I have liked a girl for 5 years now??

[KMoon]

Well.
Let me begin.
5 years ago, I was kinda an antisocial girl. I just read books in the corner of my classroom in break time, and I didn't talk to anyone. Until one day I talked with her. We will call her J for her own sake. Now, J was an amazing girl, a beautiful person, am amazing singer, the only problem was that: 1) she was a popular girl and I was kinda nobody, and 2) she was well known for using people for her own interests.
Now, it figures I became her personal slave, and I admired her so much I didn't care. Then a good friend of mine made me realize she was hurting me a lot and that was it for two years, or at least I tried to convince myself of it.
I never stopped admiring her and by looking at her I learnt more and more about her. And when I turned 14 I realized it had became maybe a little more than admiration. I've hidden this for years and I only told three friends, but I need a neutral view because I'm scared about my sexual orientation, and in my country, sadly there is not enough tolerance for me to come out.
Right now, J is dating a guy and it is breaking my heart, and my crush on her is stronger than ever, I mean I shake when she gets close and one day when she was absent to school for two days I stopped eating- literally.
I don't know what to do!!! I'm really scared and confused and the worse is that the girls in my school use the word "lesbian" as an insult and I'm scared of how they will look at me. And I have never ever thought about being with any other girl but her.
Oh, didn't I mention it?? I'm a girl and I'm 14 years old. I haven't eaten anything for two days now and I'm kinda depressed. Also my chest hurts (literally) when I think about her and I am completely heartbroken.
Thanks for reading,
Kaida

[TurboDieselBandit]

First things first, eat something....seriously, it's much more difficult to think clearly and handle these things without adequate sustenance. Try not to let yourself become too emotionally attached to her just yet, easier said than done I know, but it will help you look at it with more neutrality and logically. How stable and healthy does her relationship with this guy seem to be and how long have they been together?

[KMoon]

The problem is that I haven't stopped thinking about her, not even for a one day for 5 years. I know not eating isn't healthy but I can't have food near me because I get nauseous whenever I smell food. She and this guy have been dating for about a month maybe and they both seem to be very happy. I've hidden this for 5 years, I hope another year or so will hurt... At least not much. I'm also happy to see her happy, but I'm heartbroken beside of her being happy with somebody else. The one thing I'm really scared about is that this crush will be longer. I don't think I could stand the three years of school I have left seeing her 8 hours a day 5 days a week.
And about coming out to my family, right now I'm planning to tell my mother but I'm really really nervous ��

[northy]

Go to see a doctor about not wanting to eat. Eating is very important and should be a priority.
If she is straight, she is straight and may not every change I'm afraid. There will always be others. As for coming out, are your parents accepting? What would they say? Consider this before you come out.

[KMoon]

My parents are accepting thankfully, bit I'm worried about my not-so-close friends. I'm afraid they will discriminate me. Also I know she is straight but I can't stop thinking about her. It really breaks my heart to see her at school everyday.
About not eating, I managed to eat something today

[TurboDieselBandit]

It would be a shame to focus so much on one person and end up overlooking someone even better in the process. Five years is quite a while to like someone and I would usually try to become close friends with such a person, however it sounds like she doesn't treat you very well as it is and unless that changes even a romantic relationship would eventually lead to serious heartbreak. I know it hurts and I really feel for you, I would still recommend you carefully observe their relationship 5 months from now and see how she treats him. Almost all relationships appear nearly perfect in the first few months, it's when the excitement wears off that you see their true colors. Perhaps refocus your energy on others around you, maybe another girl is secretly crazy about you??....