Boyfriend is bisexual

[MeliWelli]

My bf came out to me as heteroflexible...not exactly bi but pretty much. He has never cheated, but I feel paranoid now. He is an attractive guy and now that he has told me, I find him flirting a lot more with everyone. Outside of any jealousy, I don't know if I can live up to his expectations sexually. He has made it clear he would like to see me with other guys... the idea is kind of appealing, but I get cold feet at the thought of actually going through with it. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know if I can handle the direction we seem to be going in...What would you do

[Renata_cmp]

i would tell him what i would be willing to do and not willing to do. If he's not happy with it, hes got to adapt or leave. As for cheating, if you feel like you can't trust him, i wonder if it's worth it.

[Iam-Marie]

i would tell him what i would be willing to do and not willing to do. If he's not happy with it, hes got to adapt or leave. As for cheating, if you feel like you can't trust him, i wonder if it's worth it.

This is 100% the same thing I would advise you. So you can see if he really loves you.

[Laibachd]

Perhaps he wants an open relationship?

[ClaraWho]

Hm, some call this an 'open relationship'. You have to decide what you want from this relationship.

Personally, I don't share. If a guy came out to me whilst we were together, I'd know our relationship was over. I'm a hopeless romantic though, I know I have found my soulmate, that we only want and need each other.

Really 'open relationships' is just an oxymoron. If you remove commitment and love (you cannot love more than one person truly), then all that's left is friendship and sex. And you can get that without the heartache of this situation.

In my opinion, your relationship is over :( had a friend this happened too... Take care Melissa, good luck.

~ Clara

[Laibachd]

Hm, some call this an 'open relationship'. You have to decide what you want from this relationship.

Personally, I don't share. If a guy came out to me whilst we were together, I'd know our relationship was over. I'm a hopeless romantic though, I know I have found my soulmate, that we only want and need each other.

Really 'open relationships' is just an oxymoron. If you remove commitment and love (you cannot love more than one person truly), then all that's left is friendship and sex. And you can get that without the heartache of this situation.

In my opinion, your relationship is over :( had a friend this happened too... Take care Melissa, good luck.

~ Clara

Well, it's not like ALL bisexuals automatically want an Open Relationship...

[ClaraWho]

Well, it's not like ALL bisexuals automatically want an Open Relationship...

Do I really need to explain??

The only reason someone would announce they are interested in their own gender, is if they are considering a relationship of some form with that gender.

Ergo, the relationship as a committed pair is over. It will now need redefined.

When I am with someone, my sexuality isn't male/female interest, it's just them. If I love someone, they are all I want. The fact I'm straight/lesbian/bisexual/otherwise is irrelevant. Because I won't be looking to have sexual contact with anyone else.

Sorry if this is snappy, I'm in a really bad mood that I'm having to suppress hard.

~ Clara

[Emerald Dream]

Puberty for Girls :arrow: Relationships and Dating

This is probably better suited here

[SethfromMI]

i would tell him what i would be willing to do and not willing to do. If he's not happy with it, hes got to adapt or leave. As for cheating, if you feel like you can't trust him, i wonder if it's worth it.

pretty much it. you have the final say in what you will and will not do. and if you can't trust him, then the relationship may not be strong in the first place

[Zachary G]

if he was open with you about his sexuality, then he should be open enough to have a conversation with you in regards to your feelings, worries, and concerns about everything. Dont let it slide, you have stuff on your mind that you need to get out, and I think you really need to talk with him about it all. If he isnt willing to sit and talk with you then your relationship is very one sided. Talk with him.

[Laibachd]

Do I really need to explain??

The only reason someone would announce they are interested in their own gender, is if they are considering a relationship of some form with that gender.


Why? Do you know everyone on this planet to be sure of everyone's motives for coming out?


When I am with someone, my sexuality isn't male/female interest, it's just them. If I love someone, they are all I want. The fact I'm straight/lesbian/bisexual/otherwise is irrelevant. Because I won't be looking to have sexual contact with anyone else.

~ Clara
Not at all! Your sexuality is something you always live with....you don't just suppress it just because you're engaged! Which doesn't mean you'll HAVE to have sexual relationships with other people, it's all about attraction.

[ClaraWho]

Why? Do you know everyone on this planet to be sure of everyone's motives for coming out?


Not at all! Your sexuality is something you always live with....you don't just suppress it just because you're engaged! Which doesn't mean you'll HAVE to have sexual relationships with other people, it's all about attraction.

1. It's common sense. By that I mean if we look at the logical chain leading up to coming out whilst in a romantic relationship, it is the only possible reason. Ergo, yes, we do know IN THIS SITUATION every sane person's reasoning for doing so.

Being told 'I realise I also have sexual feelings towards other men and am interested in them romantically' whilst planning a wedding is damn sure a mood killer. What is she going to say, 'oh I thought I was the only person on this earth for you, but if you also want dick then good for you man!'

It's almost as absurd and ridiculous as congratulating someone on being gay, but hey, that's a different topic.

2. Neuropsychology and Biosychology prove you are wrong. Go look up how brain chemistry changes after men get married/become fathers/start dating, etc. Same for women, but the above is a great example.

Once you fall in love, it's one person only. Until you fall out of love (needs not being fulfilled, blah blah blah), at which point people start considering other options. Which may lead to them looking at other potential suitors. Which may lead to cheating/asking permission to cheat (a horrid thing to do, you should just break up).

Which is the situation as it is for the poor OP, who, as I already stated(!) finds herself having to reevaluate what she wants from this relationship.

Full circle ----> Open relationships are an oxymoron and are just friendships with sex.

~ Bad Mood Clara

N.B. Come up with another single logical reason for coming out whilst in a loving relationship to refute me.

[DoodleSnap]

The most important foundation of any relationship is good communication, so if you are worried about something, then speak to the person in question!
It makes a lot more sense to solve a problem together with both sets of information, rather than being on your own wondering what is going through their head. Wondering what they are thinking or you aren't clear on what they inferred? Ask them. Bonding comes through communication, so be honest and share what you are feeling and ask him the same.
In this case, ask him what he would like you to do, and tell him your worries. Being actually there in person makes him a much better person to answer your questions than we are. Just because he wants to work out what his sexuality is doesn't mean he loves you any less. Have a proper conversation with him about your worries, and you'll soon work it all out. It'll be fine, I promise.
Good luck.

[Laibachd]

N.B. Come up with another single logical reason for coming out whilst in a loving relationship to refute me.

Just wanting to do so...?

[ClaraWho]

Just wanting to do so...?

Lol at least you've got a sense of humour.

~ Clara

[Cronor]

at least

~ Clara
This is pretty much suggesting that she doesn't have much more. So please, Clara, take your offensive attitude elsewhere and help OP instead of assaulting members of VT.

*cough* Anyways, OP, this really depends on what you're up to. Talk to him, make him tell you what he wants of the relationship, and if what he says doesn't suit you, tell him why you want to break up, and break up. If you don't mind what he wants, then there is no problem.

[ClaraWho]

This is pretty much suggesting that she doesn't have much more. So please, Clara, take your offensive attitude elsewhere and help OP instead of assaulting members of VT.

*cough* Anyways, OP, this really depends on what you're up to. Talk to him, make him tell you what he wants of the relationship, and if what he says doesn't suit you, tell him why you want to break up, and break up. If you don't mind what he wants, then there is no problem.

In the context of the discussion we were having, she clearly didn't have any substantiated logical rebuttal to my points. Hence I took what she said to be a joke. You can't just go around telling people they are wrong if you have no evidence or coherent argument as to why. It doesn't help the OP either.

It's not offensive to disagree with someone, don't be absurd. I didn't 'assault' anybody, nor did I make any personal insults to any other member. I find your reply both ridiculous and offensive.

In terms of helping the OP, all my posts were on topic and YOU JUST REPEATED THE ADVICE I GAVE.

Please think before making accusations and remain civil if you disagree with me.

~ Clara

[tonymontana99]

My bf came out to me as heteroflexible...not exactly bi but pretty much. He has never cheated, but I feel paranoid now. He is an attractive guy and now that he has told me, I find him flirting a lot more with everyone. Outside of any jealousy, I don't know if I can live up to his expectations sexually. He has made it clear he would like to see me with other guys... the idea is kind of appealing, but I get cold feet at the thought of actually going through with it. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know if I can handle the direction we seem to be going in...What would you do

Well, now that he's told you that he likes guys aswell, I'm sensing that you're going to start realizing that not every conversation he has with guys are innocent. Also, he has cuckolding fetishes. If I were dating a girl that was bisexual, I wouldn't care, but if she told me she wanted to have sex with other people, she'd be finished. He's a cuck, your relationship is over, get out before he does.

Also, you seem like you want a serious relationship. That guy can be a cool person to have as a friend, but from what you're saying, he doesn't seem like the man who respects a loving relationship, and from what you said about liking the ideia of being with other men, neither do you. Both of you clearly don't have principles or any decency whatsoever. It's only a matter of time before one of you cheats on the other. Oh, and everything that Clara said is true, stop being in denial.

[Meganium]

Do I really need to explain??

The only reason someone would announce they are interested in their own gender, is if they are considering a relationship of some form with that gender.

Ergo, the relationship as a committed pair is over. It will now need redefined.

When I am with someone, my sexuality isn't male/female interest, it's just them. If I love someone, they are all I want. The fact I'm straight/lesbian/bisexual/otherwise is irrelevant. Because I won't be looking to have sexual contact with anyone else.
~ Clara

I disagree. Coming out like that could just be an act of honesty, and gives no indication on whether or not the confessor wants someone else.

If someone's uncomfortable with sharing their sexuality at a first meeting, and they become more comfortable with a person, they will likely tell them that information because they now have enough trust for that person, and know that they won't be judged. It doesn't automatically mean that he wants to see other people.

Now OP, what you're saying right now would be best addressed if you were just as honest as I think he was when he came out, and ask him what's up. Tell him your concerns, sexual or otherwise. Communication is key, and if you're just observing from the side, then the whole story definitely isn't getting to you right now.

[ClaraWho]

I disagree. Coming out like that could just be an act of honesty, and gives no indication on whether or not the confessor wants someone else.

If someone's uncomfortable with sharing their sexuality at a first meeting, and they become more comfortable with a person, they will likely tell them that information because they now have enough trust for that person, and know that they won't be judged. It doesn't automatically mean that he wants to see other people.

Now OP, what you're saying right now would be best addressed if you were just as honest as I think he was when he came out, and ask him what's up. Tell him your concerns, sexual or otherwise. Communication is key, and if you're just observing from the side, then the whole story definitely isn't getting to you right now.

I've already replied to everything you have said at length, and it rebukes your point.

~ Clara

[Blazefire]

i think that not all of us are ready to live in an open relationship.if your personality likes to attach too strongly to people you will feel stressed and disappointed in an open relationship.
i think you should set the bounderies of your relationship.

[Blazefire]

and also in open relationship there is a chance that someone will be attached more then the other one. all relationships are a little drama :)

[Meganium]

I've already replied to everything you have said at length, and it rebukes your point.

~ Clara

Very well, then if I've already been proven wrong, there's no need to reiterate it. Allow OP to take both of our cases and judge which one is correct for herself. Whether she chooses the side with the evidence that you've collected, or my own side, with an appropriate amount of experience on the matter, is completely her call.

Which raises another point that I forgot to mention, OP. I'm not the only one to say it, but this is entirely in your hands. Any boundaries that you want set, and any changes you want made, NEED to be vocalized by you if you want to take a chance at making this relationship work and continue. How he responds, and how things will continue, whether they end here or not, I don't know, but what's important is that if you want it, take a shot and try to manage this.

[Body odah Man]

i would tell him what i would be willing to do and not willing to do. If he's not happy with it, hes got to adapt or leave. As for cheating, if you feel like you can't trust him, i wonder if it's worth it.

Same. You're his GIRLfriend, not his means for fulfilling all of his sexual dreams. He should accept your limits, what you choose to give him and who you are.