Confused and alone

[Nathan32]

I am a 17 year old boy, 18 in march next year. I dropped out of school at 16 and haven't done any work/schooling since. I am totally alone I have no friends, no girlfriend and on top of that I can't stand my family.

Basically I am so depressed, I have been for years even before I left school I was depressed. But I can't hide it from anyone anymore I am starting to crack and my family is noticing. It's hard to put a fake smile on anymore nothing makes me laugh or smile nothing makes me happy. I can't even remember what it's like to be really really happy.

17 still a virgin, no money, in a place I don't even want to live in. I know how to fix all of this, get a job get out there and meet people right? But why can't I? I don't know how to get a job, I am so insecure about myself now, can't believe I am good looking, can't believe my life is worth living, can't believe that anyone could ever care about me.

All I ever think about is death I see it everywhere, cars driving past, knives, pills, water, ropes, razors, bridges I notice it all more then anyone else and I think about how great it would be to end it. But I am weak, I can never bring myself to do it and I can never bring myself to cry, it's physically impossible.

How do I fix this? I have been living like this for so long I can't imagine living life in any different way, also my older brother who is 25 or so recently came back from australia where he was living with his girlfriend and they have a decent size house and he wants me to get a job and move in with them. I don't like my brother at the best of time not to mention it would be weird being around both of them, plus he wants me to attend his wedding which I HATE.

Why is life so lonely.

[Ainsleyshea]

just get a job then you have some thing to keep your mind occupied

[Nathan32]

just get a job then you have some thing to keep your mind occupied

I don't know how, that's the thing. Despite what I like people to think i'm really shy and because I left school im not particularly qualified for anything? It's such a pain

[Ainsleyshea]

well go shop to shop asking for a job

[Nathan32]

well go shop to shop asking for a job

It's not that simple :c I'm not outgoing enough anymore, staying so far away from people all this time has really taken it's toll

[Ainsleyshea]

you have to remember you don't ask you don't get just pretend your on your laptop/phone
close your eyes to tfive and say it whats the harm count

[Nathan32]

you have to remember you don't ask you don't get just pretend your on your laptop/phone
close your eyes to tfive and say it whats the harm count

I guess your right but it would be so much easier to just die and not have to worry about anything yknow? I wouldn't have to worry about a license or job or family anything like that :c

[Steve Jobs]

What good will dying bring to you, or anyone?

It's a part of growing up, and you haven't found something that's fulfilling enough to make you want to live and fight for, but it's a phase everyone goes through, including myself.

I can't blame you for not feeling in the right place, because many times I question that myself too.

If you live near a city, go into town one day and just blend in. There's nothing wrong with being alone, but sometimes all you need is a simple change in environment to get your butt moving again. Start living for tomorrow, then the week, then the month, and set yourself small things you want to accomplish.

Chin up! You'll be able to (legally) get yourself a beer before you know it :beerchug:

[Nathan32]

What good will dying bring to you, or anyone?

It's a part of growing up, and you haven't found something that's fulfilling enough to make you want to live and fight for, but it's a phase everyone goes through, including myself.

I can't blame you for not feeling in the right place, because many times I question that myself too.

If you live near a city, go into town one day and just blend in. There's nothing wrong with being alone, but sometimes all you need is a simple change in environment to get your butt moving again. Start living for tomorrow, then the week, then the month, and set yourself small things you want to accomplish.

Chin up! You'll be able to (legally) get yourself a beer before you know it :beerchug:

if I haven't found anything by now what are the chances of me finding anything at all? And I don't get what walking around in towns going to do for me it's not as if I have anything to do down there yknow?

[Steve Jobs]

if I haven't found anything by now what are the chances of me finding anything at all? And I don't get what walking around in towns going to do for me it's not as if I have anything to do down there yknow?


I thought the same way too, but we're still somewhat early in our lives. Many of the world's greatest things were accomplished by people who've been through what we've gone through.

The fact you're out of school early is great. Education isn't for everyone. I feel like we're at the stage where we start opening doors and questioning things in life, to make mistakes and learn from them.

Part of what helped me to realize the greater world was to spend time alone, out there. Watching the sunrise at the beach, going into the city and seeing the grind of the work life, things like that. It's helped me realize what happens in the world and what I want from it, if that makes any sense :P

[Nathan32]

I thought the same way too, but we're still somewhat early in our lives. Many of the world's greatest things were accomplished by people who've been through what we've gone through.

The fact you're out of school early is great. Education isn't for everyone. I feel like we're at the stage where we start opening doors and questioning things in life, to make mistakes and learn from them.

Part of what helped me to realize the greater world was to spend time alone, out there. Watching the sunrise at the beach, going into the city and seeing the grind of the work life, things like that. It's helped me realize what happens in the world and what I want from it, if that makes any sense :P

I understand where you're coming from and I am glad you found something that helped you (: But I am tired of feeling alone. Even in the presence of people or family I feel so alienated, it's so hard to imagine a time that I will be happy and seeing people walking around with smiles on their faces just makes me think even more about what I am missing out on :/

[Steve Jobs]

I understand where you're coming from and I am glad you found something that helped you (: But I am tired of feeling alone. Even in the presence of people or family I feel so alienated, it's so hard to imagine a time that I will be happy and seeing people walking around with smiles on their faces just makes me think even more about what I am missing out on :/

Don't get me wrong, I'm still that way. It took me a bit, but I had to force myself out of my zone to go out and meet people I eventually found myself with.

I hardly get along with my family, and up until high school most of my friends were just surface-level friendships that meant nothing to me. They didn't know me, I didn't know them and I basically only saw them because they were trapped in the same building at the same time as me.

Is there anything you enjoy doing? Hobbies perhaps?

[Nathan32]

Don't get me wrong, I'm still that way. It took me a bit, but I had to force myself out of my zone to go out and meet people I eventually found myself with.

I hardly get along with my family, and up until high school most of my friends were just surface-level friendships that meant nothing to me. They didn't know me, I didn't know them and I basically only saw them because they were trapped in the same building at the same time as me.

Is there anything you enjoy doing? Hobbies perhaps?

I like diving alot, and I used to really like cooking, I still do it when I get the chance and I guess I am a decent writer even though I don't have as much education as some people but recently my favorite hobby would be watching movies I do it alot it's fun to like rate them I guess :/

I don't know I mean I know so many teens go through this but it's different it's not just depression anymore my sleeping is all wrong sometimes i'm not even tired and I just can't live like this anymore yknow? I know change starts with me but it's so hard :(

[Steve Jobs]

I like diving alot, and I used to really like cooking, I still do it when I get the chance and I guess I am a decent writer even though I don't have as much education as some people but recently my favorite hobby would be watching movies I do it alot it's fun to like rate them I guess :/

I don't know I mean I know so many teens go through this but it's different it's not just depression anymore my sleeping is all wrong sometimes i'm not even tired and I just can't live like this anymore yknow? I know change starts with me but it's so hard :(

Well, you did the right thing and opened up about it (even on here, it counts :P)

Lately I've felt like I've been hitting my quarter life crisis, and I've been doing lots of staring at the wall pondering the meaning of life too.

It's definitely an adjustment trying to get used to not having a routine like school that dictates life for us. Are you still living at home with your parents and is that bogging you down on doing what you want to do?

Definitely do what you love and don't feel like any of it's a waste. People are making their living doing the most absurd things, so why let your current sense of judgement stop you from doing what you like to do?

[Nathan32]

Well, you did the right thing and opened up about it (even on here, it counts :P)

Lately I've felt like I've been hitting my quarter life crisis, and I've been doing lots of staring at the wall pondering the meaning of life too.

It's definitely an adjustment trying to get used to not having a routine like school that dictates life for us. Are you still living at home with your parents and is that bogging you down on doing what you want to do?

Definitely do what you love and don't feel like any of it's a waste. People are making their living doing the most absurd things, so why let your current sense of judgement stop you from doing what you like to do?

Yeah I am still living with my parents and I can't take it anymore, they all thought something was wrong with me today, thought I was sick but the truth is I am too tired for the fake smiles :( I don't want to do this to them, I have already made their lives miserable enough worrying about me isn't an option that's why I need money I have to move out

But I do alot of drinking as it is (They don't know that part) and I am scared of what I could do to myself when i'm alone and it's just even if I go out and find a job I don't want to work at a grocery store or flip burgers yknow? that's not the life I want to live through

[Steve Jobs]

Yeah I am still living with my parents and I can't take it anymore, they all thought something was wrong with me today, thought I was sick but the truth is I am too tired for the fake smiles :( I don't want to do this to them, I have already made their lives miserable enough worrying about me isn't an option that's why I need money I have to move out

But I do alot of drinking as it is (They don't know that part) and I am scared of what I could do to myself when i'm alone and it's just even if I go out and find a job I don't want to work at a grocery store or flip burgers yknow? that's not the life I want to live through


Yeah, I fully get that!

How is your relationship with your parents as a whole? Do you get least get along? Are they caring, over-caring or neglecting/judgmental?

Sometimes, burgerflipping or working checkouts is what you need to get from one place to another, though not necessarily. I've volunteered a little, and gotten a hell of an experience, along with developed some really useful connections that really sprung myself into a career, and decided to just take a leap into the big world.

If you're concerned about what you could do to yourself while you're intoxicated, I'd really bring that up with someone you trust. It's not good - a simple action could really send your life spiralling down the wrong path. Not trying to put you off drinking at all - it definitely has its place in my life :P

[Nathan32]

Yeah, I fully get that!

How is your relationship with your parents as a whole? Do you get least get along? Are they caring, over-caring or neglecting/judgmental?

Sometimes, burgerflipping or working checkouts is what you need to get from one place to another, though not necessarily. I've volunteered a little, and gotten a hell of an experience, along with developed some really useful connections that really sprung myself into a career, and decided to just take a leap into the big world.

If you're concerned about what you could do to yourself while you're intoxicated, I'd really bring that up with someone you trust. It's not good - a simple action could really send your life spiralling down the wrong path. Not trying to put you off drinking at all - it definitely has its place in my life :P

I guess, and it's not so much as what i'd do intoxicated but in general, I haven't done anything to myself because I don't want anyone to find me in a state I used to cut but I stopped after my ex found me it was humiliating I don't want someone to come round to wherever it is I am living and find me yknow?

My relationship with my parents is a strange one, them as a whole is fine they care theres no neglect or anything but I feel like i'm emotionally unavailable around my family. I see other people and how they are with their parents brothers/sisters and i'm not like that. Sometimes it feels like I just live here and i'm not actually part of the family it doesn't bother me too much it's just the way I am, but it's different with my older brother, I like to think I hate him, he told me to get a job and move in with him and his partner, but it would be awkward. theres times I want to tell him how i'm feeling yknow? despite him being in a different country for the past 3 years I feel like im closest to him out of all my family :/

[Steve Jobs]

I guess, and it's not so much as what i'd do intoxicated but in general, I haven't done anything to myself because I don't want anyone to find me in a state I used to cut but I stopped after my ex found me it was humiliating I don't want someone to come round to wherever it is I am living and find me yknow?

My relationship with my parents is a strange one, them as a whole is fine they care theres no neglect or anything but I feel like i'm emotionally unavailable around my family. I see other people and how they are with their parents brothers/sisters and i'm not like that. Sometimes it feels like I just live here and i'm not actually part of the family it doesn't bother me too much it's just the way I am, but it's different with my older brother, I like to think I hate him, he told me to get a job and move in with him and his partner, but it would be awkward. theres times I want to tell him how i'm feeling yknow? despite him being in a different country for the past 3 years I feel like im closest to him out of all my family :/

Dude, that's exactly the way I am! I'm so disconnected from my parents especially, they're caring, but I can just never be myself with them. Same with my sister really - she can be real supporting, but at times she just flips and I just feel so much hatred towards her.

I feel like you shouldn't worry too much about other people looking onto your life like that. Everyone has their problems and their own way of dealing with things - and as long as you aren't seriously hurting yourself, you should be able to go about life as you wish. I could never bring myself to cut, as many times as I've been tempted to harm myself, because the way I saw it, other people did it way too much and no one in the world had the right to do me bad like that.

[Nathan32]

Dude, that's exactly the way I am! I'm so disconnected from my parents especially, they're caring, but I can just never be myself with them. Same with my sister really - she can be real supporting, but at times she just flips and I just feel so much hatred towards her.

I feel like you shouldn't worry too much about other people looking onto your life like that. Everyone has their problems and their own way of dealing with things - and as long as you aren't seriously hurting yourself, you should be able to go about life as you wish. I could never bring myself to cut, as many times as I've been tempted to harm myself, because the way I saw it, other people did it way too much and no one in the world had the right to do me bad like that.

Yeah I know hey am I aloud to ask you if you have kik on here? I don't know it's just more convenient then loading the forums every time we chat it's nice to have someone around my age who has been through this.

And it's the same with my sister, sometimes shes nice and a really good person and other times she just makes me want to leave and never talk to her again. another thing is alot of people I know are getting married, they are older then me a couple of them 19-25 alot of my cousins my brother and my sister. Everyone is always asking me if I am ever going to find someone and it's just I don't know if I will yknow? it's the whole overly self conscious thing. I feel like I need something stronger then alcohol or pain something to completely numb myself so I can go day to day without all this stress and depression

[Steve Jobs]

Yeah I know hey am I aloud to ask you if you have kik on here? I don't know it's just more convenient then loading the forums every time we chat it's nice to have someone around my age who has been through this.

And it's the same with my sister, sometimes shes nice and a really good person and other times she just makes me want to leave and never talk to her again. another thing is alot of people I know are getting married, they are older then me a couple of them 19-25 alot of my cousins my brother and my sister. Everyone is always asking me if I am ever going to find someone and it's just I don't know if I will yknow? it's the whole overly self conscious thing. I feel like I need something stronger then alcohol or pain something to completely numb myself so I can go day to day without all this stress and depression

Eh, I've never really discussed relationships with many people, probably only the closest of my friends know, and not even my family. It's none of their business, even if they care, and if they are meant to know they'd figure it out naturally :P

I didn't need anything to numb myself, I naturally desensitized and dissociated from the world :metal:

[Nathan32]

Eh, I've never really discussed relationships with many people, probably only the closest of my friends know, and not even my family. It's none of their business, even if they care, and if they are meant to know they'd figure it out naturally :P

I didn't need anything to numb myself, I naturally desensitized and dissociated from the world :metal:

Yeah I have done that but I still hurt I need something, do you have the phone app kik? And if you dont mind me asking why did you drop out of school?

[Steve Jobs]

Left you a VM :bigsmile: