What fear you have for coming out?

[ashdaniel]

I classified myself as bisexual. I have only experience with guys so far. Since I was nine I was always curious about guy specially after I discover gay porn. I always try to denial to myself that it is all hormone but recent years I realize it is not hormone. I have date a guy for 6 months it begin at the November of last year. I am still in the closet and he knows that. We have so much fun together. During the time, we are dating. I am happy but also afraid that people going to find out. I break up with him because I don't want our relationship get too far because I don't have the gut to come out. I believe I am able to come out as bisexual to my friends and people around me but not to my family. I was born in a traditional Chinese family. If my parents know that I like guy. More than likely they are not going to talk to me anymore. Some time I woke up at the night because I dream that my parents find out that I like guy. I want to know what is your fear of coming out and your experience because you still in the closet.

[biboi18]

You can try to give your parents hints at your sexuality or just wait long enough until your comfortable with who you are and are not afraid.

[Abhorrence]

The only reason I don't want to come out is because I've not fully accepted it myself. Also, when I was with a guy last year we came out to our friends and they were fine with it but also subtly quite disrespectful and that wasn't a nice thing. I don't want to come out to my mum because I feel that some of the comments she makes are quite homophobic due to her upbringing. My dad probably wouldn't care at all but I still don't want to say anything. I guess it's all just my internalised hatred of it.

[northy]

Rejection. Homophobia. Religious people. The usual.

[DriveAlive]

I play football and go to a small school so there is no way I can come out. There are no openly gay people at my school. Also, while my parents are completely supportive of gay rights and very liberal, my mom still makes a comment every time we see two men kiss on television.

[Coolguy10890]

Rejection. Homophobia. Religious people. The usual.

Same.

[Jaffe]

Sorry you have to go through that. I've never had to deal with it, but a lot of people on VT have, and just reading their posts about how they have to hide, makes me sad and upset. But only you can decide what to tell people. It's your fear, you are the only one who really knows how to deal with it. But ... there's no reason to push it.

[ashdaniel]

Thank everyone and your story.
I have think allot lately. Especially, what happen in USA with the law, I feel like I dont want to hide any more. I have meet some people before they come out and I was surprise when they did. I admire them. People around them just accept them. My school is totally LGBTQ friendly. We have GSA and first gender neutral bathroom. The reason that I still dont come out yet is because of my parents. Very traditional Chinese Parents. I can imagine they cut my support and not talking to me anymore. It is big thing in my family tree especially most of them are in China. If my parents pass away or something, I will totally update my face status and come out but they will eventually know it. That is the reason that I hide my feeling. I am tired. That why I going to be social worker in the future and studying counselling/psychology. I hope one day I will have the courage to stand under the sun with no secrete that will give me nightmare.

[paletanner]

Thank everyone and your story.
I have think allot lately. Especially, what happen in USA with the law, I feel like I dont want to hide any more. I have meet some people before they come out and I was surprise when they did. I admire them. People around them just accept them. My school is totally LGBTQ friendly. We have GSA and first gender neutral bathroom. The reason that I still dont come out yet is because of my parents. Very traditional Chinese Parents. I can imagine they cut my support and not talking to me anymore. It is big thing in my family tree especially most of them are in China. If my parents pass away or something, I will totally update my face status and come out but they will eventually know it. That is the reason that I hide my feeling. I am tired. That why I going to be social worker in the future and studying counselling/psychology. I hope one day I will have the courage to stand under the sun with no secrete that will give me nightmare.

i think you're awesome dude.

[Sports Boy]

I hate that people just can't be who they want to be because of the beliefs of others. It's true that family and friends can make life difficult if you don't have the exact values that they have. But I believe it's getting better every day so that sometime in our lifetime maybe no one will care about the sexual preferences of others.
It's also really good, ashdaniel, that you're making something positive come of your situation by getting into counseling/social work. You'll have great empathy.

[DoodleSnap]

i think you're awesome dude.
I agree: you're doing a great job to keep positive throughout all of this!
I guess I'm afraid of coming out in a big way because of people at my school.
My close friends know, and I haven't told my parents yet simply because it is scary. They will be okay with it though, I know.

[paletanner]

I agree: you're doing a great job to keep positive throughout all of this!
I guess I'm afraid of coming out in a big way because of people at my school.
My close friends know, and I haven't told my parents yet simply because it is scary. They will be okay with it though, I know.

it is scary. but at least my brother knows. that's a start. and everyone on vt. lol

[ashdaniel]

it is scary. but at least my brother knows. that's a start. and everyone on vt. lol

Thanks buddy, I guess two of my friends know now. Two days ago, I have two friends over for sleep over. We play truth and dare. We say allot of stuff and I know them better. One truth is that of them ask me sexuality and I say the truth. I am bisexual-curious and I know my friend's too. One them is straight and other one is same as me. I feel comfortable now because finally someone I know known the truth about me. We promise to keep our secrete but I guess I find two nice friend. I am not afraid of coming out. I respect my culture and tradition. My parents/family will disown me if they know the truth and I don't want this to be. I am glad that I live in Canada and my family live in another country. I can freely express myself and live my life. I have a feeling that it will some how work out itself in the future.

[paletanner]

Thanks buddy, I guess two of my friends know now. Two days ago, I have two friends over for sleep over. We play truth and dare. We say allot of stuff and I know them better. One truth is that of them ask me sexuality and I say the truth. I am bisexual-curious and I know my friend's too. One them is straight and other one is same as me. I feel comfortable now because finally someone I know known the truth about me. We promise to keep our secrete but I guess I find two nice friend. I am not afraid of coming out. I respect my culture and tradition. My parents/family will disown me if they know the truth and I don't want this to be. I am glad that I live in Canada and my family live in another country. I can freely express myself and live my life. I have a feeling that it will some how work out itself in the future.

truth or dare? lol yup yup done that with friends too. boys be cray. :P

[ashdaniel]

truth or dare? lol yup yup done that with friends too. boys be cray. :P

Yap, Crazy, we promise we will tell no one what happen that night.

[paletanner]

Yap, Crazy, we promise we will tell no one what happen that night.

what happens in vegas stays in vegas. :D

[ashdaniel]

what happens in vegas stays in vegas. :D

You bet, you know what happen on boys night with truth and dare. As I say to my friends, what happen in this house stay in this house. LOL:yes::yummy::yeah:

[paletanner]

You bet, you know what happen on boys night with truth and dare. As I say to my friends, what happen in this house stay in this house. LOL:yes::yummy::yeah:

that's like a given!!!

but i'm really happy you found someone you can trust. hugs!!!!! :)

[ashdaniel]

I agree: you're doing a great job to keep positive throughout all of this!
I guess I'm afraid of coming out in a big way because of people at my school.
My close friends know, and I haven't told my parents yet simply because it is scary. They will be okay with it though, I know.

I know it is scary. You situation is different than mine. You are in UK. Most people are acceptable. My parents will disown me if I tell them the truth. I wish I am in your situation.

[DoodleSnap]

I know it is scary. You situation is different than mine. You are in UK. Most people are acceptable. My parents will disown me if I tell them the truth. I wish I am in your situation.
Yeah, I feel for you greatly. Most people will accept it or simply not discuss it here, whereas many cultures feel the need to disown their children because of it, as you describe your situation.
Just know that I think you're really brave for pushing through all of this!

[Steve Jobs]

You've done the first and hardest step by telling someone you trust.

It gets a lot easier after that - the first step in ever realizing anything about yourself (and I could be generalizing) is the mental barrier of overcoming your mental inhibitions and letting someone else know something that you've been keeping totally secluded to yourself before.

And while it's always safe to judge the outcomes of how people will react, never be too afraid of what will happen. It happens once, life goes on, and we go from there. Overthinking it will only stop you from achieving what you could become.

Disowning your children isn't a way to teach, love or discipline a child. It shows a huge sign of vulnerability, where parents can't spare the effort to show any affection to their children. But remember our parents are all humans too. As much as we should look up and respect them, appreciate that they're flaws.

There might be a better way to approach things - but for now, don't stop yourself from living the life you want to live. They won't be around forever, and neither will you. Live your life to the fullest while you can!