It's Obviously not about having the courage to ask...

[onewingedangel666]

For the past 6 months I've been trying so hard to find a girl, and get her to go on a date with me because I'm trying to get over another one. I've heard from so many people- "It's all about having the courage to ask."

Obviously not. In the past 6 months I've asked 3 girls on a date The first said that she was "sorta talking to someone". I was fine with it, I knew it was a longshot, as she was really out of my league. (Actually all these girls were) It's just that I talked to some people and she wasn't actually talking to anyone. I just though, whatever, fine. But after that she just became so mean to me. Then, when I finally said something about it, she tried to say thta I had been rude to her since she said no to me. I wasn't, at least not to my knowlege. I recently messaged her again just to talk, and the conversation ended with "Shut the fuck up (My name)" because I made a joke about a word she doesn't like I guess....
The next girl I asked, who I've been trying to be more than friends with for almsot a year, said "I am not going anywhere with you. I try to ignore you because you need to stop bothering with me. Also, I'm kinda talking to someone right now."
I found out that she didn't want to be harsh, but she just doesn't like me.

Then the third girl is someone who I've been semi-friends with for about a year, we have lockers next to each other so we talk a little during school. At the end of the year I asked for her number, and she happily obliged. After... 4 or 5 weeks, I asked her on a date. she said "You're a nice guy, but I think it would be better if we stayed friends."
Of course.
Now, I feel like she's really become just... It's like she all of a sudden dislikes me. She ends our conversations like that. She doesn't have as many longer messges, she seems annoyed to text me.... I just don't get it.

Am I doing something Wrong? Is it possible that I'm just a bad person and can't tell or something? I just don't get it.... I'm just so fed up with everyone hating me, being the joke of the class, etc.

[DoodleSnap]

It sucks to feel this way, it really does, but don't let these people from your past get you down. They clearly weren't mature enough to have a clear discussion with you, instead choosing to get angry at you for not being a mind-reader. They weren't worth it anyway.

Now, if you're having problems with this current friend of yours, you need to speak to her.
Have a mature, reasoned conversation, and work through your issues together. There is no point in bottling up your feelings. If someone can't speak to you about these things, then they are not worth it. It won't necessarily be easy, but it'll be a lot easier than leaving this tension unspoken.
You're not a bad person, just in unfortunate circumstances. It sucks, I know, but you can make it through this. You have heart, and you're willing to try, and that is what matters.

Good luck.

[onewingedangel666]

Thanks. I'll try and talk to her about it. It's strange, after I asked, she didn't even seem very awkward or anything... I guess I just didn't see it lol.

[Uniquemind]

you don't want to hear my answer

You probably should state your answer. He's missing the point and most guys are blind to it I suspect.


onewingedangel666


You're approaching flirting and asking the opposite sex out too linearly and too logically.

Romance isn't logical, it's emotional, and by directly going up to girls and saying "hi will you go out with me?" feels like being pestered because it happens all the time from guys the girl feels no desire for.


Most girls also don't want to deal with turning down guys directly so they'll ignore or just practice avoidance of the said guy that keeps hounding them in hopes that they'll get the message.

The longer they have to play the avoidance game, the more annoyed they are of you. If they were friends of yours sometimes they do this hoping your crush on them simmers down so there's no awkward tension from the rejection.


You aren't a bad person, but you're misreading social etiquette, and so developing a grudge and self-doubt with your failures eatting at you and beginning a degrading mindset about yourself.

It makes you seem weak and unattractive in personality to the opposite sex because you seem to place the idea of having a girlfriend as some achievement for yourself. It comes across as needy, and insecure.

You will get a lot more "no's" before you get a "yes".

Also don't ask girls out if their obviously busy doing something.

Timing is important.

---
Nutshelled advice: it's not just asking, it's how and when you ask and how you endure the response good or bad. It's also figuring out who is worth asking personality wise.

If you come across as threatening, annoying-little-brother like (kiddish), it probably won't happen.

Mature personalities that are stylish with a nice personality but assertive, tend to do really well. A bit of humor doesn't hurt. Good looks don't hurt either but you can't control your genes beyond. Just make sure you have good hygiene.

[AutumnWinds]

my fwb has this buddy. he's kinda dopey, not that attractive, and a little creepy sometimes. my friend goofs on him a lot but will never miss an opportunity to praise the way he tries to find a date. he gets shot down almost constantly, but he never lets it stop him from asking out another girl he thinks he might like. my friend always tells me how much he admires that and how he wishes he had the tenacity to keep at it like that and i kind of see the wisdom in what he is saying. as much as it's not a logical thing at the end of the day getting a date is just a numbers game. the more people you ask out the more likely your chance of a yes is.

[mikielikesit]

You have to say fuck it just man up and ask, If she says no what did u lose you now no longer waste your time on her and more on to the next.

[Uniquemind]

my fwb has this buddy. he's kinda dopey, not that attractive, and a little creepy sometimes. my friend goofs on him a lot but will never miss an opportunity to praise the way he tries to find a date. he gets shot down almost constantly, but he never lets it stop him from asking out another girl he thinks he might like. my friend always tells me how much he admires that and how he wishes he had the tenacity to keep at it like that and i kind of see the wisdom in what he is saying. as much as it's not a logical thing at the end of the day getting a date is just a numbers game. the more people you ask out the more likely your chance of a yes is.

You have to say fuck it just man up and ask, If she says no what did u lose you now no longer waste your time on her and more on to the next.



I agree with this although I will challenge AutumnWinds here to say that it isn't just a "numbers game".

You have to ask with a certain smoothness and methodology for success.


For example some famous youtubers went up to 100 girls and bluntly asked them out in public. All were shot down on video, posted to youtube.

They had a pretty good sample of asking, but all of them were shot down because their method sucks.

1. It's too blunt

2. You're a stranger to us and asking for a date too abrupt and scary.

The truth is while dating's purpose is to get to know the other person, in order for a girl to say yes, they need to at least know OF you vaguely to know you're a safe bet. (Not some crazy clinger, loser or someone who will be a social obstacle later on).


This is why girls often seek the endorsement of our girlfriends about a guy before we agree to even go on date 1, 2, or 3.

[AutumnWinds]

I agree with this although I will challenge AutumnWinds here to say that it isn't just a "numbers game".

You have to ask with a certain smoothness and methodology for success.


For example some famous youtubers went up to 100 girls and bluntly asked them out in public. All were shot down on video, posted to youtube.

They had a pretty good sample of asking, but all of them were shot down because their method sucks.

1. It's too blunt

2. You're a stranger to us and asking for a date too abrupt and scary.

The truth is while dating's purpose is to get to know the other person, in order for a girl to say yes, they need to at least know OF you vaguely to know you're a safe bet. (Not some crazy clinger, loser or someone who will be a social obstacle later on).


This is why girls often seek the endorsement of our girlfriends about a guy before we agree to even go on date 1, 2, or 3.

i don't disagree with you in terms of your opinion on tact. that being said i do stand by my statement because no matter how good or bad your skill at asking people out is, the more people you ask the more likely you are to get a yes.

[Uniquemind]

i don't disagree with you in terms of your opinion on tact. that being said i do stand by my statement because no matter how good or bad your skill at asking people out is, the more people you ask the more likely you are to get a yes.

Then it seems our posts are complimentary in the advice they give to the original poster of the thread or any one else with the same problem.

[onewingedangel666]

Thanks guys. Hopefully I can get good at number games XD

[AutumnWinds]

Thanks guys. Hopefully I can get good at number games XD

good luck hunnii. we're rooting for you! :yeah::yeah: