Boyfriend help

[goldfish23]

Hi I am writing about something that happened with my boyfriend as I'm not sure how to go forward from here with him
Basically we were talking last night about doing sexual things and he came out with, "even if you say no, we are still going to do it" and then he laughed
I was shocked and didn't know how to react as he said it like it was a joke but I didn't understand why he would say such a thing, whether it be a joke or not. so I asked him why he said it and he didn't understand what the big deal was but I just can't forget about it and he hasn't apologised a day later. should I be making a deal out of this or should I just forget it happened?

[StoppingTom]

Could be a case of a young kid saying something dumb and not realizing it, or he's just insensitive like that.

For context, how old is he?

[goldfish23]

Could be a case of a young kid saying something dumb and not realizing it, or he's just insensitive like that.

For context, how old is he?
he's 18, sorry I should've mentioned more about us. we've been together ten months.

[Bull]

and you are how old?

I would question his commitment to you as a person of integrity and seems to put his wants before your feelings. Proceed with caution.

[ClaraWho]

Not that it's relevant, but how old are you?

That's extremely creepy :/ It sounds threatening, especially to laugh about it. You seem really freaked about this (to the point of creating an account on here to post) and understandably so. Having known his character non-sexually for 10 months now, that would sound warning bells that you are freaked out by this comment. Obviously it's not the sort of thing he normally 'jokes' about.

I don't know, if a guy starts talking like a rapist I wouldn't feel comfortable being anywhere near them, it would really, really freak me out. Were those his exact words? :/

My concern is now as you make an issue out of it, he'll say all the things you want to hear, only for this to arise in actions when you are both alone. No means no. Irrespective of anything else, time you've been together, etc. If you say no, he should respect that. My brain is screaming RUN.

~ Clara

[goldfish23]

and you are how old?

I would question his commitment to you as a person of integrity and seems to put his wants before your feelings. Proceed with caution.
I am also 18. He makes a few little remarks similar to that and we have a bad past together which we said we would put behind us, but it is something I can't forget. He once told me to kill myself over social media! I am making him out to be a bad person when most of the time he is very kind and we get on

[goldfish23]

Not that it's relevant, but how old are you?

That's extremely creepy :/ It sounds threatening, especially to laugh about it. You seem really freaked about this (to the point of creating an account on here to post) and understandably so. Having known his character non-sexually for 10 months now, that would sound warning bells that you are freaked out by this comment. Obviously it's not the sort of thing he normally 'jokes' about.

I don't know, if a guy starts talking like a rapist I wouldn't feel comfortable being anywhere near them, it would really, really freak me out. Were those his exact words? :/

My concern is now as you make an issue out of it, he'll say all the things you want to hear, only for this to arise in actions when you are both alone. No means no. Irrespective of anything else, time you've been together, etc. If you say no, he should respect that. My brain is screaming RUN.

~ Clara
I am 18, yeah I am quite freaked out by it, but I've known him for four years and I feel like I know him well, so I am confused and scared if he could be a different person to what I know now. I don't know whether to end things but it seems a bit extreme and I feel as though I might be overthinking it

[Bull]

I am also 18. He makes a few little remarks similar to that and we have a bad past together which we said we would put behind us, but it is something I can't forget. He once told me to kill myself over social media! I am making him out to be a bad person when most of the time he is very kind and we get on

I suggest you distance your self from this guy, but be careful.

[ClaraWho]

I am also 18. He makes a few little remarks similar to that and we have a bad past together which we said we would put behind us, but it is something I can't forget. He once told me to kill myself over social media! I am making him out to be a bad person when most of the time he is very kind and we get on

He subtly threatens to rape you and tells you to kill yourself. That's not a healthy relationship and it sounds like he should die alone, far away from anyone decent. You deserve so much better, I don't understand why you are wasting your time on him. Someone WILL treat you better, I can Guarantee that.

Imagine what your parents would say/how they'd react if you told them? (Assuming you have loving parents).

~ Clara

[goldfish23]

I suggest you distance your self from this guy, but be careful.
Thanks so much for your help, I appreciate your advice
I will try to safely distance myself

[StoppingTom]

he's 18, sorry I should've mentioned more about us. we've been together ten months.

OK, ew no. That's some serious immaturity or straight up dickishness going on. I'd think by that age any guy knows it's wrong to talk like that. If you're the more forgivin type, I'd suggest trying one last time to have a serious discussion on why that's wrong. If he still doesn't see what the problem is, or you're NOT the forgiving type, then I'd drop him.

Edit: Just saw the "kill yourself" thing. Yeah, this guy isn't worth oxygen,

[goldfish23]

He subtly threatens to rape you and tells you to kill yourself. That's not a healthy relationship and it sounds like he should die alone, far away from anyone decent. You deserve so much better, I don't understand why you are wasting your time on him. Someone WILL treat you better, I can Guarantee that.

Imagine what your parents would say/how they'd react if you told them? (Assuming you have loving parents).

~ Clara
I have really been waiting for this kind of reassurance from someone, thank you for saying that. he confuses me so much. Half the time I am thinking about ending it and he says stuff like I won't find anyone better than him and then I'm back to the start thinking I'm in love again and there's no one better. I think I am going to try to break this off gently

[goldfish23]

OK, ew no. That's some serious immaturity or straight up dickishness going on. I'd think by that age any guy knows it's wrong to talk like that. If you're the more forgivin type, I'd suggest trying one last time to have a serious discussion on why that's wrong. If he still doesn't see what the problem is, or you're NOT the forgiving type, then I'd drop him.

Edit: Just saw the "kill yourself" thing. Yeah, this guy isn't worth oxygen,
hi, thank you for your help. I will definitely bring it up again calmly and try to get him to understand why I have a problem with it and then go from there

[goldfish23]

hi, thank you for your help. I will definitely bring it up again calmly and try to get him to understand why I have a problem with it and then go from there
ok people are really starting to make me realise what a trap I've been in, all I can say is thank you

[ClaraWho]

I have really been waiting for this kind of reassurance from someone, thank you for saying that. he confuses me so much. Half the time I am thinking about ending it and he says stuff like I won't find anyone better than him and then I'm back to the start thinking I'm in love again and there's no one better. I think I am going to try to break this off gently

He's clearly a nasty piece of work. Telling someone they'll never find anyone better is a clear attempt to manipulate you into staying, in what is the definition of an abusive relationship.

He knows the more he can beat down your self-esteem, the less chance you'll realise how much better you can do, the more he can impose his demands on you.

Obviously he knows you are too good for him or he wouldn't have to keep you down.

Reread what you've said, only imagine it is your friend or daughter telling you this, what would your advice be to her? Would you agree she is in love? That she should be with this 'boy'?

I would get as many people involved in the break up as possible, I.e. Tell your parents, friends, teachers, etc. what he has been saying and how you are worried how he will react when you break up. It's always good to have back up with abusive ex's.

Good Luck!!
~ Clara

N.B. Just saw the guys edit saying he isn't worth oxygen xD Agreed

[goldfish23]

He's clearly a nasty piece of work. Telling someone they'll never find anyone better is a clear attempt to manipulate you into staying, in what is the definition of an abusive relationship.

He knows the more he can beat down your self-esteem, the less chance you'll realise how much better you can do, the more he can impose his demands on you.

Obviously he knows you are too good for him or he wouldn't have to keep you down.

Reread what you've said, only imagine it is your friend or daughter telling you this, what would your advice be to her? Would you agree she is in love? That she should be with this 'boy'?

I would get as many people involved in the break up as possible, I.e. Tell your parents, friends, teachers, etc. what he has been saying and how you are worried how he will react when you break up. It's always good to have back up with abusive ex's.

Good Luck!!
~ Clara

N.B. Just saw the guys edit saying he isn't worth oxygen xD Agreed
Clara thank you so much for your help, I feel stupid that its taken me so long to realise what he is like
I appreciate your advice :)

[SethfromMI]

you make it very clear to him you are not doing anything you do not want to. be very careful around this guy. he might have been joking but he just might just try raping you. you don't want to find out the hard way he was not joking about sex against your will

[goldfish23]

I am seeing him on Sunday, should I act like everything is ok over text and on the phone or should I let him know something is wrong? I don't want to do it over the phone, I want to talk face to face about us

[Hudor]

Yes act normally when you talk on phone. When you meet him, talk face to face about everything with him. Let him clarify what he meant and if you wish to give him another chance then do but honestly i think it would be best if you break up with him.

[AutumnWinds]

Hi I am writing about something that happened with my boyfriend as I'm not sure how to go forward from here with him
Basically we were talking last night about doing sexual things and he came out with, "even if you say no, we are still going to do it" and then he laughed
I was shocked and didn't know how to react as he said it like it was a joke but I didn't understand why he would say such a thing, whether it be a joke or not. so I asked him why he said it and he didn't understand what the big deal was but I just can't forget about it and he hasn't apologised a day later. should I be making a deal out of this or should I just forget it happened?

i mean it could just be bravado, but that would really make me nervous, too. i don't wanna mess up your relationship, but maybe try not to be alone with him and hold off on sexual stuff for a while until you can sort of feel him out?

it might be nothing, but this makes me nervous

[Andre 99]

I think an 18yo should know better than to say something like that.
I would proceed with caution