[TRIGGER WARNING] The Outcast; The Cutter; The Freak

[Alpacacide]

My STORY

Cutting : A form of self-injury, The act of making cuts on any part of the body for various reasons as well as psychological reasons. This may give the cuter 'control' over their psychological pain in general cases or in some cases relief.

Im sure there are alot of reasons why we all start cutting . A great feeling of loss, failure , pain , emotional or childhood trauma . Each case may not be necessarily the same , but there is help of those who are seriously in need of it.

Today , i am here to speak about my cutting problems . This is information i have never disclosed to any relative, friend or foe. No one other than my psychologist knows my reason for this.


I sufferer from chronic depression which often makes me feel as an outcast as i cant express myself to the way i would like to. It makes me feel like a freak as i experience emotions with great intensity. Im either sad...or happy and its frustrating . I couldnt communicate with family members and friends properly and life just seemed like it wasnt worth living for . Last year i attempted suicide.

The day it happened went like this : i came home from school, tired of everything, my friends, family . The week seemed like endless trials for me , and i felt i couldnt endure it anymore. I sat down in the tub that night ,contemplating my reasons for living , the pros and cons of life but for me the pros were lacking . My familiy loved me , but i couldnt tell at the time. Somehow i felt like a bother , someone looking in at the happiness my family shared with everyone except me .

My head was pounding yet i still didnt stop. I didnt remember what happened next but what i do remember was that i woke up in the hospital and my friends didnt come visit me..at all. Apparently i had too much problems to they omitted me from their group completely.

How ironic , my first time could have been my last time. Even after my near death experience , i didnt feel any remorse for the emotional pain i had caused my family . Nothing at all. I felt good for a moment as i felt i was receiving the attention i craved but then that feeling too went away...eventually.

i didnt speak to anyone for a couple of months , i didnt feel the need to talk , just felt the need to withdraw from everyone else. Then , the urge started to arise again. Ive made various cuts upon my body in various places to hide them. its like the only time i cut i had the ability to feel. When i get frustrated i pull my hair .

My shrink helps , she gives me exercises to reduce the urge of cutting and has helped me to control my emotions but ...i yearn to feel normal.

When people see people who cut in general , they think of freaks , and attention whores when in reality , it may provide relief or help us to control our problems.For people , it can be a sign that they are asking for help. If we as human beings continue to judge others unfairly without not taking the time to understand our reasons , what have to say about ourselves ?

Does anyone else feel this way ?

-Note - some of this post has been edited, because it's entirely too graphic, and has great potential for triggering other members. -Emerald Dream

[qwfoi]

That was a really touching story of your life, I and many others also feel the same as you and it's an awful feeling that doesn't go away but gets deeper and deeper. It's like an addition consuming all of your soul which leaves you emotionally distraught but suicide isn't the answer - you don't need that to deal with. I think a chat with a new person will do you good; you'd be surprised just how a friendly relaxed chat can help and you can talk with anyone on here, we're a friendly community ;)

[Fiction]

I remember after my first attempt, and second for that matter, the reactions of the people around me where fairly awful.

I had a few friends that stuck by me and tried too help as much as they can, and then I have friends who stopped talking to me then and have still not talked to me to this day. My parents as well. My dad's first reaction was to ask me if it was cool or something and to shout at me, while my mum's was to blame the music I listen to among other stuff while on the second time she made some snider remark about "I'm not sitting my your bedside crying this time" and she didn't come to visit. To be fair not that I wanted here there :p

People often don't judge because they don't want to understand but because they're too scared to understand. Self-harm seems so alien to most people.

Even years on from this, and years since I stopped cutting the emotional fall out and the continued urges still makes me feel not normal and ashamed, so I understand what you feel. I think the thing to remember is that everyone has coping mechanisms that help us get through life, it's only human, ours just happen to be slightly different. We are not cutters or self-harmers, we are people who use self-harm to cope.

[thatgothgirluknow]

My STORY

Cutting : A form of self-injury, The act of making cuts on any part of the body for various reasons as well as psychological reasons. This may give the cuter 'control' over their psychological pain in general cases or in some cases relief.

Im sure there are alot of reasons why we all start cutting . A great feeling of loss, failure , pain , emotional or childhood trauma . Each case may not be necessarily the same , but there is help of those who are seriously in need of it.

Today , i am here to speak about my cutting problems . This is information i have never disclosed to any relative, friend or foe. No one other than my psychologist knows my reason for this.


I sufferer from chronic depression which often makes me feel as an outcast as i cant express myself to the way i would like to. It makes me feel like a freak as i experience emotions with great intensity. Im either sad...or happy and its frustrating . I couldnt communicate with family members and friends properly and life just seemed like it wasnt worth living for . Last year i attempted suicide.

The day it happened went like this : i came home from school, tired of everything, my friends, family . The week seemed like endless trials for me , and i felt i couldnt endure it anymore. I sat down in the tub that night ,contemplating my reasons for living , the pros and cons of life but for me the pros were lacking . My familiy loved me , but i couldnt tell at the time. Somehow i felt like a bother , someone looking in at the happiness my family shared with everyone except me .

My head was pounding yet i still didnt stop. I didnt remember what happened next but what i do remember was that i woke up in the hospital and my friends didnt come visit me..at all. Apparently i had too much problems to they omitted me from their group completely.

How ironic , my first time could have been my last time. Even after my near death experience , i didnt feel any remorse for the emotional pain i had caused my family . Nothing at all. I felt good for a moment as i felt i was receiving the attention i craved but then that feeling too went away...eventually.

i didnt speak to anyone for a couple of months , i didnt feel the need to talk , just felt the need to withdraw from everyone else. Then , the urge started to arise again. Ive made various cuts upon my body in various places to hide them. its like the only time i cut i had the ability to feel. When i get frustrated i pull my hair .

My shrink helps , she gives me exercises to reduce the urge of cutting and has helped me to control my emotions but ...i yearn to feel normal.

When people see people who cut in general , they think of freaks , and attention whores when in reality , it may provide relief or help us to control our problems.For people , it can be a sign that they are asking for help. If we as human beings continue to judge others unfairly without not taking the time to understand our reasons , what have to say about ourselves ?

Does anyone else feel this way ?

-Note - some of this post has been edited, because it's entirely too graphic, and has great potential for triggering other members. -Emerald Dream

I remember after my first attempt, and second for that matter, the reactions of the people around me where fairly awful.

I had a few friends that stuck by me and tried too help as much as they can, and then I have friends who stopped talking to me then and have still not talked to me to this day. My parents as well. My dad's first reaction was to ask me if it was cool or something and to shout at me, while my mum's was to blame the music I listen to among other stuff while on the second time she made some snider remark about "I'm not sitting my your bedside crying this time" and she didn't come to visit. To be fair not that I wanted here there :p

People often don't judge because they don't want to understand but because they're too scared to understand. Self-harm seems so alien to most people.

Even years on from this, and years since I stopped cutting the emotional fall out and the continued urges still makes me feel not normal and ashamed, so I understand what you feel. I think the thing to remember is that everyone has coping mechanisms that help us get through life, it's only human, ours just happen to be slightly different. We are not cutters or self-harmers, we are people who use self-harm to cope.
i completely agree with both of you i am very sorry u guys had to go through this but it is common for people to freak out and leave when things get tough ive attempted 4 or 5 times and every time i had people who treated me badly once i even got cursed out by a cop and allot of times my mom cursed at me and told me i was attention seeking although that was not my attention but the truth is people just dont understand and need some way to label things that dont make sense to them

[StuckInTheLie]

I think I can relate at least a little bit about what you are feeling. When I told my friends that I cut and one of them (out of the two) freaked out, I didn't feel bad at all for causing her distress. In fact, I felt disappointed when she abruptly got over it. I felt like I was in it for the attention, but if that was the case, then why was I so scared of anybody finding out? I admit, I was a little buzzed when I told them, but I think it had worn off by the time she had processed it fully. I agree when you say some people see cutters as attention-whores and freaks, and I agree that people judge too harshly, but that's just human nature for most of us. You can't really empathise with somebody unless you've gone through their pain. So don't let the rest of society get to you. :) I know it's hard, but just remember that there are so many more people out there like you, who empathise and know what you're dealing with. The hard part is finding them. ;)