My new book

[Close102]

I know this is the second thread ive made here today but i couldn'e wait any longer. im working on a book and i dont know how long its going to be yet but here is the Prologue and Authors Note of it. and yes I know it;s pretty short.

Authors Note

This is story of something that could have been. Well actually it should have been. It all started on that one day but i'll stop now because im getting off topic. and who knows if this turns out good mabe i will write the story about that day. but not right now so i hope you enjoy the book!

Prologue

New York. 5 days. All of your friends. What could be better? Well there are those pesky chaperones. But that’s beside the point. I mean seriously it’s 5 days with all your friends and the rest of the 8th grade with minimal adult supervision and you’re going to be in New York.

For Gods sake if you don’t get it by now you might as well stop reading this and buy a new book. But then you would miss a really great story. So kick back, relax, and keep reading.
___________

i typed the Authors Note on here which is why ther are mistakes in it just to let everyone know

[iJack]

Sounds interestring! i want a copy

[Close102]

im halfway done with the first short chapter but it might take me a while to type it and post it

[iJack]

Ok, i can w8

[Sage]

New York. 5 days. All of your friends. What could be better? Well there are those pesky chaperones. But that’s beside the point. I mean seriously it’s 5 days with all your friends and the rest of the 8th grade with minimal adult supervision and you’re going to be in New York.

For Gods sake if you don’t get it by now you might as well stop reading this and buy a new book. But then you would miss a really great story. So kick back, relax, and keep reading.


Red: This sounds childish and immature.
Green: This sounds unproffesional and demeaning to the reader.
Orange: This sounds unproffesional and demeaning to yourself and the reader.
Blue: This is arrogant.
Purple: This is anti-climactic.

[Mzor203]

Red: This sounds childish and immature.
Green: This sounds unproffesional and demeaning to the reader.
Orange: This sounds unproffesional and demeaning to yourself and the reader.
Blue: This is arrogant.
Purple: This is anti-climactic.

I must say, you have a great eye for editing, but that doesn't mean you have to put it in such harsh terms.I agree with you on all the points you are stating, but you don't have to tear apart his work. He didn't even ask for criticism.


Just a suggestion Close102, when you're writing in first person view normally you want to not talk to the readers directly or ask questions of them. You want it to sound more like the writer is sitting alone and narrating his story to no one in particular, if you know what I mean. If not, I'm going to post the first chapter of my story here shortly, and it is narrated in the first person view, so you can see the style you want to aim for. Beware though, it's 3000 words in the first chapter, so it may take a little bit to read.

[Sage]

I'm just stating my opinion Mzor. It's silly to post one's work and not expect criticism.

[Close102]

i dont mind it but the rest of my book is like that i only used the Prologue as if im talking to the reader. but thanks for the editing. and i finished the first chapter so by Monday it should be on here. its not up now cuz i write it on paper and im not the fastest typer.

[redcar]

Red: This sounds childish and immature.
Green: This sounds unproffesional and demeaning to the reader.
Orange: This sounds unproffesional and demeaning to yourself and the reader.
Blue: This is arrogant.
Purple: This is anti-climactic.
These are harsh and I think unnecessary. I think before you can actually criticise something you need to know the genre it will be placed in. Writting is not something that can be placed in a nice little box, everyone has their own style.