Rude Friend

[Seahawks15]

This'll be long so just a disclaimer if you don't have a lot of time on your hands.
So I have this friend and I've known her for over 5 years.We've been great friends since I joined the club we met in until I moved into the same school.We would never hang out or have lunch together and we would only talk on social media.It got really bad second semester,we would have long late night talks that would lead to debates or talking about sexual stuff and puberty and then she wouldn't reply and just look at my messages and we'd wait a couple days and talk again.I mean she'll answer my questions and I'll answer hers and then suddenly she just won't talk anymore.It's a cycle that keeps repeating and I feel like it's getting worse.She claims she's like my best friend and knows me very well,then why won't she take a hint that I don't like her not replying back? I've told her blatantly and she still does it.I don't think she really cares what I have to say and most of the time when she doesn't want to talk she'll give me one word replies which get so annoying! What should I do? Is she really friend material or something I should let go? (By the way,my mom is friends with her family and if something happened between me and her,my family's reputation would go downhill with the club and we would lose family friends.)

[ClaraWho]

Firstly, to hell with 'reputation', live your life how you want - not based on some exclusive 'club'.

Secondly, she doesn't sound like a real friend. There's no reason to stop talking to her, just don't expect anything more than one word replies and anything else will be a bonus.

I completely understand how rotten it feels to be on the receiving end though, we've all been there a few times! You just have to decide if she's worth the effort, when she doesn't give you the time of day or respect you enough to reply properly.

~ Clara

[Seahawks15]

I'm a junior leader in the club and if I were to do something reckless I could be removed from the government of the club and so on.It's a youth organization in the U.S. called 4-H to teach youths independence,leadership,being a good role model,etc.That move would be the opposite of being a good role model.I mean she can be a great friend at one moment and then chewing me out and being rude the next.She can give me lengthy replies and then not reply at all.She's very wishy washy.I really don't enjoy being treated like that and I don't think it's worry my time typing out things where it took so much thinking and time put in just for her to look at my message and then continue with what she was doing previously.I'm the kind of person where it's very hard for me to let go,especially that I've known her for half a decade. ClaraWho

Also,I have developed feelings for her over the past couple weeks to a month.They get stronger everytime I'm around her.It's just I feel like I can't trust her really or rely on her with my one sided conversations.My heart won't listen to what my brain says is best. ClaraWho

[ClaraWho]

I'm a junior leader in the club and if I were to do something reckless I could be removed from the government of the club and so on.It's a youth organization in the U.S. called 4-H to teach youths independence,leadership,being a good role model,etc.That move would be the opposite of being a good role model.I mean she can be a great friend at one moment and then chewing me out and being rude the next.She can give me lengthy replies and then not reply at all.She's very wishy washy.I really don't enjoy being treated like that and I don't think it's worry my time typing out things where it took so much thinking and time put in just for her to look at my message and then continue with what she was doing previously.I'm the kind of person where it's very hard for me to let go,especially that I've known her for half a decade. ClaraWho

Also,I have developed feelings for her over the past couple weeks to a month.They get stronger everytime I'm around her.It's just I feel like I can't trust her really or rely on her with my one sided conversations.My heart won't listen to what my brain says is best. ClaraWho

No point jeopardising your position and standing for someone who won't give you the time of day. Maybe she's going through something in her personal life right now that she doesn't feel comfortable sharing. Whatever the reason, her behaviour isn't acceptable or worth your time.

On another note, nobody can make you do something stupid, it sounds like in your position the idea is you learn NOT to react childishly. What are you a leader of exactly? Younger kids? If so, put that professional barrier between you. For example, treat her as someone you have to deal with on a professional level, were anything personal would be inappropriate. Keep conversation to topics such as the weather and the task at hand, avoid her at other times.

I totally understand regarding the letting go inabality, I'm totally the same, but you learn the hard way sometimes you've just got to. It's not easy, but life isn't. No point in you running the marathon to get to her if she's just going to shut the door in your face, right?

I hope it gets easier for you!

~ Clara

[Seahawks15]

Very true,very good points.It will take time for me to ponder this but I think I will try not to talk to her for a week or two and if she starts talking to me,one word replies like she's been giving me.Let her know how I feel by giving her a little taste of her own medicine.Yes,junior leaders are supposed to lead younger kids down good paths.I wouldn't disclose our conversation if any to anybody in the club and I trust her enough to not do the same as I've never really heard my secrets circulate back to me at school so as far as I know,she keeps her mouth shut.

[Straya]

Very true,very good points.It will take time for me to ponder this but I think I will try not to talk to her for a week or two and if she starts talking to me,one word replies like she's been giving me.Let her know how I feel by giving her a little taste of her own medicine.Yes,junior leaders are supposed to lead younger kids down good paths.I wouldn't disclose our conversation if any to anybody in the club and I trust her enough to not do the same as I've never really heard my secrets circulate back to me at school so as far as I know,she keeps her mouth shut.

you have to realize that not every one wants to talk all the time, just because your in the mood to talk dosent mean she might be. there are plenty of times iv been having convos with frinds and then otherthings happen to distract me or im having multiple conversations at once and cant give my full attention to each convo

[DoodleSnap]

It sounds to me that she is acting somewhat irrationally, and is clearly dealing with some shit for herself, and that is compromising her relationship with you. You can't rush the journey that she is going through, so I think that the best plan of action right now would be to speak/initiate conversation less, but be pleasant when you are required (for 4H reasons) to speak to her. I have had friends that I have moved away from, but yet we are still on good terms, as I am polite to them, and them me, except that we are now acquaintances, rather than 'friends'.
Good luck.

[Reg_]

to be honest its your choice but i would drop that friendship. i also had one of these "friends" when i notice the pattern i just started to ignore him :D

[Uniquemind]

I'm a junior leader in the club and if I were to do something reckless I could be removed from the government of the club and so on.It's a youth organization in the U.S. called 4-H to teach youths independence,leadership,being a good role model,etc.That move would be the opposite of being a good role model.I mean she can be a great friend at one moment and then chewing me out and being rude the next.She can give me lengthy replies and then not reply at all.She's very wishy washy.I really don't enjoy being treated like that and I don't think it's worry my time typing out things where it took so much thinking and time put in just for her to look at my message and then continue with what she was doing previously.I'm the kind of person where it's very hard for me to let go,especially that I've known her for half a decade. ClaraWho

Also,I have developed feelings for her over the past couple weeks to a month.They get stronger everytime I'm around her.It's just I feel like I can't trust her really or rely on her with my one sided conversations.My heart won't listen to what my brain says is best. ClaraWho

Maybe she's mentally ill. That's always a side possibility would would explain her mood swings towards how she treats her friends.

Good one moment, distant the next without logical explanation.