vboy
August 4th, 2015, 03:32 PM
I know why I have such a hard time telling people im gay
It begins with the fact that I have aspergers syndrome (ive heard all the ass burgers references haha verry funny) which is a fourm of asd, u wanna know more then google it! Any way this makes me in many many ways socially aquard. And because of that I got bullied lot, I was called names, made fun of, given grief etc etc. Now some of th names I was called were poof, gay, faggot, gayboy, homo etc etc, not cause they were homophobic but because it was s1 s2 and s3 and they only did that to annoy or insult me. Proble, was tho this was the earley stages in puberty for me and this then made me confused, was I feeling attracted to guys because I was being told constantley I was attracted to guys or was I lying to my self because I diddnt want to prove those bastards right. Now I know I am gay (like 95% shure) and teling people is hard because every time im about to open my mouth I freze, I just cant do it, I then think of the riddicule and the torment ( again not homophobic just whinding me up ) and I know thas had an affect on me and I diont know. They say tnat u shouldnt let it get to u but all they years of pulling a brave face and trying to ignore what they are saying has left me with a mental scar. Just egnore them tney said, their only being silly they said. Well now thats what plays through my head every time I try to say the words I am gay out loud. I havent even done that btw, not even to a mirror, I open my mouth and all I get is static. I know those people are not homophobicm several of them have the same gay friend(s) and tneir fine but its the years of hearing otherwise thats whats bothering me. I dont know. I know that step 1 to solving a mental problem is getting to the rout cause but if anyone knows what the hell step 2 is id love to hear it.
Im in a state
I want to cry and I am slightly but I have every instinct telling me not to
I want to tell people but I have every instinct telling me not to aswell
I want to break something but ive got nothing to breaak
I want to punch someone but that would solve nothing
I want to rip someones face off but thats illegal
Most of all
I want someone to hug
Someone I can talk to
A friend whos willing to listen and who I can trust
It begins with the fact that I have aspergers syndrome (ive heard all the ass burgers references haha verry funny) which is a fourm of asd, u wanna know more then google it! Any way this makes me in many many ways socially aquard. And because of that I got bullied lot, I was called names, made fun of, given grief etc etc. Now some of th names I was called were poof, gay, faggot, gayboy, homo etc etc, not cause they were homophobic but because it was s1 s2 and s3 and they only did that to annoy or insult me. Proble, was tho this was the earley stages in puberty for me and this then made me confused, was I feeling attracted to guys because I was being told constantley I was attracted to guys or was I lying to my self because I diddnt want to prove those bastards right. Now I know I am gay (like 95% shure) and teling people is hard because every time im about to open my mouth I freze, I just cant do it, I then think of the riddicule and the torment ( again not homophobic just whinding me up ) and I know thas had an affect on me and I diont know. They say tnat u shouldnt let it get to u but all they years of pulling a brave face and trying to ignore what they are saying has left me with a mental scar. Just egnore them tney said, their only being silly they said. Well now thats what plays through my head every time I try to say the words I am gay out loud. I havent even done that btw, not even to a mirror, I open my mouth and all I get is static. I know those people are not homophobicm several of them have the same gay friend(s) and tneir fine but its the years of hearing otherwise thats whats bothering me. I dont know. I know that step 1 to solving a mental problem is getting to the rout cause but if anyone knows what the hell step 2 is id love to hear it.
Im in a state
I want to cry and I am slightly but I have every instinct telling me not to
I want to tell people but I have every instinct telling me not to aswell
I want to break something but ive got nothing to breaak
I want to punch someone but that would solve nothing
I want to rip someones face off but thats illegal
Most of all
I want someone to hug
Someone I can talk to
A friend whos willing to listen and who I can trust