Learning French? Too difficult for you? Let me help you out.

[Jean Poutine]

I gotta have some kind of utility around here given how old I am.

As my everlasting mission to teach younguns not to be stupid fucks is still ongoing, I hereby set myself as VT's perfectly official in-house awesome French tutor.

I indeed have 24 years of experience in speaking and writing French, given that it is my mother tongue. I've spent a lot of time around English speakers and even tutored a few privately, so I'm familiar with the usual mistakes people make. I also tutored French in college.

I am studying for a Master's degree in translation (English > French) so I happen to be acquainted with the differences and similarities between both languages, what works and what doesn't. Given that the early learner's compulsion is to mentally translate English into French, I can show you how to avoid all the pitfalls.

Of course, studying translation also implies that my written French is nigh-spotless. French is a hard language to write correctly and even native speakers completely mangle it sometimes. You'll be happy to know I'm a bilingual grammar nazi. I know all the exceptions to the rules and all the exceptions to these. Even if my memory fails me, I am armed with the latest and greatest in French linguistic reference tools.

I won't do your homework for you but I'll gladly correct it or offer pointers. You may also forward any questions you may have to yours truly. I can answer questions about any aspect of French (syntax, grammar, orthography, whatever) or language learning (I've been around the block; taught myself English for instance). If you want media to practice your listening skills then I can do that too. You can PM me or ask questions here.

One thing I can't do is speak to you. I have a very heavy Canadian accent which is very different from the French accent and even if I neuter it, chances are it'll still sound like gibberish to you. We clip a huge amount of consonants and vowels, so much that even the French can struggle with it, and some non-standard constructions might still come through. As you probably learn proper err standard French, no teacher is going to appreciate you picking up my gobbledigook. I'm doing you a solid here. I can textually tell you how to pronounce stuff, however.

Come on. I'm bored.

[TylerK]

I only know what my friends taught me. Like Nique Ta Mere, Je suis un Baguette, Par le vous, bonjour, oui, no, croissant, etc. hehe don't forget escargot

[Vlerchan]

I've been thinking of taking up French again after 16 months without touching the language. I don't have the free time right now but I'd be good to take up this offer when I get back to college.

You'd just have to forgive how utterly awful it's become.

[Plane And Simple]

I'd be interested in some french typing chat, I want to keep learning it, I have extremely basic knowledge and I'd like to improve that a tiny bit :P

[Magenta]

One thing I can't do is speak to you. I have a very heavy Canadian accent which is very different from the French accent and even if I neuter it, chances are it'll still sound like gibberish to you. We clip a huge amount of consonants and vowels, so much that even the French can struggle with it, and some non-standard constructions might still come through. As you probably learn proper err standard French, no teacher is going to appreciate you picking up my gobbledigook. I'm doing you a solid here. I can textually tell you how to pronounce stuff, however.

One of my teachers came from Europe to teach French in Canada and man, I think we kinda frightened her. Especially me since my family is from Sudbury and we're possibly even worse. We have some weird Canadian franco/anglophone accent that isn't even used speaking proper French, it's all Frenglish. My teachers did NOT appreciate that at all.

Nor did one of them appreciate my sense of 'humour' when we were asked to write a presentation on an animal and I chose to talk for ten minutes about wombats since they were just "les wombats".

[Jean Poutine]

One of my teachers came from Europe to teach French in Canada and man, I think we kinda frightened her. Especially me since my family is from Sudbury and we're possibly even worse. We have some weird Canadian franco/anglophone accent that isn't even used speaking proper French, it's all Frenglish. My teachers did NOT appreciate that at all.

Nor did one of them appreciate my sense of 'humour' when we were asked to write a presentation on an animal and I chose to talk for ten minutes about wombats since they were just "les wombats".

European French people are easily scared by how different the French we speak here sounds.

One of my friends went to Paris and told me nobody could understand her. At a bakery, she asked the clerk what flavour a danish was (c'est à quoi ça?) only to be answered "A-PPUHLE! A-PPUHLE!" (yes, in English, the French will speak English to us) like she was a retard.

Another time she was asking a security guard if there was a sale in a particular shop (y'a une vente ici?) only to receive a blank look. So she went through all the synonyms (vente? rabais? solde?) and only when she started miming towards the price reductions in other shops did the guy understand.

I once played an MMO on a European server and I was in a French guild, whenever we went on Vent I had to be careful to completely neuter my accent or nobody would understand me. Sometimes I'd let a tabarnac! or a câlice! go through and they'd laugh their heads off and would repeat it all the time, of course with their own accent (cah-lees!) which made it sound ridiculous.

[Porpoise101]

Ok I have a question is it "j'habite chez moi." or is it "je vis chez moi?"

Basically, do you use habiter or vivre when talking about where someone lives?

[Vlerchan]

I use/d 'habiter'.

[Microcosm]

Mainly I've only been starting up with Spanish. I feel like one day I might learn French, but who knows.

I think it's great that you know these things about both languages. You should consider being a proper French/English teacher in schools and such. I bet you'd be good at it.

[lliam]

European French people are easily scared by how different the French we speak here sounds.


As for French Canadian, I think it's normal, that language changes. Cause language in generally is always in flux and influenced by other cultures and languages, which at least is (e.g.) proven by the history of european colonial era. Particularly the history of the British Empire throug this era is in my mind.

[Jean Poutine]

Ok I have a question is it "j'habite chez moi." or is it "je vis chez moi?"

Basically, do you use habiter or vivre when talking about where someone lives?

In your sentence (as funny as it may be - I live at my place - where else would you live?), habiter and vivre are synonymous. You can use one or the other, as you want, and nobody's going to strike you.

However, in the context of longer ideas, keep in mind that French likes rotating through synonyms much more than English does. We are taught that variety is the source of good writing, so we seek to avoid using too many "catch-all" verbs and to repeat the same word too often. That's why French is replete with metaphors and imagery; we'll do anything just so we don't have to repeat ourselves too much.

In this case it makes sense to use vivre when talking about a general location and habiter when talking about in whose's house you live. For example : Quand je vivais en France, j'ai habité chez mon oncle à Paris. (When I lived in France, I lived at my uncle's place in Paris.) This is probably the original usage, mostly lost with the times but struggling on as some sort of linguistic echo or afterthought.

However, this is stylistic. You could technically use vivre or habiter for both, but it would sound a bit queer or a bit unrefined.

Jean Poutine, going the extra mile.

[wolf g]

in my country french is the second language we talk in french normaly
like j'ai aucun probleme avec toi et je suis très heureuse de parler avec vous

[Porpoise101]

in my country french is the second language we talk in french normaly
like j'ai aucun probleme avec toi et je suis très heureuse de parler avec vous
So do you know French and Arabic then?

[wolf g]

yes and english too

[goodnightxmoonx]

Does 'je suis beaucoup choses' mean 'I am many things' or no? I'm not sure if it's proper grammar or not. (I want to use it for my Instagram bio haha :P)

[Jean Poutine]

It's not idiomatic in French. "Je suis beaucoup de choses" just means that you are made of many unidentified objects. It doesn't mean that you fulfill many roles or have many interests like it would in English.

Something close to what you intend that would make sense in French would be "une personnalité aux multiples facettes" which means something like "a multilayered personality". If you want to refer to yourself more closely, you could use the avoir verb with this too but it lacks refinement. You could use "détentrice d'une personnalité aux multiples facettes" which is an A-OK level of snobby.

I don't know I'm not good with this shit. Tell me what you want to put in there exactly and I'll translate it for you.

[Seahawks15]

So far I can only speak conversational Spanish,I'd love to learn French though! It's such a beautiful language! So far I've figured out "Bonjour,Parle vouz Français?" and croissants and crêpes lol.

[Jean Poutine]

So far I can only speak conversational Spanish,I'd love to learn French though! It's such a beautiful language! So far I've figured out "Bonjour,Parle vouz Français?" and croissants and crêpes lol.

Try again.

[DamWayne]

i am french, if anyone needs any help. that would be the most useful i would ever be.

[dxcxdzv]

French is a hard language to write correctly and even native speakers completely mangle it sometimes.
+1 haha.




Le québecquois compte pas pour du pur français frère.

[Jean Poutine]

+1 haha.




Le québecquois compte pas pour du pur français frère.

On écrit "québécois", cousin.

P.S. : vous n'avez absolument aucun droit de nous faire la leçon quant à la qualité de notre français. Tu connais sûrement le dicton : « le Français se gare dans un parking, le Québécois se parque dans un stationnement. »

[dxcxdzv]

On écrit "québécois", cousin.

P.S. : vous n'avez absolument aucun droit de nous faire la leçon quant à la qualité de notre français. Un peu de shopping avant de passer au pressing? ;)
"Québecquois" c'est mieux, ça fait plus... Bon je sais pas ce que ça fait plus mais voilà quoi.

Honnêtement à part certaines expressions locales et l'accent (que je trouve horrible personnellement) j'ai rien à redire sur le québécois.
Et par expressions je veux surtout dire celles qui ne me paraissent pas "belles" (le français et les belles lettres, une grande histoire d'amour).

[Jean Poutine]

"Québecquois" c'est mieux, ça fait plus... Bon je sais pas ce que ça fait plus mais voilà quoi.

Honnêtement à part certaines expressions locales et l'accent (que je trouve horrible personnellement) j'ai rien à redire sur le québécois.
Et par expressions je veux surtout dire celles qui ne me paraissent pas "belles" (le français et les belles lettres, une grande histoire d'amour).

Ouais, nous aimons bien nos lettres superflues en français, non?

T'inquiètes, moi aussi j'ai le goût de vomir quand j'entends votre accent. Je ne sais pas comment vous percevez le nôtre, mais ici, les descriptions de l'accent français tournent souvent autour d'un balai dans le cul.

Que considères-tu comme une "belle expression"?

[dxcxdzv]

Ouais, nous aimons bien nos lettres superflues en français, non?

T'inquiètes, moi aussi j'ai le goût de vomir quand j'entends votre accent. Je ne sais pas comment vous percevez le nôtre, mais ici, les descriptions de l'accent français tournent souvent autour d'un balai dans le cul.

Que considères-tu comme une "belle expression"?
L'accent français est pas super, spécialement en anglais haha.

Par "belles expressions" je pense que c'est surtout une affaire de culture. Par exemple le "sortir ben tard" de ta signature. Franchement ça m'explose le cervelle.

Mais par exemple le célèbre huitain de Marot :
Plus ne suis ce que j’ai été
Et ne le saurois jamais être.
Mon beau printemps et mon été
Ont fait le saut par la fenêtre.
Amour, tu as été mon maître,
Je t’ai servi sur tous les dieux;
O si je pouvois deux fois naître,
Comment je te servirois mieux !

Le "o" a évolué en "a" mais on retient surtout un lyrisme et une linguistique pointus. Chose que je ne retrouve pas dans le québécois standard qui me paraît "campagnard".
Après il est vrai que dans le français de tous les jours c'est pas les salons mondains non plus.

[Stronk Serb]

Well, if me and my friend are going to join the Foreign Legion, it wouldn't hurt to know the basics of French. I know it isn't required, but still.