In love with same sex friend? - confused

[Kuroneko822]

I've felt a strong love for my best friend for a while now. I can't tell if it's a friendship love, an emotional love, a sexual attraction, or a curious crush. I'm really confused.

We are both girls, and I've had girl-crushes before but I've never felt anything like this. I feel like I want to be around her all the time, cuddle her, kiss her, talk lovingly, maybe do something sexual too... I'm not sure. I do fantasize about her, though.

I've gotten jealous in the past when she has had a lot of fun with other girls, but recently she has been spending a lot of time with a male friend. I see them laughing and cuddling, but they are just doing it as friends and she already has a boyfriend. I get this terrible negative emotion inside when I see them together, and I end up crying in front of them about it. This bad emotion is getting stronger and stronger, and I can hardly concentrate on homework without thinking about wanting to be around her and about how jealous I am that she spends time with him. He is my friend too and I just want to hang around with them both, but I want her to focus mostly on me...

I already have a boyfriend who I love very much, so I know I am not looking for an official relationship with her... but maybe some kind of special friend with benefits and closeness.

I don't know what to do... our amazing friendship is turning into a crying emotional fest on my part. And I don't know how I really feel about her.

So I was wondering if anyone could provide insight on:

1) What my feelings for her really are
2) How to control the strong jealousy

[Mzor203]

I don't really think that any of us can give too much advice on your second question,since it is something only you can control and the best thing you can do is try to focus on something else.

As for your first question, you could be in a stage, or it could possibly be just out of friendship, but from the intense emotion you are feeling, it could very possibly be that you are bi. It's different when a guy looks at gay porn or something like that, but actually loving another girl to the point that sex comes to your mind, that's a bit more than your average case of raging hormones, especially with the jealousy you feel, etc.

I am not sure of what advice to give you, but it may be best for your friendship if you focus on your own boyfriend right now.Sorry I can't offer more.

[Kuroneko822]

Thank you for your reply.

My boyfriend is away right now for a while. Maybe not having him around is making me look elsewhere for closeness with someone or something, I don't know. I think it would be best for our friendship too if I just forgot about it, but I've tried and it's really hard... I haven't been able to yet. Maybe it won't go away until I get to do "certain things" with her. She is always making lesbian suggestions at me but it's in a joking manner, so I'm reminded of my feelings quite often. I also don't know if these jokes are to suggest things to me in a hidden way and see how I react, so it makes me wonder if she feels the same way... but I don't want to reveal all of this to her if it might ruin our friendship.

[Mzor203]

Yes, unless you're really sure she is the same way and she loses her boyfriend, don't do anything because that could cause disaster because it could freak her out if she's just been joking around. I think you should wait until your boyfriend comes back and see if that clears up some stuff.

[stevemonster]

hey, thats probably to saddest story ive heard about a crush

you sound really serious about your jealousy.

taking the risk doing "things" to her are probably very high and very bad if it doesn't go well
chances are, it won't go well
i had teh chance, we did it, and it worked nicely sofar
but it was the hardest decision i made.
the jealousy feeling will haunt you until you find closure but just FIRST REALLY THING if its worth it!

i hope i could help, could you tell us more?

[Kuroneko822]

Sorry, I didn't check this.

Anyways, to update things, I told her about how I feel. We also kissed at a party, but she had some alcohol in her.

She said she likes kissing girls but nothing further, and she has also started dating the male friend who I was/is jealous of.

We've been talking about it lately and trying to work it out.

[notsure101]

1st i dont think i can answer that]

2nd dont let it get to u only u can control that