Demifluid?

[queenofcontrariety]

Hi friends, I realize I come and go from here quite a bit and I'm sorry for not being around and only appearing when I'm in personal crisis. Wellllllllllllll it's time for my latest personal crisis and honestly it's a weird one for me to talk about and one that had been plaguing me for a while.

So for my entire life I've been, shall we say "different". I'm a girl, but I've always had a lot of male friends and enjoyed a lot of masculine things. I went through a period of time like 2 or 3 years ago where I was convinced I was a lesbian or at least bi, but this doesn't really seem to describe my existance, and yes I do agree that trying to label one's self is not the best thing to do, but none the less I am human and try to do so. My dad and I have always been very close bit he once called me the older son he never had, most of the things he and I do are more typical of a father son relationship (grilling, going to the nfl draft, teaching me about beer, etc) I know I sound like I'm some asshole who thinks that gender roles are true, but I think I've broken too many. I plan on being an engineer and found as much comfort in building my own doll houses when I was little as I did actually playing with the dolls.

Lately I've been having this little thought in the back of my head that's like "shit, this is the least manly thing you've done". WHY DOES MY INNER VOICE WANT ME TO BE MANLY? I mean sure I sit like a guy, swear like one, enjoy most masculine things, but I'm not a guy. I don't really have a desire to completely be one either. I like dresses and my womanly figure and I do like guys, I like being dainty and Disney movies and I like flowers and puppies (pretty manly puppies though... I want more pitbulls when I move out). But my few on love and relationship is both really daydreamy but also I feel like relationships don't work, I'm afraid of commitment, which isn't something most of my female friends deal with...

When I was born everyone thought I was supposed to be a boy... family, friends, random people on the streets of nyc... and here I am, not a guy. Not that I think I was meant to be one but in a way I feel like I kinda am... Is this what being demifluid is? I always express as female and don't want to express as anything else but sometimes my mentality can shift...

[Abhorrence]

It's nice to see you back.

I can say that I'm no expert on gender at all. I've always identified as a male which is also my biological sex. I have no knowledge on non-binary, genderfluid or anything and I doubt I ever will because I believe it is a thing that only people who experience it will know. But honestly, you say you don't want to be a boy and that kind of means you're a cis-gendered female, right? I mean, I have never ever heard the term demifluid before but I'd stick to doing what you're doing - being a girl who's into things considered masculine by society and try being happy with that. Don't try to label it, like you said earlier that's not a good thing to do anyways.

[Desuetude]

I've never heard of the term 'demifluid' as a gender identity and I know a hell of a lot of non-binary terms. If that was how you identified I believe you'd be genderfluid or bigender (which may have been the one you were trying to get at in the first place?)

Honestly, from what you're saying, it sounds to me as though you're not trans*. Do you ever feel as though you're in the wrong body? Feel uncomfortable with the parts that are specifically female? Do you think you'd feel more comfortable with people refering to you with different pronouns? e.g. they/them or he/him (or there are ones that are specifically non-binary but less known like ze/zir). Maybe try looking in the mirror and saying "I'm male/I'm a man" and "I'm female/I'm a woman" and see which one feels right?

Just because you like specifically 'masculine' activities that could just mean you're a 'tomboy' (yeah, not that I like the term but sometimes it comes in handy when finding a label). If you'd appreciate my opinion, I think you're a bit unorthadox as a female but still cisgender. If you don't fit into the social roles of a 'male' or 'female' that doesn't make you any less of that gender if you still feel connected to it and people need to realise that. If you feel any disconnect from being a woman and feel like you would be happier portraying yourself as a man because that's how you feel internally, then that's when it goes from gender non-conforming (which is when you change your gender EXPRESSION, so clothes etc. anything that outwardly portrays masculinity and femininity) to being actually transgender/non-binary which is your gender IDENTITY.

Gender is a confusing thing, it's extremely subjective and I can't tell you how you feel, you should probably research more on your own if you're still unsure. I'm sorry if I confused you in any way, I'm not very good at wording things to get my point across so it's actually understandable. As said above, you shouldn't have to worry about shoving a label on it but I do understand what a stress this can be a finding a box in which you believe you fit can lift a massive weight off of you, so I hope you find the information you're looking for.

[queenofcontrariety]

I've never heard of the term 'demifluid' as a gender identity and I know a hell of a lot of non-binary terms. If that was how you identified I believe you'd be genderfluid or bigender (which may have been the one you were trying to get at in the first place?)
To the best of my somewhat limited knowledge of terms demifluid would be a type of gender fluidity where some aspects remain constant. I am comfortable in my body and definitely would not identitify as Trans and I'm comfortable with female pronouns, but I have the somewhat typical moments where I'm like "damn being a guy would be easy, no bras and you can literally pee anywhere". I do have moments of almost hyperfemininity, but that's a different story entirely. Part of me feels like I was supposed to be a guy, but most of it is because of the folk lore and basically being raised as a guy. I think a big part of it is being harassed so much for being a girl in a lot of the activities I'm involved in, it basically made me not even want to be a girl, like because I am what I am I don't belong where I want to be. Which isn't a great feeling. But the big thing I how I interact wi th people and my inner voice. It's more of like "damn, you sound like a fuck boy" or it complains thay other guys aren't mainly and in those inner conversations that won't really happen I'm like "how do you feel having your 16 year old daughter being more manly than you bc you have your wife pick your fights for you" and like dumb stuff like that. I don't know if I'm just paranoid, but like in my limited experiences with females in a romantic way I feel more like a guy, and it's weird. It's a weird feeling. It is just confusing for me because I can be so feminine but I feel like this little voice that's like "nah" and I know I shouldn't do anything but I just want to be at peace

[Desuetude]

I mean, everyone born biologically female has those moments of "God damn periods suck, wish I was a guy" and stuff like that, don't think you're alone in that mindset.

Trans* is more commonly used as an umbrella term now so basically if you don't identity exactly with the gender you were assigned (cis), then you're considered trans. So any identity other than woman, for you, would essentially mean you're trans or genderqueer/non-binary are other favoured umbrella terms by the community.

Honestly, I've given you all the information I've got and my opinion and maybe researching around the subject more might help. It's okay to not feel cis and you don't need to be cis to feel peace, you just need to be accepting of yourself and yes, that might take time but the more research you do and the more you understand how you feel/that its okay to feel ANY kind of identity regardless of how you're brought up or how others treat you, the more at peace you'll feel with yourself. Fluidity within gender is A LOT more common than people believe because it was seen as taboo for so long and people are only just becoming accepting of trans* people but we still have a long way to go.

[DoodleSnap]

It's nice to see you back.

I can say that I'm no expert on gender at all. I've always identified as a male which is also my biological sex. I have no knowledge on non-binary, genderfluid or anything and I doubt I ever will because I believe it is a thing that only people who experience it will know. But honestly, you say you don't want to be a boy and that kind of means you're a cis-gendered female, right? I mean, I have never ever heard the term demifluid before but I'd stick to doing what you're doing - being a girl who's into things considered masculine by society and try being happy with that. Don't try to label it, like you said earlier that's not a good thing to do anyways.
^^^Exactamundo.
Being an actual person does mean that you want to label things and find your identity right now, but learning to accept yourself aside from labels, and just be, is one of the best feelings ever. Try to focus on why you want a label? Is it because you want to explain to others? Is it because you want to fit into an identity that you have seen in society deep down? Be honest with yourself, and I'm sure time will work it all out.
Good luck.