Telling people

[northy]

I know that this is a really common topic here, but I need to get it off me.

I was skyping one of my closest friends earlier and for some reason I had an urge to tell him that I was gay. I mean I don't know why, I haven't told anyone and before I didn't really want to. I even got as far as typing the message into the chat. But when I was about to send it, I had a bit of a mental breakdown and suddenly was thinking about a million different ways that it could go wrong. I ended up crying ( yes, I know) and pulling my PC out the wall so that he couldn't know. He knows something is wrong though and I don't want him to. He's really good at getting the truth out of people but I don't think he would react well to me being gay. I don't think I could deal with being rejected for it.

This is the only place where I've told people and sometimes i wonder why I do it on here. I'm scared on here too, scared of being judged for who I am. I sometimes hide my signature so that people won't see that I'm gay when I reply to their post. I hate myself for what I am .

* rant/ emotional story whilst crying over*

[Plane And Simple]

I have always believed true friends are those who stick by us no matter what. In these tough times it is when you need one, and certainly, if he wouldn't like the fact you're gay, he does not deserve you. It will be hard if you have to part ways, but I tell you it'll be for the better, and you'll have a very big weight off your shoulders when you tell somebody :) You can do it, you typed the message, so you can certainly do that again. We all believe in you,so slam that enter key and get it out, You'll feel extremely relieved :)

Feel free to drop me a message if you need to talk

[SethfromMI]

well said Nick Plane And Simple

Your friends are supposed to be there to support you no matter what. if he can't handle you being gay, he is not a real friend. he may not be gay. he may even be in a religion which does not support people being gay. but if he is a real friend, he will continue to be your friend

[Andyyy95]

Your friends are supposed to be there to support you no matter what. if he can't handle you being gay, he is not a real friend. he may not be gay. he may even be in a religion which does not support people being gay. but if he is a real friend, he will continue to be your friend

Perfectly worded there; if he is a friend, he will respect you and be happy for who you are!

[Microcosm]

northy,

If someone doesn't accept you being gay, then that is okay. Let them think how they want. If they don't want to be your friend anymore because of it, then try to explain to them why it doesn't change who you are. If they absolutely don't want anything to do with you no matter what you say in attempts to convince them(which seems highly unlikely), then give them an "honorable discharge" as being your friend. Let them know that you've had good times together and that you appreciate everything they've done for you, then accept their decision to drop you as a friend. It's an unfortunate thing to have to do, but sometimes the best course of action in such a situation is to merely accept it. Of course, as has been stated above, a true friend probably wouldn't entirely reject you.

Try not to stress over it too much. Remember there is nothing wrong with accepting who you are and if others don't accept it, then that's okay. Let them think how they want to. Try not to let their rejection of your sexuality define who they are for you. :)

[ashdaniel]

Don't be afraid of who you are, no matter what your sexuality you are a human just like me and others. I know it is scarey to come out and let people know but it is okay. In the pass year there are allot happen in my school. A guy I know come out as gay. Proud and shine of who he is but he is just too fabulous. He is straight A student and in choir, band and track. Other thing is that my school's student counsel president come out as gay which everyone are shock but we are happy for him. He is just awesome, cool and amazing not because of his sexuality but himself. He also bring him bf to the grad banquet/prom. Don't be ashame of your sexuality because it is not shame. They give me inspiration. Also my school have nearly 2000 students and we are find with people who are different than other.

[DoodleSnap]

Sexuality is a confusing thing, and the stigma of identity only worsens the fear and internalised hatred that so many experience. Just know that I think it's great that you have found your identity, and know what you really are. As others above me have said: get it out there. Speak to him about it, and just be honest with him. If he is a true friend, he will be there to support you nonetheless. Be prepared for some questions, and if you need a reference, then I can recommend this site. (https://flexuality.wordpress.com/)
You're doing really well, so just hit that send button, and feel proud of yourself for taking a weight off of your shoulders!

[northy]

I tried again today and decided that rather than telling him outright, I wanted to drop hints instead and see if he asked. He seemed to be getting my point at first, but then started laughing and said that it was a funny joke. Hr thought I was trying to get him back for a trick he played on me last week.

Also, while I'm posting, I keep wanting to come out to a girl first rather than a boy and I don't know why. Has anyone else felt like this?

[James Dean]

No I understand. It's harder to come out to guys. I'm mostly only out to girls who are friends of mine, and I just found it easier to open up to them. There are very few straight guys who I came out to.

I was in a gay/straight group at school that brings people who are gay and lesbian, as well as straight guys and girls who are supporters and you meet up at lunch time and hang out. I came out to some of the straight guys there.

[Bull]

Do not be scared to be yourself. And certainly not here on VT! We are all here to learn from and help each other. I know of no other place where we can be totally free to be open with no fear of retribution. So no need to hide your sig. Also, I join all the others who state that a true friend will be accepting of who you are. While I am not a big fan of labeling and announcing I admire and support those who announce their sexuality. My preference is to live my life as it unfolds and if anyone asks to be honest in my answer. I wish you all the best in your quest. Be proud of who you are. Real and true friends love you because of your personality what ever your sexual orientation.

[TacoMan]

Go ahead tell the world! Don't be scared. My friend admitted he was bisexual and he's proud of it! The bad thing is that you will get bullied and lose friends... but who cares? You got your real friends to support you [emoji4]

[northy]

I did it.

[Desuetude]

I did it.
'grats, man! What was his reaction? I hope it was positive.

[davdev17]

I lost all of my guy friends for coming out. It sucks. I don't regret coming out to them though because if they aren't going to support me for who I am, then I don't want them as a friend. Girls are a lot easier than guys. I have never lost a friend who is a girl for telling them.

[northy]

'grats, man! What was his reaction? I hope it was positive.
He was fine with it fortunately. But I wish I hadn't done it. I feel exposed and more worried about being discovered. I made him clear his chat history and I cleared mine. One thing that was good though I'd that he wasn't even surprised, although that makes me worried that my persona is slightly gay and I don't want that. I'm nothing like a stereotypical gay and I hate the stereotypes that are put on us all.


I lost all of my guy friends for coming out. It sucks. I don't regret coming out to them though because if they aren't going to support me for who I am, then I don't want them as a friend. Girls are a lot easier than guys. I have never lost a friend who is a girl for telling them.

Shit! That's awful. At least you know who your real friends are now. I really hope that this doesn't happen to me or to anyone. I don't think I'm telling any more people for a while now, it's too stressful and too tearful.

[Desuetude]

He was fine with it fortunately. But I wish I hadn't done it. I feel exposed and more worried about being discovered. I made him clear his chat history and I cleared mine. One thing that was good though I'd that he wasn't even surprised, although that makes me worried that my persona is slightly gay and I don't want that. I'm nothing like a stereotypical gay and I hate the stereotypes that are put on us all.
I wouldn't stress yourself out that you're 'coming off as gay'. Society is becoming a lot more accepting of the gay community so a lot of people aren't surprised when people they know come out to them, they're more supportive and accepting. My best friend came out to me as bi and there was no inkling at all that she liked girls but I didn't show shock, I just showed support and indifference mostly. So it might be that your friend didn't see it as being a big deal, which it shouldn't be. Another reason he might not be surprised is if you've been friends for a while and you've never brought up a girl/girls to him he may have suspected something? Even then, it'll only be people close to you that talk to you often that may pick up on it. Just remind yourself that he's supportive, he won't do anything to out you if he's your friend and cares about you.