I met my abuser's Mom

[Dalcourt]

I lived with a foster family as a kid and the biological son they had sexually abused me and some other foster kids they had.
To make a long story short I told my grandma what happened, she called the cops and the guy got locked up in some hospital as he's mentally challenged.

I hardly ever really think about the whole thing and apart from my grandma hardly anyone knows about it.
Memories seemed to have faded.

Yesterday however I met my abuser's Mom. I recognized her at once and she recognized me, too and said hi.
She seemed unsure at first but then started to talk to me. Told me how sorry she was and that she's all alone now. Her son locked up, her husband divorced her after the whole thing blaming her for not properly looking after what's happening in the house. And she isn't allowed to have foster kids anymore.

I really pity her, she's a nice lady...and I never blamed her. She didn't do anything wrong. I really would like to do something for her but at the same time I hardly couldn't bear being around her...she made all the memories flooding back. I had nightmares last night, I could hardly sleep.
She's a broken woman and it made me so sad to see her suffer but how could I ever talk to her or just see her without thinking about what had happened.
Still, I feel guilty for having ruined her life.
I feel I have wronged her somehow.
The whole thing is troubling me a lot ... as I said not many people know about it so I don't really know anyone I can share my feelings with.
I so wish I hadn't met her...even if she had not talked to me .... the wounds are all reopened now.
I'm feeling like hell for some time now even without that shit but now...

Why can't this life just end?

[Abhorrence]

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. It is not your fault in anyway for what has happened to this woman, the blame is entirely her son's. He is responsible for her condition now and he is also responsible for the way you feel about this. You really shouldn't feel guilty for her life and she also shouldn't feel guilty for what her son has done. The fact her husband blamed her is awful, that must be a horrible thing to feel also. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm taking away from your abuse because I'm not. I think both of you have gone through some horrible things and maybe you could find some common ground between you two to actually speak to about these events? Not many people know about what happened but she is one of the people that does know and is also suffering from it. If you could find it within yourself maybe you could talk with her about it.

Many people might advise that you even go and see the abuser to try and forgive him but I personally wouldn't recommend this. I don't believe that he deserves forgiveness.

All in all, I just want you to know that you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for any of this. Your life shouldn't end because of the actions of someone else, that is entirely unfair to you.

[James Dean]

That's why I always think of people who foster adopt kids of different races, something fishy is about that.

[Dalcourt]

That's why I always think of people who foster adopt kids of different races, something fishy is about that.

Do you think that has something to do with my race??

[Quartz]

It's only natural for you to feel sorry for her, and that really isn't wrong. In fact, that proves that you're a kind and empathetic person.
However, you shouldn't blame yourself, because none of it was your fault. None of it was her fault, either. It's the abuser's fault, and you shouldn't blame yourself for that. You really haven't done anything wrong to her, and vice-versa.
It's very understandable that you felt bad because of what happened, but I really do think it's best if you try to forget about the past and move on. There isn't much you can do for her at this point. But if you feel that it will bring some form of closure, than I suppose you can try helping her out in some way.

[Just JT]

That's why I always think of people who foster adopt kids of different races, something fishy is about that.

Who said anything about race here?

Do you think that has something to do with my race??

No I dont!

But!! YOU should try not to feel like you did anything wrong or its your fault, because it's not!
Doesn't make this any easier at all, believe me, I know, and you know that, we've talked plenty about this,
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
You are a good person, who was taken advantage of, abused, and it wrong
You are doing a good thing by talking about it, it's painful, I know, talk more, it won't go away, but it will get easier

[James Dean]

He was adopted by a white family and there are just rumors that when black kids are adopted by whites, they are being abused.

[Dalcourt]

He was adopted by a white family and there are just rumors that when black kids are adopted by whites, they are being abused.

Hm, yeah I know...well from my experiences with foster parents I can't say anything. They were all nice to me no matter what their skin color was. And this guy who abused me had also abused white foster kids they had.

[EmilySmith]

You're so cute and so nice person for saying that… it's ok to feel sorry… but you shouldn't.
You are the victim here. Remember that. It's not your fault, that he sexually abused you, it was his fault.. he was just fucking swine, not you. You didn't ruin her life however, I can say that, he would continue same things with other kids (I'm sure about it) and every time you feel sorry because of her, remind that, if he weren't sent in jail, other kids would be in a situation like you are right now.
Why can't this life just end? Because this world is shit! Simply :P