they can only talk about themselves, care nothing but for themselves, and then if you don't give them sex, or slip up, they're on you like a pack of hungry piranhas are on a drowning deer, and, these guys just drill that hate in to no end!
Like, I've gone from being too scared to talk to guys, and getting anxiety whenever i am alone with one, to being fine with that stuff, but then, there's just this constant burning passion of hate, like, I'll make comments about men and people think I'm joking, but I'm not, we could kill them all of and the world would be a better place!
But see, this is where the issue lies.
Like, in 19 years no ones ever made advances to be my boyfriend, and i think it will never happen, but like, what if one day, a guy wants to be, and i may even want him to be back, but I'll most likely either just hate him and want him dead from the start, or he'll have to piss me off once and that's it, he's gone, so i just need help or ideas on how to get over this!
Like i said, there are a few men i like/liked, and they helped the cause to like the male species, but then, for every good one it seems like ten bad follow, and I'm just lost on what to do, the hates only getting worse, thus, any romantic relationships? Never gonna happen!

[lliam]

I can understand that you hate boys and men. Idk, I think somehow not the guys are the prob, but yourself. Or what those negative experiences have made from you. Such thing in this direction.

[Abhorrence]

The only explanation is that it is a psychological thing. Obviously you've had terrible experiences with males in the past and your mind has made up this correlation that all men act the same. To you, all bad things that have happened have come from males and so you instantly relate subconsciously that every male is going to do bad things. You need to try and distance yourself from seeing men as men and instead seeing them as people. If you completely disconnect them from their gender then maybe it would unlink from them doing bad things. This would, obviously, be quite a difficult thing to achieve as gender is one of the first things we notice in a person but I don't really see any other way. All I can do is assure you that not every male person wants to cause harm to you. Sure, there are a load of guys who are horrendous but there are also females who act the same, probably the same goes for every other gender in the world. On the other end, some guys are nice, some girls are nice, any gender can be nice. If you could possibly see past someone's gender, it might help you out a lot.
Other than that, I could suggest you just keep trying until you meet a guy who changes your opinion on everyone else. Maybe if you could find a celebrity role model, who is a male, they could change your perception.

[Hermes]

I suspect the direction was set with the first two men you mention - you're mum's ex and your father. The important thing to realise is that because she had two abusing men in a row doesn't mean that is typical of men in general. Unfortunately some women seem drawn to dominating, potentially abusive men and you mum may be one of these women. That doesn't absolve the men concerned of responsibility for what they did but it does seem to have finally been acknowedged that educating women against picking abusive men is not at all the same as blaming the woman for the behaviour of the men and is a necessary step to help women avoid being abused. To that end you may both benefit from reading the book "Living with the Dominator" by Pat Craven - more info at The Freedom Programme (http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/lwd.php).

Maybe after reading the book you would be able to choose male company where you are least likely to be dominated or abused. As you progress that should improve your perception of men in general and hopefully the viscous circle is broken.

[DriveAlive]

I hope I am one of the good males lol. I think your problem is that you have never had any good experiences with any really good guys. There are so many great people out there that if you open yourself up to some of them, you might really enjoy them.