he didnt finger me ?????

[princess09]

i need some advice on how to deal with this so it would really help me out if you could possibly leave some advice below

basically, a few weeks ago me and my boyfriend went camping with our friends, we were in a tent on our own, we dry humped when everyone was asleep and he rubbed my clit over my clothes, ive just been told today by one of the boys we went camping with that my boyfriend told him and the other boys that he fingered me. but he didnt, i dont understand why he would say that, weather he thinks that what he did was fingering me or what? we are both 16 so im pretty sure he knows and understands the difference, but i dont know what to do, im scared to talk to him about it because i dont want to fight with him, i feel like i want to break up with him but at the same time i dont and i know that it is just because i am hurt at the moment, thats why i dont want to argue with him because im afraid that i will just end up breaking up with him and then end up regretting it. i really need some help because i dont want to make this mistake. please help me :what::mad::what::confused:

[Sandybeaches]

I think this is just him bragging to his friends. I know if I rubbed a girls's clit even over clothes I would definitely count it as fingering her.

Same thing as like if a girl rubs a guys dick outside clothes....I would totally count that as a handjob.

[Andyyy95]

Hiya princess09,
I hope you're doing okay :)
I somewhat agree (to some extent) with what the above poster has said about perhaps he feels good about bragging to his friends about indirectly touching you sexually.
But on the other hand (from your point of view), I don't. I think it's cruel, and if he respected you in a way that you respect him, then he shouldn't be spreading (false) gossip about your personal sex life, whether it's a lie or not.
For that reason, I think you should just tell him to stop spreading gossip about your relationship to other people? (Cos to be frank, it's none of their business is it.... maybe he just doesn't realise that yet?) And especially if you're hurt by it, he should at least respect that, and listen to you? Cos it's not just him involved is it, there's you too.

About the fingering / rubbing clit lie, I wouldn't worry too much about it Sophie... Or is it the lie that you're most hurt about?

Hope that helps in some way,
Andy

[SethfromMI]

Sandybeaches makes a lot of sense

Still, if it is really bothering you, just talk to him. you don't have to confront him, just simply talk to him about it

[Uniquemind]

Girl, your upset because you just realized in your young life that you generally like to keep the sexually intimate details of your life private, (possible exception: your looking for tips in the bedroom or with intimacy from others and you want to see if others have the same problem or if it's just you and your partner? Exception might not have happened yet).


Perhaps these boundaries weren't discussed and outlined when the relationship started and only common sense and an inference was made to silently expect your boyfriend to understand that.

Bad assumption because boys talk, and them getting to 1st, 2nd, 3rd+ base is in guy culture a triumph because culturally guys have a harder time being desirable to girls, or at least that's what society peer pressures guys into thinking so they're all like trying to prove their masculinity and other pointless stuff.

---

I'd let this slide just once if I were you, especially if you didn't define what is or isn't private or what is or isn't crossing a line that would give causation for a breakup.

But use this time to pull your BF aside and clearly communicate limits, both his limits to you, and your limits to him.



Also Always Be Ready To Throw a Guy to the CURB no matter how desirable they are if they don't respect your limits.

It's hard but girl it's a pre-requisite to relationships and dating and even sexual acts within a relationship.

Caving or enduring stuff you don't like in a relationship with person A, B, or C or whomever else comes along builds up and usually ends the relationship in due time anyway.


That being said don't make every little detail in the relationship a boundary issue.

Choose 5 really big no-no's, and leave it at that and make sure they aren't overtly controlling and are realistic.

Ex: you cannot expect your guy to not socialize with other girls.

Reason it's unrealistic: life requires socialization and most jobs and educational tracts require at some point socialization with the opposite sex, AND you don't want to rob your partner of their image as a trusted individual to others, instead of some pet.

[DoodleSnap]

Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship. Instead of worrying about things on your own, try speaking to him, because dealing with problems together, with both sides of the story and a fuller set of information, is so much easier than bottling up your feelings and getting angry when the other party isn't a mind reader.
You're upset, or at least confused at him, so tell him. As long as you can both have a rational discussion about what your boundaries are on issues like this, then you should be able to work out what you both want.
Good luck.

[ClaraWho]

Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship. Instead of worrying about things on your own, try speaking to him, because dealing with problems together, with both sides of the story and a fuller set of information, is so much easier than bottling up your feelings and getting angry when the other party isn't a mind reader.
You're upset, or at least confused at him, so tell him. As long as you can both have a rational discussion about what your boundaries are on issues like this, then you should be able to work out what you both want.
Good luck.

This.

You may want to consider that if you both aren't mature enough to have an adult discussion, maybe you shouldn't be performing sexual acts on each other?

Some boys brag to their friends about sex, often exagerated or made up. Decent men keep that intimate and respect you enough to not go shouting about it to their friends, so I understand if that's why you are upset. But you were doing it in a tent with them nearby potentially listening. So uh, expectation of privacy might not have been that high...

Speak to him. I know a girl friend of mine used to talk in graphic detail about her sex life and her boyfriend was really upset when he found out, even if her tales were apparently impressive. After they talked, she stopped. Communication is key!

~ Clara

[Bull]

I think this is just him bragging to his friends. I know if I rubbed a girls's clit even over clothes I would definitely count it as fingering her.

Same thing as like if a girl rubs a guys dick outside clothes....I would totally count that as a handjob.

If her hand is not on my naked dich she is not giving me a hj. and if my naked finger is not inside her I am not fingering her.

However, guys or girls who tell others what they do in private are immature jerks.

[mikielikesit]

you just need to talk with him, tell him that he you cant trust him to keep stuff secret then he wont get so lucky anymore.

[Daniella98]

He was bragging too much and hoped it wouldnt come back to him.

[AutumnWinds]

i need some advice on how to deal with this so it would really help me out if you could possibly leave some advice below

basically, a few weeks ago me and my boyfriend went camping with our friends, we were in a tent on our own, we dry humped when everyone was asleep and he rubbed my clit over my clothes, ive just been told today by one of the boys we went camping with that my boyfriend told him and the other boys that he fingered me. but he didnt, i dont understand why he would say that, weather he thinks that what he did was fingering me or what? we are both 16 so im pretty sure he knows and understands the difference, but i dont know what to do, im scared to talk to him about it because i dont want to fight with him, i feel like i want to break up with him but at the same time i dont and i know that it is just because i am hurt at the moment, thats why i dont want to argue with him because im afraid that i will just end up breaking up with him and then end up regretting it. i really need some help because i dont want to make this mistake. please help me :what::mad::what::confused:

i feel like he was just bragging, but if it were you id confront him and ask him about it and his motivation. i think if you do not you will regret it whatever you do.

[Uniquemind]

So what have you decided to do princess09

[ClaireM]

I think he was just plain wrong to tell his mates anything. If I found out my bf was telling his mates what we were doing I'd be telling them he has a small dick and doesn't know how to use it.

[Uniquemind]

I think he was just plain wrong to tell his mates anything. If I found out my bf was telling his mates what we were doing I'd be telling them he has a small dick and doesn't know how to use it.

I don't support the latter part of your statement. The whole reason why you would counter with an insult to him would be because of pride.

It would be fair to criticize his immaturity regarding the issue of what he understands "privacy" and "intimacy" and "respect" in a relationship is though.

[Seahawks15]

I don't support the latter part of your statement. The whole reason why you would counter with an insult to him would be because of pride.

It would be fair to criticize his immaturity regarding the issue of what he understands "privacy" and "intimacy" and "respect" in a relationship is though.

Exactly this.Fighting fire with fire never leads to good conclusions.