How to get girlfriend? I feel like I'm wasting my teen years

[tonymontana99]

Okay so first time posting in this website, so sorry if I do something wrong.

Anyways, confidence issues, anxiety, paranoia and fear of rejection has made me feel like I'm wasting my teen years. I don't go out, I don't talk to friends after school (and when I do online, I always delete the convo after and put duct tape on my phones frontal camera out of fear I'm being spied - you get the picture). So I only had one "real" girlfriend in all my life and even though she was my first romance and I went to bed with her (making out) she and I ended up clashing and I felt disgusted at myself because she was one of those degenerate white trash girls who are super hot but dumb as a door, very stereotypical.

To stay on point: how do I overcome this and start living? I'm a very introvert person but when I get out of the shell, I become this funny, charming and cool guy to hang around with, except I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. Really, if I'm alone with a girl I run out of things to say because I don't know what the Hell "we" teens talk about these days. I just stay there and don't talk, which really must be upsetting because when I'm in a group I talk the most.

So how do I overcome my social awkwardness to start going out, getting a girlfriend and enjoy being a teen? I'm always over analyzing and over obsessing on problems and how it's "irrational to go out and have fun with other kids my age, which I consider to be morons, yet I'm the one who's abnormal because it's not normal that I think they're abnormal (you might need to read that again to grasp it).

I have all the conditions: I'm physically apt, good looking (solid 7.5/10), I dress good, I'm funny, I'm kind. (I'm not one of those fedora wearing weaboos or cringe worthy left liberals who think they're special snowflakes and whose only ambition in life is to start a family and live frugally). Only downside is that I'm arrogant and condescending whenever I spot one of those teens who dress like freaks because I secretly want to be one, but piercings and tattoos and general millenium generation style don't go hand to hand with companies.

Help me.
(Also, I got INTJ in the MBTI test if that gives you a feel and I'm 16).

[StoppingTom]

I'm pretty sure you know this, but being in a relationship isn't the end-all-be-all thing that defines you. However, what it sounds like is you want to be able to make that kind of relationship, and you want to find that kind of happiness, which is admirable. In my experience (which I can relate to what you say about not knowing what to say, etc.) is that if you find someone who you really like, conversation will come easily for some reason. If at all possible, try to make conversations focused around them, so they end up doing more of the talking while you are able to kind of get a feel for what to say and how to say it.

[tonymontana99]

Thanks for replying AEON. It's just that I'm also generally a "bad person". I am arrogant and condescending, as I said, I feel like I only have superficial charm, and there's just something on my mind that "says" bay going out is intrinsically wrong to do. I can't explain it and I'm starting to feel desperate because I'm losing the opportunity to be an irrational, dumb and clueless teen and to "experiment" and find my "identity" and all that self help crap. It hurts knowing that I'll never experience what it's like to have dinner with your classmates, or going to a house party like you see in those teen movies, or hitting up with that shy girl from class. It tears me apart.

[Dune]

Wow, I didn't think I'd find another me. Fellow asshole-with-distaste-for-normies here, I am kinda in the same position as you are. I was in a relationship about a year ago with practically the only friend at the time. She was intelligent, very pretty, and was kind. We have similar interests you could say, and we were pretty socially inept, and didn't really care much about trendy shit. I rue the day I messed that up.
Now that she's gone, I'm back with all the regular people, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I get a long with people, but I am very selective of who I try to surround myself with. Introversion has been both a gift and a hindrance to my personality. Shit sucks...

Anyways, you're not alone, guy.

[tonymontana99]

Wow, I didn't think I'd find another me. Fellow asshole-with-distaste-for-normies here, I am kinda in the same position as you are. I was in a relationship about a year ago with practically the only friend at the time. She was intelligent, very pretty, and was kind. We have similar interests you could say, and we were pretty socially inept, and didn't really care much about trendy shit. I rue the day I messed that up.
Now that she's gone, I'm back with all the regular people, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I get a long with people, but I am very selective of who I try to surround myself with. Introversion has been both a gift and a hindrance to my personality. Shit sucks...

Anyways, you're not alone, guy.

Ha! Finally someone like me. That relationship I was talking about was when I was 11-12 years old and I broke off because she made me her slave. Always moaning and bitching and being jealous of my friends so I kept her for a while to satisfy my needs and then broke off after I had enough. And the worst part is that I met the girl of my dreams this year, she's from my class and has very similar interests with me, but still my awkwardness and social ineptitude will once again keep me from scoring or actually developing a serious relationship. Also, yep I'm no normie, I'm into some pretty weird s**, but I'm a totally different person irl.

EDIT: Very nice Pepe you got there. Very rare...

[Dune]

Ha! Finally someone like me. That relationship I was talking about was when I was 11-12 years old and I broke off because she made me her slave. Always moaning and bitching and being jealous of my friends so I kept her for a while to satisfy my needs and then broke off after I had enough. And the worst part is that I met the girl of my dreams this year, she's from my class and has very similar interests with me, but still my awkwardness and social ineptitude will once again keep me from scoring or actually developing a serious relationship. Also, yep I'm no normie, I'm into some pretty weird s**, but I'm a totally different person irl.

EDIT: Very nice Pepe you got there. Very rare...

Same here... She had pretty low-self esteem, even threatened suicide the first time she had texted me. It was pretty stressful, but I'd like to think I was there for her in some pretty dark times. The last few months I decided to kill it off because the only things she would text me were about being dizzy and weeb material.Every.Damn.Day. We still talk sometimes, it even got a little emotional once when she was drunk.
I found it to help to do some high ability/AP classes. You get narrowed down with generally better people. I also researched some trendy shit and media, and honestly keeping up that stuff a little makes a difference, as you can kinda relate with others. Maybe knowing a little bit about sports will be handy, too. Unfortunately the world doesn't revolve around our kind, so a little bit of change and risk is necessary if you want a better chance with hitting it off with someone.

[Pat the Bunny]

Ha! Finally someone like me. That relationship I was talking about was when I was 11-12 years old and I broke off because she made me her slave. Always moaning and bitching and being jealous of my friends so I kept her for a while to satisfy my needs and then broke off after I had enough. And the worst part is that I met the girl of my dreams this year, she's from my class and has very similar interests with me, but still my awkwardness and social ineptitude will once again keep me from scoring or actually developing a serious relationship. Also, yep I'm no normie, I'm into some pretty weird s**, but I'm a totally different person irl.



I'm gonna be honest with you, you do sound arrogant. I can believe that you're a cool, kind, attractive person, but you seem superiority complex to "normies". You already admitted that you want to be like them, but truth is, life as them isn't much better. I don't know enough about your personality, but you seem like me about a year ago and if that's true, there are a lot of people like you. Anyway, your dream girl: Do you have any way to casually talk to her? Like an outer school activity or something?

[tonymontana99]

Same here... She had pretty low-self esteem, even threatened suicide the first time she had texted me. It was pretty stressful, but I'd like to think I was there for her in some pretty dark times. The last few months I decided to kill it off because the only things she would text me were about being dizzy and weeb material.Every.Damn.Day. We still talk sometimes, it even got a little emotional once when she was drunk.
I found it to help to do some high ability/AP classes. You get narrowed down with generally better people. I also researched some trendy shit and media, and honestly keeping up that stuff a little makes a difference, as you can kinda relate with others. Maybe knowing a little bit about sports will be handy, too. Unfortunately the world doesn't revolve around our kind, so a little bit of change and risk is necessary if you want a better chance with hitting it off with someone.

Mine kept bothering me when I was in school. I take this school thingy seriously, always top of the class, and she wanted me to text her while in class and to tell her where I was (we lived in different cities). She also threatened suicide on me and her family, and cut herself (which was surprising, because she was one of those seemingly happy blonde girls, not the cutter type), so one day I just got so sick and tired and once I realized I wouldn't see her again and that whether or not she killed herself wasnt my resporesponsibresponsibility, so I decided to brake off before I got cucked. I still remember all the things I said to her on the phone. I told her she would be nobody, she's dumb and would end up living in a trailer park addicted to meth with 3 kids crawling up her knees while I'd be living the dream, rich and powerful. Well, I'll be damned, she's going to court this year because she was involved in a video where she and some friends beat a kid up violently, and she was the main person, and the video somehow ended up online. Karma, I guess.

I'm gonna be honest with you, you do sound arrogant. I can believe that you're a cool, kind, attractive person, but you seem superiority complex to "normies". You already admitted that you want to be like them, but truth is, life as them isn't much better. I don't know enough about your personality, but you seem like me about a year ago and if that's true, there are a lot of people like you. Anyway, your dream girl: Do you have any way to casually talk to her? Like an outer school activity or something?

I have her Facebook because, well because we're from the same class . But dude you have no idea. She's perfect. She's shy, quiet, pretty, has the same interests in movies like me, Hell even her grades are better (which kinda pissed me off). I COULD ask her out, but then that mental "kill switch" I have would just say it's wrong to go out, so I wouldn't do it. It's almost like an imaginary wall that keeps me from doing it. And then I'd have to tell my parents, which would end up wanting to meet her (which, if I was a normal person, wouldn't have any trouble, and would in fact be proud of presenting such goddess to my family), but they'd end up embarassing me I'm front of her. And I couldn't go out and do "couple activities", because of the mental block and the fact that my mom would just cock-block me on the phone or something. So I keep telling myself "Okay, you're going to 11th grade now. You'll let this one slip, and when you get to college away from parental supervision or constraint, you'll be free to work on your game."

This is one of the problems I have. I can't be a normal, emotional, dumb teen whose ideia of entertainment is watching the Kardashians or posting selfies making retarded faces because me and other expect a lot by myself.

[Straya]

Mine kept bothering me when I was in school. I take this school thingy seriously, always top of the class, and she wanted me to text her while in class and to tell her where I was (we lived in different cities). She also threatened suicide on me and her family, and cut herself (which was surprising, because she was one of those seemingly happy blonde girls, not the cutter type), so one day I just got so sick and tired and once I realized I wouldn't see her again and that whether or not she killed herself wasnt my resporesponsibresponsibility, so I decided to brake off before I got cucked. I still remember all the things I said to her on the phone. I told her she would be nobody, she's dumb and would end up living in a trailer park addicted to meth with 3 kids crawling up her knees while I'd be living the dream, rich and powerful. Well, I'll be damned, she's going to court this year because she was involved in a video where she and some friends beat a kid up violently, and she was the main person, and the video somehow ended up online. Karma, I guess.



I have her Facebook because, well because we're from the same class . But dude you have no idea. She's perfect. She's shy, quiet, pretty, has the same interests in movies like me, Hell even her grades are better (which kinda pissed me off). I COULD ask her out, but then that mental "kill switch" I have would just say it's wrong to go out, so I wouldn't do it. It's almost like an imaginary wall that keeps me from doing it. And then I'd have to tell my parents, which would end up wanting to meet her (which, if I was a normal person, wouldn't have any trouble, and would in fact be proud of presenting such goddess to my family), but they'd end up embarassing me I'm front of her. And I couldn't go out and do "couple activities", because of the mental block and the fact that my mom would just cock-block me on the phone or something. So I keep telling myself "Okay, you're going to 11th grade now. You'll let this one slip, and when you get to college away from parental supervision or constraint, you'll be free to work on your game."

This is one of the problems I have. I can't be a normal, emotional, dumb teen whose ideia of entertainment is watching the Kardashians or posting selfies making retarded faces because me and other expect a lot by myself.
first things first just fuck that wall off and ask her out and why do you have to tell your parents that your dating her my parents havent know about any of my partners over the years its none of there business i just let em know im going out and where ill be

[tonymontana99]

first things first just fuck that wall off and ask her out and why do you have to tell your parents that your dating her my parents havent know about any of my partners over the years its none of there business i just let em know im going out and where ill be

It's of their business until you're 18. Then you're LEGALLY free. I also don't decorate my room because the house is not on my name, and I don't pay rent. Very deep issue I have. And asking her out will be difficult, because even if I do she'll understand I'm interested, and then I'll have to make another move, and I know that won't be possible because Ill end up being an uninteresting person to hang around with. Like she'll ask me to go to do something with her and I just won't make it because of the mental block and parental oppression. I'm just waiting to go to college so I'll be legally free to not obey my parents or give them any satisfactions. Too bad I'll have wasted my youth by then.

[Straya]

It's of their business until you're 18. Then you're LEGALLY free. I also don't decorate my room because the house is not on my name, and I don't pay rent. Very deep issue I have. And asking her out will be difficult, because even if I do she'll understand I'm interested, and then I'll have to make another move, and I know that won't be possible because Ill end up being an uninteresting person to hang around with. Like she'll ask me to go to do something with her and I just won't make it because of the mental block and parental oppression. I'm just waiting to go to college so I'll be legally free to not obey my parents or give them any satisfactions. Too bad I'll have wasted my youth by then.

its only there business if you tell them about her if they dont know she exists then they cant say anything about it. you dont have to tell them everything in your life. also after the first move you dont have to make anougher one she either says yes or no

[tonymontana99]

its only there business if you tell them about her if they dont know she exists then they cant say anything about it. you dont have to tell them everything in your life. also after the first move you dont have to make anougher one she either says yes or no

Well I dunno how your relationship with your parents is, but mine has been based on the truth and I bet they'd be pretty pissed off if they found out and I hadn't told hem. Also, yes they do have the right to know everything in your life, they're legally entitled to. But I will admit that part of the reason I stay home is because I always went to places with them and now I'm so embarassed of going out solely with them instead of people our age, so I just stay home depressing.

[Atempinfer]

Well.

[tonymontana99]

When it comes to having a relationship I'd say not to worry. I'm 17 and haven't had one either. That might not seem very encouraging though, but in hindsight most relationships that I witness (old classmates etc) - they don't work out.
Talking to anyone really shouldn't feel forced, you still have to put some effort into it but both parts must pull some weight. Because the most important thing to consider is that not only you have to be attracted to them, but they also have to be attracted to you - or it wont work. Personally I don't think your teen years are something you should worry about enjoying, puberty, school and friends can be drama enough.
I'm can also be pretty arrogant, think that I'm superior which seems to be a thing that's fellow INTJ also experience, I have friends that are the same way and also INTJ and that's probably because we prioritize intellect.
Anyways, you'll survive - you really will. I'd rather be "alone" than being in a relationship that feels forced.
Good luck.

Thanks man. Im obviously aware that these teen romance crap don't last long. Too bad most girls are naive and actually want and believe the relationship lasts forever. I'm aware of the time limits and that people end up separating. But it makes me sad that my teen years wont be filled with drinking and partying and making out and all that jazz. Its like I WANT to be irresponsible and irracional and just be "normal" but my head goes at 200mph analyzing and obsessing about everything and I also have to keep up to my family's and my personal standards so I can't just turn into a liberal leftist millenial that I so desire and dress how I want and do what I want and be rebelious. So these things will unfortunately have to be delayed to the 12th grade graduation where we all go on vacation to one of those islands where it's just bad behaviour, and then college. But even in college I'll have a hard time becoming interesting to be around with (I'm assuming the mental block of being a minor and going out and worrying how my family feels like it will have disappeared).

[Atempinfer]

Well.

[tonymontana99]

I understand your need about wanting to be a bit rebellious, adventurous and all that jazz. Last week a friend and I took a spontaneous trip to another town we've never been in, just to explore. I'm trying my best to take more chances, questioning if i should pierce my ear or not, or maybe even septum. I've already done green highlights, and started to change my style a bit - and I love it so far. I think that I'm starting to find myself, which I thought I already had when I stayed up to 03.00 AM to finish some stupid homework that didn't even matter - I would've saved myself so much time if I had the courage to just be a bit more loose, careless and all that. Luckily for me I have encouraging parents, I think you should start with small steps - small changes and see how you like them, if you don't you can always change back.
As an introvert I don't like any kind of party really, it's just who I am. I don't like being around drunk teens who think they're OLD when they're just 17 xP

I get you. My parents are encouraging aswell, they always ask me how come I don't go out with friends and get a girlfriend, but again that fucking mental block keeps me from doing it. I also imagine I don't like being around drunk teens, but it's part of the life that movies and media sell us. You know, American Pie and all that crap. I feel like I won't get loose until I'm far away from them and fit into a group I like. I need an opposite person to open my horizons. Tattos and piercings I wouldn't do them because as I said I absolutely loathe the Millennium generation and I want to work on Wall Street (and the business world doesn't go hand to hand with being "different"). Most of us are either those liberal "hurr durr be wat u want be happy don't care about others" or are plain dumb, stupid, inconsiderate and lack knowledge, ambition and drive. Most likely I'll get a couple of friends down to taking a trip to Miami instead of following the other teens to those islands I mentioned.

[Straya]

Well I dunno how your relationship with your parents is, but mine has been based on the truth and I bet they'd be pretty pissed off if they found out and I hadn't told hem. Also, yes they do have the right to know everything in your life, they're legally entitled to. But I will admit that part of the reason I stay home is because I always went to places with them and now I'm so embarassed of going out solely with them instead of people our age, so I just stay home depressing.

mate there is a difference between telling them the truth and telling them everything in my life

[tonymontana99]

mate there is a difference between telling them the truth and telling them everything in my life

That's just so wrong. They'd be suspicious. "Hey mom Im going out." 'With who?' "Not of your goddamn business!" Also they'd just find out eventually on Facebook or whatever.

You and I have different perspectives on privacy and parental rights.

[tonymontana99]

If you feel you are shy, maybe, it`s worth to start communicating with girls online? My younger brother uses kovla.com (https://kovla.com/datings/us/annapolis/) website for these purposes. He says it`s easier now to approach girls in real life.

I'll try it out thanks. I do talk to girls online and I have to admit that it is easier.