The Life: Hated, No IRL Friends, Lonely

[Plushieluver101]

Hello! Hello, people of, like the internet-life-thing! Uh, where do I start? I know! I'll describe how I am now, and then explain the causes, and such...



Okay. I have social anxiety (though, I think it is on the mend because of having to walk around Benidorm, for hols, on my own at times, like from the hotel to Burger King, and such but that was, big, for someone who has social anxiety), I have this fear of men (if they appear to be masculine, cocky, loud, boisterous and deeper-voiced) because they could not like me because femininity is very shy-ed from and frequently fought in offensive, violent ways. Even with girls. If they dress more masculine, they can get away with it but boys can't get away with dressing more feminine, and such because, no matter who pulls it off, femininity is considered 'weak.'), despite being gay, and I have no friends and I feel horrendously lonely.



Now that I've got what has happened out the way, I need to explain how it happened. Number 1: Social anxiety: I have always been a very anxious person, more because of make-up I say, than actually having A.S., so I suppose that this has just been on-the-cards, so-to-speak. After being servilely bullied since Year 3 to the end of Year 11. For how I am, my femininity, my personality, gayness, and such... Verbally, physically and sexually. Oh, don't want to talk about that but yeah :( I suppose that's enough to make anyone afraid of leaving their own home, in case you see more people like that...



2: Fear of men: Well, this could be because I was abused by my step father for many years (kinda still am, emotionally and psychologically), my experiences with boys that ended up leaving me because they couldn't handle my sexuality and their denial, how I've been layed off by so many guys, my mind's defence or 'avoid' mechanism to avoid being hurt or ridiculed, abused, killed because of my sexuality, and because I naturally get scared of marchioness, anyhow. If I hear men chanting, I instantly feel really anxious and feel like I'm either gonna end up crying, or I'll just run away, until that source of marchioness has gone. So, yeah...



Last one: Having No Friends and Lonliness: Well, people just hate me. Girls find me annoying, take me for granted and don't see any value in me. Boys hate me. I'm gay. That's a problem. I'm feminine, that's a problem. Their insecurity of 'being turned gay' is another and some of their insecurity of actually having feelings for me but they're in denial (this boy decided to spread my 'confessing my love, well crush to him' message because he couldn't handle it, yet he's called me cute, has wanted to help me feel happier and has said that he's really cared about me) or it's just because of how I am. If these guys get along, after a while, some start having feelings for me but can't handle it (sorry, honay but you can't call me cute, rate other guys and say how my teacher's ubber pretty, without being bi, or something. You're not straight if you find guys attractive), and such. I haven't met one guy, yet where me falling in love with them or them sharing feelings back for me, hasn't ended us. I told him I only wanted to be friends, despite him bullying my feelings out for him but he doesn't care less and leaves me, crying my heart out and feeling like 'What is the point with guys, anymore? You've all been the same, thus far.' So, this is why I'm lonely...


I do have a, few, friends but Sam's only online, and we don't see each other in school, or whatever, my ex, who is online and is bisexual but is in denial and really has the preference of men but tries to hide that, adding to his denial, is extremely unreliable (ignoring me for weeks on end, closing off from me more and more per the days that he does talk, picking fights all the time and saying that I'm in the wrong. He's still in denial, we were going down the friends with benefits route, and wanted to experience that when we met up in a few years but that doesn't look like it's gonna happen now, but he can say how he wants to have sex with loads of guys but won't have it with me because it's 'gay' to have sex with a guy who loves you back and it's 'gay' to actually want to hug me, hold me and non-sexually sleep with me because we love the oddles out of each other... What? What? Ugh. Yeah... I would let him go but I can't because I love him absolute loads (we went out for two years, and he saved me from depression and suicide and because I know he doesn't, intend, to be this way... He's just strung up in his denial and I just really need him. I'd be a miss without him. I tried letting go but that made me worse than I am now, despite him treating me like rubbish. I'd rather have him than not at all, I suppose). So, yeah, I think I'm just a major mess! :(



Uh, any help would be solely appreciated! Thanks!

[ptz7649]

im so so sorry about how you're feeling. No person on this earth should have to go through that.

Firstly, can I just say: don't let anyone's opinions change you. If you are more of a femenine person, you can show strength in Having confidence with who you are.

If you have a fear of men (or anyone) try just taking a walk in the park and go and meet some new people. they will not have met you before, so nobody else's opinion of you can change theirs before they get to know you. You can start fresh with meeting some knew people. If you meet them in a pubilic area... What's the chances that you will even see them again if you "met up" or emabarass yourself in anyway. Hope that makes sense...

There is a boy in my class at school who is openly gay. He has lots of great friends, and people still respect him just the same as any other person. I'm sorry because I know that not everyone is so accepting especially in your case but I want you to know that in lots of places, people will understand. There are the bad and then there are the good. The world just about balances those people out.

Let your sexuality not define you as a person. Everyone has talents. Things they are good at. Make them the things that you show to people and they will remember you for your great abilities and your personality.

I wish you all the best and I would be your friend if I met you in the real world.

Any friends you do have... Family that are supportive? Keep them close.

[Plushieluver101]

im so so sorry about how you're feeling. No person on this earth should have to go through that.


Aw, thank you kindly! :)

Firstly, can I just say: don't let anyone's opinions change you. If you are more of a femenine person, you can show strength in Having confidence with who you are.


Oh, do not worry about that! I don't! :) I should have mentioned but I'm out, to absolutely everyone and my school and I'm proud! I love my feminine aspects. I don't dislike them. I just hate that people don't like me because I am feminine...

If you have a fear of men (or anyone) try just taking a walk in the park and go and meet some new people. they will not have met you before, so nobody else's opinion of you can change theirs before they get to know you. You can start fresh with meeting some knew people. If you meet them in a pubilic area... What's the chances that you will even see them again if you "met up" or emabarass yourself in anyway. Hope that makes sense...


I'd love to try that but I worry about meeting people who'll make fun of me, or try and hit me, or something... And, our parks aren't very nice where I live. They're just out of sight, where anything can go on, sex, abuse, killings, and such. Not like any parks you see in lovely places like New York :( Thank you for the offer, though! I could try but I get so anxious and get into panic attacks, sometimes.../COLOR]

There is a boy in my class at school who is openly gay. He has lots of great friends, and people still respect him just the same as any other person. I'm sorry because I know that not everyone is so accepting especially in your case but I want you to know that in lots of places, people will understand. There are the bad and then there are the good. The world just about balances those people out.


[COLOR="Magenta"] Oh, goodie! :) Glad to hear :) I'm already out, os not any bother there, just no one likes me for being out, and they didn't like me before... I suppose the good people and bad people are balanced but not where I live. I's just bad people, everywhere, it seems :(

Let your sexuality not define you as a person. Everyone has talents. Things they are good at. Make them the things that you show to people and they will remember you for your great abilities and your personality.


Yes, of course! I do have a few talents but my biggest passion, singing, can't be done because of this acid reflux I've had for four years that makes talking impossible, sometimes... Why meeee? :( I'm only 16... I'm healthy. I'm severely underweight, but... why meee? I try to but people just view me as a boy that spreads his joy for attention and that I'm just out to get people, and such, which is really upsetting :( I love helping people and would never dream of hurting anyone...

I wish you all the best and I would be your friend if I met you in the real world.

Any friends you do have... Family that are supportive? Keep them close.



Thank you! I do keep them close :) I have lots of family that support me, and such, just... If my ex could just get his act together, I'd feel less lonely. He once made me so happy... *Sigh.* Thanks again! :)

[ptz7649]

im really glad that you don't let people's opinions change you. That takes a lot of bravery and I really admire you for that.

yeah- it's really tough luck about the parks being all tucked away and dodgy and that. Have you considered a pet? Like a dog or cat ? My dog is always there for me when I'm down and I really couldn't do without him. S/he might get your confidence up as well and they are also very therapeutic. I know that obviously it's a BIG thing getting a dog and not "just for Christmas or birthday" but if you could really be committed to a pet, you could consider it?

I'm sorry, I don't know much about what an acid reflux is, but I got the bit about you not being able to sing. I'm really sorry to hear that. -hey! You can still have interests though! What is your favorite song and singer? if you tell me, I promise to listen to it on YouTube :)

You should see a doctor if you are underweight, you will probably feel better on the inside after gaining weight. A low weight can actually affect your mental thinking and can make you depressed (I'm not saying you are, but it would still help!)

Anyway, if you can, ask your family if there was any "old family friends" that they haven't seen in a while (preferably with kids your age) or old uni friends or something. Offer if they would like to see them again and that you wouldn't mind if they met up sometime. If you phase it in a way that you are offering for your parents to do something nice, then they will probably want to have a "catch up".

For you meeting these people that you haven't seen in a while or ever would be a really good thing. If they are adults, they can't really be jerks about anything and if they're teens, you can practice getting your confidence up by socialising more. As they're family friends, they will probably be nice people.

Hope your ok, remember lots of peop,e go through tough times.
Accept my friend request?
From Hazel

[Just JT]

I know this is short, and probably will sound kinda cold and generic and stuff ok?
But your 16, were all real young, so we have our whole lives ahead of us
I get along with people older than me a lot better than some kids my age, probably cause they will be able to understand your "issues better"
That being said, join a club at school that interests you, get involved in a group yiu like, let yiur true self show, openly and publicly, people will see the good that you can do, and recognize yiu for Yhose accomplishments, and people will begin to seek you out
As you get older, it will get easier. Your an aspie right? That might explain a lot, most aspies are likes loners, so seeking other kids your age with aspies, they are doing the same thing, trust me bro...

Keep your head up, be proud man, your a lot better than most give you credit for

[Plushieluver101]

im really glad that you don't let people's opinions change you. That takes a lot of bravery and I really admire you for that.

Aw, thank you! I've always been an out-going person (I guess), so that helps, I suppose :)

yeah- it's really tough luck about the parks being all tucked away and dodgy and that. Have you considered a pet? Like a dog or cat ? My dog is always there for me when I'm down and I really couldn't do without him. S/he might get your confidence up as well and they are also very therapeutic. I know that obviously it's a BIG thing getting a dog and not "just for Christmas or birthday" but if you could really be committed to a pet, you could consider it?



It is! :( Oh, honey, I did have a pet, a lovely cat that I named Pieszey but called him other names, such as Piesz, Peez, Peezy, Beauty, Beauy and Bee-Bee but he died from a cancerous growth just short of a year ago now... He was 17, love him and we had such a beautiful bond. I loved him to pieces but we're not allowed any more pets, which is a shame... Ever since he had gone, I have felt a lot more lonely...



I'm sorry, I don't know much about what an acid reflux is, but I got the bit about you not being able to sing. I'm really sorry to hear that. -hey! You can still have interests though! What is your favorite song and singer? if you tell me, I promise to listen to it on YouTube :)

Don't worry :) It's not very well known, especially in teens... Basically, acid from my stomach comes up all the time and attacks my throat and my vocal cords, making them perpetually hoarse. I get this wrank detergent-like taste in my mouth all the time and speaking is sometimes totally impossible, let alone singing... Thanks, though :) I can! I do draw and write from time-to-time but I haven't written for ages... I write but never finish... Shames :( Any artist that is a girl and has a nice voice, so like Ellie Goulding, Taylor Swift, Brittney Spears, Kelly Clarkson, Rihanna :) My fav song, probably right now is Two Pieces by Demi Lovato. It kinda reflects where me and James are right now (my ex I talked about)You? Aha :P

You should see a doctor if you are underweight, you will probably feel better on the inside after gaining weight. A low weight can actually affect your mental thinking and can make you depressed (I'm not saying you are, but it would still help!)


Oh, we are but they... well, the NHS is terrible again, so stuff like my problems are a waste of their time and they say it's all in my head and stuff :( Yeah, I know! :( I definitely am in a lot of despair at times but not depression, as I'm not as bad as I used to be before I came ot, and such. Thank you :)

Anyway, if you can, ask your family if there was any "old family friends" that they haven't seen in a while (preferably with kids your age) or old uni friends or something. Offer if they would like to see them again and that you wouldn't mind if they met up sometime. If you phase it in a way that you are offering for your parents to do something nice, then they will probably want to have a "catch up".


Sadly, we have no such people in our family :(

For you meeting these people that you haven't seen in a while or ever would be a really good thing. If they are adults, they can't really be jerks about anything and if they're teens, you can practice getting your confidence up by socialising more. As they're family friends, they will probably be nice people.

Hope your ok, remember lots of peop,e go through tough times.
Accept my friend request?
From Hazel



Thank you! You're really sweet :) Of course!

I know this is short, and probably will sound kinda cold and generic and stuff ok?
But your 16, were all real young, so we have our whole lives ahead of us
I get along with people older than me a lot better than some kids my age, probably cause they will be able to understand your "issues better"
That being said, join a club at school that interests you, get involved in a group yiu like, let yiur true self show, openly and publicly, people will see the good that you can do, and recognize yiu for Yhose accomplishments, and people will begin to seek you out
As you get older, it will get easier. Your an aspie right? That might explain a lot, most aspies are likes loners, so seeking other kids your age with aspies, they are doing the same thing, trust me bro...


Tha's okay! Any answer is better than none :) As long as it is genuine, which it is :) You are right there, true but I get along with barely anyone. Even young children start picking on me (I'm that weak, I suppose but I'm fine being weak. I'm just weak). I can get along with adults, though, which is probably why I can get along with teachers well and even male teachers (probably because they actually are quite genuine, sometimes and they're mostly gorgeous, which helps).


There's only sport clubs and singing but can't sing with a perpetually hoarse voice from reflux :(


I am but that doesn't define me, like my sexuality doesn't. Even if I wasn't an aspie, I could still be misunderstood. Some people just don't like a particular personality, or whatever... but the ones you find that do, are usually keepers :)

Keep your head up, be proud man, your a lot better than most give you credit for


Thanks again! I try to :)

[ptz7649]

I am so so sorry to hear about your cat. Praphaps a lot of your sadness has stemmed from missing your cat :( 17 is a great age for a cat (as far as I know) and you should remember the happiness that you shared with him. It's a real shame that you aren't allowed anymore pets because I know how much they ca nchange lives for the better.

The acid reflux sounds horrible! I'm sorry (again)!
I also do a lot of drawing and writing, I also listen a lot to audio books, I somehow find the voice comforting to hear. My drawings are normally zentangles... It's a kind of black and white art drawn with a pen, I find it very therapeutic. (Google "zentangles" and you'll probably find some nice examples in images)
What do you write and draw? (for me it's mainly poetry and sometimes short stories, because I just keep getting new ideas and when I start writing something long, I rarely finish it!!)

Yes! I share your favortie singers.... My all time top two are Ellie Golding and Ed sheeran. I normally don't like male singers (or rap songs really) but I feel like they both put so much emotion and thought into their songs and the lyrics.

Yes, that just about sums up the NHS. Somehow, a problem only seems important at the point that it's really urgent. It's really annoying.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today :lol:
Hazel

Ps, I like the way you respond to the messages, I was going to do it that way as well, but it does get confusing with all the colours and text! Bye!

[Plushieluver101]

I am so so sorry to hear about your cat. Praphaps a lot of your sadness has stemmed from missing your cat :( 17 is a great age for a cat (as far as I know) and you should remember the happiness that you shared with him. It's a real shame that you aren't allowed anymore pets because I know how much they ca nchange lives for the better.


It's okay :) I know some of it has, definitely. Yes, it is quite old for a cat! Yes :( It is...




The acid reflux sounds horrible! I'm sorry (again)!
I also do a lot of drawing and writing, I also listen a lot to audio books, I somehow find the voice comforting to hear. My drawings are normally zentangles... It's a kind of black and white art drawn with a pen, I find it very therapeutic. (Google "zentangles" and you'll probably find some nice examples in images)
What do you write and draw? (for me it's mainly poetry and sometimes short stories, because I just keep getting new ideas and when I start writing something long, I rarely finish it!!)

Yes! I share your favortie singers.... My all time top two are Ellie Golding and Ed sheeran. I normally don't like male singers (or rap songs really) but I feel like they both put so much emotion and thought into their songs and the lyrics.

Yes, that just about sums up the NHS. Somehow, a problem only seems important at the point that it's really urgent. It's really annoying.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today :lol:
Hazel

Ps, I like the way you respond to the messages, I was going to do it that way as well, but it does get confusing with all the colours and text! Bye!



Yep, it is! Oh, I'll look it up! Glad we share the same singer :) Ellie and Ed do. I jsut don't like Ed's voice, at times. I suppose his timbre can become very heavy, and I hate that. It has to be light all the way, even when the singer is in Chest, Head or Mix voice (sorry for the confusing terms, if you don't know about them :P) Did you check out that Demi song? :)



Yep, that is the NHS; evil :/ Aw, thank you! You too! Oh, aha! That's becuase the Quote option was messing up, and such, so I had to invent my own way to do it :P Thanks :P

[ptz7649]

Yes, I saw the song :D

[DoodleSnap]

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult situation right now. Have you tried speaking to your ex about his insecurities, and tried to confront them? Chances are, he is aware of them, deep down, but rarely discusses them.
The only other advice I can give is to keep close to your family, as they love you, and want to support you.
Good luck.

[Plushieluver101]

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult situation right now. Have you tried speaking to your ex about his insecurities, and tried to confront them? Chances are, he is aware of them, deep down, but rarely discusses them.
The only other advice I can give is to keep close to your family, as they love you, and want to support you.
Good luck.







Thank you. Oh... gosh. I have... He's so pathetically in denial it is insane... He claims he no longer is attracted to boys but, a few days later, he tells me that he's not another boy to mess around with and have sex with. He's a technical slut, which sounds really horrible to say but he's back and forth with boys, sexually, especially me. We only know each other on Skype, sure but if he's in the mood, he'll talk to me in vivid detail what he wants to do to me or we'll talk really couple-like but the day after, he'll say it meant nothing, or bla but in a few more days, a few more weeks, it'll happen again, which is just denial. He's so unreliable and I detest it... I've talked to him loads of times but he either pretends to not know what I'm not about, gets majourly stroppy and pulls a major diss towards me, ignores me for said days, weeks, months, and yeah...



Thank you! I try. It's not even like I want a lover, just a guy who can be my friend, give me hugs every-now-and-then...