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View Full Version : Best friend is experimenting on me or???


Avenida105
August 5th, 2015, 01:43 AM
Long story short, my best friend and I have been through a lot of changes in our lives, from being little straightedge freshmen in HS to becoming official raver attendees and the inconspicuous stoners. Same sports in HS, same classes, we got to the same college and we dorm together and the only difference between us is that I'm bi, more of a 4 on the kinsey scale and he is straight.

So once we hooked up and it went down to oral sex, I started the whole situation because I was cross faded, which not an excuse because I mean I was conscious of my decisions. It all goes well and we just don't say anything The second time it was again in our dorm room under the same situation but this time before we finished we stopped and agreed it wasn't a healthy thing to do, because I mean we are not 12 and just discovered our bodies, we know what we are. So we say, let's never talk about it and never do it again.

Now it has been about two months and we go to a festival together and we do drugs and in the high is still strong after the festival for about 3 hours, complete euphoria if you know what I mean. So as we leave the place he hugs me and says that its so we don't loose each other, because the exit had to handle 100,000 leaving the place. Once we are out he continues to do it and occasionally says I just don't want to get separated from you. It looked so gay, that we got called faggots from a car and I told him hey we should stop and he said he didn't care because we are best friends, so at this point we are walking everything is pretty, we are waiting for our ride to the hotel and occasionally leans on me. At this point I get the vibe of what is going on.

So we get back, we smoke two joints in the balcony to enjoy the roll from earlier, and we just talk about life stuff, we go back inside and look at pictures of the event and we do that in the same bed, legs intertwined his arm around me, basically the definition of cuddling. So at this point I actually feel bad because I'm the bi and I felt like I was just taking advantage of a straight person, but I mean if I was conscious of all of this and we did the exact amount of everything and I am 4" (10cm shorter) in shorter height it would be more than obvious that his body was just as conscious as mine. He then tells me he doesn't think he is completely straight and I mention the kinsey scale and he goes maybe I'm a one or a two and goes to his bed and its quite so I ask, does this mean you want me to come over and he says yes. I get down to do what I like, but this time it was weird because the other two times he just wore earphones and was quiet and this time he was even holding me and hugging and he was also doing work instead of just me sucking, plus he kept on saying stuff like rest, it feels good whatever. So it all ends and we don't talk about it again.

Yeah ok, so I got lucky with my best friend, be happy, but I just have so many questions.



1. Is my friend actually not straight and he was trying to come out, or in this case what we took was so euphoric that it made him more open for a moment?
2. Am I just being used to experiment with because he knows I'm bi
3. Should I bring it up this time, even though it can be really awkward considering he said what he said about being ok with male to male sassy moments?
4. Should I just not bring it up unless it happens one more time?
5. What happens if I actually liked the attention?
6. Besides the obvious what could go really well/wrong?

I feel like he might just be really confused because his best friend is bisexual his sister is lesbian. When he said that he "wasn't sure [he] wasn't completely straight" I felt bad, like maybe its my fault he is having doubts on his sexuality, I mean we are both 19 so the whole lets experiment phase is over.

The worse thing is that I don't know what to do because now I still see him as my best friend but he also has the qualities that I look for in a guy so its like I don't want to take a biased position on this matter because I love this guy like my brother.

Any thoughts?

Abhorrence
August 5th, 2015, 05:28 AM
I mean, your head is going to be filled with all sorts of questions unless you just get down to it and ask him them. Don't be pushy or confronting, just say that you need to talk and be serious with him but chill about it too. You deserve to know what's going on, especially as you feel he could be just experimenting with you.

maggs
August 5th, 2015, 07:12 AM
I don't think he's "experimenting on you". IMO he's bi or gay. If he's 19 then he definitely knows what he wants, I don't think he's doing it just for curiosity.

You should talk to him about it to clear any doubts.

ImCoolBeans
August 5th, 2015, 11:46 AM
If you guys were doing something that caused extreme euphoria like you described, ecstasy or something of the like, then it's possible that he was so romantic or enticed because of the euphoria. I know somebody who confessed his love to his best friend while they were both doing ecstasy and the friend said he loved him back and they slept together that night and were very lovey dovey and whatnot, and then in the morning when the drugs wore off the one friend still felt for his friend, but the other one said it was just the drugs and he never really felt that way. It crushed the one who was really in love with his buddy, but drugs like that can make you feel things that you don't normally feel. Also the fact that you took the same amount and he is a bigger guy (height-wise) doesn't mean that much, drugs affect everybody differently -- it's more so brain chemistry than it is body weight/height ratio.

With that being said, if it just happened that one time where he was rolling on whatever you guys were on, I would probably chalk it up to the drugs, but this has happened multiple times now... that makes me think that it wasn't just the drugs, but you never know and should keep that in mind if you're going to ask him. I don't think he's just using you, especially since he's you're best friend.

I would talk to him about it, but that's me. It's happened three times, and the last time some romantic stuff happened, which kind of brought it out of that 'experimentation' realm, and turned it into something a little more real. Experimenting kind of goes out of fashion when you're a younger teenager, but if your friend has had feelings about other guys all along and repressed them/never got to experiment with his sexuality then it's possible that he is doing that now that he has a chance with somebody he trusts more than anyone else, his best friend. Either way, whether you think he's experimenting or actually has feelings for you stronger than a platonic friendship, I would talk to him about it. Leaving a loose end in your friendship could potentially be worse than creating a kind of awkward situation. This talk is bound to happen at some point since you have actually fooled around but still continue to be friends -- I would personally rather have it before things do get awkward and sort things out.

Gene
August 5th, 2015, 05:00 PM
I would talk to him about it and let him know that you support him no matter what his sexuality is, but you need to know because you don't want to take advantage of him. See what he says, and maybe you can help him figure it out. But i think he's probably bi. Good luck with it man, just make sure yall are both comfortable and on the same page before yall do anything else :)

Avenida105
August 5th, 2015, 08:43 PM
If you guys were doing something that caused extreme euphoria like you described, ecstasy or something of the like, then it's possible that he was so romantic or enticed because of the euphoria. I know somebody who confessed his love to his best friend while they were both doing ecstasy and the friend said he loved him back and they slept together that night and were very lovey dovey and whatnot, and then in the morning when the drugs wore off the one friend still felt for his friend, but the other one said it was just the drugs and he never really felt that way. It crushed the one who was really in love with his buddy, but drugs like that can make you feel things that you don't normally feel. Also the fact that you took the same amount and he is a bigger guy (height-wise) doesn't mean that much, drugs affect everybody differently -- it's more so brain chemistry than it is body weight/height ratio.

With that being said, if it just happened that one time where he was rolling on whatever you guys were on, I would probably chalk it up to the drugs, but this has happened multiple times now... that makes me think that it wasn't just the drugs, but you never know and should keep that in mind if you're going to ask him. I don't think he's just using you, especially since he's you're best friend.

I would talk to him about it, but that's me. It's happened three times, and the last time some romantic stuff happened, which kind of brought it out of that 'experimentation' realm, and turned it into something a little more real. Experimenting kind of goes out of fashion when you're a younger teenager, but if your friend has had feelings about other guys all along and repressed them/never got to experiment with his sexuality then it's possible that he is doing that now that he has a chance with somebody he trusts more than anyone else, his best friend. Either way, whether you think he's experimenting or actually has feelings for you stronger than a platonic friendship, I would talk to him about it. Leaving a loose end in your friendship could potentially be worse than creating a kind of awkward situation. This talk is bound to happen at some point since you have actually fooled around but still continue to be friends -- I would personally rather have it before things do get awkward and sort things out.

Exactly, I mean the fact that we were both on something I mean that's the first thing that I thought I mean it makes sense, but I remember knowing what was happening and vividly plus I also remember telling myself from the moment he hugged me that stuff was going to happen and I tried not to make a big deal of it so I went along, because part of my likes this too but at the same time I was really hoping it wouldn't happen again because we agreed not to.

The thing is that he never said hey I like you or hey I love you, he just said he didn't want to loose me and then he sorta came out? but not really because he didn't say I'm this or that he just said he didn't think he was fully straight.

I mean everyone is saying talk to him and it does seem like the most rational choice, I guess I just have to be really careful on the word choice though. I'm not really good at handling situations like this. :what:

I would talk to him about it and let him know that you support him no matter what his sexuality is, but you need to know because you don't want to take advantage of him. See what he says, and maybe you can help him figure it out. But i think he's probably bi. Good luck with it man, just make sure yall are both comfortable and on the same page before yall do anything else :)

He might be bi I guess, but like it's such a weird situation because we both agreed to not kiss because that would be too personal. I'm not so good with words so how should I even bring it up?

Double post merged. - Abhorrence.

DoodleSnap
August 9th, 2015, 03:52 AM
I would say speak to him about it.
Unspoken distances in relationships make for complications further down the line, and awkwardness, so I think that you should ask him about it. You won't know for sure what is going on in his head until you speak about it. Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship, so be honest and work out what is going on together, rather than wondering about it individually, with only half of the perspective/story.
From the information provided, it sounds to me like he is somewhere in between on the spectrum, and has feelings for you, but feels confined by his label, but not knowing him, and not being there, I can't say.
Yeah, ask him about it.
Good luck.

Ratman1234
August 10th, 2015, 11:27 AM
Just have a serious talk with him about it

DoodleSnap
August 11th, 2015, 12:06 PM
Exactly, I mean the fact that we were both on something I mean that's the first thing that I thought I mean it makes sense, but I remember knowing what was happening and vividly plus I also remember telling myself from the moment he hugged me that stuff was going to happen and I tried not to make a big deal of it so I went along, because part of my likes this too but at the same time I was really hoping it wouldn't happen again because we agreed not to.

The thing is that he never said hey I like you or hey I love you, he just said he didn't want to loose me and then he sorta came out? but not really because he didn't say I'm this or that he just said he didn't think he was fully straight.

I mean everyone is saying talk to him and it does seem like the most rational choice, I guess I just have to be really careful on the word choice though. I'm not really good at handling situations like this. :what:



He might be bi I guess, but like it's such a weird situation because we both agreed to not kiss because that would be too personal. I'm not so good with words so how should I even bring it up?

Double post merged. - Abhorrence.
Maybe you should ask him what your relationship is? That's often a good place to start.
I have had difficulty in the past with being unsure of the boundaries of the relationship, and asking the other person how they feel about me, and explaining my feelings to them has been really beneficial. Maybe you should ask him how we would feel if you were to have feelings for him? Or maybe you should ask him about the time you described? Maybe he can try to explain what his feelings in the moment were, better.
Or maybe you could ask him about his sexuality?
I'm not sure how to word it exactly, but all I can say is make sure you go slowly and clearly, and let each other hear what you have to say very explicitly. Hopefully these questions have given you some good for thought.

But most importantly, be honest. Good luck, I hope it all turns out well.