Need a bit of help with my brother

[angelchild]

So I guess I'm having problem with my little brother. He's always been dependent on me for everything in his life. If he needs help with something he comes to me. If he gets hurt in someway, even if it's just a paper cut he comes to me. If he has a nightmare he comes to me. If there's a spider in his room he comes to me to kill it. He sleeps with me most nights because he terrified of the dark and a night light isn't bright enough. I can keep going with the list but I think you get the idea. It hasn't really been a problem because he was young and I understand that he needed somebody. But he's almost 11 and I feel like he needs to learn to start dealing with things instead of coming to me for help with everything. I know I'm his older brother and it's my job to help him but idk I just really think he needs to deal with things on his own. Does anybody have any advice? Am I bad brother for not wanting to help him with things so much anymore? Should I keep helping him with everything? I guess I'm being like him now and looking to somebody else for help.

[Leon03]

My little brother used to be a little like yours. He still comes to me first if he needs help.
Although he is 14 and I am 16 it has not changed a lot.
I appreciate this most of the time but I am with you when it comes to bug you.
Have you tried to support him to do things on his own?
Like if there is this spider to kill. You come to his room and help him to kill it himself?
Commend him when he dealt with a problem he came to you before. And tell him that you are proud of him whenever you notice some progress in this.

But never forget! He would not come to you if he wouldn't care about you. It is finally a proof of trust.

[Straya]

So I guess I'm having problem with my little brother. He's always been dependent on me for everything in his life. If he needs help with something he comes to me. If he gets hurt in someway, even if it's just a paper cut he comes to me. If he has a nightmare he comes to me. If there's a spider in his room he comes to me to kill it. He sleeps with me most nights because he terrified of the dark and a night light isn't bright enough. I can keep going with the list but I think you get the idea. It hasn't really been a problem because he was young and I understand that he needed somebody. But he's almost 11 and I feel like he needs to learn to start dealing with things instead of coming to me for help with everything. I know I'm his older brother and it's my job to help him but idk I just really think he needs to deal with things on his own. Does anybody have any advice? Am I bad brother for not wanting to help him with things so much anymore? Should I keep helping him with everything? I guess I'm being like him now and looking to somebody else for help.

no your not been unreasonable at all and just do as leon said and help him learn to do things on his own bu supporting him doing them but you are right he does need to learn to suipport himself some more

[Vermilion]

I think you should make him see he's getting bigger and that when you where his age you had to grow up. Make sure you he knows your there for him but he needs to do stuff himself

[angelchild]

Thanks for all the replies. I've kind of tried doing what you guys have suggested in the past but no matter how hard I try it just doesn't seem to work. He just ends up crying saying he can't do it. I've tried to get him to come kill spiders with me but he won't even step foot in the room with me. I tried to get him to put bandaids on by himself whenever he gets a cut or scrape but he won't do it. I have to be the one to put it on and kiss it better. I mean that's something that a 4 year old does, not a 10 year old.
And it's not that he's bugging me. I don't necessarily mind helping him with things. I'm just kind of worried he might be thinking I'm trying to push him away but really I just want him to become more independent. Idk maybe he's to young still or maybe I'm just going about this all wrong.

[angelchild]

So I have some new information that may give insight into what's going on with my brother or it could have nothing to do with it. So he was showing me something on his penis because he wanted to make sure what was happening was normal and I noticed a ton of scars on the upper part of the inside of his legs which is why I've never noticed them before. It turns out that dad used to abuse him for fun whenever dad got drunk. I had no idea that this had been going on. Yes dad was an alcoholic but he never did stuff like that to me or mom. But I guess he had been abusing him for months which ranged from cutting him on his legs to hitting him to even making him do sexual things. This all happened over 4 years ago and since then dad has died. I was shocked to hear about this and he just talked about it like it was a completely normal thing that happened. I don't really know if this has anything to do with why he is dependent on or not because he acted like it was no big deal. So yeah hopefully this helps you guys out

[pjones]

So I have some new information that may give insight into what's going on with my brother or it could have nothing to do with it. So he was showing me something on his penis because he wanted to make sure what was happening was normal and I noticed a ton of scars on the upper part of the inside of his legs which is why I've never noticed them before. It turns out that dad used to abuse him for fun whenever dad got drunk. I had no idea that this had been going on. Yes dad was an alcoholic but he never did stuff like that to me or mom. But I guess he had been abusing him for months which ranged from cutting him on his legs to hitting him to even making him do sexual things. This all happened over 4 years ago and since then dad has died. I was shocked to hear about this and he just talked about it like it was a completely normal thing that happened. I don't really know if this has anything to do with why he is dependent on or not because he acted like it was no big deal. So yeah hopefully this helps you guys out

i'm so sorry to hear your family has gone through this, especially your brother. i hope you can be patient with him and keep giving him support.

[Jaffe]

So I have some new information that may give insight into what's going on with my brother or it could have nothing to do with it. So he was showing me something on his penis because he wanted to make sure what was happening was normal and I noticed a ton of scars on the upper part of the inside of his legs which is why I've never noticed them before. It turns out that dad used to abuse him for fun whenever dad got drunk. I had no idea that this had been going on. Yes dad was an alcoholic but he never did stuff like that to me or mom. But I guess he had been abusing him for months which ranged from cutting him on his legs to hitting him to even making him do sexual things. This all happened over 4 years ago and since then dad has died. I was shocked to hear about this and he just talked about it like it was a completely normal thing that happened. I don't really know if this has anything to do with why he is dependent on or not because he acted like it was no big deal. So yeah hopefully this helps you guys out

I've been slow to respond to this because I really had to think about it. It's kind of scary. I do, however, think that past abuse, even if we don't really show signs of it, can affect how we act in different ways. I think its entirely possible that your brothers actions, trying unconsciously to be totally dependent on you, and not wanting to rely on himself, could be the result of prior abuse.

I think you should tell somebody. Your mom if you trust her, would be the best start. A counselor or hotline if you dont think you can go to your mom.

I'm really sorry this happened to him. I cannot even imagine a parent hurting a kid that they brought into the world, it just makes absolutely no sense to me.

[angelchild]

I've been slow to respond to this because I really had to think about it. It's kind of scary. I do, however, think that past abuse, even if we don't really show signs of it, can affect how we act in different ways. I think its entirely possible that your brothers actions, trying unconsciously to be totally dependent on you, and not wanting to rely on himself, could be the result of prior abuse.

I think you should tell somebody. Your mom if you trust her, would be the best start. A counselor or hotline if you dont think you can go to your mom.

I'm really sorry this happened to him. I cannot even imagine a parent hurting a kid that they brought into the world, it just makes absolutely no sense to me.

I dont know how dad could do this to Cole either. Honestly I thought he was the best dad in the world. He was always nice to me. But I guess there was a dark side to him that the rest of the world didnt know about.

I've been talking to my Cole more about what happened to him since I found out about the abuse. Its amazing how much fkd up stuff that dad did to him. I dont think I'm going to list it because it really is that messed up. And its really weird that when cole talks about it, he has like no emotion in his voice. He's not mad or sad or anything like that just nothing. So I dont know if that means he's gotten over it now and he's fine or what.

I dont know if I want to tell mom about this or not. Dad meant the world to her and I think it would mess her up pretty bad if she found out the stuff dad did to him.

I've asked Cole if he wants to go talk to somebody about all of this but he doesn't want to and he will only talk to me about this and nobody else. But like I said he seems fine now so I guess I shouldn't worry to much about this then?

[Jaffe]

And its really weird that when cole talks about it, he has like no emotion in his voice. He's not mad or sad or anything like that just nothing. So I dont know if that means he's gotten over it now and he's fine or what.


He could be over it, possibly. Or he might have been young enough that it had no lasting effects. But its also very possible - esp since you say "no emotion", that he is repressing it. If so, it would show up in different ways, that seem unrelated to abuse.

I am certainly no expert on abuse and how it shows up. But unless he was really young when it happened (like to early to remember) then I'd be concerned. The problem is, who do you go to for help? I dont know the answer to that. Plus, you know how things are better than any of us, you know how old he was, you can see how he is doing ... so you kind of have to decide what to do. Its sad, that you got put in this position.

[Just JT]

Uhmm, I'm no expert on this either, however, I've got more than my fair share of all kinds of abuse in my life so here's my take on it...
Your dad was awesome as you say, and outside of him drinking, which is when cole was abused, im sure cole sees him in the same light. But he also understands what happened is wrong that's clear. Cole may appear to be over it, but if he tells u that he will only talk about it with you, then he's not over it, he's hiding or protecting what he knows and allowing only what he wants you to know when he wants you to know it.

I'm sure you both loved dad a lot, now being gone, he may be lookin to you to fill that same male role model that your dad used to do. his seemingly ok ness with his abuse from dad, sharing with you, and close dependent relationship with you may be filling his need/desire of that missed relationship he had with dad
So be careful, cole was young right? He may be seeking that same relationship he had with dad, with you, that's could be why he's so comfortable with the abise topic with you

I'd get to someone who is very trusted and share this information so you can get cole the help he needs
For right now, I wouldn't change anything in your relationship, cause he's guna need you, but continue to try to get him to be more independent, but remain a loving big bro

Hit me up with any questions ok?

[angelchild]

He could be over it, possibly. Or he might have been young enough that it had no lasting effects. But its also very possible - esp since you say "no emotion", that he is repressing it. If so, it would show up in different ways, that seem unrelated to abuse.

I am certainly no expert on abuse and how it shows up. But unless he was really young when it happened (like to early to remember) then I'd be concerned. The problem is, who do you go to for help? I dont know the answer to that. Plus, you know how things are better than any of us, you know how old he was, you can see how he is doing ... so you kind of have to decide what to do. Its sad, that you got put in this position.

Uhmm, I'm no expert on this either, however, I've got more than my fair share of all kinds of abuse in my life so here's my take on it...
Your dad was awesome as you say, and outside of him drinking, which is when cole was abused, im sure cole sees him in the same light. But he also understands what happened is wrong that's clear. Cole may appear to be over it, but if he tells u that he will only talk about it with you, then he's not over it, he's hiding or protecting what he knows and allowing only what he wants you to know when he wants you to know it.

I'm sure you both loved dad a lot, now being gone, he may be lookin to you to fill that same male role model that your dad used to do. his seemingly ok ness with his abuse from dad, sharing with you, and close dependent relationship with you may be filling his need/desire of that missed relationship he had with dad
So be careful, cole was young right? He may be seeking that same relationship he had with dad, with you, that's could be why he's so comfortable with the abise topic with you

I'd get to someone who is very trusted and share this information so you can get cole the help he needs
For right now, I wouldn't change anything in your relationship, cause he's guna need you, but continue to try to get him to be more independent, but remain a loving big bro

Hit me up with any questions ok?

Thank you both for the helpful replies. The abuse started when Cole was 5 and it went on until dad died, so almost 2 years. So he was probably old enough for it to have a lasting effect?

jaffed, you said that Cole may be repressing it and it might show up in different ways. I've been trying to think of anything unusual that he does and there is only a couple of things I can think of that may have something to do with all of this. 1 was a few years back. I dont remember the exact time, but probably about 6-8 months after dad died, which was also when he started to depend on me more, he asked me to do weird things to him which now that I've been starting to think about all of this more, it matches up with what dad did to him. It wasn't major things from what I remember. Hitting him was the main one and a few times he wanted me to cut him and 1 time he wanted me to give him an ice bath. I thought it was strange but I just told him I wouldn't do that because it's wrong for people to do that to other people and eventually he stopped asking.

The other one still happens from time to time. I will sometimes hear him talking to himself. He will say stuff like here's your knife dad or please hit me, stuff like that. And now that I know about what has been going on, I feel like an idiot for not realizing that something happened between them before. And just to be safe I check his entire body just to make sure he hasn't been doing anything to himself, and I don't see any bruises or new cuts so I think its just him talking and not actually doing anything.

Now TJreversed, thinking about what you have said I am wondering if he really is over it or not. He kind of seems like he is hiding something when we talk about what happened, but at the same time he has told me so much that it seems like he has told me everything so I'm not sure. I keep bringing up telling some adults about this but he has made it very clear that he wants nobody else to know about this, just me. He doesn't know that I've told you guys, but he won't ever find out anyways because you won't come talk to him like an adult would if they found out.

What you said about me filling that role of my dad kind of makes sense, especially since it started not to long after dads death. And now knowing this, I think I'm not going to try as hard to make him more independent. I'll still try to help him with it, but I think I'll let him work at it at his own pace. I dont have a problem being his big brother for as long as I have to be.

Now just as a side note I guess. I have thought about the stupid idea of hitting myself and cutting myself just so I can understand the pain he went through and maybe be able to help him better. But probably not a good idea, right?

[Just JT]

Thank you both for the helpful replies. The abuse started when Cole was 5 and it went on until dad died, so almost 2 years. So he was probably old enough for it to have a lasting effect?

jaffed, you said that Cole may be repressing it and it might show up in different ways. I've been trying to think of anything unusual that he does and there is only a couple of things I can think of that may have something to do with all of this. 1 was a few years back. I dont remember the exact time, but probably about 6-8 months after dad died, which was also when he started to depend on me more, he asked me to do weird things to him which now that I've been starting to think about all of this more, it matches up with what dad did to him. It wasn't major things from what I remember. Hitting him was the main one and a few times he wanted me to cut him and 1 time he wanted me to give him an ice bath. I thought it was strange but I just told him I wouldn't do that because it's wrong for people to do that to other people and eventually he stopped asking.

The other one still happens from time to time. I will sometimes hear him talking to himself. He will say stuff like here's your knife dad or please hit me, stuff like that. And now that I know about what has been going on, I feel like an idiot for not realizing that something happened between them before. And just to be safe I check his entire body just to make sure he hasn't been doing anything to himself, and I don't see any bruises or new cuts so I think its just him talking and not actually doing anything.

Now TJreversed, thinking about what you have said I am wondering if he really is over it or not. He kind of seems like he is hiding something when we talk about what happened, but at the same time he has told me so much that it seems like he has told me everything so I'm not sure. I keep bringing up telling some adults about this but he has made it very clear that he wants nobody else to know about this, just me. He doesn't know that I've told you guys, but he won't ever find out anyways because you won't come talk to him like an adult would if they found out.

What you said about me filling that role of my dad kind of makes sense, especially since it started not to long after dads death. And now knowing this, I think I'm not going to try as hard to make him more independent. I'll still try to help him with it, but I think I'll let him work at it at his own pace. I dont have a problem being his big brother for as long as I have to be.

Now just as a side note I guess. I have thought about the stupid idea of hitting myself and cutting myself just so I can understand the pain he went through and maybe be able to help him better. But probably not a good idea, right?

Cutting and self harm mutiliation is common, not saying it's good ok?
Your asking my opinion, I say not good!!!
What I will say is I think part of your thinking is on track regarding your brother, you need to support him, stand by him, and not lose his trust
He trusts you with his secret, and he will disclose that when he is ready, no other good will come from forcing him to disclose, trust me on that, been there.

You on the other hand, is in a position to be of tremendous help to him and yourself be seeking professional counseling on not only his behalf, but yours as well. Knowing what cole has disclosed to you, you can disclose in confidence to a therapist and they will be able to guide you, to help yourself, and your brother to come to terms with all of your issues, including the grief and loss of your dad
I've been there as well, do this form the both of you ok?

[Jaffe]

Thank you both for the helpful replies. The abuse started when Cole was 5 and it went on until dad died, so almost 2 years. So he was probably old enough for it to have a lasting effect?

That is definitely old enough. If he had been 1 or 2 or even 3 when it ended, probably not an issue. But his age, definitely an issue.

jaffed, you said that Cole may be repressing it and it might show up in different ways. .

The other one still happens from time to time. I will sometimes hear him talking to himself. He will say stuff like here's your knife dad or please hit me, stuff like that. And now that I know about what has been going on, I feel like an idiot for not realizing that something happened between them before. And just to be safe I check his entire body just to make sure he hasn't been doing anything to himself, and I don't see any bruises or new cuts so I think its just him talking and not actually doing anything.

It could be in ways with that are not apparent at all. Like being totally dependent on you. Not saying thats a bad thing, but it might be one of the signs.

If he talks about self-harm, he might need help before his mind progresses to the point of actually doing something. I'm not a cutter (cause Im a total wimp and cant handle pain), but there are some people on here that might be able to tell you if talking about it might be a precursor to doing it. I've read lots and lots of their posts, and its a scary thing to me that it even happens, so if it is preventable, then stop him before it happens.

Now just as a side note I guess. I have thought about the stupid idea of hitting myself and cutting myself just so I can understand the pain he went through and maybe be able to help him better. But probably not a good idea, right?

NOT a good idea. Please, dont start self-harm. Its hard to break once you start. In this case, it might not be true self-harm, but who knows what it could turn in to. NOT good.

I think JT was right though ... professional help is in order, for you if not for your brother. Think about it... you lost your dad some time ago, and now just found out this hidden thing about him that totally changes the way you used to think about him. Thats Huge. Yeah, Huge with a capital H. I think it would be good, great even, for both of you, if you found somebody to help you. If you have to, tell your mom you need some grief counseling, that things are hitting you now. You're in puberty, so everything is bigger than it should be, so she probably would understand that part, even if you never say a word about your brother.

And please, please, dont do what your brother asks when he wants to be hurt. From what Ive heard, abused kids think the pain and hurting is equivalent to love, and its not. Others on here could tell you more, some of them from experience, but no matter what, dont do what he asks. But DO tell him why you wont do it. Help him understand that hurting someone is NOT the same as loving someone. Even if that means he might change how he feels about your dad.

[Just JT]

If you have any more question, please let us know ok, you have a real good resource of people here willing to listen, with potentially real life experience direct related to what the both of you are dealing with
You can post here, ane anyone with100 posts or more can pm you or you can pm anyone anyone on staff
Pretty sure please keep us up to date on how ur doin ok?

[angelchild]

Cutting and self harm mutiliation is common, not saying it's good ok?
Your asking my opinion, I say not good!!!
What I will say is I think part of your thinking is on track regarding your brother, you need to support him, stand by him, and not lose his trust
He trusts you with his secret, and he will disclose that when he is ready, no other good will come from forcing him to disclose, trust me on that, been there.

You on the other hand, is in a position to be of tremendous help to him and yourself be seeking professional counseling on not only his behalf, but yours as well. Knowing what cole has disclosed to you, you can disclose in confidence to a therapist and they will be able to guide you, to help yourself, and your brother to come to terms with all of your issues, including the grief and loss of your dad
I've been there as well, do this form the both of you ok?

I figured that whole hurting myself stuff probably wasn't a good idea. It was nothing more than a thought really. And I'm not going to force any information out of him. I know that when he is ready to tell me, he will tell me.

As for me going to get professional help, I'm not sure how easy that will be for my mom to do. Money is a really big issue right now. She works 2 jobs and A LOT of hours (we are lucky to see her more than a couple of hours a day, including weekends) and we are still barely getting by so I just don't think we will be able to afford to send me to a professional. I've pretty much accepted my dads death and did my grieving years ago so I'm pretty much over it. Plus after learning what that fucker did to Cole, I hope he's burning in hell for the rest of eternity, and I regret ever loving him or grieving for him. Cole on the other hand, I'm not sure. Thats something I'm going to talk to him about after I finish posting this.

That is definitely old enough. If he had been 1 or 2 or even 3 when it ended, probably not an issue. But his age, definitely an issue.



It could be in ways with that are not apparent at all. Like being totally dependent on you. Not saying thats a bad thing, but it might be one of the signs.

If he talks about self-harm, he might need help before his mind progresses to the point of actually doing something. I'm not a cutter (cause Im a total wimp and cant handle pain), but there are some people on here that might be able to tell you if talking about it might be a precursor to doing it. I've read lots and lots of their posts, and its a scary thing to me that it even happens, so if it is preventable, then stop him before it happens.



NOT a good idea. Please, dont start self-harm. Its hard to break once you start. In this case, it might not be true self-harm, but who knows what it could turn in to. NOT good.

I think JT was right though ... professional help is in order, for you if not for your brother. Think about it... you lost your dad some time ago, and now just found out this hidden thing about him that totally changes the way you used to think about him. Thats Huge. Yeah, Huge with a capital H. I think it would be good, great even, for both of you, if you found somebody to help you. If you have to, tell your mom you need some grief counseling, that things are hitting you now. You're in puberty, so everything is bigger than it should be, so she probably would understand that part, even if you never say a word about your brother.

And please, please, dont do what your brother asks when he wants to be hurt. From what Ive heard, abused kids think the pain and hurting is equivalent to love, and its not. Others on here could tell you more, some of them from experience, but no matter what, dont do what he asks. But DO tell him why you wont do it. Help him understand that hurting someone is NOT the same as loving someone. Even if that means he might change how he feels about your dad.

I don't think Cole is going to do any self-harm. I think his talking is nothing more than just talk. I've also made it VERY clear that self-harm is not ok and is very wrong. I've also told him that what dad did to him was wrong and should have never happened. I'm also going to check his body every day to make sure he doesn't start hurting himself in any way just to be safe.

Like I said before about hurting myself, it was nothing more than just a thought. I have no desire to actually hurt myself. It was just an idea of a way I could know the pain he went through.

And also like I said before, professional help would just be to hard to afford right now. Mom works so hard as it is that I don't want her to have to work even more hours, nor do I want her to have to be worrying about us more while she is working.

And I would never hurt Cole no matter how much he asks me to. I've told him that is very wrong and I will never do that to him. But like I said, I really don't think he actually wants to hurt himself and like I said before, I will be checking his body every night just to be safe and I might even keep a closer eye on him from now on as well.

I have talked to him a bit about what he thought about dad. I think the biggest problem was that dad told Cole that doing those things to him was how all dads showed their love toward their kids, and Cole was young enough to believe that which is why he never questioned that. So as far as Cole knew, him and dad had a great relationship and Cole assumed that dad loved him a lot. I've been explaining to him that's not how dads are supposed to show their love towards kids. I've told him that they show their love the same way I show Cole my love, through hugs and kisses. Reading him bedtime stories, holding him when he is scared, protecting him from all the spiders in the world, stuff like that. And I think I might be starting to very slowly get through to him. I know its going to take time to retrain his brain to knowing what happened was wrong, but I'm willing to take as much time as it takes to do it.

[Just JT]

That's all cool if u think u got it all under control, not going to judge you here ok?
But there are counsellors at school who are trained in this field, and will see to it you are out in contact with very good counsellors, very cheap, if not free if not covered my moms health insurance
But it's up to you ok? You are there, and I am here, you are guna do what's best for your family right?
And at the end of the day, ur guna look back and say u did the best you could I'm sure, right?

[angelchild]

That's all cool if u think u got it all under control, not going to judge you here ok?
But there are counsellors at school who are trained in this field, and will see to it you are out in contact with very good counsellors, very cheap, if not free if not covered my moms health insurance
But it's up to you ok? You are there, and I am here, you are guna do what's best for your family right?
And at the end of the day, ur guna look back and say u did the best you could I'm sure, right?

I think I have his situation under control. With it being summer break I can pretty much keep my eyes on him 24/7 while I try to help him through all of this. And maybe you guys are right. I think I might be starting to have a hard time now that I've learned about all of this. I think the problem is I've been telling myself this entire time that I'm ok with everything but I think its all starting to catch up with me. The more I find out about what happened with Cole, the more anger and hatred towards my dad builds up inside of me. I printed out a picture of dad and put it up on the side of our house and punched it for a few minutes which kind of helped a bit. Or maybe it was just the pain from punching my house and the crying that helped, either way I at least feel better and can focus on helping Cole again. He didnt quite understand why I was doing that but I just told him that when he gets older he will. He said next time I could hit him instead but I shot that idea down immediately and again told him I'm never going to hurt him because its wrong

[Just JT]

Well, anger is something u need to keep in check or ur guna find itself in a shit load of new issues, but it's also something u need to vent to, so if u need to, maybe don't in front of cole who still views dad in a positive way right?

About u admitting you may be having trouble is the hardest part bro ok?
Waiting to get help may be somethin u need to do, idk, I'm not there, u r....
But I'm here, bounce anything u need off of me, I'm all ears, 24 7
Relies go to my email....
Keep talkin bro...

I can post a vm if u wana chat more private, but here is cool to ok?

[angelchild]

Well, anger is something u need to keep in check or ur guna find itself in a shit load of new issues, but it's also something u need to vent to, so if u need to, maybe don't in front of cole who still views dad in a positive way right?

About u admitting you may be having trouble is the hardest part bro ok?
Waiting to get help may be somethin u need to do, idk, I'm not there, u r....
But I'm here, bounce anything u need off of me, I'm all ears, 24 7
Relies go to my email....
Keep talkin bro...

Well I wasn't really intentionally doing that in front of Cole, he had just heard something so he came to find out what was going on. And I didn't really even notice he was there until I finished. I honestly didn't want him to see me like that cause now he keeps asking why I was doing that. And I thought about trying to explain to him why, but I just don't think he would understand that. And he keeps telling me to hit him instead of the wall and I wish I could get through to him that I'm never going to hit him because I love him to much and I wish I could go back in time and stop this from ever happening and I wish that fucker was still alive now so I could stab him right in the fucking heart a million times or throw him in front of a train or cut his fucking fingers off 1 by 1 and make him suffer through as much pain as possible while he slowly bleeds to death god I fucking hate that fucker.

Wow sorry kind of went off there. Um yeah really sorry. I guess now I've got to try and explain to Cole again why I'm crying

[Just JT]

Yes you are angrier than you realized aren't you
This is also one of those times your going to need to tell a grown up lie
You can't tell the truth right now for his sake
Just tell him ur missing dad and ur angry at him for leaving u
He'll understand that
Then pull itself together ok?

[angelchild]

Yes you are angrier than you realized aren't you
This is also one of those times your going to need to tell a grown up lie
You can't tell the truth right now for his sake
Just tell him ur missing dad and ur angry at him for leaving u
He'll understand that
Then pull itself together ok?

Yeah thanks, thats what I told him. And Cole kind of surprised me by being the stronger brother because he hugged me the entire time I was crying and told me not to be sad and that at least I still had him. That moment that me and Cole shared together helped me quite a bit. Emotionally I'm exhausted but I at least feel better for now

[Just JT]

Good, and ur right, reminds me of somethin I used to tell a friend in my old neighborhood, he had a younger bro, I was an only, they had no dad, mom alWays worked, u get it
My best, he always shit on his little right?
Then one day I said wait, wtf, somi toldem that he need to stop his shit cause that's ur brother ok, and in the end, he's all you got!!!!
Took him a few to realize, but he got it
I wish I had a little....always did....
Your lucky, but as a big, u got a job to do ya no?

Btw, I sent a friend request, u get it?

[angelchild]

Good, and ur right, reminds me of somethin I used to tell a friend in my old neighborhood, he had a younger bro, I was an only, they had no dad, mom alWays worked, u get it
My best, he always shit on his little right?
Then one day I said wait, wtf, somi toldem that he need to stop his shit cause that's ur brother ok, and in the end, he's all you got!!!!
Took him a few to realize, but he got it
I wish I had a little....always did....
Your lucky, but as a big, u got a job to do ya no?

Btw, I sent a friend request, u get it?

Yeah as a big brother I'll always have a job to do. But it's nice to know that hes there for me too if I ever need a shoulder to cry on. I'm definitely going to try and work on my anger issues so I don't break down in front of Cole like I did before. But I'm think I'm going to go put Cole to bed now and go to bed myself. After tonight I'm way tired. But thanks for all the help today and I'm sure I'll be coming back for more help soon. Oh and yes I got your request and accepted it.

[Steve Jobs]

I've just been reading through the posts and replies, and I'm going to say, that's going to put a HUGE burden and responsibility on you as the older brother.

The first point I'll make is to make sure you keep yourself in check. I know it's in your deepest interests to look after your brother, but it's all too easy to let yourself be broken down and burnt out from the exhaustion. It's going to take a toll on you to have your mind occupied constantly about all the feelings and emotions.

It's absolutely normal to feel anger and hate towards your dad when your brother is pouring out to you, but remember that your dad was human too, that he had his flaws (as well as being a great father like you said). Sometimes the most seemingly perfect people in the world are outdone by their troubles, and I've had the experience of seeing a highly respected, well-known man go and devastate his family and a large community of followers that truly respected him.

Seeking a counselor may not be the greatest idea. The last thing you want to do now is to have anyone else approach Cole with information he's entrusted to you, because there is a chance he'll feel like you've broken the trust of confidentiality between you two. He's probably feeling insecure and shaken by everything still, and it's going to have a long-lasting effect on him. Don't feel like he's "over" it. There's nothing you can do to immediately alleviate these feelings, and the best thing you can do now is to build upon the situation and start teaching him now.

Remind him that your father was a great man, but like every other human in the world, we all make mistakes. Remind him about the good things your father did to the two of you, and that the last thing you want to happen is for the same mistakes to happen again. Teach him to strive to be perfect (or better, at least). And definitely start talking to him about things he aspires to do in the future - it can be a good shake-up and give him something to occupy his mind outside of the immediate future.

Remember that you two are family and that your relationship is interdependent. I'd tell him that you need him as much as he needs you, and that the way to move forward will be to leave the past behind, and that includes all the pain and abuse he's had in the past.

Does he have a good circle of friends or people his age that will give him good company?

[Just JT]

I agree, it's to much for kids our age to be handspring alone, I really hope he returns here, and checks in, and follows through, he's in a place where he can break the cycle....

[angelchild]

I've just been reading through the posts and replies, and I'm going to say, that's going to put a HUGE burden and responsibility on you as the older brother.

The first point I'll make is to make sure you keep yourself in check. I know it's in your deepest interests to look after your brother, but it's all too easy to let yourself be broken down and burnt out from the exhaustion. It's going to take a toll on you to have your mind occupied constantly about all the feelings and emotions.

It's absolutely normal to feel anger and hate towards your dad when your brother is pouring out to you, but remember that your dad was human too, that he had his flaws (as well as being a great father like you said). Sometimes the most seemingly perfect people in the world are outdone by their troubles, and I've had the experience of seeing a highly respected, well-known man go and devastate his family and a large community of followers that truly respected him.

Seeking a counselor may not be the greatest idea. The last thing you want to do now is to have anyone else approach Cole with information he's entrusted to you, because there is a chance he'll feel like you've broken the trust of confidentiality between you two. He's probably feeling insecure and shaken by everything still, and it's going to have a long-lasting effect on him. Don't feel like he's "over" it. There's nothing you can do to immediately alleviate these feelings, and the best thing you can do now is to build upon the situation and start teaching him now.

Remind him that your father was a great man, but like every other human in the world, we all make mistakes. Remind him about the good things your father did to the two of you, and that the last thing you want to happen is for the same mistakes to happen again. Teach him to strive to be perfect (or better, at least). And definitely start talking to him about things he aspires to do in the future - it can be a good shake-up and give him something to occupy his mind outside of the immediate future.

Remember that you two are family and that your relationship is interdependent. I'd tell him that you need him as much as he needs you, and that the way to move forward will be to leave the past behind, and that includes all the pain and abuse he's had in the past.

Does he have a good circle of friends or people his age that will give him good company?

Thanks for this very helpful reply.

After how I acted last night I'm definitely going to work on my anger issues. I try to remember the good times me and Cole had with dad, but it's hard knowing all the pain he caused for Cole. And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for it.

That's another reason I didn't want to go to a counselor. I really didn't want them going to Cole. I just don't want to betray his trust like that. I don't want to ruin our relationship. One day if he's ever ready to tell somebody else about this, then I'll let him do that. But until then, I'm not telling anybody about this other than you guys.

Talking to him about what he wants to do in the future sounds like a really good idea. I'll definitely be giving it a try today.

I'll definitely be reminding him how much I need him. Honestly I think I'll be needing his support through all of this as much as he needs mine.

As for friends, he doesn't really have any. He's always been a loner. He's a great kid, but he really doesn't have any desire to have friends for some reason. So I guess I'm his only friend right now.

I agree, it's to much for kids our age to be handspring alone, I really hope he returns here, and checks in, and follows through, he's in a place where he can break the cycle....

Don't worry, I'm back after a stressful night. He woke me up at one point and gave me a knife telling me that he wanted me to cut him. He needed to know that I still loved him. It was a bit strange but I took the knife and told him I will always love him. I put him back to bed but later I thought I heard him in his room talking to himself about giving dad his knife and asking him if he still loved him. It took me a minute to realize I wasn't dreaming it and went to check on him. I don't know if he heard me coming or something but when I looked in his room he looked like he was sleeping. So this morning I asked him what he was doing in his room last night and he was acting really weird about it but he said he was sleeping. So I decided to check his body for cuts. He was really reluctant to let me check but sure enough he had new cuts. As soon as I saw them he kept telling me how sorry he was and that he will never do it again. But I made sure not to get mad at him for it and I've tried to be supportive to him and told him that I forgive him. I've reminded him that he can always come to me before he does something like that again.

I honestly don't think he did that to self-harm. I'm pretty sure it was more because he still associates the cutting with love. So I'm definitely going to be working on breaking that association, and I think from now on I'm going to be having him sleep with me. So yeah, there's your update on what's been going on since last night.

[Just JT]

I need to be brutally honest here ok?
I'm hearing things about how "you" don't want therapists going to him, how "you" don't want to betray his trust, how "you" don't want your relationship to change, when he's ready to talk to someone "you" will let him, and how much "you" really need him....

Bro, let me tellya somethin ok? Your so freakin lucky u have a brother, and the two of u r guna need each other ok? He is ready to talk now, or he wouldn't be telling you!!
Believe me, this is how it works for us kids when we're abused ok? We disclose to someone we trust, that we know will go to the people to get the help "he" knows he needs ok?
In reality, you both need the help
How old is cole?
How long ago did dad die again?
And ur the first person to see this damage?
Think about that....
And last night ok? Yeah, u need to keep your anger in check, and that ain't so fuckin easy, man I wish I could tell ya, and at the right time I will how much rage I got in me, it's gune well up inside u and make u hate, hate everything ur dad was, did or was a part of, and if u don't take care of that shit now, that's guna be ur brother to, then how r u guna help him then?
Maybe I'm outa line here, and if someone reading this thinks so, please step in, or show a sign of support ok?
I will say y did the right thing last nigh by making sure he's safe, reassuring cole, and professing your love for him, and I think that's genuine, I really do!!
But thers a whole lota shit goin on in your life right now, and this stuff isn't helpin at all, let's see...
Dads death, abuse of cole, family financial issues ur obviously feeling, sense of loneliness, helpless, rage and anger, probably some loss and abandonment as well ok?
All on top of fuckin puberty!!!! Wtf!!!
I get it I really do, and I'm sure ur guna do the best u can do, but keep talkin ok?
Get help for urself first, go from there, baby steps, it's not like the risk of dads abuse is still there, and wher the both of you are ready, you can go it together...
Cole will understand a lot more than you think, if put into the right words for him....
U can ask me anything, I'll help what ever I can do, ur bein a great big bro ya no? You really are... :):)

[angelchild]

I need to be brutally honest here ok?
I'm hearing things about how "you" don't want therapists going to him, how "you" don't want to betray his trust, how "you" don't want your relationship to change, when he's ready to talk to someone "you" will let him, and how much "you" really need him....

Bro, let me tellya somethin ok? Your so freakin lucky u have a brother, and the two of u r guna need each other ok? He is ready to talk now, or he wouldn't be telling you!!
Believe me, this is how it works for us kids when we're abused ok? We disclose to someone we trust, that we know will go to the people to get the help "he" knows he needs ok?
In reality, you both need the help
How old is cole?
How long ago did dad die again?
And ur the first person to see this damage?
Think about that....
And last night ok? Yeah, u need to keep your anger in check, and that ain't so fuckin easy, man I wish I could tell ya, and at the right time I will how much rage I got in me, it's gune well up inside u and make u hate, hate everything ur dad was, did or was a part of, and if u don't take care of that shit now, that's guna be ur brother to, then how r u guna help him then?
Maybe I'm outa line here, and if someone reading this thinks so, please step in, or show a sign of support ok?
I will say y did the right thing last nigh by making sure he's safe, reassuring cole, and professing your love for him, and I think that's genuine, I really do!!
But thers a whole lota shit goin on in your life right now, and this stuff isn't helpin at all, let's see...
Dads death, abuse of cole, family financial issues ur obviously feeling, sense of loneliness, helpless, rage and anger, probably some loss and abandonment as well ok?
All on top of fuckin puberty!!!! Wtf!!!
I get it I really do, and I'm sure ur guna do the best u can do, but keep talkin ok?
Get help for urself first, go from there, baby steps, it's not like the risk of dads abuse is still there, and wher the both of you are ready, you can go it together...
Cole will understand a lot more than you think, if put into the right words for him....
U can ask me anything, I'll help what ever I can do, ur bein a great big bro ya no? You really are... :):)
So I've read your reply a few times and if I've read it right, I'm not trying to make this all about me. If he wants to keep this between me and him then that's what I'm going to do. I've asked him a few times if he wants to go talk to somebody else or I've told him that I'm thinking about going to somebody and he's made it very very clear that he wants NOONE else to know about this and I honestly think that going to somebody will probably do more damage than it would do good. As for everything else you said I just...I just don't know. I'm just like...it's to much to comprehend right now. I just like don't know. I really don't know...

[Just JT]

Chris, I'm glad u replied, and if I ca,e off to strong, I'm sorry. You know ur brother best ok, u live with him, ur there, im not. So you need to do what's right for the both of you, and looks like ur doin that.

So I guess that leaves us at what are you looking for help with?
If you want to help your brother, then there will more than likely be a point where he wants to talk about it more, than with you, and then again, maybe not, and you probably shouldn't push it, hope I wasn't sendin that message
What I do think you should/could be doin that would help the both of ya is for you to get someone to talk to, help you sort out some stuff in your head. That's wwhat I was trying to press mostly with you, and probably not delivering that message very well.
If ur brother is only ok with talkin to you about this stuff, then u should be ready to deal with it....does that make sense?
Do you know how to view pm's?
I ask cause I'll pm u if u want...
JT

[Steve Jobs]

Thanks for this very helpful reply.

After how I acted last night I'm definitely going to work on my anger issues. I try to remember the good times me and Cole had with dad, but it's hard knowing all the pain he caused for Cole. And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for it.

That's another reason I didn't want to go to a counselor. I really didn't want them going to Cole. I just don't want to betray his trust like that. I don't want to ruin our relationship. One day if he's ever ready to tell somebody else about this, then I'll let him do that. But until then, I'm not telling anybody about this other than you guys.

Talking to him about what he wants to do in the future sounds like a really good idea. I'll definitely be giving it a try today.

I'll definitely be reminding him how much I need him. Honestly I think I'll be needing his support through all of this as much as he needs mine.

As for friends, he doesn't really have any. He's always been a loner. He's a great kid, but he really doesn't have any desire to have friends for some reason. So I guess I'm his only friend right now.




It's okay that you're still feeling lots of anger and hatred towards your father, but don't ever let it get over the top of you. You need to find an appropriate way to release it, and I feel like the fact you've opened it out to us here sounds like you need to find a circle of people around you that you trust who can really benefit you and your brother in your life right now.

Try not to come across talking to your brother about his future in a way that will immediately provoke a distraction. Instead, perhaps take him to a spot where you guys shared happy times with your father, and then ease it into the conversation.

Don't force it upon your brother if he's naturally introverted - introverts may still be highly sociable with others but find energy from being with themselves. Even then, sometimes being desolate for too much time can lead to this sort of mental instability that he's definitely going through.

If his habits of always grabbing knives and wanting to self-harm doesn't stop, then you definitely need to seek attention right away. He could very easily reverse the effects of feeling loved through pain and find a way to anguish it through violence and anger at others, including yourself.

[angelchild]

Chris, I'm glad u replied, and if I ca,e off to strong, I'm sorry. You know ur brother best ok, u live with him, ur there, im not. So you need to do what's right for the both of you, and looks like ur doin that.

So I guess that leaves us at what are you looking for help with?
If you want to help your brother, then there will more than likely be a point where he wants to talk about it more, than with you, and then again, maybe not, and you probably shouldn't push it, hope I wasn't sendin that message
What I do think you should/could be doin that would help the both of ya is for you to get someone to talk to, help you sort out some stuff in your head. That's wwhat I was trying to press mostly with you, and probably not delivering that message very well.
If ur brother is only ok with talkin to you about this stuff, then u should be ready to deal with it....does that make sense?
Do you know how to view pm's?
I ask cause I'll pm u if u want...
JT

Yeah sorry about earlier. I just couldn't focus on what you were saying at the time because I was having some issues. But I did some stuff and I seem to be a little more with it right now. I've thought about opening up to one of my friends, but I dont really trust anybody enough to talk about all the issues I'm having. Really the only person I trust is Cole.

And yes I know how to view pm's, I just cant reply to them.

It's okay that you're still feeling lots of anger and hatred towards your father, but don't ever let it get over the top of you. You need to find an appropriate way to release it, and I feel like the fact you've opened it out to us here sounds like you need to find a circle of people around you that you trust who can really benefit you and your brother in your life right now.

Try not to come across talking to your brother about his future in a way that will immediately provoke a distraction. Instead, perhaps take him to a spot where you guys shared happy times with your father, and then ease it into the conversation.

Don't force it upon your brother if he's naturally introverted - introverts may still be highly sociable with others but find energy from being with themselves. Even then, sometimes being desolate for too much time can lead to this sort of mental instability that he's definitely going through.

If his habits of always grabbing knives and wanting to self-harm doesn't stop, then you definitely need to seek attention right away. He could very easily reverse the effects of feeling loved through pain and find a way to anguish it through violence and anger at others, including yourself.

Its like I said before, I really dont have anybody in my life I trust enough to talk to about all of this.

I'll try and take Cole somewhere tomorrow that we enjoyed going to with my dad, maybe the really cool park that we used to go to all the time. And it will be good for me and Cole to get out of the house for a while and try to have a little fun.

I don't want to push him to have friends if he doesn't want to have any. I know having friends would probably help him and I'll tell him that, but I don't want him to have to deal with trying to make new friends on top of everything else he's dealing with.

As for cutting himself, I'm going to make it as hard as possible for him to try without me knowing. I'm going to try to not let him out of my sight as much of the day as possible. I'm going to check his body for cuts several times a day randomly. He's going to be sleeping with me every night now so that way I will know if he tries to get up for any reason. And slowly as he starts to change his thinking about the cutting, I will start trusting him more and more and let him have more freedom. So until then I will just keep working with him.

[Just JT]

Cool, like Steve was sayin tho, don't push him to talk, just spend time with him, quality time
A place that brings back memories like with dad may feel painful for you, but comfort for cole, making things easy...
You mentioned sleeping with him....not to be nosy but u got 2 beds in ur room right?
Cause u wouldn't want somethin misunderstood at 3 am ya no?

[angelchild]

Cool, like Steve was sayin tho, don't push him to talk, just spend time with him, quality time
A place that brings back memories like with dad may feel painful for you, but comfort for cole, making things easy...
You mentioned sleeping with him....not to be nosy but u got 2 beds in ur room right?
Cause u wouldn't want somethin misunderstood at 3 am ya no?

Yeah I kind of want to give him a break from everything for a little bit and take him somewhere he likes. Yeah it might be hard for me, but it honestly is worth it if I helps Cole.

We're both in the same bed. This isn't anything new. It's like I have said before, most nights, more often when he was younger, he sleeps with me anyways because he's scared of the dark. And mom knows that's why he sleeps with me sometimes as well so I'm not to worried about it

[Just JT]

That's cool, always wanted a brother, never had that kinda bonding relationship myself
I know my friends do with their brothers and stuff
It's somethin real special, and u know that.....
Ur both lucky you have each other...

[Just JT]

anyways, u should tool around vt and post some and get ur numbers up, meet some people here, lots to do, and a lota fun to...
Lots of cool topics and some games and stuff...
Check it out, kinda breaks stuff up to, for yourself...

[angelchild]

So me and Cole went to this really cool park by our house that dad used to take us to all the time and I think it really helped Cole. He had a ton of fun and it was good to see him smiling and happy for a change. And I talked to him about what he wants to do when he grows up and it turns out he wants to be a paleontologists (somebody who studies dinosaurs. Yes I'm as surprised as you are that he actually knew that word) so I think thats pretty cool goal for him to have. I'm thinking about now maybe taking him to the store and letting him pick out some dinosaur stuff that I can buy him with the money I've been saving up for games. Hopefully that might be able to help keep his mind occupied since he LOVES everything about them.

Another thing that happened at the park was that this girl from school was there. I don't really know her that well but apparently she finds me like ultra sexy and wants to have sex tonight which I'm totally down for because holy fuck she looks like a super model. Plus it might help take my mind off things for a while too which would be good

[Just JT]

Hey, glad you guys found a positive outlet to let off some steam, that's important, really is
It's guna be be a process ya no?
This girl? I hear that, really do, I'd love to tap about anything bout now...
But honestly.... u been there yet?
Sure ur ready for that?

[angelchild]

I think I'm ready for it. Plus I've been having fantasies about banging her since I first saw here like 2 years ago. Trust me if you saw her, especially during gym, you would like instantly be needing a new pair of underwear. So yeah shes coming over in like 30 min and then my fantasy will become reality and its going to be amazing

[Just JT]

Hey ya know? If that's whatbu want, then go for it ok...
What I'm guna say to ya is look at my post history first ok?
Read it, get it cause once u give up that cherry for a great piece of ass, u can never give urs to the one u fall in love with
I know that sounds like dog shit right cause I been there on the giving and receiving end of that shit...
Play is cool....think before u give it up ok?

[angelchild]

Idk maybe I should have, maybe I shouldn't have. No matter which one I choose I will probably regret the decision. All I know is that right now banging her was like a million times better than my fantasies ever were. It was beyond amazing and as of this moment I have no regrets what so ever. And I dont quite know how to explain it, but its like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders or something. I just feel like the world isn't about to crush me anymore and I just feel better if that even makes any sense to anybody. Idk its strange but I'm better and I'm ready to go back to helping Cole with his problems again

[Just JT]

That's a great way to feel bro, really is:):)
And I get that really do, been there....
Know that sounds kinda hypocritical and all, but was just sayin...
Me... A while after, yeah I kinda feel/felt guilty, but I'm me, and ur you and you feel better and so that's a good thing right?
Hope you were safe about stiff tho....

[angelchild]

OK Cole is hiding something from me. He acts like he is ashamed about something and he's been trying to avoid me. I've checked every inch of his body and I can't find any signs of self-harm so I can't figure it out and I'm really worried about him but he says it's nothing and he's not acting any different so idk

[Just JT]

Ok, let's look at this really objectively ok?
He's acting ashamed and avoiding you, you've checked every inch of his body, ur not sure if it you and he doesn't seem to be acting any different????

Something tells me ur stressed out about shit and he's pickin up on it
So relax ok...
Life is a ride, fun, ok?
Let cole ride that ride to
You may be defecting stress onto him you may not realize...
Relax....
don't judge him, not saying u r, but he may see u that way ok?

[angelchild]

OK your right. I'm sure I'm freaking out over nothing. I just need to relax. I'm not trying to judge him, I'm just trying to protect him. I just want to make sure he's ok. But maybe that's making things more worse than better. I think I just need to get laid again. That seemed to calm me down for a bit

[Just JT]

Just relax, be the kid u r some ok? Ya see ur acting like a parent and that's kinda cool right?
But he needs a brother ok?
Checking every inch of his body you might find necessary I guess, but how does that make him feel?
Just saying....he needs you, feels safe with you, and u don't want that to change right?
You just need to be a kid, be his big bro, AND help protect him...
I can't imagine how hard that's gune be....
like I was saying early in this thread....maybe u need to talk to a trusted adult who can help/guide you through this patch....

And try masturbating once in a while ok?
It can be fun to without baggage and obligation to someone else....

[Reg_]

^what he said. like exactly what he said^

[angelchild]

Yeah I guess your right. I just need to back off a bit. I guess I just need to think like I was in his shoes and then maybe I'll understand what I'm doing wrong

[Just JT]

I don't think ur doin a thing wrong at all, ur bein a real good big ya no?
Just be there, with him, not at him, he'll be ok and talk to you about stuff when he feels the need
I'd probably try not to make him feel like he is bad or wrong or something, I'd reassure that even though you don't approve of stuff he's doin to himself, he can come to you without you making him feel like you are disapproving or something..... somehow.... idk, does that make sense?
Just know that for me, I hate having a feeling of someone disapproving of me or something I like or am doing, and if I get that feeling, I avoid them cause I do t like that feeling
But my friends in my old city, they were all cool with me and who I was and how I am, and I could tell them anything and them me....

[angelchild]

Earlier I found Cole watching old home videos of me and him with dad. I wanted to take them and throw them all away but for the brief moment that I saw the video I started to realize how much we had loved dad and how much dad loved us. And I cant believe I'm saying this, but the more I watched the vids the more I realized I missed dad and wanted him back. By the end of the videos I was crying. We had so much fun as a family and I would give anything in the world to be able to hug him again or have him tuck me into bed or just read me and Cole a bedtime story. I miss him and I regret saying those things about him and I want him back

I did something bad last night. Bad and stupid. I drank beer for the first time and got wasted, and I smoked for the first time. I don't know what happened, I just like lost control of myself. I knew that it was a bad thing to do but I did it anyways

[Just JT]

Looks to me like a couple things goin on....
1) you are really missing ur dad, and probably should, he is your dad, ok stuff happened, but still had a lots good years, and it's healthy to go. Ack and watch all that stuff, part of the greiving thing..... I still cry when I see some pictures of my dad and me.... think it's normal
You loved him and although he did some bad stuff, you still love him, I can understand that. My own mother was so abusife to me, I never ever had 1 positive interaction with her, my earliest memory was her hitting me caused I messed i messed my diapers idk what age, but that's who she is, I don't have those good memories, so it's kinda hRd for me to forgiv that

Sorry, got caught not doin my school work
The other thing I see is what my dad used to tell me is typical teenage experimentation, which he'd be ok with me doin, and I did
Dad was an alcoholic, which caused his death cause he was driving drunk
Long story short, when that shit happened i stopped, I knew right then and there he was wrong, and I soon learned that all the time I spent high or drunk was only making the pain of all the shit I've been through go away for a little while, just number the pain man....
Sounds like the same shit ur doin now, and I'm Gina be straight the fuck up with ya bro, that ain't no fuckin road u wana go down.....
Go down that road, go ahead, see where that road takes you, and cole...
The good thing is you realize it was a mistake, and that's cool, not trying to be an asshole here, just got to know ha a little is all, and I kinda started to really really care, and I do t want you gets in some kinds shit u can't handle, ur in enough as it is ya no?
What do you think?

[angelchild]

Sorry, got caught not doin my school work
The other thing I see is what my dad used to tell me is typical teenage experimentation, which he'd be ok with me doin, and I did
Dad was an alcoholic, which caused his death cause he was driving drunk
Long story short, when that shit happened i stopped, I knew right then and there he was wrong, and I soon learned that all the time I spent high or drunk was only making the pain of all the shit I've been through go away for a little while, just number the pain man....
Sounds like the same shit ur doin now, and I'm Gina be straight the fuck up with ya bro, that ain't no fuckin road u wana go down.....
Go down that road, go ahead, see where that road takes you, and cole...
The good thing is you realize it was a mistake, and that's cool, not trying to be an asshole here, just got to know ha a little is all, and I kinda started to really really care, and I do t want you gets in some kinds shit u can't handle, ur in enough as it is ya no?
What do you think?

I think your right. I got really weak last night after everything and I guess I just lost it. I saw the beer in the fridge and I took it. It was nice though to not have any cares in the world. But I know it's a bad road to go down and I need to be careful

[Just JT]

It is nice, been there, real nice, just be careful man....
Just keep in mind you need to be there for cole to....
Like I've been sayin all along, getting someone, a live person, trusted adult, idk, school counselor, priest, uncle or what ever to talk to will help you more, and better ok?
But stay in touch here, like to see how ur doing with this ok?

[angelchild]

It is nice, been there, real nice, just be careful man....
Just keep in mind you need to be there for cole to....
Like I've been sayin all along, getting someone, a live person, trusted adult, idk, school counselor, priest, uncle or what ever to talk to will help you more, and better ok?
But stay in touch here, like to see how ur doing with this ok?

Idk maybe if I were to only drink after Cole went to bed then I could always be there for him and that way I could have some time where I could get wasted and not worry about things for a few hours

[Just JT]

Idk maybe if I were to only drink after Cole went to bed then I could always be there for him and that way I could have some time where I could get wasted and not worry about things for a few hours

Really bro?
But ur brother to bed, who likes to cut himself for attention, u get wasted, and crash, yup, that works!!
Honestly, kinda how my dad thought, we were on vacation in Vermont over Christmas break, in a hotel, he went out with friends, thinkin that ill be ok till he gets back or somethin, on new years eve, he never came back
The cops did, to tell me he's dead

Dude, ur tomfuckin young ok, we all think we can ok, but ur just tryin to find a way to do it when it's all cool to do it when u think ungit no responsibilities ok?
Wake the fuck up bro!!
Ur goin down the wrong road, a road I can not travel with you ok, cause I been there, seen what's there, and didn't like it, nibody does...

It's urs to check out if u want, I'm sitting right here, waiting, but I'm not goin, u can go there on ur own or who ever here on vt wants to go....
Up to u...

[angelchild]

Really bro?
But ur brother to bed, who likes to cut himself for attention, u get wasted, and crash, yup, that works!!
Honestly, kinda how my dad thought, we were on vacation in Vermont over Christmas break, in a hotel, he went out with friends, thinkin that ill be ok till he gets back or somethin, on new years eve, he never came back
The cops did, to tell me he's dead

Dude, ur tomfuckin young ok, we all think we can ok, but ur just tryin to find a way to do it when it's all cool to do it when u think ungit no responsibilities ok?
Wake the fuck up bro!!
Ur goin down the wrong road, a road I can not travel with you ok, cause I been there, seen what's there, and didn't like it, nibody does...

It's urs to check out if u want, I'm sitting right here, waiting, but I'm not goin, u can go there on ur own or who ever here on vt wants to go....
Up to u...

Dont worry, I dont think I'm going to be drinking again. I couldn't wait for Cole to go to bed before I had more to drink. I figured I would have a couple of beers to help relax me a bit until later but that plan has gone down the drain. Cole caught me drinking. And I'm kind of embarresed to say this, but Cole, yes little 10yo Cole grabbed me, threw me to the ground, pushed his foot against my balls just enough for it to hurt and warned me that if he ever, EVER caught me drinking again I wouldn't be able to pee for weeks. I was actually scared and I still can't believe he did that. He hasn't said a word to me since even though I've tried to talk to him. So yeah, there's a new side to Cole that I didn't know about

[ashdaniel]

Well, see you drinking remind your brother of your father. I think you know better. I know you want to drink to relax abit but you are 14. The amount of beer you drink add up and it will eventually turn into a habit. There are many other way of relaxing your nerve. Choose a healthy one. I know you been through allot but set up a example for your brother. Take care

[angelchild]

Well, see you drinking remind your brother of your father. I think you know better. I know you want to drink to relax abit but you are 14. The amount of beer you drink add up and it will eventually turn into a habit. There are many other way of relaxing your nerve. Choose a healthy one. I know you been through allot but set up a example for your brother. Take care

Yeah now that I've been thinking about it, that may be why he reacted the way he did. And I really should be setting a better example for him. I mean the last thing I want is for him to just turn into dad. Unfortunately I'm the only male role model he has, so I guess I really need to try harder at all of this.

[Just JT]

Said real good :)

[Manboy321]

Slowly try to cut him off. But tell him what your, if ur a role model he will understand.

[angelchild]

Ok got an update for you all. I've finally told mom that I need to see a counselor. I obviously didn't give her all the details, I just told her that dads death is starting to catch up with me. Real reason why is because I've started cutting myself pretty bad. And now Cole is having nightmares which means I'm not getting much sleep which isn't helping either. So I'm hoping that whoever I end up seeing can maybe help me with that as well. I go in to see this person next Thursday so I just need to survive until then

[Reg_]

all I have to say is good luck and I hope for the best for you. i don't really know how to deal with things like this

[Just JT]

So how did things go yesterday?