Finally got around to asking this

[Professional Russian]

It's taken me awhile to actually be able to say this because I don't really talk about it too often but I'm really really bad at talking to girls. Like casually its fine but I have to warm up to her first and I'm always nervous and get cold and usually start shaking. And any time I've wanted to ask a girl I couldn't because I was afraid of being rejected. I've only told one girl I loved her in my life and it took 2 months too be able to say it. I'm just really bad with girls and don't know what o do about it. Any help is much appreciated

[Cronor]

Being rejected = no girl
No talking = no girl

It comes to the same, you just have to realize that you've got NOTHING to lose.

[Professional Russian]

Being rejected = no girl
No talking = no girl

It comes to the same, you just have to realize that you've got NOTHING to lose.

While that's true I'm still afraid of being rejected. I'm very picky about who I like and if I like then it means we have something in common that could possibly be built off of. And if I asked someone who I thought I had a chance with and they said I'm afraid I'd be thrown into a depression again

[ClaraWho]

Just adopt the policy of only dating best friends.

Start imagining these girls are just other guys. They aren't scary, just different body parts.

You don't have to date every girl you get along with, just make friends!

Relationships involve risk, everything worthwhile does. Speak to a counsellor and start practicing Mindfullness to adopt better coping strategies against depression.

~ Clara

[Professional Russian]

Just adopt the policy of only dating best friends.

Start imagining these girls are just other guys. They aren't scary, just different body parts.

You don't have to date every girl you get along with, just make friends!

Relationships involve risk, everything worthwhile does. Speak to a counsellor and start practicing Mindfullness to adopt better coping strategies against depression.

~ Clara

Yeah I tried to date my best friend....she's currently not talking to me...although I may have asked to early

[Zachary G]

Nothing beats failure, but trial -- jump out there dude and give it a try, you really have nothing to lose; be confident and have no expectations, this way if you dont get a positive response to your trial theres no loss, but if you do get a positive response, then it can only get better from there. Try it.

[ClaraWho]

Yeah I tried to date my best friend....she's currently not talking to me...although I may have asked to early

Sounds like you went about asking the wrong way and didn't read the signs. Talk to her, let her know that whilst you really admire her, you appreciate she doesn't feel the same way but miss her friendship. It's only awkward if you make it awkward, just let her know you can return to the status quo before asking without flirting with her. Maybe she'll come around in the future, but it sounds like you just want a girlfriend, rather than actually thinking she's 'The One'.

~ Clara

[Professional Russian]

Sounds like you went about asking the wrong way and didn't read the signs. Talk to her, let her know that whilst you really admire her, you appreciate she doesn't feel the same way but miss her friendship. It's only awkward if you make it awkward, just let her know you can return to the status quo before asking without flirting with her. Maybe she'll come around in the future, but it sounds like you just want a girlfriend, rather than actually thinking she's 'The One'.

~ Clara

Well first off asking 3 days after another guy broke her heart and threw her into a depression probably wasn't smart. 2nd she may not be the one but she is very special to me. She saved my life and I never wanted to let go of her for that. I wanted to keep her safe the same way she kept me safe and the only way I could see doing that was if I was with her. It ironically wasn't too awkward

[ClaraWho]

Well first off asking 3 days after another guy broke her heart and threw her into a depression probably wasn't smart. 2nd she may not be the one but she is very special to me. She saved my life and I never wanted to let go of her for that. I wanted to keep her safe the same way she kept me safe and the only way I could see doing that was if I was with her. It ironically wasn't too awkward

Except now she isn't talking to you, which we obviously assumed was related to you asking her out, hence my reply.

Bad reason for starting a relationship and, like I already said and am now repeating, you asked her out wrong.

~ Clara

[Professional Russian]

Except now she isn't talking to you, which we obviously assumed was related to you asking her out, hence my reply.

Bad reason for starting a relationship and, like I already said and am now repeating, you asked her out wrong.

~ Clara

There's a couple other things too but theres other threads about that elsewhere. Yes I asked her out wrong yes it totally came back and crushed me and now I'm afraid to do it again to anyone

[ClaraWho]

There's a couple other things too but theres other threads about that elsewhere. Yes I asked her out wrong yes it totally came back and crushed me and now I'm afraid to do it again to anyone

Well I'm sorry, but I don't feel like going through all your posts to find the answers to help you, when you could have summarised them here.

Help us to help you.

~ Bad Mood Clara

[Professional Russian]

Well I'm sorry, but I don't feel like going through all your posts to find the answers to help you, when you could have summarised them here.

Help us to help you.

~ Bad Mood Clara

OK it goes like this. I started taking her home from school. We got close. Very close. She asked me if she should have sex with her bf. I told her no knowing she'd listen to me. 2 days later her bf left her. 3 days after that going off advice from my buddy's I asked her out. She said not now. After she fell in a depression I fell in one too and clingy. Very clingy. But no matter how clingy I was when I needed her she was there. I came out of my depression and she was still in hers. That's when j turned around and started helping in every possible way I could. During that period she broke down and cried into my arms where I held her for an hour. A month after I broke down and made a trio to her house just to see her where I end up hugging her breaking down saying "I miss you so much" for an hour. And that whole time she would not let go of me. I fell into another depression over her and kept apologizing for the clingyness before. She got a little mad but still always hugged me back. And then there was prom we were supposed to go. I ended up backing out first because her dad said if I kept going it could ruin our friendship and I didn't want that. Through all this she wouldn't text me back unless I really needed her but I could go talk to her in person with no problem at all...except she wasn't happy. That's the condensed version of it all.:yummy:

[Cronor]

I've tried to date best friends. I always say "Hypothetically, would you date me?", so it can't really go wrong if they refuse [emoji14] ;)

[Professional Russian]

I've tried to date best friends. I always say "Hypothetically, would you date me?", so it can't really go wrong if they refuse [emoji14] ;)

This is true. I wasn't that smart at the time and just flat out asked

[ClaraWho]

OK it goes like this. I started taking her home from school. We got close. Very close. She asked me if she should have sex with her bf. I told her no knowing she'd listen to me. 2 days later her bf left her. 3 days after that going off advice from my buddy's I asked her out. She said not now. After she fell in a depression I fell in one too and clingy. Very clingy. But no matter how clingy I was when I needed her she was there. I came out of my depression and she was still in hers. That's when j turned around and started helping in every possible way I could. During that period she broke down and cried into my arms where I held her for an hour. A month after I broke down and made a trio to her house just to see her where I end up hugging her breaking down saying "I miss you so much" for an hour. And that whole time she would not let go of me. I fell into another depression over her and kept apologizing for the clingyness before. She got a little mad but still always hugged me back. And then there was prom we were supposed to go. I ended up backing out first because her dad said if I kept going it could ruin our friendship and I didn't want that. Through all this she wouldn't text me back unless I really needed her but I could go talk to her in person with no problem at all...except she wasn't happy. That's the condensed version of it all.:yummy:

Hm, I'm going to break this down into numbered points for clarity's sake.

1. Why did you advise her not to have sex with him? Presumably because the relationship wasn't good for her?

Regardless of how you feel about their relationship, the chances are you only heard the more negative aspects when she was complaining, but she still cared about this ex.

At that time she was feeling extremely vulnerable and hurt, needing a solid friend to catch her and support her. It was terrible timing to burden her with your feelings, which there really wasn't a chance of her returning, as she only had eyes for her boyfriend.

2. What does depression mean to you? Is this a clinic or self diagnosis?

3. Decent friends console their friends when they are crying, you seem to be adding too much meaning to holding a crying friend. It's not particularly unusual in a close friendship.

4. You seem to be blaming her for your depression, in fact you seem to be using the situation with her as a scapegoat for your own depression. It's not up to her to help you, you have to help yourself and seek professional counselling via your school or doctor.

This is a girl who went through an emotional breakup with a boy she loved and felt committed to. You then made her fear losing her best friend by asking for something she couldn't give you. After which you abused her care and friendship when she had her own problems to deal with, and was in an emotionally vulnerable position.

She sounds like a lovely, caring girl who refused to turn her back on you when she really needed to. Your problems were exacerbating her problems, but she felt she was forced to take care of you and stay strong. Obviously when you went home her dad had to pick up the pieces, hence his rather polite warning to back off and stop hurting his daughter.

5. Stop using her as an emotional crutch, understand what you have done wrong and seek the help from those qualified to help you properly. Stop blaming her for a situation you created, and hope that once you've got yourself sorted out, she will still want you in her life.


----

I know depression is difficult, it's not something you can just wake up and shake off, but there are tried and tested means of dealing with it - just like any other temporary ailment.

I know this has been harsh, but you needed to hear it. Stay strong and I wish you luck.

~ Clara

[Atom]

I have an advice that is not for everyone: try talking to random girls on the street. This sure is scary, but it's the best thing one can do. You absolutely have to learn to hear "no" a lot. Like the old saying goes "you have to fail first to be good at something". This is 100% true.
To succeed, we have to learn to sell. With every "no", you get closer and closer to "yes".