Is Virtual Teen really as healthy as we think?

[The Trendy Wolf]

This whole place is filled with so much angst. Maybe it's just me, but being around this stuff too much is, frighteningly, upsetting. I feel my ego growing beyond what I logically thought possible, as if my only true form of communication to the highest degree is through this website.

I also am sensitive about what others think about me, though, rationally, I know that I shouldn't care, but it's not as simple as that.

This wasn't even a well-constructed thread to begin with, and I'm just criticizing myself internally, knowing that I shouldn't be doing so. Maybe I'm directing a lot of my anger onto this site because it's just the place where I felt most of it. I don't know. I just want to post this because I'm feeling rather down after considering all of this. I hope some sort of discussion will come out of my self-hatred and misdirected self-loathing. All of this just feels like a confusing mess that I'm trying to dump on everyone else to try and make something of the teenage years that I've spent comprising all of the ideas which are the foundation of many current notions of mine.
-That barely made any sense even to me. I'm rambling, but I guess that's why they call it the Ramblings of the wise...

Looking back at everything I just wrote, I realize how it all became much less about the question at hand and more about my personal problems very quickly.

[Uniquemind]

I think being too emotionally invested in things online is generally unhealthy.

I suggest limiting screen time and actually going outdoors to walk the dog, see friends, date, go shopping, or something to get you out into the real world.

If you're living or making an awesome life for yourself in real life, whatever debates and spats that go on here don't irritate you as much.

It's like "okay" we disagree cool. Carry on.

[Thunderstorm]

I think it's healthier than some other sites. The type of people on VT are mostly very open-minded, which I like and most young adults do too.

If you go on collegeconfidential, you'll REALLY feel your ego plummet. Most of the people on there are over-achievers who can't stop begging for people to tell them that they'll be accepted into one of the ivies or top tier universities.

[Jaffe]

You make a few really good points. If I am in the wrong mindset when I get on here, it makes me totally depressed. If I am just starting to slip into depression, sometimes this place helps me get out. So.... I think its more dependent on the person's mindset at the time, which you obviously figured out.

I think its particularly healthy in one way: It gives us a place to vent, completely anonymously. There are people on the forum I consider friends, but I have never met them irl and never will, I don't have to see them every day or even every month. That makes it a lot easier to talk.

[Abhorrence]

I think storing everything bad in one place (i.e. the psych ward, etc) is a very good idea because it splits it up from the rest of the site. Sometimes reading posts on there can be bad but if you're feeling particularly bad at that time then you can just steer clear of it, the other places on the site are very fun and light-hearted, especially the fourth wall and then the Arcade. Plus it's a nice place to meet new people and chat to people that are open-minded and alike to you.

[Fiction]

I've thought this for a long time. I also think especially in terms of eating disorders, because they can become very competitive. Although that was never the intention of anyone I met on here, I would always compare myself to other people's pictures and it would give me fuel to starve myself even further. I wanted to be the best at being anorexic and I wanted to be the skinniest.

Also when I self-harmed, again, unintentionally people I talked to would give me ideas about how too hide it, or different tools to use.

Also there's the issue of making yourself so vulnerable on here, and becoming close to people because you've revealed so much about yourself, and unfortunately people weren't always who they said they where.

That said I still have friends from here that I talk to fairly regularly and I wouldn't loose them for the world.

[Microcosm]

I have one suggestion: Be very careful what you post in ROTW. People can get pretty feisty in ROTW, but we do our best to keep it under control.

I think the best thing about VT is that we don't allow users to talk down to and insult other users even in argument. Everyone is generally on a fair playing field here.

[Laibachd]

I'm not sure what you mean...

[Andyyy95]

I like VT in the sense that you're learning about new people all the time, and what they've experienced in their life whether it's good or bad, because most people do seem really mature (exclude the puberty forums) and open-minded on here.

Having said that, I do completely agree with what Fiction said about comparing yourself with other people on here; and wishing that you have what they have, whether it's a good figure, happiness, etc etc...


Also there's the issue of making yourself so vulnerable on here, and becoming close to people because you've revealed so much about yourself, and unfortunately people weren't always who they said they where.

I can't put this any better to be honest, you took the words right out of my mouth!

[StoppingTom]

Just from my limited time here already, I think this place does more good than it can do harm, because for me, it offers a support base of people my own age, which is something totally different from getting support from, say, a counselor. And everyone is so nice too :D

[Sports Boy]

In the short time I have been here I have connected with more people dealing with the same stuff I am than at any other time in my life.

[thatgothgirluknow]

I've thought this for a long time. I also think especially in terms of eating disorders, because they can become very competitive. Although that was never the intention of anyone I met on here, I would always compare myself to other people's pictures and it would give me fuel to starve myself even further. I wanted to be the best at being anorexic and I wanted to be the skinniest.

Also when I self-harmed, again, unintentionally people I talked to would give me ideas about how too hide it, or different tools to use.

Also there's the issue of making yourself so vulnerable on here, and becoming close to people because you've revealed so much about yourself, and unfortunately people weren't always who they said they where.

That said I still have friends from here that I talk to fairly regularly and I wouldn't loose them for the world.
i think it depends on the person i mean if the only thing u do is sit around on the site all day everyday then it's not healthy but too much of anything can be unhealthy you just have to limit yourself and do what you think works for you sometimes it is tempting to look at what others have or compare yourself to them but that's just life i mean just look at facebook or twitter the problem is not the site it's a problem that will always be there no mater where you go because sadly we will compare ourselves to anyone and anything if you know that finding ways to self harm will encourage u to continue to do it then dot look at forms regarding that because at the same time i think that having ways to hide it can be good or bad it can relieve the stress of being caught and help you while your getting better or it can prevent you from getting better like all things it is what you make of it
Just from my limited time here already, I think this place does more good than it can do harm, because for me, it offers a support base of people my own age, which is something totally different from getting support from, say, a counselor. And everyone is so nice too :D

[Jean Poutine]

It depends.

If your intention is to treat this website as if it were a hugbox, then it will be as unhealthy as any other hugbox. This is, in my opinion, the great danger with websites aimed at anxiety (existential and otherwise) and mental illnesses, especially when they cater to younger folk. Hugboxes are dangerous because they can reinforce toxic behaviour by relativism. They can also lead to certain people who are generally misfits self-diagnosing one problem or another in an attempt to finally fit in somewhere which ends up just compounding the problem. In other words, the "special snowflake syndrome".

For example, on one particularly popular website (not this one), there seems to be a high concentration of "autistic" people. Incidentally, most are girls and women. I simply do not believe it. First, because autistic spectrum disorders are a lot rarer in girls than they are in boys, and with that website's userbase being about 50/50, logic dictates that this distribution is highly unlikely. Second, because it is actually pretty easy to tell from both the way someone writes and the subjects someone writes about whether someone or not exhibits an autistic thought pattern, and I don't see that either.

It's pretty easy to assume from this that everyday difficulties that a lot of people have (eg. shyness, anxiety, not fitting in) are being hyped up as mental illnesses and for a lot of people, the title of being "autistic" means that they can get away with bad behaviour and that they never have to work on themselves, because they are "born that way". Obviously, this is very dangerous, and I think this can lead to increased difficulties down the road. Student and teen life is generally pretty forgiving about bad behaviour, but the adult, taxpaying life most definitely isn't.

I think humans grow as they are challenged. So whenever I saw this process happen, I always tried to turn the process on its head and introduce challenge, a counter-opinion. One thing that I regret is that I wasn't always the nicest about it, but I believed extreme bluntness would provide that much more of a contrast and would help getting the message across.

Hurt feelings are a part of life and if people do not learn to deal with them early, they'll only end up shoveling their problems down the road. "Safe spaces" can be good, but only as long as they do not stem criticism of behaviour or opinion that is justified. Everything isn't relative and everything isn't good - there are aspects of identity and opinion that are quite frankly absolutely ridiculous. There is such a thing as a wrong opinion in that it isn't based on facts whatsoever. And yes, there is such a thing as a mind-bogglingly wrong identity. When the cornerstone of your identity is the fact that you think you are a dragon otherkin, an elf, a halfling, a freaking galaxy or fog in a human body or a vampire or God knows what else, you've just lost me. There is something very wrong when you can't tell a joke from a genuine expression of a subject (all I've wrote before is 100% true (including people who think their souls are actually fog or galaxies) and can be encountered if you look around).

Identity politics are latched on by various "groups" that seek to define themselves in whatever way they choose to, and the rest of the world simply has to accept that fact. To think that you are an angel in a human body is not much more than a delusion. But hugboxes won't allow you to point this out. Over the years I think the mods here have done a pretty decent job at allowing some hurt feelings where they are warranted and stamping them out when they are not, but it is a dangerous equilibrium and it demands constant vigilance. It is all the more dangerous here because a large portion of the userbase (okay, not as large as those who lie about the size of their cocks and demand everybody else to tell them how big they are to gain a fleeting sense of superiority) of this site is seeking some kind of validation, friendship or just a sense of belonging somewhere, and are malleable. Teens are impressionable by nature and if some have the idea that they must be x, y or z to fit in, or to get attention, then they will claim to be just that. In time, they might even believe it.

In other words, I think some people here are looking to forge identities for themselves and I don't think this is the place to do so. Other people are trying to figure out what is wrong with them, and I also don't think this is the place to do so. This website tends to attract people with low self-esteem for obvious reasons and they are all the more like clay for it. In that sense, no, VT is not healthy.

What VT is decent for, however, like any other community, is gaining insights from people with radically different perspectives on life than you. There is every type of people under the sun here and every kind of opinion imaginable. Inevitably, this will generate hurt feelings. What you do with these will determine whether VT is healthy or not for you - whether you learn to deal with it in a mature manner (for example, by engaging in logical discourse about the issue) then move on, or whether you fall into the victimization trap where everybody is out to get you. The difference between this and a hugbox is that it is 100% guaranteed that you will feel victimized and elevate hurt feelings in some kind of worldwide system where only your hugbox is a "safe space" if you frequent the more "hugboxy" kind of community, which robs you of agency and power and stunts your growth as a human being. VT strikes a better balance than most, although some subforums are way out in the left field.

There are (or were - long time since I've been here, but I'm betting on the former) some cliques here which will attempt to chase you out if you don't toe the line, but that happens everywhere. Ignore them. In this way, you will contribute to the balancing act of which I wrote earlier, and you will have the opportunity to learn to deal with hurt feelings and getting mobbed. Just don't fall in the trap of adopting opinions and states of mind that aren't yours to begin with just so that you will be accepted. Standing up for yourself no matter what (while making sure to take notes if someone else writes that what you're writing is dumb and provides actual reasoning - as I wrote, opinions can be false) will reinforce your self-esteem. Make the most of that as you can. That's my advice.

[Judean Zealot]

^ Well said!

[Microcosm]

I think humans grow as they are challenged. So whenever I saw this process happen, I always tried to turn the process on its head and introduce challenge, a counter-opinion. One thing that I regret is that I wasn't always the nicest about it, but I believed extreme bluntness would provide that much more of a contrast and would help getting the message across.


Hurt feelings are a part of life and if people do not learn to deal with them early, they'll only end up shoveling their problems down the road. "Safe spaces" can be good, but only as long as they do not stem criticism of behaviour or opinion that is justified. Everything isn't relative and everything isn't good - there are aspects of identity and opinion that are quite frankly absolutely ridiculous. There is such a thing as a wrong opinion in that it isn't based on facts whatsoever. And yes, there is such a thing as a mind-bogglingly wrong identity. When the cornerstone of your identity is the fact that you think you are a dragon otherkin, an elf, a halfling, a freaking galaxy or fog in a human body or a vampire or God knows what else, you've just lost me. There is something very wrong when you can't tell a joke from a genuine expression of a subject (all I've wrote before is 100% true (including people who think their souls are actually fog or galaxies) and can be encountered if you look around).

The problem with the logic here is that the people that post here with their problems have already been challenged. They've already had to go through something traumatic and, in order to find some solution or consolation, they ask other people. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this and I think VT is the perfect place for this sort of consolation to be obtained.

Sometimes teen problems don't merely have solutions. Sometimes we make up problems that don't actually exist, but we convince ourselves that they do. Perhaps this happens because our minds want to challenge us so that we will grow. However, the best treatment for the unsolvable problems of teenage life is consolation and happiness, acceptance and support from others with the same problems. Our happiness is its own goal, its own reward.

It seems to me that you have grown up much since you were a teenager(drawing from the fact that you joined in 2006). Because of this, you are removed from these teenage problems. In other words, you no longer truly feel them. If you did feel them, then you'd probably more clearly see that the problems are typically more emotional and not entirely rational. Because of this, strict reason will not be a distraught teen's magic bullet to happiness(typically). Rather, they're often better treated with care and acceptance.

VirtualTeen is the best website/community I have ever seen for dealing with these problems. The community is wonderful and the effect it has on people is quite prominent. For this reason, it would seem most definitely healthy.

[Sir Suomi]

That's why it's a good thing to step back from the monitor for a while and get some fresh air. That's normally what I do, and why I'm never consistently on here, at least anymore.

[jayjay's toocool]

I feel like this site went to shit after like my friends told me about it.

[phuckphace]

It depends.

If your intention is to treat this website as if it were a hugbox, then it will be as unhealthy as any other hugbox. This is, in my opinion, the great danger with websites aimed at anxiety (existential and otherwise) and mental illnesses, especially when they cater to younger folk. Hugboxes are dangerous because they can reinforce toxic behaviour by relativism. They can also lead to certain people who are generally misfits self-diagnosing one problem or another in an attempt to finally fit in somewhere which ends up just compounding the problem. In other words, the "special snowflake syndrome".

For example, on one particularly popular website (not this one), there seems to be a high concentration of "autistic" people. Incidentally, most are girls and women. I simply do not believe it. First, because autistic spectrum disorders are a lot rarer in girls than they are in boys, and with that website's userbase being about 50/50, logic dictates that this distribution is highly unlikely. Second, because it is actually pretty easy to tell from both the way someone writes and the subjects someone writes about whether someone or not exhibits an autistic thought pattern, and I don't see that either.

It's pretty easy to assume from this that everyday difficulties that a lot of people have (eg. shyness, anxiety, not fitting in) are being hyped up as mental illnesses and for a lot of people, the title of being "autistic" means that they can get away with bad behaviour and that they never have to work on themselves, because they are "born that way". Obviously, this is very dangerous, and I think this can lead to increased difficulties down the road. Student and teen life is generally pretty forgiving about bad behaviour, but the adult, taxpaying life most definitely isn't.

I think humans grow as they are challenged. So whenever I saw this process happen, I always tried to turn the process on its head and introduce challenge, a counter-opinion. One thing that I regret is that I wasn't always the nicest about it, but I believed extreme bluntness would provide that much more of a contrast and would help getting the message across.

Hurt feelings are a part of life and if people do not learn to deal with them early, they'll only end up shoveling their problems down the road. "Safe spaces" can be good, but only as long as they do not stem criticism of behaviour or opinion that is justified. Everything isn't relative and everything isn't good - there are aspects of identity and opinion that are quite frankly absolutely ridiculous. There is such a thing as a wrong opinion in that it isn't based on facts whatsoever. And yes, there is such a thing as a mind-bogglingly wrong identity. When the cornerstone of your identity is the fact that you think you are a dragon otherkin, an elf, a halfling, a freaking galaxy or fog in a human body or a vampire or God knows what else, you've just lost me. There is something very wrong when you can't tell a joke from a genuine expression of a subject (all I've wrote before is 100% true (including people who think their souls are actually fog or galaxies) and can be encountered if you look around).

Identity politics are latched on by various "groups" that seek to define themselves in whatever way they choose to, and the rest of the world simply has to accept that fact. To think that you are an angel in a human body is not much more than a delusion. But hugboxes won't allow you to point this out. Over the years I think the mods here have done a pretty decent job at allowing some hurt feelings where they are warranted and stamping them out when they are not, but it is a dangerous equilibrium and it demands constant vigilance. It is all the more dangerous here because a large portion of the userbase (okay, not as large as those who lie about the size of their cocks and demand everybody else to tell them how big they are to gain a fleeting sense of superiority) of this site is seeking some kind of validation, friendship or just a sense of belonging somewhere, and are malleable. Teens are impressionable by nature and if some have the idea that they must be x, y or z to fit in, or to get attention, then they will claim to be just that. In time, they might even believe it.

In other words, I think some people here are looking to forge identities for themselves and I don't think this is the place to do so. Other people are trying to figure out what is wrong with them, and I also don't think this is the place to do so. This website tends to attract people with low self-esteem for obvious reasons and they are all the more like clay for it. In that sense, no, VT is not healthy.

What VT is decent for, however, like any other community, is gaining insights from people with radically different perspectives on life than you. There is every type of people under the sun here and every kind of opinion imaginable. Inevitably, this will generate hurt feelings. What you do with these will determine whether VT is healthy or not for you - whether you learn to deal with it in a mature manner (for example, by engaging in logical discourse about the issue) then move on, or whether you fall into the victimization trap where everybody is out to get you. The difference between this and a hugbox is that it is 100% guaranteed that you will feel victimized and elevate hurt feelings in some kind of worldwide system where only your hugbox is a "safe space" if you frequent the more "hugboxy" kind of community, which robs you of agency and power and stunts your growth as a human being. VT strikes a better balance than most, although some subforums are way out in the left field.

There are (or were - long time since I've been here, but I'm betting on the former) some cliques here which will attempt to chase you out if you don't toe the line, but that happens everywhere. Ignore them. In this way, you will contribute to the balancing act of which I wrote earlier, and you will have the opportunity to learn to deal with hurt feelings and getting mobbed. Just don't fall in the trap of adopting opinions and states of mind that aren't yours to begin with just so that you will be accepted. Standing up for yourself no matter what (while making sure to take notes if someone else writes that what you're writing is dumb and provides actual reasoning - as I wrote, opinions can be false) will reinforce your self-esteem. Make the most of that as you can. That's my advice.

daaaaaaamn

couldn't agree more

[SethfromMI]

That's why it's a good thing to step back from the monitor for a while and get some fresh air. That's normally what I do, and why I'm never consistently on here, at least anymore.

well said General!

but I think this site a lot of positives for people, more so than it does negatives.

[Rayquaza]

I know a lot of people are going to completely hate me and disgree with what I've got to say about this matter. I'm gonna try my best and water down everything and try (and fail) to hold some sort of neutrality as best as I can.

I don't think it's incredibly healthy, looking back on VT now.

This forum is run basically entirely by teenagers. Think about that for a minute. The staff, the people that look after you, are teenagers. Some of which may or may not be free from ideal mental health, previous staff members were found to be a threat to the privacy and security to the community and specific users, and others were banned way after they had done too much damage. These are the people that care for you, but there have been major slip ups in the past. They're not all adults, and they don't all have the required responsibility it takes to oversee the safety of the users. It's not about a rule-break infraction or locking some thread.

VT has a non-self harm calendar where users go there to write "Day 0" which I found, personally incredibly unhelpful and fosters competitiveness rather than celebrating days s/h free. Whilst I admit that I had my fair share of being part of that rut, obviously I wouldn't need to have realised it too late if it was addressed in the first place.

VT used to give solid, meaningful advice. But some of the posters tend to write vague waffle or sit on the fence too much, making the whole point of teen social support useless. Is it for +1's? Is that all that seems to matter now?

VT is a place where it's apparently acceptable for teenagers to ask how big their genitalia is because apparently that's puberty related. Or if they "peek". Or something that's inappropriate to ask strangers on the internet.

The previous close-knit committee no longer seems to exist from when I was around. Maybe there still is and that's still the case but as far as I can tell, it's non-existent. Before, everyone kind of knew of each other or whatever, people actually cared about each other. You'd get messages asking if people whats up, because their cry for help wasn't simply a literal cry for help. People were willing to read between the lines, see peoples posts in dirty little secrets or send a message and ask if they were okay.

VT doesn't let you delete accounts and posts with it. Everything prior to 2015 is something I can't look at, because my life went to shit. It's a bad reminder for me and my life would be so much better without it all. I'm still recovering my body, at least that can be healed. But I get the feeling once you post here, it's pretty much permanent. My posts on here are the permanent mental scars that I can't get rid of. Apparently holes in year-old threads is important. It's not like I can politely ask an admin to hard delete about 4200 posts at once, could I? Is it healthy to retain the troubles of someone's past?

And if you're banned? LMAO you're fucked mate. Consider your rule breaking and posts with it to be stored on VT as permanent evidence that you can't do anything about, along with the profile information that remains in tact on your profile. The banning wasn't the only punishment you were given.

What way is VT healthy?

If you made sure you couldn't be traced back to your real life self from your user on here, I think you'd be in a much better position.

Being able to vent to other teens is great, because teens get bored of listening to advice from adults when sometimes they don't usually know best. The few people that do give good advice on this forum can help the OP or whoever's ranting see different points of view etc.

Apart from that, I genuinely can't explain how VT is healthy. What did I get from VT? A few, very few lifelong friends. I gave myself a year away, I left this forum and departed, and now that I've finished first year of uni I've had back for a short stay. But during that year, I had a few breakdowns and I felt like I was going to relapse. I know that if I came onto this forum, I would have. I got through my issues on my own. I thought me leaving this place would be a massive deal for me, given the fact I've spent 1/3rd of years of my life on here. But no, it was the best thing I ever did. I'm making a recovery but my past on VT holds me back, and that's why in my circumstance and my view, it's not healthy.

[StoppingTom]

I know a lot of people are going to completely hate me and disgree with what I've got to say about this matter. I'm gonna try my best and water down everything and try (and fail) to hold some sort of neutrality as best as I can.

I don't think it's incredibly healthy, looking back on VT now.

This forum is run basically entirely by teenagers. Think about that for a minute. The staff, the people that look after you, are teenagers. Some of which may or may not be free from ideal mental health, previous staff members were found to be a threat to the privacy and security to the community and specific users, and others were banned way after they had done too much damage. These are the people that care for you, but there have been major slip ups in the past. They're not all adults, and they don't all have the required responsibility it takes to oversee the safety of the users. It's not about a rule-break infraction or locking some thread.

VT has a non-self harm calendar where users go there to write "Day 0" which I found, personally incredibly unhelpful and fosters competitiveness rather than celebrating days s/h free. Whilst I admit that I had my fair share of being part of that rut, obviously I wouldn't need to have realised it too late if it was addressed in the first place.

VT used to give solid, meaningful advice. But many posters such as the one above me (yes SethfromMI, I'm talking about you) tend to write vague waffle or sit on the fence too much, making the whole point of teen social support useless. Is it for +1's? Is that all that seems to matter now? You might as well have googled the question you were going to answer.

VT is a place where it's apparently acceptable for teenagers to ask how big their genitalia is because apparently that's puberty related. Or if they "peek". Or something that's inappropriate to ask strangers on the internet.

The previous close-knit committee no longer seems to exist from when I was around. Maybe there still is and that's still the case but as far as I can tell, it's non-existent. Before, everyone kind of knew of each other or whatever, people actually cared about each other. You'd get messages asking if people whats up, because their cry for help wasn't simply a literal cry for help. People were willing to read between the lines, see peoples posts in dirty little secrets or send a message and ask if they were okay.

VT doesn't let you delete accounts and posts with it. Everything prior to 2015 is something I can't look at, because my life went to shit. It's a bad reminder for me and my life would be so much better without it all. I'm still recovering my body, at least that can be healed. But I get the feeling once you post here, it's pretty much permanent. My posts on here are the permanent mental scars that I can't get rid of. Apparently holes in year-old threads is important. It's not like I can politely ask an admin to hard delete about 4200 posts at once, could I? Is it healthy to retain the troubles of someone's past?

And if you're banned? LMAO you're fucked mate. Consider your rule breaking and posts with it to be stored on VT as permanent evidence that you can't do anything about, along with the profile information that remains in tact on your profile. The banning wasn't the only punishment you were given.

What way is VT healthy?

If you made sure you couldn't be traced back to your real life self from your user on here, I think you'd be in a much better position.

Being able to vent to other teens is great, because teens get bored of listening to advice from adults when sometimes they don't usually know best. The few people that do give good advice on this forum can help the OP or whoever's ranting see different points of view etc.

Apart from that, I genuinely can't explain how VT is healthy. What did I get from VT? A few, very few lifelong friends. I gave myself a year away, I left this forum and departed, and now that I've finished first year of uni I've had back for a short stay. But during that year, I had a few breakdowns and I felt like I was going to relapse. I know that if I came onto this forum, I would have. I got through my issues on my own. I thought me leaving this place would be a massive deal for me, given the fact I've spent 1/3rd of years of my life on here. But no, it was the best thing I ever did. I'm making a recovery but my past on VT holds me back, and that's why in my circumstance and my view, it's not healthy.

There are some things I agree with here, namely the topic of the "Puberty" threads. Personally, I can do without threads asking other members how big their dongers are, but for the most part, I try to help kids younger than me who are confused/nervous about this kind of weird part of life, or just talking with people my age about these kinds of things in a more mature way. Being that I haven't been here nearly as long as you or other members, I can't speak for how well the forum functioned in the past, but I like to think there are more people here trying to help than harm.

[Horatio Nelson]

Let's keep this discussion civil. Any form of name calling or subtle digs at other members will not be tolerated.

[Miserabilia]

VT is like a drug, not as in effects or addictivenes, but in that your experience will depend on you and your situation not VT itself. If you bring negativity here you will feel negativity back. If you have social anxiety it's only logical that you will experience at least part of that same anxiety here by fearing being judged. Eventualy you'll see this is still one of the "safest" places for a teenager with anxiety or issues to be; it may not be perfect but for it's small and not very connected group of members it does really well at helping even complete strangers.

[Karkat]

In what way is any of the internet- or most of life healthy?
The internet is a for-profit piece of technology being controlled by multi-million and multi-billion dollar companies that do not care about you. As such, most content is commercial.
Such is life.

You have to find the good in things or you will never find good. I mean, there is outright toxicity- I'd never recommend sites like Tumblr or 4chan to anyone (while there is nothing inherently wrong with the sites themselves, the majority of the users are highly toxic- sometimes even intentionally [im looking at you memechan])

I have a Tumblr. I've gone on 4chan a few times and I've actually only been out off by users who were on other platforms (if you're a 4chan or tumblr user you might as well have a tattoo on your forehead it's p obvious)
It's not impossible to enjoy those sites without being eaten away inside

But it's easy to fall into a pit of toxic waste and die
Just like if you're not being careful IRL you could walk in front of a moving car and die
Or fall off a cliff and die

You have to use sound judgement in life if you want any form of self-preservation, and it's no different on the interwebz

VT is as healthy as you make it.

[Fiction]

I know a lot of people are going to completely hate me and disgree with what I've got to say about this matter. I'm gonna try my best and water down everything and try (and fail) to hold some sort of neutrality as best as I can.

I don't think it's incredibly healthy, looking back on VT now.

This forum is run basically entirely by teenagers. Think about that for a minute. The staff, the people that look after you, are teenagers. Some of which may or may not be free from ideal mental health, previous staff members were found to be a threat to the privacy and security to the community and specific users, and others were banned way after they had done too much damage. These are the people that care for you, but there have been major slip ups in the past. They're not all adults, and they don't all have the required responsibility it takes to oversee the safety of the users. It's not about a rule-break infraction or locking some thread.

VT has a non-self harm calendar where users go there to write "Day 0" which I found, personally incredibly unhelpful and fosters competitiveness rather than celebrating days s/h free. Whilst I admit that I had my fair share of being part of that rut, obviously I wouldn't need to have realised it too late if it was addressed in the first place.

VT used to give solid, meaningful advice. But some of the posters tend to write vague waffle or sit on the fence too much, making the whole point of teen social support useless. Is it for +1's? Is that all that seems to matter now?

VT is a place where it's apparently acceptable for teenagers to ask how big their genitalia is because apparently that's puberty related. Or if they "peek". Or something that's inappropriate to ask strangers on the internet.

The previous close-knit committee no longer seems to exist from when I was around. Maybe there still is and that's still the case but as far as I can tell, it's non-existent. Before, everyone kind of knew of each other or whatever, people actually cared about each other. You'd get messages asking if people whats up, because their cry for help wasn't simply a literal cry for help. People were willing to read between the lines, see peoples posts in dirty little secrets or send a message and ask if they were okay.

VT doesn't let you delete accounts and posts with it. Everything prior to 2015 is something I can't look at, because my life went to shit. It's a bad reminder for me and my life would be so much better without it all. I'm still recovering my body, at least that can be healed. But I get the feeling once you post here, it's pretty much permanent. My posts on here are the permanent mental scars that I can't get rid of. Apparently holes in year-old threads is important. It's not like I can politely ask an admin to hard delete about 4200 posts at once, could I? Is it healthy to retain the troubles of someone's past?

And if you're banned? LMAO you're fucked mate. Consider your rule breaking and posts with it to be stored on VT as permanent evidence that you can't do anything about, along with the profile information that remains in tact on your profile. The banning wasn't the only punishment you were given.

What way is VT healthy?

If you made sure you couldn't be traced back to your real life self from your user on here, I think you'd be in a much better position.

Being able to vent to other teens is great, because teens get bored of listening to advice from adults when sometimes they don't usually know best. The few people that do give good advice on this forum can help the OP or whoever's ranting see different points of view etc.

Apart from that, I genuinely can't explain how VT is healthy. What did I get from VT? A few, very few lifelong friends. I gave myself a year away, I left this forum and departed, and now that I've finished first year of uni I've had back for a short stay. But during that year, I had a few breakdowns and I felt like I was going to relapse. I know that if I came onto this forum, I would have. I got through my issues on my own. I thought me leaving this place would be a massive deal for me, given the fact I've spent 1/3rd of years of my life on here. But no, it was the best thing I ever did. I'm making a recovery but my past on VT holds me back, and that's why in my circumstance and my view, it's not healthy.

I completely agree with this. Especially the point about how at the time, I thought I couldn't cope without VT. I look back now and realise it just made me withdraw even further from everyday life, perpetuating my issues.

Also the amount of damage that has been done when VT couldn't keep it's users safe has been immeasurable.

[ImCoolBeans]

Also the amount of damage that has been done when VT couldn't keep it's users safe has been immeasurable.

People need to realize that this is the internet. We go way out on a limb to keep you guys as safe as we can, but there comes a time where if you're making poor choices online, that's on you. We'll always do our very best to keep you guys safe, but you have to hold up your own end of the bargain and be smart online.

Of course if your submerse yourself 100% in a depression or self harm forum while you're already depressed and self harming there is going to be a chance that it could negatively effect you.

[Fiction]

People need to realize that this is the internet. We go way out on a limb to keep you guys as safe as we can, but there comes a time where if you're making poor choices online, that's on you. We'll always do our very best to keep you guys safe, but you have to hold up your own end of the bargain and be smart online.

Of course if your submerse yourself 100% in a depression or self harm forum while you're already depressed and self harming there is going to be a chance that it could negatively effect you.

Yeah I understand that, but aged 15 and vulnerable you're not in a place to make those decisions. And unfortunately around that is the main demographic of this site.

[Karkat]

Yeah I understand that, but aged 15 and vulnerable you're not in a place to make those decisions. And unfortunately around that is the main demographic of this site.

Arguably then, no one under the age of 21-25 or so should be allowed to access the internet as it may be detrimental.

When you're 15, you are at an age where you have to begin to make your own decisions for better or for worse. The only options are to accept that kids that age need to learn from them, or stow them away in a padded room where they can never hurt themselves until we have no choice but to let them go free- which is when they would really get hurt.

Self-destructive behavior can stem from a tight leash. If we avoid everything unhealthy for the sake of being healthy, we will fear life and become the unhealthiest of all.

I'm a walking testimony to that.

[FullyAlive]

Of course if your submerse yourself 100% in a depression or self harm forum while you're already depressed and self harming there is going to be a chance that it could negatively effect you.

Yeah I understand that, but aged 15 and vulnerable you're not in a place to make those decisions. And unfortunately around that is the main demographic of this site.

Okay I see both sides of this at the end of the day yes this is the internet and it is up to each individual user to keep themselves safe. However I find it hard enough to make responsible decisions now at 20 lol it is a lot harder when you are in an extremely bad place and are only 15 years of age.
Looking back on VT it probably wasn't as helpful as I thought it was, I am in no way criticising the site more myself and the way that I managed to become almost completely reliant on the site and its members for a period of time. Although it is dangerous that so many vulnerable and at risk teenagers do congregate on it and are unaware and oblivious to the dangers of posting so much sensitive information online.

That having been said at the end of the day I made lifelong friends on this website who supported me through a lot and still do to this day. And as far as I'm concerned whilst in an ideal world the VT moderators would be able to look after their members safety a little more I do realise that this is an impossible task and one that should not fall on the shoulders of teenagers themselves.

[Judean Zealot]

Okay I see both sides of this at the end of the day yes this is the internet and it is up to each individual user to keep themselves safe. However I find it hard enough to make responsible decisions now at 20 lol it is a lot harder when you are in an extremely bad place and are only 15 years of age.
Looking back on VT it probably wasn't as helpful as I thought it was, I am in no way criticising the site more myself and the way that I managed to become almost completely reliant on the site and its members for a period of time. Although it is dangerous that so many vulnerable and at risk teenagers do congregate on it and are unaware and oblivious to the dangers of posting so much sensitive information online.

That having been said at the end of the day I made lifelong friends on this website who supported me through a lot and still do to this day. And as far as I'm concerned whilst in an ideal world the VT moderators would be able to look after their members safety a little more I do realise that this is an impossible task and one that should not fall on the shoulders of teenagers themselves.
I would just point out here that in most historical societies a 15 year old would be expected to live up to the same expectations as any 25 year old.

How the mighty have fallen.

[Malcolm Tucker]

People need to realize that this is the internet. We go way out on a limb to keep you guys as safe as we can, but there comes a time where if you're making poor choices online, that's on you. We'll always do our very best to keep you guys safe, but you have to hold up your own end of the bargain and be smart online.

Of course if your submerse yourself 100% in a depression or self harm forum while you're already depressed and self harming there is going to be a chance that it could negatively effect you.

Not everyone in the demographic of VT is capable of realizing this. I certainly wasn't. We're at the age where it isn't just the internet anymore. For some it's a lifeline. No one can quantify the amount of lives that have potentially been saved by this site. It's more than just a website and there's very little denying that. Yes, people have a certain amount of responsibility to look after themselves on the internet, and be safe, but staff have a duty of care to look after the members, particularly those most vulnerable.

FWIW: Not insinuating that staff, current or past (of which I am one), don't actively do this, for what its worth. But there have been situations in the past, way back when, when issues were let slide and because of this members' security and safety were at risk, which is inexcusable IMHO.

[Gumleaf]

Okay I see both sides of this at the end of the day yes this is the internet and it is up to each individual user to keep themselves safe. However I find it hard enough to make responsible decisions now at 20 lol it is a lot harder when you are in an extremely bad place and are only 15 years of age.
Looking back on VT it probably wasn't as helpful as I thought it was, I am in no way criticising the site more myself and the way that I managed to become almost completely reliant on the site and its members for a period of time. Although it is dangerous that so many vulnerable and at risk teenagers do congregate on it and are unaware and oblivious to the dangers of posting so much sensitive information online.

That having been said at the end of the day I made lifelong friends on this website who supported me through a lot and still do to this day. And as far as I'm concerned whilst in an ideal world the VT moderators would be able to look after their members safety a little more I do realise that this is an impossible task and one that should not fall on the shoulders of teenagers themselves.

I quite like this response to this issue.

So between 2007 and 2011 I was very active on the site starting out as a p101er, was on the staff for a while and had some memorable experiences. At the end of 2007 I had a major family issue which, combined with some other stuff sent me on a road of depression and anxiety. During that time I was on vt staff and made some friends. Many of my friends, like me, were experiencing some sort of mental illness to some degree. During the following 2 and a half years I became very dependant on the site, and even after life in the real world with my family improved and went back to normal after what initially set me off, I wasn't getting any better and if anything, I got worse.

So if you read this so far you'd think that vt was the worse thing that could have happened to me, right? Well looking back now I think my vt experience didn't help my mental health situation. However, I've made probably 3 friends on here who I still have periodic communication with now, over 4 years since I was really active on the site. Those people I would never give up for the world because they are inspiring, loving and caring people who, even though don't have a lot of time for me now, still make time for me even though they are busy and that we all pretty much have an age starting with 2 now and no longer teens. What it has also shown is that vt is great for beginning the process of recovery, but for many cases you need to be offsite to really recover and in some cases with professional help, like what I have had.

I don't think for me being on staff helped my situation personally. Being in the inner sanctum was a good experience and having a say on aspects of the site was good for me because I often had new ideas and stuff. But looking back, I was just using that to mask the bigger problem. When I abruptly left staff in late 2010 almost like overnight, my mental health situation improved. I was online less often and rarely posted on here and didn't do much on the entire internet.

So enough about me. I'll just finish with a couple of points. Firstly, it is unfair to blame teens who are on here for making their condition worse by how they communicate and what they communicate on the site along with how often they post or are online. But it is also unfair to blame vt staff for this. Their job is to ensure your safety on the site through moderating posts and communications. It is not their job to ensure that any condition you have will improve, because they simply have no qualifications to do so. Unfortunately it won't matter who, what, when or where with vt, this will always be the case. Remember above all, this site started to be a support network for troubled teens. At no time has it presented itself as a site to solve your problems. I think in many cases it succeeds as a support network. That doesn't mean it's going to have a positive impact on your own situation, but you could be helping others with giving support. I'd like to think I did better with that part of it myself.

[Fiction]

I agree with Louise, Michael and Stephen. I was in no way blaming staff, in fact when I had the most problems on VT I was staff.

I'm just merely stating that VT for me, made me worse in the long run and I only really made progress when I left the site. Speaking to other people on the site at around the same time as me, they feel the same.

Self-harming, feeling suicidal and starving myself all became normalised, it became my identity, because I was living my life mainly on a website where that was who I was. This hindered my recovery hugely, along with other issues on the site.

VT has always been well-intentioned, there are just fundamental issues with teens with issues, looking after teens with issues. But that is not me saying VT is completely without benefit, just that it can so easily become a negative influence.

That being said, like the others, I have some amazing friends on here. Some that I've met, some that I plan to meet and some that just live too far away .But one things for sure, my friendship with them has surpassed the length of time of any friends met in my everyday life, and even to this day I trust them in ways I don't trust even those closest to me in my real life.

[Saint]

Interesting question as I've always wondered that myself when i'm browsing through the forums. I joined VT when i was mostly feeling like shit (not depressed,but still) for the most part of the day. I signed up,joined the chatroom and started chatting with other people who were on this site and it felt great,felt nice to be able to talk to random people that are around my age group. that's what i've always loved about this site.

on the flipside however, when you're feeling shitty about stuff and you're browsing through a forum where mostly every post is in regard to a problem that someone is having,i don't think it does much good to your thought process.


nowadays i mostly just lurk around the forums from time to time if VT,my last login was about 5 months ago lol. if you're feeling like VT just doesn't feel right anymore maybe you could try taking a break since you probably need it :P

[Magus]

I think being too emotionally invested in things online is generally unhealthy.

I suggest limiting screen time and actually going outdoors to walk the dog, see friends, date, go shopping, or something to get you out into the real world.

If you're living or making an awesome life for yourself in real life, whatever debates and spats that go on here don't irritate you as much.


That's the thing. That's why so many of us come here. Most of us are asocial, and have social anxiety, and tend to cower in our room and communicate through the interwebz.

[Uniquemind]

That's the thing. That's why so many of us come here. Most of us are asocial, and have social anxiety, and tend to cower in our room and communicate through the interwebz.

There's a grain of truth in that but some of this phenomena has become a "chicken or egg scenario".

Are larger chunks of youth asocial by default or has the internet created and accelerated social anxiety creating more and more insecure people who aren't accustomed to dealing the harsh realities of the real world and toughened up by experience, and pragmatic unavoidable pain.

This topic is beginning to merge with the topic of various parenting styles which is the foundation of a young person's psyche.

There's a movement called "free range parenting" which has gotten local media attention lately because society feels it's borderline neglectful parenting, but the argument for it is that the kids raised on such a system are more aware of their community and embrace their independence.

I won't expound further but it might be time to create a new thread where both these topics and be part of the main thread discussion.

[xXoblivionXx]

it can be. there have been times where I've needed support in the moment of crisis and I couldn't get it IRL, VT was there for me. It provided a safe place for me to get my thoughts out, get my questions answered, and meet interesting people.

However, there were/are times where I feel to attached to VT in the sense that I find myself checking it several times a day. Or sometimes I feel that if I don't get replies on my posts that people don't like me ergo my self esteem goes down a bit.

so like all things, moderation is key

[Akasuki]

VT has helped me through the past few years because I come here to vent when I don't have anywhere else to go. I've never really made any friends here but helping others through their issues assists me in my own healing as well.