I have to stay

[xXoblivionXx]

I'm slowly realizing that I don't have a choice whether or not I get to leave this life. I have one life and I'm responsible for my actions and I get to decide how things will turn out. Lots of people think that means that I can choose to not be depressed. It doesn't work like that, I can choose not to gloom over it and try to get by but I can't just turn it off. (if that makes sense) we endure tragedy, and as painful as living can be at time I need to keep going. I'm not sure what I'm going to study in college yet, I've once again become uncertain but it's okay. I know that what ever I do, it's going to help people and that's what makes me feel good. Helping people. I fear that I won't be able to find someone who would love me and except me and my flaws. I don't want to be alone. But I know that I have some friends who except me for what I am and that they will always be there for me.

I just needed to get my thoughts out

[Primenumber]

I found your post very motivating :-)
I think it's great that you're thinking this way. I know it's not easy but you just have to keep going forward and one day it will be get better.
It's good that you want to help people, I think it's a goal you should follow, and eventually you will know exactly what you want to do.
Don't be scared that you will be alone. Only now is certain, the future is the great unknown. You never know what life will bring you.

[Jaffe]

I'm glad you got those thoughts out, because I really liked hearing them.

Interesting how people that are not depressed think you can just "snap out of it" or somehow get un-depressed. I guess unless you have been in the state where your depression, rather than your conscious/active mind, controls your actions and thoughts, it would be difficult to understand that. But in my case, people telling me that stuff, just made it worse, it sent me deeper into depression because I knew that no one understood.

Your move out of depression to controlling life is really inspirational. But mostly, its the fact that you can actually say it. I am starting to think its okay to talk about it, but when I try to, I can't. I really admire you being able to put this out there.