Cross Dressing, I dont know what to think?

[ClaireM]

Hi guys, I'm fairly new here and hope this is the right place to post this.

A few days ago I walked in on my 13yo brother, he was lying on my bed wearing my bra, knickers and tights, rubbing his erection. At first I was angry he was in my room and messing with my stuff and screamed at him to get out alerting my mom to what he was doing.
Now I'm worried about him, we are quite close, but when I asked him if he was gay, he got angry, said no and stormed off. I have tried to talk to my mom, but she just told me to shut up and forget about it (we don't talk about sex or anything).

So what do I do? forget about it, as my mom says? Is he gay? or do straight boys do this kind of thing?
I'm so confused, he is my little brother and I love him and want him to be happy.

Claire

[Desuetude]

Cross dressing doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sexuality or gender but in quite a lot of cases it can link to both/either aspects. Honestly there are so many reasons people crossdress, it can make them feel more comfortable with themselves, they can receive pleasure from it (transvestite) or they could just be experimenting. With what you've said, him wearing them as he was masturbating, I'd go with he was experimenting and a lot of kids go through this during puberty in different ways.

If you're really worried, sit him down and talk to him. Don't make it a big thing, just let him know you're there for him and he can always come to you to talk about how he feels/if he needs help. That's the best thing you can do for him, be his big sister if he ever needs you to fall back on. Your mum doesn't seem like she's going to be very much help in this situation so you will need to be the bigger person and ensure he has your support. Puberty is a difficult time for most teens, they experiment and find out who they are/what they like. There's nothing wrong with this but people don't feel comfortable sharing it with others because they may feel ashamed. Don't push your brother to open up to you about how he's feeling but let him know he can come to you if he ever needs to and that you won't judge him whatever he feels.

[Hudor]

He might be curious about your clothes. I don't think that's sufficient evidence to know whether he's gay and anyway not all gay guys cross dress. I think by your yelling and telling your mother about it, ge felt kind of humiliated. You should probably sit and talk to him about it alone.

[ClaireM]

Cross dressing doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sexuality or gender but in quite a lot of cases it can link to both/either aspects. Honestly there are so many reasons people crossdress, it can make them feel more comfortable with themselves, they can receive pleasure from it (transvestite) or they could just be experimenting. With what you've said, him wearing them as he was masturbating, I'd go with he was experimenting and a lot of kids go through this during puberty in different ways.

If you're really worried, sit him down and talk to him. Don't make it a big thing, just let him know you're there for him and he can always come to you to talk about how he feels/if he needs help. That's the best thing you can do for him, be his big sister if he ever needs you to fall back on. Your mum doesn't seem like she's going to be very much help in this situation so you will need to be the bigger person and ensure he has your support. Puberty is a difficult time for most teens, they experiment and find out who they are/what they like. There's nothing wrong with this but people don't feel comfortable sharing it with others because they may feel ashamed. Don't push your brother to open up to you about how he's feeling but let him know he can come to you if he ever needs to and that you won't judge him whatever he feels.

We became really close when my dad left, so he knows he can trust me. I regret shouting at him but it was the shock of walking in on him. I guess you might be right about him just experimenting. I'll try and talk to him.

He might be curious about your clothes. I don't think that's sufficient evidence to know whether he's gay and anyway not all gay guys cross dress. I think by your yelling and telling your mother about it, ge felt kind of humiliated. You should probably sit and talk to him about it alone.

I didn't tell my mom, she heard me shout at him and came upstairs and saw him. I'll try and talk to him.

Thanks guys for the advice, but are there any str8 guys out there who tried this? or gay guys who cross dress who can explain why they like it?

by the way, sorry if I'm using the wrong words, I'm not trying to judge or insult, I've just never experienced anything like this before, and I'm struggling to express my feelings.

Thanks
Claire

[Fractured Silhouette]

Well he's probably not gay, he could be, but probably not. Most gay men like to be masculine, they find masculinity very attractive and don't usually indulge in activities such as crossdressing, but he could be bisexual, he probably doesn't even know himself. So I can indeed confirm that straight guys indulge in crossdressing, because I do, have done for years, and I'm still super embarrassed about it, when I was younger I felt genuinely ashamed and awful every time I would do it, I don't feel as bad anymore because I have my own stuff now and I'm fairly independent.

The why is a difficult one to answer, I don't even know why I enjoy it. I just got an urge and now it's kind of ingrained into my psyche and isn't going away anytime soon I bet. It could be jealousy, or that he doesn't have a male role model to aspire to anymore. He might even grow out of it, I hope for his sake that that's the case because it can make you feel awfully lonely and confused.

Things you're probably going to have to talk to him about:

a) Make sure he knows not to touch your clothes unless you're cool with him wearing your stuff. This can be difficult conversation to have, be VERY gentle when setting this boundary because chances he'll get super defensive about it. If he's serious about this, you might need to buy him his own stuff because chances are he's not going to stop sneaking into yours or your mothers wardrobe when he thinks he can get away with it. Also it might alleviate some of the guilt. (Puberty puts your sex drive into a bit of a state)

b) Make sure you tell him that you're there for him to talk to when he needs it. He's probably super confused and embarrassed right now but he might be willing to talk about it if he knows you won't be judgmental.

Good luck.

[Hudor]

We became really close when my dad left, so he knows he can trust me. I regret shouting at him but it was the shock of walking in on him. I guess you might be right about him just experimenting. I'll try and talk to him.



I didn't tell my mom, she heard me shout at him and came upstairs and saw him. I'll try and talk to him.

Thanks guys for the advice, but are there any str8 guys out there who tried this? or gay guys who cross dress who can explain why they like it?

by the way, sorry if I'm using the wrong words, I'm not trying to judge or insult, I've just never experienced anything like this before, and I'm struggling to express my feelings.

Thanks
Claire

Oh okay. Anyway I think he could have felt flustered at being discovered or something which is probably why he got angry at you. I think you need to understand that it is only a stereotype that gay guys cross dress because it is too general a statement and therefore false. There are many gay guys who don't cross dress or feel the need to though some do. He might be questioning his gender identity rather than his sexual orientation.
So when you talk to him don't ask if him if he's gay and therefore cross dressing but rather ask him to be honest and let him explain why he was doing that. That will you will get a better idea of the situation.

[Kirina]

Wearing clothes that is targeted at the opposite sex, is not an indication of being gay. He could be, but within the context you provided, it doesn't make sense to assume so.

It's either cross-dressing or just a clothing fetish.

We don't yet know why it's arousing wearing clothes of the opposite sex.

[DoodleSnap]

Cross dressing doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sexuality or gender but in quite a lot of cases it can link to both/either aspects. Honestly there are so many reasons people crossdress, it can make them feel more comfortable with themselves, they can receive pleasure from it (transvestite) or they could just be experimenting. With what you've said, him wearing them as he was masturbating, I'd go with he was experimenting and a lot of kids go through this during puberty in different ways.

If you're really worried, sit him down and talk to him. Don't make it a big thing, just let him know you're there for him and he can always come to you to talk about how he feels/if he needs help. That's the best thing you can do for him, be his big sister if he ever needs you to fall back on. Your mum doesn't seem like she's going to be very much help in this situation so you will need to be the bigger person and ensure he has your support. Puberty is a difficult time for most teens, they experiment and find out who they are/what they like. There's nothing wrong with this but people don't feel comfortable sharing it with others because they may feel ashamed. Don't push your brother to open up to you about how he's feeling but let him know he can come to you if he ever needs to and that you won't judge him whatever he feels.
100%, Grade-A, quality response right here folks.

[Abhorrence]

Sounds like it could be a fetish thing, not an indication of whether he is gay or not. The whole crossdressing thing would be kind of explainable as just a kind of experimentation thing but the masturbation kind of indicates him getting off on being dressed like that. This would be labelled as a fetish, it isn't something that is straight or gay. In society, people would certainly immediately label him as gay but it's just not true.

[ptz7649]

i think he's confused.
Or maybe he isn't, I don't I so, but that would be my guess.
Cross dressing is not a sign of being gay, but it doesn't mean he isn't, more likely he is confused about his GENDER not his SEXUALITY. He has probably talked to his mum about it if she told you not to push the subject and prehaps he'll talk to you about whatever's going on when he's ready.
Ps u sound like a really nice sister For being so caring.

[ClaireM]

Well he's probably not gay, he could be, but probably not. Most gay men like to be masculine, they find masculinity very attractive and don't usually indulge in activities such as crossdressing, but he could be bisexual, he probably doesn't even know himself. So I can indeed confirm that straight guys indulge in crossdressing, because I do, have done for years, and I'm still super embarrassed about it, when I was younger I felt genuinely ashamed and awful every time I would do it, I don't feel as bad anymore because I have my own stuff now and I'm fairly independent.

The why is a difficult one to answer, I don't even know why I enjoy it. I just got an urge and now it's kind of ingrained into my psyche and isn't going away anytime soon I bet. It could be jealousy, or that he doesn't have a male role model to aspire to anymore. He might even grow out of it, I hope for his sake that that's the case because it can make you feel awfully lonely and confused.

Things you're probably going to have to talk to him about:

a) Make sure he knows not to touch your clothes unless you're cool with him wearing your stuff. This can be difficult conversation to have, be VERY gentle when setting this boundary because chances he'll get super defensive about it. If he's serious about this, you might need to buy him his own stuff because chances are he's not going to stop sneaking into yours or your mothers wardrobe when he thinks he can get away with it. Also it might alleviate some of the guilt. (Puberty puts your sex drive into a bit of a state)

b) Make sure you tell him that you're there for him to talk to when he needs it. He's probably super confused and embarrassed right now but he might be willing to talk about it if he knows you won't be judgmental.

Good luck.

Thanks Silhouette, it's good to know other boys do this. I need to find the right time to talk. I'm not comfortable with him using my underwear, that's kind of personal, so as you say if he is serious, I could buy him some of his own I guess.

i think he's confused.
Or maybe he isn't, I don't I so, but that would be my guess.
Cross dressing is not a sign of being gay, but it doesn't mean he isn't, more likely he is confused about his GENDER not his SEXUALITY. He has probably talked to his mum about it if she told you not to push the subject and prehaps he'll talk to you about whatever's going on when he's ready.
Ps u sound like a really nice sister For being so caring.

I know he hasn't talked to my mom, my mom doesn't talk about stuff like this, she is a bit uptight when it comes to sex and stuff.
Thanks for saying I sound really nice, we became close when my dad left, he was quite young and got really scared about it. but since then he has lived in an all female house, no wonder he is confused, bless him.
I will always love my little bro, str8, gay or somewhere in-between cant change that.

Thank you, to everybody for their great advice.

[Hermes]

I think there are various reasons a guy may don female clothes. With puberty we become more aware of the differences between the sexes and it may be simple curiousity. It may be that wearing female clothes is a substitutre for being with a female. It may be that he feel there is a feminine side of him he has not expressed. None of these indicate he is gay, though none of them rule that out either.

[laurakoller0815]

Well it is so important to takes this very serious cause thats could be his sexual orientation or just try things out. You should try talking to him. Show him that you are very intresting in what is really behind his behaviour. Otherwise your bro will find his own way without his familiy.

[Emerald Dream]

The OP is banned. :locked: