What am I?

[DonnellyDR]

Posted this on reddit to try and get some help but not a good outcome...
What am I? I call myself a depressed sociopath, a person who is sweet as a daisy to others but cold to himself. I want to be locked up in prison or a mental hospital, it calls for me or I die. I see pain in everything I do and watch, I dream of pulling my family apart, destroying their souls. I'm going to fake my death and run. But how? I'm only 13. I'm on the waiting list to see a doctor, my family know nothing, I don't know what to do.

[wolf g]

you are too young for these you don't have to thing for bad things
you are a teen guy that it's normal you are agood person think in positeve ideas

[maggs]

I think you need professional help.
I mean, some stuff happens to most of us in our teens, I've got my share of problems and troubles too, but faking your death? Destroying your family? That's too much.
You should talk to your parents about it, or to your doctor.

[Hindsight]

Did these thoughts came out of the blue or did you have them after a traumatic experience/continuous stress?

Either way, if these thoughts are posing harm to you, you should probably get professional help. Talk to a parent/older sibling/guardian you trust first and see if they can figure it out for you.

[Riley2015]

I don't think you'd like being in a prison or a mental hospital, they aren't nice places!

[DonnellyDR]

Thank you to all that have replied. I would like to answer two things:
1. I haven't gone through and trauma that would be significant enough to bring this all on, which is hard for me to know that I know nothing about myself.
2. I realise being locked up is horrible and most people would try and advoid being in a cell. And I would try aswell. But my mind says I belong there, and o can't control it anymore so please keep that in mind. It's like a constant battle.

DR

[DonnellyDR]

look at my latest comment on this post

[Nav-Man]

Give it six months. If it gets worse contact your DR asap.

[Nauticalemptiness]

Being locked away in a psychiatric ward is the last thing you want, trust me. You won't come out the same (if at all) and you may come out with more issues than before. Look, I get that things may seem difficult and media certainly doesn't help by romanticizing these things, but you're going to be alright. Seek out a therapist kid.

[hockeyboi99]

You are still very young, and you have very many experiences waiting ahead for you in life. These sort of hardships, however, will not be with you forever. They can be helped and you can certainly start feeling better again after you take some time to recover.

I won't say being locked in a pysch-ward will make everything better, but mental hospitals aren't always a bad thing. You always have doctors, nurses, and psychologists on hand when you need them 24/7 and they will monitor you to get a visual of what you are experiencing. It helps them gain a better idea of what they can do to work on the problem.

If you are feeling this awful then you shouldn't wait while you are still on-hold to see a doctor. Call a hotline if you have to, try opening up and confiding in your parents. Do whatever you can do to get the help you deserve. The last thing anyone wants is for you, or someone else to get hurt. A lot of people can recover from this and you can as well. It always helps to remind yourself of that even when you have a difficult time believing it.