Emotions falling apart…

[Coolguy10890]

So lately since the U.S. Legalized gay marriage nationwide, and I've been supporting it very much (well, duh cuz I'm gay too) but cuz I'm not out, I've been supporting it like any other person would, (not publicly coming out as gay tho.) And my parents (especially my stepmom) was freaking out about me posting stuff supporting it and me putting that Rainbow Facebook filter on my profile. She started complaining and saying "You have no right to be putting all that supporting gay marriage stuff if you don't have the guts to come out! Come out to everyone and then do that!"

This has literally been breaking my heart. It's like her and my dad are pressuring me to come out, but I've told them I'm too afraid to because, coming out as gay and supporting it is completely different. And we go to church and many of the people in our church don't like gays/gay marriage. Especially my grandma too. I'd be devastated to come out to the public and then have all the church people and my grandma start treating me differently or not caring about me as much as they have before.

And in the beginning when I came out to my parents it seemed like they didn't care or supported me, but as time went on I am starting to see their true colors and they think I'm "confused" or they want me to come out to everyone all at once, etc.

I really feel like they don't support me and it's really starting to hurt my feelings :'(

Please anyone reply, this is literally starting to break my heart I don't know what to do anymore. My parents think it's their Buisness who I come out to and they think what I do with my gay life is their Buisness. And no matter how much I try to explain they don't care.

[htx.dre]

1.) If you are not in a confortable position at the time to come out as gay dont let your parents pressure you into doing it. If you come out in a time that you are uncomfortable and feel as if others will judge then dont. Wait until you are confortable with who you are then you wont care what grandma think church members etc. It wont be as bad as you think. Dont get me wrong you will have haters your job is to not even pay attention to them

2.) You say that you are now seeing your parents true colors and that they are labeling you as confused. From the outside looking in ( correct me if im wrong ) it seems as if you have came out to your parents recently (a year or so) and they are still in denial. You should sit down with the both of them and let know... dad stepmom I feel alone because yiu guys are unsupportive of me

[Coolguy10890]

Like I said before, ^ sitting down with them and explaining stuff NEVER works. It always ends up in an argument or something.

[Dalton504]

Do not let anyone pressure you to come out. If you aren't not ready, then you aren't ready. If you have a friend that you are very close to and know that they'll support you, come out to them. You'll have someone to talk to since your parents won't listen to what you have to say. Also, don't worry what others will think of you if you come out. It's your life, not theirs.

[northy]

Tell your parents that you will do what you want. It is your public image. If they tell people, deny it if you want to. Well done on coming out to your parents, it's a major step and one more than I've done.

[Abhorrence]

Parents who try to force you out of the closet or even discuss your private life to others are the worse. I've had my own experience with this (related to private matters, not sexuality) and it is just horrible - I really feel for you. I think you should attempt to reason with them, tell them the best you can that you feel uncomfortable at this point in time to come out but everyone is welcome to support gay marriage and equal rights because it is just a decent human thing to do. I think that's the issue here, they seem to think that you should only support equal rights if you are in a minority. Which is not true at all. Try to have a mature conversation about it, present your points with your knowledge and attempt to make them see your way and see that you do not need or want to come out at this point in time, especially if some people around you are homophobics.

[Aajj333]

You shouldn't let your emotionally manipulative mom dictate when you feel safe to come out. They have no business to out you, and you only should when you feel safe and are ready. :)

[DoodleSnap]

It is a difficult situation you are in: having parents that won't listen or reason sucks, it really does.
My best advice is to do what Abhorrence said above, you should present your side of the argument clearly and allow them to see your points of logic. If they are not mature enough to have a reasoned discussion, then I don't think that should have the right to pressure you. Make it explicitly clear that you have taken your side, and adopt the same response they have: "I have taken my side." It is out of their control now, so be firm about your side.
I'm sorry I can't offer better advice, but nonetheless, good luck.

[Just JT]

So I'm just womderin now, exactly why you need to tell your seemingly opposed to gay rights family about your sexual orientation whennit reality its none of their business!!

[Steve Jobs]

Your parents are probably less conditioned to change, as compared to people in our generation. Don't feel pressured to 'come out' or come to their terms.

You've come a long way coming out to them, and if you've expressed your emotions and feelings to them, you've done all you can. They'll never understand your emotions the way you do, and it sounds like you simply need to find people in your life that will support and understand you.


Watching "Prayers for Bobby" gave me a stronger understanding of a lot of things, such as the "if you can't accept me for who I am, then you don't have a ____ (son/grandson/friend, whatever).

It's not about blatantly ignoring the interests of others, but being confident with expressing your true self. People will be more manipulative when you feel shrouded or insecure about yourself, and treat your vulnerability as a cause to action to try and help you with things you don't need help with.

Your parents probably see the fact you haven't come out as a sign of vulnerability and may simply think that you'd become more comfortable with yourself if you do, and you were able to express those feelings with other people around you. But that's their judgement, not yours. They're emotionally unattached, so don't let your feelings get hurt!