TheRedViper
June 21st, 2015, 08:51 AM
I'm usually a very confident and funny guy... but only around people I know and am friends with, or around family of course. I have no problem telling jokes and having a laugh with people, even if I don't know them too well, but at least am on good terms with them. I've been told by guys and girls alike that I'm a really funny guy, and I generally fit in well at school with most people.
However, I have reason to believe I may have some kind of social anxiety disorder. Firstly because I'm terrible at parties. I've been to two "actual" parties, one being the house party of a girl I knew who was turning 16. There was no alcohol and a lot of adults around so it wasn't exactly a wild party. I became so horribly bored that I just hung around with a couple of friends and we talked and laughed together the whole night, happy to not be the focus of the party. The second party was an afterparty for a school dance. There was alcohol, and I was thankful cause I got drunk and it was the only way for me to get through it. Again I hung around a few friends while I drank. At both parties I had zero motivation to talk to anyone I wasn't friends with and could relate to not wanting to be there.
Just a few weeks ago my friend texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a nightclub with her. I'd never been to one before and being the legal drinking age I thought 'sure'. However as I was getting ready to leave a massive wave of anxiety and panic came over me. I suddenly felt extremely insecure and nervous, knowing I'd be so out of place and uncomfortable there. I'm not the kind of person that enjoys the clubbing lifestyle. I thought I was too unattractive or too shy or too awkward, I just thought I'd feel horrible there. I texted my friend and told her I couldn't go. She was a bit annoyed but went with her boyfriend instead anyway.
So yeah, I don't know what I am. I'm completely comfortable and at ease around people I know, especially when it's in a relaxed environment like school, but when it's at a party or a club I just can't function. I feel so pathetic and below everyone else, and the very idea of going up to and talking to a person I don't know makes me feel so uncomfortable and insecure. I'm worried that once I finish high school it will be hard for me to meet new people if I can't even function at parties or clubs now.
However, I have reason to believe I may have some kind of social anxiety disorder. Firstly because I'm terrible at parties. I've been to two "actual" parties, one being the house party of a girl I knew who was turning 16. There was no alcohol and a lot of adults around so it wasn't exactly a wild party. I became so horribly bored that I just hung around with a couple of friends and we talked and laughed together the whole night, happy to not be the focus of the party. The second party was an afterparty for a school dance. There was alcohol, and I was thankful cause I got drunk and it was the only way for me to get through it. Again I hung around a few friends while I drank. At both parties I had zero motivation to talk to anyone I wasn't friends with and could relate to not wanting to be there.
Just a few weeks ago my friend texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a nightclub with her. I'd never been to one before and being the legal drinking age I thought 'sure'. However as I was getting ready to leave a massive wave of anxiety and panic came over me. I suddenly felt extremely insecure and nervous, knowing I'd be so out of place and uncomfortable there. I'm not the kind of person that enjoys the clubbing lifestyle. I thought I was too unattractive or too shy or too awkward, I just thought I'd feel horrible there. I texted my friend and told her I couldn't go. She was a bit annoyed but went with her boyfriend instead anyway.
So yeah, I don't know what I am. I'm completely comfortable and at ease around people I know, especially when it's in a relaxed environment like school, but when it's at a party or a club I just can't function. I feel so pathetic and below everyone else, and the very idea of going up to and talking to a person I don't know makes me feel so uncomfortable and insecure. I'm worried that once I finish high school it will be hard for me to meet new people if I can't even function at parties or clubs now.